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tedi Feb 2017
pouring a glass of white wine,

you say “this will be my only one”

but it never is

one is never enough for you

*I am never enough for you
Dusting off the rabbity
that squirrely tempo anxiety,
closing in with night.

The irresistible pattern
the irrational illogical fight
a battle with one’s discipline,
mirroring our might.

I make it home a fluttering
belly twirled and muttering,
I tell myself tis alright!

The damage done, and everyone,
I’m just like them and millions more
succumbing at the Devil’s door.

And the taste, the burn,
the healing calm,
the shaking and the thinking gone.

Knock one back, slam out another
night is early, rock it brother,
Tying on a swilly swirling
buzzed-out brain and mind a twirling. . .

“Ahhhh…”

I feel better now, exhilarated,
exasperation falls to stout resound;
I pour again and knock it down!

“Ahhhh…”

Spinning now, not to say I’m spun
but choosey choosing several a pun
I see myself an accomplished one!
Yes, that’s it, that is me,
look upon with thoughts of glory
yank open the freezer for glass that’s hoary. . .

How cool am I? certainly not boring
all night I’m here, pouring, pouring. . .

Buzz subsides, thoughts slow too,
lurid leering, slobbering swearing,
stupid actions and nothing new?

I lose the bottle,
I lose my shirt,
***** on myself,
pass out in dirt.

Another night of drunken hero,
time that’s wasted for kingly Nero.
But who am I to judge myself?

I’m hardly worse than anyone else?
Stuck in a drinking rut
On a two week ******
Well actually
It's more like two decades
But I had to work the night shift
January 11th
Skyye Yoder Dec 2016
Today I realized you can’t stop someone who likes the feeling of the burning taste in their throats
You can't decide for them whether they fix themselves or they destroy themselves.
It will always be a battle to the end,
the worst part is that you know one of these days the world is going to stop for me,
my heart is going to break
and You will have left me cold,
maybe yet I may even take your path
and I may like the burning sensation to wash those pills down
or to forget about the world for a few moments just to crash back into reality.
But one day, Ill lose you,
Mom
. One day you won't be mine to hug or to hold anymore.
As long as you enjoyed your last drink more than you enjoyed your time here with me,
then I hope you had the best few last moments in the blur then you ever did seeing me
smile.
Mom, I love you,
I always will, but
you don't live forever.
Or Crotty Nov 2016
Your Breath
        bitter with alcohol
Your Words
        slurred without thought
You Don't Remember
        you never do
Why Don't You Join Your Family
        i guess the bottle is more comforting
saranade Nov 2016
The barrier of poison and ****
                    You're better than us
                   A metal chassis of rust
                                           Anonymous.
This and that and jist and just
                     An abyss full of fuss
                                   No love or lust
                                            Anonymous.
Cease to speak or discuss
                    A might or a must
                         The empty pie crust
                                             Anonymous.
Preference to throw or ******
                       Detest and disgust
                         To cry or get crushed
                                             Anonymous.
Kelly Miller Nov 2016
You want me to believe that this world is complete, delicate, special.
But how can I believe such a thing when nothing is being done to the children and adults who get abused and neglected?
How can I believe that this world is protective when the police system did nothing about a **** situation of a 6 year old girl?
How can I believe that this world is complete when we can't even be different without being judged?
How can I believe that this world is special when there's still so much wrong with it?
How can we see the world as such a thankful life when we can't even go out on the front porch to play without someone shooting accusations at our mind; making us think this world is perfect when in a real reality... it's not.

There's still poverty and blood shed of innocent victims because we pick the wrong people to "protect" us.
There's still so much to learn even if we can't see what the future may hold.

Ask me...
Ask me how my life is.
What has happened in my life?
So many things I wish I forget.

There's the alcoholic father:
The one who lets his daughter sip his beer to get "enjoyment".

There's the missing mother:
The one who never fought for her daughter and never looked for her.

Then there's the sister:
The one that would make people happy; was always a joy to be around but everything changed when she was gone.

At age 4 there was a little girl who wanted everything: a happy family, a fun life, protective brothers but that girl got the complete opposite.
Age 5:
Age 6: *****
Age 7, age 8, age 9
Age 10: Depression
11: Depression
12: Anxiety and depression
13: Anxiety and courage
14: Panic
15: Depression, anxiety, panic
16...

Age 13 was the year the girl finally told her sister-in-law about the **** her brother did. Only 3 people believed her.
Not her father, not her father's girlfriend, not her 3 brothers, not the police.
She was alone.
She tore and ripped through her anxiety like it was nothing to achieve absolutely... nothing.

There's a woman trying to get a boy into her car while he screams, "You can't make me!"
There's a man forcing a woman to have *** after 3 times that morning and she says, "You can't make me!"
There's a little girl being abused by her father when he said, "**** yourself."

That girl slipped through his hands and past his heart while the knife hit hers, and she whispered her last words to the alcohol running along her father's lips and the cheek he pressed against hers while he forced things upon her all done by laying in the hospital bed whenever she had come to see him. She silently took her last breathe with the words, "Daddy, you made me do this."
hazael-fae Oct 2016
Mom
Mom, he won't listen to us
Mom, he won't put down the bottle
Mom, he is screaming at us again
Mom, he put his hands on us again
Mom, he made my brother run away
Mom, he is ruining my family
Mom, he made my brothers scary
Mom, he doesn't care if she's abusing us
Mom, he won't buy me new shoes these ones don't fit anymore
Mom, he is wasting all his money on alcohol
Mom, he won't go to meetings
Mom, he is shaking what is wrong with him
Mom, he is hiding the bottles from us
Mom, he is not willing to quit
Mom, he has lied to us so many times
Mom, he is trying to get us to call her mom
Mom, he is breaking things
Mom, he is getting worse with his dad gone
Mom, he is getting worse
Aztec Oct 2016
When you left
I needed a new addiction
something that would let me forget you but would let me  remember  how your tongue tasted.
Soon after that alcohol turn into my baby.

-Aztec
Julia Mae Oct 2016
i have never felt so terrible
i have never been an option
it's either me, or a bottle
and you choose the bottle
every time
every single time
your addiction does not love you
not like i do
yet you cannot see
you never listen
you are drowning, lost and gone
i can't help holding on
i can't keep hurting myself
along the razor edges of your broken bottles
as broken as you are
so i only wish, for you to take of yourself
i cannot keep watching you **** yourself
thoughts. i am really lost lately.
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