This silence is *******

You don't realize, that just because you choose to decieve me...

It's only an attempt...

You look away as to make it clear you are mad

But I see through you, even though you are full of ****

I am wrong, because I rarely let the little things go

You are wrong, simply because your an *******

I can't make excuses for my moods, *******, or **** like that...

But you, your cruel just out of boredom or spite and it's making me change

I pray and pray for positive strength, for both you and I...

But now I fear my hearts weakening under this distress

I can't seem to find forgiveness

I only feel contempt for you

All of these arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

The death rather shall be of us

Pig headed, time wasting, complicated, now cold us...

My words are simple like our fights, our arguments shall be the death of neither you or I

This ******* will be the death of us

I see the light shine on your face.
You look down and then you giggle.
I wonder what has made you smile…
“That’s for me to know,”
you say.
Okay then.

I hear the chime again.
Then the smile,
and a frenzied tapping.
I can’t help but roll my eyes.
And you don’t notice—
but I knew you wouldn’t.

You look up and pretend to be
engaged in what’s around.
But I know why your foot’s tapping
impatiently.
Finally another chime,
like funeral bells

I’m watching you,
but I don’t think you notice.
How is it,
that the ones who are not present,
have become more present
than the ones who are?

nothing really excites me anymore.
it's either everything has changed & i've remained the same
or everything is stagnant & i've changed so drastically that
i just don't fit in this environment anymore.
i'm like a fish that's been over fed
& this pond is too small & dull for me now.
i need to be thrown into the ocean.
i belong in the ocean.
dear universe, throw me into the ocean...

Well it looks like I'm back in Hell
trapped within the walls that they
say I should be call-ing my home
but no, this place isn't a home to me
no where with you can ever be.

kaleidoscoping thoughts rotate
patterns change, colours migrate
hard as I try, I
cannot escape-
the penitentiary that is my own
headspace.


I could walk tens of miles,
run thousands of feet
fly forever with angel wings
and dive to the deepest
depths of the sea.


from time to time
when I can't even stand
to be around me,
I put my pink matter
on my bedside shelf
and leave,


for I have better things,
to do with myself
then worry about

I,
myself
& me.

You say you pick me
but what do you mean?
Am I really the one who
makes your heart scream?
I sure as hell want to be
but I'm not sure if you
**u n d e r s t a n d .

No
You say "you don't know her
She's brilliant
she's understanding
She's the best person I've ever met
she's my hopes
my dreams
(gone)"
A fantastic character

I hate to always be the bearer of truth,
But, I've read her cover to cover
She's shallow and superficial
She puts up a facade of a unique individual and yet she's just within the boundary of normalcy.

I've examined all of her (superfluous) pages of work
And they only skim the surface of humanities skin
Circling around the moles and scars that pucker truth-
Brail for the the blind

I've dug deep within her words and read between each space bar
And there lies no feeling- no emotion...
Sheer unintended apathy

Still-With many attempts:
She doesn't capture the essence of regret or sorrow
She merely spits at its feet
And it shows
Because the pain she displays vanishes
From her readers
From the pages
From the words
From the letters
From the simple spaces
From the idea itself

And yet this somehow captivates you
Yet unbeknownst to you- you are not regret, nor are you sorrow,
You are simply embodying what she barely grasps in hopes to find what lies beneath for yourself

But you're burrowing into someone who hasn't yet lived or loved-
Who can't describe the burning bubbles that pop in your eyes from the tears of contempt
Who can't fathom deflation of breath in your shallowing lungs, nor the dam constricting your veins' blood at loss

She can't break down completely with you dangling along
So
She
Keeps you just within reach to describe something she encounters
Something she caused
Something she can never embody  because  her "emotions" are a half lie:A secure defense
For power over others

Everything is wrong about, not in sync, so dysfunctional, your hair reeks of pink
From the tips of your silly red shoes, to the very top of your dry, dreary head
I can't stand you, even the sight of you
Your beady hazel eyes that sink of flatness and superficiality
Only glinting when you mock humans galore,
Your voice needs to be beaten, your mouth sewn shut sore.
I can't stand you, even the sight of you
Your pathetic frame of 5'11'', acting as though you're a 6 foot beast
You have nothing to use to please.
I've seen your ****, there's not much there, besides pudgy ***** hair.
Pink little head and useless *******, desiring to stick it wherever
But never thinking about actions.
Silly, unnerving, a warped mind.
Have you ever looked in the mirror?
I may not be perfect and there may be more to eyes and spies,
But the way you speak forms a body so vapid and impure,
It surprises me you even think you're justified for little less, forget about more.
Vapid, shallow
Eyes carved by doughnuts and ******* sites
You want double Ds and hairless vulvas,
Aren't you reaching?
Pathetic.

I'm getting hyped up on caffiene
and ignoring my problems just
kind of trying to forget about
everything that has happened
and everything that will.

I'm tired of feeling neglected
and turning my head away-
pretending that what you've
been saying hasn't made me
want to just set mysef on fire
and ignore my true desires.

I'm sick of running up into
my bedroom to escape inside
of my virtual worlds to ignore
the lectures my parents have
been screaming to me.

I'm so fed up with the fights
my best friend and I get into
they're pointless and make
me want to turn away but
I truly cannot because she
means too much to me.

I'm saddened and physically
effected by the way I think
and feel about myself. I'm
pretty sure if everyone
somewhat enhanced the way
they acted towards me I'd
simply crack. Shatter. Fall
to the floor in my own tears.
Because I do not deserve
such greatness nor do I
deserve the hate that I've
been recieving.

But maybe they'd be better off
if that were to happen, they
wouldn't have me around to
complain and dump my feelings
everywhere from the drain that
is my mind

The only person that I really
want to stay around for is
someone who I really adore
he is everything to me and
more, in fact I dream about
him a lot which is just lovely
like the smile that he shows
to me in pictures that I hope
will sooner or later become
mine, his, our reality.
He's amazing.