Accidents.
at 7 years of age,
an accident was only
two cars that collided
tripping on my sock and falling
down the stairs,
walking backwards into my best friends sand castle
or dropping my ice cream.
i never considered a person to be an accident.
not once would i think that a mother would dread
carrying her baby around for 9 months, or cried when she
found out she was pregnant.
or give her child away...
was it really that hard to feed your child's mouth
a couple times a day? was it that difficult to pour bubbles into
their bath every sunday night? was to too hard to put them in school and watch them be successful? or was it easier just to give them away?
i never realized that i was an accident  until i was 12 years old
sitting on my bed,  that so many other kids have
slept on before me, watching  my best friend
meet his new parents for the first time.
I've seen so many people come and go
but i have always been stuck here
am i too much of a mistake to love?

its late at night again
and my hands are shaky
because i think i drank a bit too much *****
the burning in my throat is better than the hurt in my heart
and my palms are sweaty and my heart is beating fast and i
wish i could call you but you won't pick up the phone when you see
my number anymore and the scars are becoming more noticeable just
like your love for her and i wish you could see what you did to me but
you just left me here to bleed

him.
his lips were always chapped
and his hands were ice hold like his heart
he dug his way into your heart and buried
himself into your bones.
you would taste him in your morning breath
and smell him on your sheets..
at 3a.m when you've had a bit too much to drink
you could here his raspy voice whispering
in your ear "don't worry baby girl, you are mine" like a lullaby.
when he kissed you your lips would start to burn like
how your lungs burned when you breathed in his
second hand cigarette smoke.
your hair smelt like his cologne and the washing detergent
his mom would use to wash his stained ripped up clothes.
don't tell me that i will get over him
when he has become a part of me.
i feel him when i breathe
i see him in my sleep
i hear him in my dreams
hes a part of me.