The prettiest sunset I had ever seen was  during the largest fire we had had in a long time.
It was smoke covered reds and pinks and yellows.
It was hazy blues and darkening grays.
It was as if the sky was screaming for help while it was also fading away hoping sleep would clear the bad dreams.

And all the while I watched the sun set and the colors fade to night and I knew...
that even the worst of days can fade into something peaceful for even just one moment.

And I knew... that my bad day would burn out like the fire one day...

he is beautiful
he is bad
he's my crucible
he is sad
he makes me happy
but now he's gone
why'd he leave
it was all a con

marriage isn't dragging the kids into the problems
it isn't aggressively leaving after a fight
it's not sleeping in separate rooms because you couldn't listen to each other
or shouting over the dogs barking, complaining without care

marriage isn't gossiping about the worse of your love to your family
it isn't laying hands on your love or rejecting their opinion  
it is not losing value in the relationship and considering separation

marriage isn't ignoring your one-year-old to sleep so your love has to deal with its crying and the messy house
it is not neglecting the responsibility to get a job and not supporting your family
it isn't rejection or ignorance

marriage is
love
acceptance
honesty
respect
devotion

its everything you haven't shown me
so thank you for showing me what marriage isn't

I do not know how to not spiral. I don't know how to catch myself when I fall. I don't know how to put up my hands and make the darkness turn to light. I don't know how to sleep when tonight won't strike 12. I can wait, but then I sit. Waiting for the moon to tell me that it will be the last thing I see and it will be beautiful. But what if I cant bring myself to believe it? What if 12 never comes? What if it never leaves? What if Im stuck there? What if theres just always another 12 to wait for in the inevitable tomorrow? What if I dont make it there?

As I lay
And I think
Of all the wonderful possibilities
That could be coming my way

My talents and ambitions
But do I have what it takes?

The feeling of dissatisfaction
And dissapointment
In who I am
Creeps my way

My thought is always split in two
Love and hate
Mistakes or was it fate

But as they say,
It's the contrast
That makes life great

Without feeling bad,
You wouldn't know what it is
To feel glad.
To embody that warmth,
The feeling all of us adore.

So when I get those bad feelings
Just let them pass
The scarcity of the wound won't last

If you can hold onto something
Let it be this

There is always
A greater day
Soon on its way.

And remember,

You have what it takes.

You must believe this.

K.c

Mixed with shame,
A tint of red that calls my name.
Tiptoe around the subject,
Or else you’ll see me burst.
Holding all these things inside
Makes me feel worse.

I can’t hear the noise
Sometimes it’s just static
My brain is chaotic
How I long for an interest
My poetry is unlike theirs
I pull out all of my hairs
To make a decision
To go there
I’m in despair

It's never good enough.
You can try your best,
Give them anything-
Everything you've got,
Completely destroy yourself for them,
And still be left looking stupid.

What if I don’t want it.
The love,
the happiness,
the good times.
What if I want to give up on it all.
I am constantly searching for it,
longing for it,
needing it.
What if I just don’t want it.
Let me get used to not having it.
So when time passes.
Eventually.
There wouldn’t be anything to miss.