Once, I looked into your eyes and I saw arrogance, a layer coating sincerity.
Twice, I looked into your eyes and I saw fear and strength waging war.
Thrice, I looked into your eyes and I saw a desire to repair the broken.

But now I no longer see depth, turmoil, or compassion.
I see another broken soul pretending for the audience,
To play the part they're expected to live.

Occasionally I've seen you break the second wall,
And connect to the spectators looking in on your life.
And your character's mask did fall to the floor at times --
Long enough to get a good look at the boy inside --
Before we both resumed our true professions
As tricksters and jokers, jesters and puppets.
The lights are dimmed now, so they can't see our bursting seems.

I'm tired of the sad songs
And the watercolor paintings
I can't stop writing about you
I promised her I was done
Agreed you were no good for me
You're the opposite of everything
I tell myself I want and need
But you won't leave leave my heart
And for the first time in years
I want to draw all the time
I started dancing again
And I don't know what it is about you
But I can't seem to let you go
So I'm writing and singing songs
And art is everywhere again
And my pointe shoes are taking a beating
My beating heart won't stop
Calling out your name

It's Christmas time and romantically,
we're exchanging our I love you's.

You are my devil's hour thoughts,
you are my demon in my eyes.
My love of my life.

3:08
I'm waiting for your reply.

3:09
I wonder that you are sleeping.

3:10
You left me hanging,
with my thoughts over you.
That we will be forevermore.

I love you so much, my love.

I think the most ****** up part is that
I don't even think what you did was terrible
I mean yeah it's terrible that you hooked up with another girl when you made it seem like you liked me
But maybe it was just a hook up
And maybe you look at me more than that

But that's the most ****** up part
That I'm okay with the fact that you hooked up
As long as the girl didn't mean anything

BUT IT SHOULDN'T ******* BE THIS WAY
I DESERVE SO MUCH MORE
THAN THIS
THAN YOU
I ******* HATE MYSELF FOR EVEN HAVING A LITTLE HOPE IN YOU
EVEN RIGHT NOW
AS I TYPE THIS
UGH
I HATE YOU SO MUCH

And my knees shake when you talk to me, pretending everything's fine.
Pretending that I don't stay up
until 3am
writing poems about you.

Thanks for the less-than beautiful breaks.
Thanks for the leaving leaving leaving.
Thanks for empty promise on top of empty promise.
Thanks for the words, every name I believe is true.
Thanks for the continued surprises, keeping the torment fresh, new.
Thanks for the wicked hope you've given me.

2am
I'm addicted to heartache
The kind that rips you apart inside
Leaves you shaking
Tears streaming down your face

3am
The moon bright in your eyes
Sparkling behind the moisture
Sobs wrack my body
The stars seem to be falling from the sky
This feeling is what I know best

4am
All is quiet
The night doesn't make a sound
Theres nothing left to come out
Tears have dried
And my mind is numb
I feel nothing
Hollow and empty
This feeling is all too hauntingly familiar

5am
The morning approaches
And I am still awake
Staring at the wall
Nothing left

6am
Time to get up
Plaster a smile on my face
Smear concealer under my eyes
And pretend like those dark circles aren't there

9am
Everyone is oblivious
But I know
That tonight
I'm going to go through it all again

dear "two a.m.,"

soon i shall leave you
we knew the day would come

but i hope you remember
and i hope you forget
there is so much with you i treasure
and so much that i still regret

please don’t think of my spontaneous outbursts towards you
i want you to recall it raining and us dancing and laughing
let my tears slip from your mind
but don't let my scars fade
they are what proved i was real

ask deep questions that startle those you are with
don’t let up, get the answers so you can learn the questions
this is the only lesson i can teach you
for i know won’t be remembered for my intelligence
but for my use of words and how often i gave them

live, love with your heart
i know now that it’s okay to stop thinking
if only sometimes
let my words and my love live

i’ve tried to make my words count
and my love strong
some words i regret, some i didn’t mean
some love was held back, i wish i hadn’t

but they are my legacy
they are what live on
what nothing can strip of me

as the clock strikes "three," just please, don’t completely forget me

~"sg"

My dad used to tell a story
   about the monster underneath
   the one that starts the mayhem
   the one that wakes at 3am

My dad have fought it before
    every sting that it had unleashed
    words and actions he wished he said
    reminded the monster under the bed

My dad told me "Be Strong"
     as the monster shifts its prey
     waits shamefully for the end of the day
     suicidal thoughts at 3am

My dad tried to save me
      words and actions are its claws
      every **** night i wished it'd paused
     but the monsters loved my prose

My dad wish it wasn't me
      he wish he could just take away the pain
      you're the monster I kissed back in the rain
      the memory that wakes at 3 am.

3AM, and you're still the only thing worth thinking of.