there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

some eat cake with their eyes
while others are busy planning their demise
one wants to see bones, another, headstones

one could love themselves if they were just 40 pounds thinner
"maybe i'll love myself if i just skip dinner"
the other has no appetite, a battle with calories she does not fight

a battle, rather, with herself
to **** herself or stay in living hell
too preoccupied to care what is on the pantry shelf

there are some who want a thinner waist
and others who just don't like the taste
of food they feel they do not deserve

anorexia you inside of me
hysteria is all you'll ever be.
you're a struggle
and you caused me a lot of trouble
yes you made me skinny
all with that stupid theory
but i'm gonna win in the end
even though you are my only friend

i will not die today
just have to get back what i threw away
i called you my master for way too long
but i just realized where i belong
i have my friends here
and they take away my fear

i might have been close to death
but only beacuse of your stupid threat
"you're gonna get fat"
and then we had the calorie chat
but i'm forcing you to leave
so i can freedom achieve

I've been thinking for a while
I'm stuck in this stupid riot
I no longer know where i belong
Starving for a week gaining it back
Eating for a week and getting dangerously thin...
I'm ****** up
I ****** up
I'm ******
I ******
****...
I can barely fven talk seems like i'm stuck

Please darling,
Eat.

Fill your stomach,
strengthen your bones.

It will do you no good if you don't eat.

For, You are perfect,
In every single minuscule way.

Please,
believe my words.

It's our little secret.
You'll have to keep it
Feel the pain in your gut
Close your heart and keep it shut.
Let no other person in
And let the punishment begin.
Every wrong thing that you make
Will also be my mistake

I'm beginning to see.
What people think of me,
I swear it's not by choice,
But ana has this voice.
She starves me of my youth,
And that's the only truth.
This hunger grows in me like cancer
I expected her to have the answers
And she did
But she haven't made me fit

I was always called a pig
I was always seen so fat
I was always feeling ugly
I was this and I was that

I was always called chubby
I was always seen strange
I was always throwing up
To hope a sudden change

I was always called a loser
I was always so depressed
I was always starving bad
My thoughts so obsessed

I was always called a baby
I was always called a fake
I was an attention seeker
Family help was a mistake

I was always called skinny
I was always seen so thin
I was called beautiful after
Did I lose?. Or did I win?.

Can you see past the blue of her eyes?
Can you see the pain?
Can you see how her cheeks are swollen and her eyes are empty?
Can you hear the tears choked back in her voice?
Can you see what she does to herself in the night when she's screaming at the bugs under her skin?
Can you remember the horrid things that she's reminded of by the ghosts in the dark?
She's told you once before.
She's shown you that side.
She's bore her soul to you.
You were only distracted by the blue in her eyes.

i must be allergic to kindness
because i don't receive any
i must be a pathetic loser
because my blades are my only friends
i must be lonely and alone
because i am always ignored
i must be dead
because i feel nothing but numb

i must be skinny
because i don't eat, right?

wrong



-k.l.

I'm crumbling again.
I can feel it.
I need contact.
Human contact.
This urge to feel and be felt.
No matter how hard.
How soft.
How painful.
How pleasureful.
This craving.
This emptiness.
It can not be filled.

she's proud og herself but she won't tell you why
it has now been a month since last she even tried
but they voices won't stop today she still won
she put down her razor and put down that gun

after hours of thinking to herself
she goes and picks up her old friend from the shelf
overwhelmed with emotions she picks up her blades
and disposes her devils, drops the charade

for the first time in a while her lips crack to a smile
this wont be easy but in the end it will be worthwhile
her cuts will turn to scars and those scars will fade
and this makes her feel stronger she's no longer afraid

**(c.m.h)