Love* and Hate is what I feel
I love you as a friend
I hate you as a human
All else is ambivalent

I have told myself
To give up
Yet what is this?
A feeling that is welling up in my being

A voice
You* can save him, it says

But what if I cant?
What if it turns out just like before?
I cant take the same risk
And do the same mistakes

I'm terrified
The history is my greatest fear
For it made me feel excruciating pain

Now, I'm asking you
Are you willing to accept me
As the one to escort you
Towards the world I've come to know
That will surely somehow
Make you feel so free

Because I'm already so CONFUSED
You've been taking me inside an endless whirlpool

Life is truly better alone,

            
                      
                          and yet I write in the journal that he gave to me.

My languid darling,
With your videre as you pass by
Pausing, freezing, looking back at me
Through harmonical movements
That made it seem as if you were dancing
Turning here and there ambivalently
Trying to ease your own boredom
As you listen to the sound of music.

I have my doubts when you're not here
But they fade away when you appear
At times I feel like you don't care
Then you prove me wrong when you are there

You say sweet things for one minute
The next it's like I don't exist
I'm so confused, what should I do?
I lose my sleep with thoughts of you

"I'm happy with you" that's what you said
But then you say I make you mad
At times you'd walk away from me
You'd crawl back later and say "Sorry"

You treat me like I don't mean anything
You say my flaws are what you're hating
Later you tell me I'm perfect like this
It's not my fault I'm weak to the beasts

Sometimes I want you to leave me alone
But then all night I'd stare at my phone
I want you bad but I hate the pain
It's like I'm drowning in the pouring rain

I'm never sure of what you want
You make me want to get up and run
I love you too much to let you go
But please, I beg you, don't give me false hope

Eyes in hues of green and gold
Mesmerizing flecks to which
My gaze was stubbornly fixated

Crimson lover and ebony spirit,
Why did you me so
Hungry and bereft?

We met one cold December hour
And your voice indelibly painted
An awe-inspiring tapestry
Upon the hollow corridors
Of my heart

You said Yes
I remember the very gasp

Even the nuances of your
Angelic voice
I have committed to memory

But nothing cripples your will
Like the magnetic pull
Of a golden-tressed *****

Oh, how you covet,
How you steal and you gorge
You pummeled me down
Into an abyss of no return

But when my ashes are strewn
Across the vast fields
Of God's Heaven

They will not remember me
Or my mangled remains

For I am just another victim
Of your sagacious convictions

A singular pearl
On a long string of beads

So pure but marred
A beauty but scarred

They will admire
And exalt to the skies

They will bellow their song
To the thousands listening

But they will also weep
A funeral march so poignant

Dew drops from their eyes
Awaken the fallen

And with them I rise