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Nayana Nair Apr 2018
I always had a sense of entitlement
when it came to dreaming of a lover.
That there would be someone
who puts me first.
But I realized with time
sometimes you have to be that someone
who puts others first.
That was such a terrifying and distressing thought.
And suddenly all these heroes
became somewhat out-of-the-world, larger-than-life
someone I can never be.


To realize the pain
it must have taken
to scrap down their lives
for the sake of a person
whose love can’t be trusted or guaranteed.
How one must endure their own foolishness.
How one must look away from our own self.
Knowing all the while
that all this, built
by sacrifices,
can be broken in no time
with one word of hers,
that can end your suffering
and renew your struggle.
That there is no way out.
To cling
or to leave.
And to suffer each minute
no matter what you choose.


It seemed so tiring
It seemed so cruel
to ask someone for that.
Nayana Nair Apr 2018
Every smile I have ever faked
leaves a residue
of questions on my lips.
Asking,
“Why is it,
that this smile can’t be real?
Why is it,
that the world is so easily convinced by my lie?
Why don’t they try to break
this facade when they see it
in which I am trapped?”
rei Mar 2018
i wish i could be angry about
i wish i could be confused about
i wish i could be sad about
i wish i could desire for help about
i wish i could ask for help about
my numbness.
but i can't,
because
i am numb.
Nayana Nair Mar 2018
Growing up
we become closer to the person we are not.
How shallow the facade of maturity is.
How fragile the moments when we feel a human,
how quickly they are lost.
How we grapple at the loose ends of what’s left behind.
How we ask ourselves questions
and write about person in the mirror.
How everything we want
is already in past
and everything in future
is just a compromise.
solely reduced to communicate
via my choice online mode
     (ease of use preference
     via Facebook Messenger), candidate

said Modus Operandi aye find tubby great
even though this papa doth hate
to say "good bye..."
     after lingering delay followed

     by "I love you"
     swallowing tears irate
as bittersweet poignant end
     ding our irregular chat as if
     (analogously)...aye ab duck kate
(albeit temporarily),
     the joyous role of fatherhood

especially denoting young womanhood of late
said offspring, I helped beget (with ma mate)
i.e. wife (which marriage
     experienced rough patches)

     nine or so months ceased to ovulate
just a tad more'n nineteen Earth Orbitz ago
     as reckoned via dull lix gray matter
     encapsulated within

     thine barnacle encrusted pate
her virtual presence encountered
     earlier today - March 24th, 2018
     doth highly rate

as supremely blessed,
     through swallowed sadness sans tete a tete
only after clicking end conversation
     does this dada

     (with genuine muffled sobs) ululate
agonizing with reality empty nest syndrome
     asper averred second daughter
     aye helped yes sire re:) to beget
whose tender loving care)
     under voluntary auspices

     sans strong willed kid sister (Shari)
     decision immediate decision needed tubby made
     (concurrence with birth mother - Abby)
     already couple years zipped,

     her homecoming (who knows when),
     dud dada Matthew Scott Harris
     must keep away fixating on requisite adulthood),
     argh...now...must needs wait!
this got written x years ago
behoves this update version of a bozo
christened sans parents
   playing eeny meeny miny moe,

yet upon tiring of game with a no
   nonsense attitude
   eventually decided on Not Nada Poe
Whit - Walt har vee gong to call So and So?

Now, you probably wonder and ask
yarself y am.i. On a wishy washy
web site - far tis to bask
in offline and/or online friendship

as like quaffing from a flask
with no deliberate intent
   to antagonize nor mask
n e hidden agenda -
   quite a challenging task.

Thus, i turn the question back 2 u,
per what spurred posting/responding too
and might there be interest
with me - n average hue

man male - hoping
   4 an acquaintance brand new
from - this barred bard -
   scot **** matthew.

Dis ***** older buck haint gonna take a byte
so...no need to take fright
i merrily scout cyber seas donning
me virtual webbed whirled wide wet suit to brook

a female friendship countless
   adult oriented web site
such as ashleymadison, badoo, craigslist, elitemate,
plenty of fish tagged twoo,

or other venue left of the political right
and if absolutely positively unquestioningly
without subatomic particle of interest
than please just respond albeit and try to be polite...

good morning, noon, or night
quite
right
to be guarded when an acquaintanceship
   begins out of sight

whereby data bit bump and grind
   thru the information super
   highway somewhat tight
and bring x rated epistles to life that i write.

Ma arch i bald dingbats of fingas clip by
at greased lightening speed
justa friendship this poor fella doth need
an accommodating gal to offer a lead
mien eyes did not purposely heed

nor any greed
from one suppurating marriage
this guy wants to be freed
with no malice this cheap tricking
   super tramping wordsmith
of inxs ac of dc charged cheap tricks
sans done ***** deed.

This impersonator qua sometime bard of yore
admits to his apology
if ye get taken totally abominable
like bar rammy aback

to proposition ye with carnal desires in store
and ideally match deeds ease with these words
towards such strong desire to adore
forsooth that naked realm

to allow the noggin to bore
together in close syncopation like couplet core
and would now gently encourage
his newfound muse

to let me dip me quill in
   iambic pentameter du jour
a wordsmith who shies away
drinking *** or smoking *****.

Now with a zing
i step into the digital xing
via summit da fall low wing
written jest to byte tongue in cheek
yet unsure if zee phone here will ring

or an unexpected gold plated invitation
after the yodeling ding
in an effort to hear that pleasant
yet discordant musical ka -- ching
for cherished pennies,
   nickels, dimes, nickle back
et cetera from heaven to bring.

Twiddling me fir and twenty black bird
shaped like a green thumb
as me schmart simian Semitic ****
gets comfortably numb

after quaffing
   humongous amount of ***
while downing oral rob hurts
   sesame street pudding

made of pureed plum
unlike jack in the corner
   my luck mooch oh more glum
and despite ****** stubble here
and there a stale crumb
this har dabbler in words haint no ***
only a hard knock er skool alum.

from thee one and only almighty
alfred e. neuman king crusty crab crumb son Rodg
er alias scott matthews - whose words
   intended as playful persiflage

if curious to learn more about me
   emanating from cranial lodge
   unless no auto mat tick interest arises -
   whence this reply u can dodge.
jas Feb 2018
how do you feel?
do they ever ask?
you pass me by and i wonder where we stand
am i okay?
how can i ever face..
my demons

did you sleep good?
(without the nightmares living in my head)
i'd say i slept as good as i may in a bed

have you ate?
I've had way much more than i can handle on my plate
so no thanks

who even cares?
if not you than me
is life ever fair?

questions running in my head
if i don't feel alive does that mean im dead?
wondering who cares and who don't
Mystic Ink Plus Feb 2018
“Difference between Man and Monkey”, he asked.

[10 sec of silence]

Question has a great depth,
Timeline of human evolution
All about natural selections
But,
The Vibration of the intention,
felt unusual.

I compared with him.
Found just, a tail

I compared with rest of other
Found, a thousands.

“I'm sorry, I don’t get”, I replied.
Theme: Intention, makes sense. “ Read the intention even you know the answer before answering”, they said.
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