ＪＪｓｂｄｋｓｎｄｋｋｄｍｘｍｊｓｈＪｕｓｔｌｅｔｍｅｄｉｅｍｍｍｋｂｈｂｘｊｄｎｘｎｂｄｊｘｂｄｎｘｎｎｘｎｘｎＩｍｓｏｔｉｒｅ­ｄｏｆｔｈｉｓｎｓｊｓ ｎｋｋｓｂｄｎｄｎｂｄｔｈｅｓｅ ｔｅａｒｓ ｗｏｎｔｓｔｏｐｊｄｊｄｎｎ ｚｎｊｓｎｎｄｕｄｎｄｋｄｋｎｆｋｄｍｓｓｎｆｎｊｄｎｄｎｎｄｂｄｂｄｂｄｎＷｈｙｔｈｅｐａｉｎｓｔｉｌｌｌｉｖｅｓｉｎ ｍｙｈｅａｒｔｊｊｘｎｘｊｘｊｄｎ ｍｙｋｄｊｄｖｊｓｎｄｊｃｊｎｄｎｄｎｃｎｘｋｘｎｋｘｎｄｋｄｋｊｄｎｓｋｘｈｊｓｈｄｊｄｄｎｄｅＩｍｓｏｆｕｃｋｉｎｇｔｉｒｅｄ­ｍｓｎｎｄｋｓｎｘｏｎｓｈｘｉｄｎｋｘｎｄｊｓｊｄｂｊｄｋｓｌｍｓｎｄｊｊｄｂｄｉｓｂｄｊｊｄｋｓｎｄｊｄｈｂｓｎｄｎｎｄｊｄｊｄ­ｎｄｎｄ


Ｙｏｕｌｌｎｅｖｅｒｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄ ｍｅ

How terrible it must be for the moon to never kiss the sun,
He must long for her warm touch,
To feel her fingers ignite him.
How many more times can he beg the sea to paint a picture of her brilliance,
Only to be met with " her beauty is blinding."
So he chases her in an infinite game,
Whispering to the star crossed constellations,
Of how much brighter he would shine,
Were he to have her by his side.

I do not wish to be
an emerald, pressed firmly against
the flesh of someone else's finger,
to be marveled upon by eyes
that only see beauty disguised beneath layers
of self-inflicted ignorance.
I do not wish for a life
sitting gracefully upon its pedestal,
or a striking face behind a glass display
that has never tasted the sweat
of reality.
I refuse to pass days behind
white picket fences trapping me
from seeking out scarlet horizons
or to live by the shout
of a clock that is running out of words
to tell me that I mean
nothing.
I am not going to sit, confined within
the peeling floral paper
that embraces the same walls that suffocate me
nor will I let my heart sleep
within the cavern walls of a chest
that is starving to set it free.

I want to crawl towards comfort
with scraped knees that do not bleed apologies
and earth trapped underneath my fingernails
like a joke no one ever broke silence to laugh at
I want to harvest gratification
with these same hands that have taught themselves
how to let go of the ones
who have tried to set it on a silver plate
for me to eat.

I desire to be dizzy
on the last day I will ever grace the air
with my breath,
blinded by joy I had spent a lifetime pursuing
with shadows cast beneath these hungry eyes
that have realized--

that it takes a revolution
to be able to say that I did more
than just exist,
I conquered.

I am leaving this totally raw, not edited out parts. If you feel this may offend you, Please don't read. I needed to just vent to somebody so here we are.

I keep trying to forget about you. Not the moments we shared, just you.

I'm trying to forget the way you smelled after a quiet night of dancing.
I'm trying to forget how your eyes twinkled when you talked about your family.
I'm  trying to forget the way you cared for me when I told you my darkest secret.
I'm trying to forget how your arms wrapped perfectly around my waist when we hugged.
I’m trying to forget the way you became a emotional wreck when I said I tried to **** myself.
I’m trying to forget the way your beautiful face was illuminated by the fire
I’m trying to forget the love I still have for you.

Everywhere I go I swear I see you. I was walking down the street and I prayed to god that wasn't you in the yellow 2005 punch buggy. When we talked, you only ever had the truck I helped design. Who knows though, You’ve changed since we talked last. But that look the passenger gave me, It was only a look only you could give me. I want close enough to see the two telltale signs it was you, your eyes and your scar. But that look gave me nightmares for many weeks to come. It was haunting and regretful. I could of seen things, But I swear the person said my name.

I thought I saw you today. The gas station that's right in the center of town. I saw someone in the distance and my heart beated out of my chest. I don’t know what I would've done if it was you. Cry, panic, hug you, ignore you, who knows? It’s funny how after all this time, I still can’t seem to get rid of you. What do you want from me? People used to say I was obsessed with you, I'm kinda starting to believe it. Maybe this is love, how would I know? I’m only nearly fifteen. Never been kissed or loved.

I can try and try but I won’t forget you. You’re too much of my heart and soul. You were my best friend. I told you everything, everything. When I think about you all I wanna do is cry. Why I have to go and wreck things i'm not sure. I just wanna know how you are.

the sky was muddled with colors:
each fighting to show their brilliance.
it was like watching a Sophocles creation
spun from truth and tombs.
scenes changed as wheels turned underneath me.
Yellow entered from the left and Orange from the right.
they reached for each other, vibrant and deafening.
Love ensued at their touch.
they danced off the stage,
hand in hand.
Green stepped into the light with a monologue.
he spoke of love lost and worlds split
down the center. he faded away as
Blue and Red marched onto the stage,
singing their songs of tragedy and bloodshed,
bleeding into each other- a Purple harmony.

Black overcame every element, every happiness.
Black was the inevitable.
Black was the curtain call.
Black was death.
but even then,
there was light.
in the stars I found hope and beauty.
in the stars I found you.

My last breath
Has the scent of your hair
As I close my eyes
I catch a glimpse of your face

While my body grows cold
I gradually feel your warmth
I don't mind going to hell
Because here, I felt heaven

for a brief moment
caught in remembering
vividly she came back to me
the sunlight on her face
strands of her reddish blonde hair
floating free in the small space between us

what words passed between us
long since faded
but the heart remembers the love
known between us that day
with a clarity that speaks so clearly to me
the heart knows what the mind fails to hear

and my heart still speaks of you to me
still sketches your beautiful face in my dreams
in such sweet living breathing quality
i cannot help but feel that i lost a world of love
when i lost you

your hand in mine
our souls still linger in each others arms
kissing tenderly and passionately like lovers do
at least that is what my heart tells me