No I am not dead yet.
Nor do I still want to take my life.
Yes today I am beginning to notice.
I am alive.
Yes I have been depressed before.
Yes it got the best of me at times.
I am alive today.
I stand here tall and alive.
I breath.
I don't need to be with her to live.
Her absents no longer holds me under.
Iron longer has me in its grasp.
She's going to notice that I am gone.
And I am just going to say so long.
She did mean a lot but I can't continue on.
It's making me sick.
All her childish *******.
I am alive now.
Now I won't let her **** me anymore.
I am shutting the door.
Yes I say it now,
But it's always harder in reality.
Harder to say the truth.
The truth is yeah I love her.
Yeah I trust her.
I trust her even when I have no reason to.
She's lied to me nonstop for days.
But for some reason I keep putting myself out there.
Out there for her to manipulate.
No more though.
I'm done with all her games.
I am alive now.
Alive and happy.
Every scar has a memory.
Every night I cried in the past.
No I don't need people who will cause that.
I know who my real friends are.
thank you guys for being there over the last year or so.
The time when I was low.
Yeah Mel was there at times but Violet turned her into something else.
Someone who no longer cared.
Emily she's been there.
Thank you em.
I'll never forget it.
Even when I doubted her she was there.
Not a clue how much it impacted my life.
Literally without you I might not be here.
Thank you again.
Allysa is like a sister even though sometimes she gets on my nerves she is like family.
I'm always gonna have her back when she needs me.
My sister is a **** head rn.
Made some bad choices recently.
Trying to grow up too soon going down the same path I was.
If she won't listen to me that's okay.
She will learn one day.
I guess this is me just venting.
Getting it all out.
Letting go of everything.
Saying...
I am alive.
This time I plan to stay that way.

God has a purpose and plan,
behind every difficulty
and life experience we face;

we’re never blindly promised
a lifetime of ease or pleasure,
but a flow of mercy and grace

to soothe heartaches and pain.
We’ve the strength to overcome
by His Word and we’re blessed

as children… of the Living God!
We’re to go forth believing,
knowing that we’re sustained,

imparted with His divine rest.
.
.
.
Author notes

Inspired by:
Jer 29:11; Lam 3:22-23; Rom 8:37-39;
2 Cor 6:18; Psa 18:32, 37:7; Eccl 2:24-25

Learn more about me and my poetry at:
http://amzn.to/1ffo9YZ

By Joseph J. Breunig 3rd, © 2016, All rights reserved.

They left him there. On the open fields of misery. He didnt even know how to spell his name. The doubts and anger clouded his brain. He was just so angry. They brought him ashore and then they just left him there. It didnt make sense to him. Was it something he didnt do. For he couldnt rememeber why he deserved their tourture. They left him there and he didnt even know how to spell his name.

I have this room inside my mind,
A room my mind can't bear to face.
Behind my face it hides behind,
So I can bear another day.

Each day the door tries to undo,
And I must shut the door anew.
Today has come.

I tell it, "Stay."
And I try to run away.
But the room,
It's my doom.
It's my tomb.
And in that room my mind will lay.

From the room come the yells,
All the secrets I won't tell.
All the thoughts I fought,
that brought me down.
They tried to ****.
I locked them in a cell.

But their yells, they are so loud.
I tried to fly away on a cloud.

But their yells melted the air,
And I fell away from there.

Now I'm far away from home,
And I think that I'm alone.
But the yells, I am their home.

And I say,
"You killed me dead,
Inside my head.
So stop the yelling,
Chew on my bones."

Behind feelings gone wrong
Underneath each written song
There's a poet who writes
Lyrics and stanzas each night
With the slightest thought of you
Have you realized you're one of the lucky few?
To have received feelings ought to be conserved
To be written words that you don't even deserve
That our love for you would be preserved
And that for you, a part of our soul has been reserved

a poem's just a poem
until there's meaning to it
then it's everything

He feels the same pain that she does
Which makes her feel sad because...
The mask she wears,
he takes off and puts on,
But she sees the cuts behind the sleeve
Along with the smile that everyone believes.

After the door shuts and the footsteps die
the truth comes out that I wish to hide
skeletons stack up and gather in my closet
pulling the truth out of a tight lipped pocket

Closing my eyes wishing it all away
wishing I could run instead of stay
I hide and hide my feelings from you
hoping you have the same feelings too

I open the door and there you are
my own personal shining star
you don't have to be anything to gain my love
your love is as pure as a dove

Stealing my heart with all you are
I wish this love to go very far
but you took my love
and gave it a huge shove

Tearing it to all kinds of shred
making me feel buried and dead
I take the pieces left and run
feels like you shattered my heart with a gun

Sitting in my own puddle of tears
reminiscing all of our greatest years
The damage is now over and done
trying now to make again myself one