3AM
3AM thoughts are not a thing of beauty.
3AM thoughts haunt you.
They do not care if you have school the next day.
They do not care if you have to wake up early the next day.
Hell, they do not care if you've stayed up the past week because of them.
3AM thoughts are romanticized.
They are not something you want.
They are not something you need.
They are not something you desire.
3AM thoughts chill you to the bone
They cause anxiety
They cause bad grades
They cause chaos
3AM thoughts cause tears.
They do not fill you with happiness
They do not fill you with hope
They do not fill you with future goals.
3AM thoughts haunt you
With "what ifs"
With "why wasn't I good enough"
With "will I ever be good enough"
3AM thoughts fill you with questions that will never be answered.
"What if I was skinnier"
"What if I was prettier"
"What did I do"
3AM thoughts are all about you.

i want to write a poem
and list all the things that haven't broken
in your world
not everything has fallen apart into
those pieces you see all the time
not everything is all tears and blood and heartbreak
because there is so much more
hiding under the surface, that you
are trying not to see
why aren't you trying to see it?
all the smiles and laughter and words
that we shared
what about that time we stayed up until 3 am talking about
that book you like
the one I don't even like
or understand
but 3am is the time to listen to happy things
not the sad things about death and the tears you have
so stop thinking about that at 3am
spend those thoughts in broad daylight
because things will always look better
with drops of sunlight falling on them instead of
tear drops
stop dropping tears on the things that are
already sad enough
you have enough sadness so stop
focusing on the things that make you upset
and focus on the laughs you had
and the smiles you got from a walk through your life
and the happiness that we shared all the time
or do you not remember that?
do you know remember how I laughed with you
how I laughed even though your jokes weren't funny
and no one else was laughing except for me and you
doesn't that mean anything
to you?
don't you remember how I held you through the dark times
and told you that it's okay to be sad
everyone is
but no,
you don't remember how I told you everyone was sad sometimes
you think you're the only one who has darkness inside them
to you everyone else
is just enjoying the sunshine
while you are crying at 3am
what world are you living in?
everyone cries at 3am
they can't help it
the world is so warped and twisted around them that
they try to grin at 3am and laugh along with
the rest of the day
but no one does
all that comes out is tears
tears that aren't fake no matter how much you think
everyone cries at 3am
they cry in their sleep
they cry tears huddled up in bed
they cry on the bridge as they try to end it
they cry as they get the call "it's over. I don't love you"
they cry as their beloved pet fish slowly sinks down into it's tank
they cry as they realize that you don't know that
they cry too.
they cry tears of blood sometimes
or just tears of water that they haven't drank in a month
not everyone shows how they broken they are you know
some bottle it up and try to enjoy the sunlight
but the problem is that then it all comes out at 3am
when there is no light to shine on their problems
there's only darkness to show them what they think
they think they're all alone and that no one cares
enough to check up on them, hiding in the dark
but you can do it all better
you can push past the urges at 3am
and smile instead of cry because
you can do it for them
dive deep under the ocean your tears have formed because
not everyone has to cry at 3am
you can make it.