I remember that first dose
From the gawky greeting to affecting adios
In the drunken darkness I prowled
Watching that boisterous dancing crowd
I thought you a goddess, a toothsome treat
And from the golden apple did I eat
Small bites
Became all nights
All nights blurred into days
It’s all kind of a haze
And now
I can’t take more of you
My receptors are bound by your molecules
Our relationship is a sigmoid curve
Your affinity to my nerve
An agonist, baby, is not what I need
To ween off this goddess dependency
I now just tolerate
I mean I just acclimate
But without you my heart palpitates
I am nauseous, I sweat, and I shake
An antagonist is what I seek
For I am far too weak
I mean without you I am nothing but lonely and depressed
In a dark alley needle obsessed

the tang of your freedom
laced my tastebuds with a bittersweet aftertaste
that incessantly made me want more

and with every dose
i became more addicted to everything you had to offer
until i had ****** you completely dry.

it was then that i realized, that when life gives you lemons
you shouldn’t always make lemonade

savor the tang

Sometimes you're not in love,
You're addicted,
Your heart knows it's wrong,
But your mind has put so much effort in it and thrived on it so much that it doesn't want to let go.
It's not always love,sometimes it's addiction,
Even on days that you find out what you have is not going to last,
You still go back,
Even after finding out they are not good for you,
You still stick to them..
You may be addicted.

Watching the warped horizon
I’m drowning in my tears.
I can see the surface
and it’s so far from here.

Why do I do this to myself?
Why do I seek out the pain?
It’s like I’m addicted to hurting
Thrive off the feeling of sinking
Of melting away.

Until I go so deep
And realise I need to breathe
Then I’m screaming for air,
Someone, drag me out of here, PLEASE.

And yet I never take their hands
I never put the effort in
I never try to hold my breath
I never really try to swim

It’s my drug and I love it
And that is so wrong
But it scares me to death
When I’m down there too long.

When I can’t break the surface
That is when I scream
WHY?! WHY DID YOU DO THIS?!
DO YOU HATE YOURSELF? IS THAT IT?

Or are you just so empty….
Every single day…
That misery is salvation
In so many ways.

It’s easy to find
And it’s easy to cry
And you bear it for a while
Until
You
Feel like
You want
To die.

I feel SICK.
Empty.
Half a being.

This silence
Is driving me crazy.

No one is bleeding.
No screams to be heard.
The battle-cries are silenced.

All I see is a whole lot of nothing.
The adrenaline is gone.
Without the rush, the burn,
I am dead.

All the fighting, I would sob,
The threat of death,
Loved ones being hurt,
I prayed for peace.

But this peace, it’s WRONG.
It’s too silent.
Eerie.

And I sicken myself in hoping,
Someone will swing a sword.
Aching to remember the feeling
Of pure, raw violence.

I need my rush, my high.
The wind on my face,
Wings in the sky.

I need the searing pain,
The crimson of blood.

I need the crushing misery,
I need the burning grief.

Only then do I feel remotely human.
Only then do I feel alive.

Got girls dragging me in every direction,
got me deciding who’s cool and who’s a distraction,
all these reactions to their reactions,
has me needing a recess to retreat from all this action,

but I guess that’s what I get,
for being one of the Main Attractions,
a magnetic poet with ******* stanzas,
dramatic romances and poetic patterns,

hey friend remember back when,
you’d act natural and things would just naturally happen,
instead of being in something that seems reused and rehearsed,
like all the world’s a stage and we’re all just actors acting,

hey friend remember back when,
we’d act casual and things would just casually happen,
as if these writings weren’t written in present past patterns,
as if I haven’t gotten bigger than any of those assorted Randoms,

with a bunch of instances of coincidences,
that are anything but random,
which has switched this kid’s position,
from being random to being one that’s obsessed on by randoms,

and it’s strange to say the least,
how this change has occurred in such a subtle fashion….

See she was my most casual stalker,
just wanting some time to share my space,
see she was me several years ago,
before all these changes in me finally took place,

she was a socially awkward Closet Genius,
the closest thing to me I’d seen since fame,
closed to most of the world which she felt was dangerous,
see she only opened up to me because here’s where she felt safe,

so I warned her of the Energy Vampires,
then wondered if she was one of those Vampire Dames,
you know the type that act all hyped,
then as soon as they leave you you feel drained,
at any rate I warned her to beware of those that stare,
and told her her soul is worth more than any amount of fame,
then excused myself from the entire situation,
because it was time for me to put on my cleats and return to The Game,

return back to writing these writings which wrote me to fame,
and I know it sounds complicated but really it is simple,
only requires a potent combination of mixing the answers,
with the questions in the middle of pros composed as riddles,

like,

how I’ve got girls dragging me in every direction,
got me deciding who’s cool and who’s a distraction,
all these reactions to their reactions,
has me needing a recess to retreat from all this action,

but I guess that’s what I get,
for being one of the Main Attractions,
a magnetic poet with ******* stanzas,
dramatic romances and poetic patterns,

hey friend remember back when,
you’d act natural and things would just naturally happen,
instead of being in something that seems reused and rehearsed,
like all the world’s a stage and we’re all just actors acting…

∆ LaLux ∆

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