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lachrymose Feb 2015
i am
a sinner.
my insides tainted, my sweet pink heart
is stained a dark deep brown.
my lips beg for more.
more of the sweet taste,
just a bit more of Heaven.
my brain shouts
"no!
not a single bite more of the wretched sin!"
my tongue tastes sour
my stomach lurches and up come my sins,
reflected in the concerned ripples
deep in your ocean-blue eyes.
the words sour, i retch and fall
lifeless
into your arms.
its not julia Jan 2015
15
silk, lace, im a disgrace.
bruised arms
he said i was
a charm.
drink and drink
until i can't blink.
run to the toilet and puke
i told them it was the flu
kicked and shoved
but i said i was in love
"you're a ****"
its only just a cut
tear stained jeans
tell me its just a dream
welcome to being fifteen
Willow Branche Dec 2014
Hey you,
I know your heart is hurting. I know you feel like nobody understands. I know you feel alone in your struggle. I know you're tired of pretending like everything is OK. You tell people you're fine, but on the inside you're screaming out for help. While the world is having their silent night, you're having your silent battle. The thought of tomorrow doesn't bring you joy because you feel your best days were in your yesterdays. Your eyes are heavy, but your soul is peace-less. Dreams only hurt more so sleep has become your enemy. Fear drives your thoughts, not faith. The fear life won't get better. The fear loneliness will never leave your presence. The fear your prayers aren't received. Be thankful for your struggle because it's making you stronger than ever. I know you can't see it right now, but you surviving everything you've been through is going to be HOPE for so many lives. This world needs you. Find the FAITH to keep fighting. It will get better. I love you. Victory is yours.

"Rejoice in your sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope." Romans 5:3-4

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you." -Isaiah 43:2

"I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

The peace you're search for, you already have.
-Trent #RehabTime
Willow Branche Dec 2014
Kick me while I'm down.
Beat me til I'm spitting blood.
Let me beg for mercy
Tell me I'm too ****** up to love.
Watch me fall apart.
Hand me the blade to cut myself.
Pour the ***** in my soul.
Tell me I'm too gone to help.
Tie my hair back,
As you push my fingers down my throat.
Watch me cry and hate myself.
Tell me I'm stupid to emote.
Batter me With misery
I'm just a *******.
I'm nothing more than a waste of space,
So treat me like it.
its not julia Dec 2014
please stop romancing cutting,
depression, eating disorders,
anxiety and suicidal thoughts.
those things are not beautiful.

it is not beautiful waking up
every morning wishing you
weren't here.

it is not beautiful having to wear
long sleeves in the summer to
cover up the scars on your arms.

it is not beautiful throwing up
in the toilet just so you don't
gain another pound.

it is not beautiful missing school
for a month just because you
couldn't drag yourself out of bed
to see daylight.

but you can be beautiful with
cuts and scars all over your body.

and you can be beautiful even though
you aren't too happy about your weight.

oh, and you're still beautiful if you haven't
socialized with people for a couple weeks.

and you're still beautiful even though you
blew out your 16th birthday candles wishing
you were dead.

you're beautiful, but the things that you have done to
your body aren't.
Drifting Down Dec 2014
The stomach pain is horrendous
The taste of dessert coming back
The look of disaster
stab me, choke me, **** me
The disapproval upon the faces
The miserable sounds in the background
The insecurity peaking out
save me, help me, rescue me
The choke before the gag
The spit before the rest
The death in my stomach
take me, be me, please
The blood in my gums
The ache in my throat
It's over–
I'm alright again.
Repeat.
Unwanted Dec 2014
Please wake up
I'm tired of you hiding your face
drowning in make up
drawing on a smile
cute dont you think?
live your life pretending your  ugly
but you wont believe
perfection is unattractive
especially to guys like me
you live your life pretending
but where are the flawless things
a crooked tooth
makes you seem so amazing to me
it makes you different
special
the only one for me
so what if your an a cup
to tell you the truth not every guy wants the same thing
dont put us in a box
unlock the lock
dont throw away that key
dont give up on us
freaking ask us what you think
before you start starving yourself
thinking this is what we want
what we need
you dont need a big *** to be attrative
but hey thats just me
because i dont want perfection
I want the imperfect things
JUST LISTEN TO ME! HOW MANY TIMES DO WE HAVE TO TELL YOU . WE DONT WANT PERFECTION.... we just want you
its not julia Dec 2014
and finally, one day i found the courage
to tell him what i was doing to myself.
how i would etch his name into my skin
on those lonely nights i hadn't seen your face,
how i took up smoking to fill that gap in my heart
that my ex lover took with him last year,
and i told him about the things, deep dark inside
about how i barely ate anything this month
and how i wished to die.

and all he did was shake his head and sigh saying,
" but you're too happy to want to end your life".
JR Falk Dec 2014
When you first look her in the eyes and admire the way they shine in the moonlight,
look deeper than the iris and drown in her pupil
as it is dark and it is deep, and it is similar to that of the Marianas trench itself.
When you get deep inside her brain, you will see the monsters that man cannot at first glance.
It gets so somber that your heart will get heavy and your palms will sweat,
you will repeatedly want to turn and you will want to run away,
but don’t.
Because these thoughts are not demons after you,
they are attacking her relentlessly and while she does not need a hero,
a helping hand won’t hurt.
She is not helpless, but she is also not safe
and she is afraid, and she is hiding from them.
So when she flinches away from your touch,
be gentle.
Like the breeze she feels when she opens her window on a late August night to feel something other than the stillness of her room
and to remind herself she is not just imagining her existence.
Remember that she has been through her share of nightmares like you, and while some may not be as bad, they are incredibly real to her.
Remember that she needs someone to love just as much as you.
Do not think this is a demand you love her when she has no one else,
just open your mind and your heart because that skinny girl with tired eyes is one of the most beautiful you’ll ever meet
and you will remember her for years to come.
Please, be gentle for she is fragile.
She is cracked, but has been dropped and broken so many times, the pain is not as bad,
the hurt is not such a surprise.
Do not let her be surprised if you stay when she expects you to go, because she will,
she will assume, she will get weak and she will picture you leaving when she needs you most
or she will try to push you away,
but remember her smile and remember her face because every actress is told they have so much to love but that does not mean they are all in bliss.
You’re the polish on her scuffed up shoes,
you’re the sun peeking through her blinds on a cool summer morning,
you’re the reminder that it will all be okay,
So long as you don’t run.
When you meet a girl
with shaky hands and a faint heart,
remember that she can get stronger again.
You are not her crutches, but you are support.
Do not think her life depends on you, because it doesn't.
Never put that on yourself.
You are not a superhero, but you can be her helping hand
If you remember
that it’s alright to stay.

I’m scared, too.
Jackeline Chacon Nov 2014
It takes so much self hate
To starve as much as me

It takes so much sadness
To use up all your dignity

It takes so much isolation
To have so much to hide

It takes so much strength
To live on half dead inside

It takes so much anxiety
To fear any fat in my skin
                              
It takes so much energy
To constantly be so thin

It takes so much self hate
To ***** as much as me

It takes so much jealousy
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