She exhaled, smoke floating from the lips that longed to be pressed against his. The taste of tobacco and chemicals lingered as she watched the cloud dissipate. She sighed and turned her attention to the trees swaying outside, naked with the exception of a thin layer of snow. The sun was finally falling out of view, painting the sky pink and purple on the horizon. She put the cigarette to her lips again, so routinely, as she has done for six years, and she waited. Anxiety grew within her, for the moon was not rising fast enough. She was anxious because she knew with each falling of the sun and rising of the moon, she was even just the slightest bit closer to holding the whole world in her arms again. Her eighteen year old body carried such an enormous weight because she was helpless. She spent every minute trying to rush the stars into shining in the night and the birds into chirping in the morning, to bring her closer to the most grand reunion. Meanwhile, all she could do was chainsmoke to pass the time.

Waking up from a dead sleep, trying to come back to reality
I reach for you on the other side of the bed, shaking
You're too far away, for inches feel like miles between us
My hands find their way to your skin in the pitch dark room
Eyelids flutter like butterfly wings as you begin to awake
Far too familiar with this routine in the middle of the night
When I find a way to escape my worst fears in that alternate world
And come back home, out of breath with waterfalls of tears
You sit up and pull me onto your chest, kissing my forehead
And the two of us sit in silence as a tangled mess of limbs
Until my breathing evens out and my heartbeat becomes steady
And once again, you save me from the horrible nightmares

It is wrong that your voice ignites a fire in me that I thought had died.
It is wrong that your smile makes my heart beat stronger than it ever has.
It is wrong that your laugh brings light to my darkest, coldest days.
It is wrong that your eyes take me away from perilous years of pain.
It is wrong. We are wrong.
You are everything that I always wanted and can never have.
It is wrong that we have been brought together by the universe.
Teasing us.
For we will go our separate ways when the winter comes to a close.
It is wrong.
We are wrong.
And
I've never hated being right so much.

Too many times
I've cried
Over poems
I write
About the sadness
That lies
Inside the shadows
Of life
It's now time
To realize
The moon does
Produce light
And my walls
Say goodbye
As I embrace
The night