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statictitanic Apr 2015
I'm scared, lost, and tumbling
Tripping on my shoes that were never tied
Walking blind.
Bollywood movies flickering,
Warm greeting during Eid, putting on my best
The innocence of not knowing what was ahead but still swimming into uncharted waters  

The times we ran past the security guards wearing the shoes of adolescence
how we sung high voices, breaking the silence and laughing away the drowned voices and the dead that were never able to cling to us
the colors got burned but the door was still colored against the tree of stupidity; in between the houses we walked through old trash and a bare bed to look back at our acts of defiance
We got high on the words we slurred that meant friendship to us
Walking home everyday until the point where we had to part ways at Woodhaven Boulevard

Now, now, now I hate that word
I'm the only one walking alone; cracked pavements, and potholes steer me from what was always the path to fantasy and the youth
I'm growing older, and older and I know
The key is slipping from sweaty finger tips and I have to choose the right door
My mind has gotten sober from the future in my head to the reality that stops me with its red light
Time is so small and I haven't still found faith and I'm searching walking back to the same intersection, empty handed but finding scathed pennies and hungry dreams greet the soles of my torn shoes
People will leave me and I can't stop them

Why, why, why
Did I hit the walls that were so far apart but now make a square around me pushing and jamming me against the bricks
I want to see past the mist and know the truth
Is it written on my palms or held in my hands where I can clutch it or let go of it

Slowly faces of ordinary are falling under 6 feet and I have to carry the dirt on my back and remember there is a future
A future I'm scared of welcoming
and I get lost and lost in my own fears and swallowing the guilt of not believing and falling to honey dreams only waiting to be stung by a bee
The bee dies
Leaving me lost at Woodhaven Boulevard
This was a bit personal because I'm going through this thing where I realize people will leave and I can't stop this but I don't know who will be able to stay and who will remember me. I fear the future a lot because my fantasies and reality are getting sober and I want to let go of the past but I also don't want to either.
statictitanic Feb 2015
She was always strange and confused
in a state of ambivalence
where is God and where is my mind?
why can't I see what's in front of me? Why am I following my own destiny, yet also following the streets people paved for me?
She didn't want to wait anymore for reckless answers that didn't make any sense to her at all.
So
She walked in front of a train to see the end of her tunnel
statictitanic Feb 2015
Her blood lips and pale face was a moon in the night
He held her with gentle whispers of things unsaid between the two
The thick, dead silence of only living words
but death to strike them down with bullets hurting like swords
When they first met
He gave her a pen
She left him with words
He was her first
She was his first
A forbidden love
But she had to let him go
He couldn't take away the pain
She died with the words "You were my first, and only love, I love you"
The paper got lost in the wind.
And so did he.
statictitanic Jan 2015
Sometimes I can't find words to say
they get lost in the passage of thoughts, and imagination
its like I ****** on a lemon
the sour details are pushed to the pit of the darkest hole
But someway, somehow I need to tell you
My lips are betraying you
I need to rush it out of me
So it feels less like a disease
I have cancer.
statictitanic Jan 2015
Pursed lips and oxygen slowly drips
from lips that were dyed red
with little, parasite lies
I consumed you whole and
the corpse you leave behind
is your true identity
of who you really were
a selfish *******.
statictitanic Nov 2014
I always was a strange girl,
Never having a tight grip on reality,
Escaping the gravity of sanity
Keeping my head in the clouds,
Never certain if my feet remained on the ground

Upon the innocent clouds,
I explored this new Garden of Eden,
and found you
Bearing a rain cloud
In the darkest part of the sky,
You were only a lonely boy,
A fallen angel,
Stuck between the bounded Earth and---
The kaleidoscope of stars

Wherever you chose to roam
Perfection would be concealed by flaws
The stars above; burning and untamed
Up in the sky in its sanity of perfect insanity
Just twinkling little specs
To fill the big void
of black
Emptiness

You taught me sanity is best judged by those who lack it,
and like that,
Your heavenly figure,
Was all I thought was right

Our love blossomed
like a cherry tree
We inked the Twilight sky with hues of--
pink purity, violet passion, and crimson red
Like a rose,
but
With a thorn

Like a thorn, you cut my heart
And a ******, red dawn appeared
I realized you were just a demon in my safest haven,
I fell from the Garden,
Falling back into a cage,
All you left behind,
a single, black feather

The sky erupted,
Clouds letting emotions free,
rain drowning all the life on Earth
Killing the cherry tree
And me.
statictitanic Nov 2014
One more
One more cigarette
One more dream
I can only fiddle with my hands
The paper is frail and rolled between my fingers
The dead skin around my nails and the words permanent on my heart
One more
One more time to reach the end of the cherry road
Can we have a proper goodbye?
You make your decisions with lips
Lips that faded into my skin
They left with sins
One more
One more world to open my eyes too
I can ignore the pain for so long
Before the paper falls from the fingertips
And into my reflection in the water.

One more
One more truth so I can be free.
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