some days I'm awake
Others I'm asleep
Try to relive the moment
But unfortunately I'm too weak

Asleep last for months
Painful and dark
Treading like a ghost in chains
I can't get very far

Blood is red
And as warm as humidity
Sticky and dead
There is no serenity

Being awake
Is no better than asleep
For that's when /they/ come
The voices that scream

Plenty of energy
But nothing to do
Seeing a door open
Yet no one comes through

Feeling as if
Someone's touching your spine
But you blink and realize
It was only your mind

These are the tortures
Of awake and asleep
Flipping back and forth
As my sanity leaks

These last few days
have been hard.
I've come to realize
that I'm not awake.
I'm living my life half asleep.
I just let the days pass
me by, and there's nothing I can do.

I'm just sitting here looking up at the
world through a haze.
As if everyday has a forecast of high fog.
Almost as if I'm watching myself through glass.
I'm on the other side just seeing myself drift.

Everyone's dancing and laughing, and breathing.
And I'm floating.
I'm suspended in time.
I no longer feel alive.
I'm floating and yet I touch the ground every miserable day.

(-DF-05/08/16-)

waking up
is like
coming up for air -

but after you take
that first breath,
youre ready
to go back
under.

if yesterday was a dream
then today was a nightmare
reality shattering the fantasy world
we were in

if i am water
then you are fire
lighting a match in my soul
that my cool ways cant dim

if yesterday i was awake
then today i am asleep
without your fire to keep me moving
i will not wake up

The worst kind of nightmares are the waking ones
Dreams become serene scenes from which you jolt awake
Into the living Hell of reality

Half the battle is putting on my clothes and moving once I wake up, and the rest is simply surrender.

At your death I was a ghost,
lying next to your body, I tried not to choke.
The suffocation of words I didn't say left me tired and broke.
I wanted to lay in the morgue and
f
  a
    l
      l
asleep with you there,
next to your blue glass eyes and brown curly hair.

The parting gift you left for me-- a dialogue in my head,
your ghost screams at me at night, I’m never alone in my bed.
A chorus of morphine alarms and IV drips silence me; and they sing my songs for you instead.