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Rhianecdote May 2015
When my Dad used to come up in my face
And smile at me As a baby
I used to push him away
Give me my space
Jheez!

And at aged 3 when I used to rest my head
On lil blondies shoulder as we watched tv
In nursery
He  would push me off constantly,
First taste of rejection
Jheez!

And as a pre teen
When that little **** Esteban was showin off and being mean
Got my brother in a headlock till he couldn't breath
Grabbed him off, pushed him over a wall as I screamed even though he was older and much bigger than me
Made me so angry!
First time I laid hands on someone in defence of my family
Haven't had to do it since, thankfully
Shock of me switching actually made him come up after and say sorry
Jheez!

As a Teen, chillin in the park, all sunny
When this lil kid who looks half asleep
Cycling in his dressing gown
comes up to me
Asking if I wanna buy some ****
Pushing drugs?!
Someone should be pushing him on a ****** swing , he's only a baby!
Makes my heart bleed
Jheez!

And every ****** mornin
As I'm getting to where I need to be
Getting pushed onto this train
By impatient imbeciles
When there is no need
There's another one comin in 3!
So why am I hovering under someones smelly armpit all awkwardly?
Jheez!

**All this pushing, all this pulling
this game of tug of war,
really puts me on ****** edge,
I really can't take no more.
But city life is city life
Jheezus you know the score!
Don't push me cause I'm close to the Edge!
Rhianecdote May 2015
Pain gets passed along a chain,
from You to Me
from Me to Him
and now we're all sat here
upset for the same reason.
But this wasn't the bonds i hoped for
or the ties I wished to make or keep.
Try to break the cycle,
but apologies just won't cut it,
for goodness sake, too weak

She couldn't love You,
You couldn't love Me,
I couldn't love Him.
Don't you wish you could
go back to the beginning?
But where do you start in a circle?
A ring has no beginning or ending
it's everlasting,
that's why it's a symbol for Love,
so if I can't exchange it
maybe in verse I can
inverse all of the above

He loved Me,
I loved You
and You loved Her
and loves a beautiful thing,
and I hope one day soon
we'll all be able to
love ourselves too,
truely deep within
and on that day perhaps
this chain will cut us some slack,
we'll be facing the right way
and will be able to see Love
and give it back.
Cause the thing about chains,
they can run either way,
joy gets passed along too
during happier days
and they will come,
surely as this chain
remains undone.

**Name's Bond, Chains Bond
If I possessed the patience, vision and prowess of some of the concrete poets on here (Ryn anyone?) I would have liked to have written this in a chain or cycle formation alas i probably would have dashed my phone out of the window by now in sheer frustration. Haha so use your imagination and maybe some mind altering drugs kids!
  May 2015 Rhianecdote
Ysa Pa
A little moment of joy
A feeling of bliss
Being absolutely happy
Nothing can ever replace this

A time of unexplainable emotions
Surpassing all known conditions
This precious feeling
Contentment with the life you're living

Making the hardships seem like nothing
Time gets suspended because of this one thing
It is a dream in reality
A first that can make anyone happy

As exaggerated as this poem is
It contains a hint of truth
This happiness brought to a person, as it seems
Is happiness of a child's first taste of ice cream
I just watched as my baby cousin devoured her first ice cream <3
Rhianecdote May 2015
I know I cared
I'm sure I did
For it had to exist
For me to now feel the absence of it

It's hard not to lose sight in pain
When it seemed any gain came at a loss
Looking at what remains
Weighing up your kind nature as its cost

Used to be someone you could call upon
But now I'll turn you away
Outrightly tell you to *******
Cause I have nothing left to say

And it hurts me

In fact today it made me feel ashamed

Yet I still maintain I need some space

Lone wolf creation, a one horse race

But when a nation
Becomes isolationist
You better hope those bonds within
Don't come loose or snap
Cause when a nation
Becomes isolationist
There might be no coming back...

**Together

Forever, Endeavour, Our Women, Our Men

Cast Away the Pain or become a Cast Away in Pain

Again and Again
I remember watchin Child of our Time a while ago. Basically its a documentary headed by Professor Robert Winston (not the cockney bloke think Groucho Marx) that has followed several children from birth trying to discover the secrets of nature vs nurture in shaping personality. In one episode they were following a little girl and showed how the most sensitive, empathetic and caring in the bunch, over time had turned out to become the most matter of fact and the explanation was that they had been met with such disappointment and upset through their kind nature that as a means of self preservation it had now rendered them kinda cold at such a young age. Anyhu it stuck with me, not only cause I can relate, (I was that kid, in fact I think we share the same name) but because it made me sad. If you care a lot sometimes that means you're gonna hurt a lot but I don't feel that caring is ever a bad trait, I think in life we just need to discover the balance of what we should and shouldn't care so much about.

I'd like to believe that the true essence of that little girl and her kind nature very much still remains...
Rhianecdote May 2015
I look around me and all I see
Are complexities
People that increasingly
Confuse or frustrate me
I just don't know what they want from me
I just know that this is not where I want to be
Tryin to maintain sanity
On the cheap
So who do I say goodbye to
Who do I keep?

Stick with stuck people
And you'll end up nowhere
And yeah it may sound unfair
But it's true
Its true to me, it's true to you
Leave behind
Or get left behind

But in this you can trust

If I've got love for you
I'll come back for you
Or better yet
I'll turn round to see
You've already caught up
Dang! I actually wrote the first verse to this near on a year ago, just goes to show how long this has played on my mind. It could just be depression talking but My dislike and frustration with people is very much hitting its peak at this moment in time and I'm well aware that it's linked to the frustration I have in myself. Its hard when you're surrounded by good people, one's that you care for but they have no motivation or direction, the added apathy just kills my spirit and at this point the only responsibility I can take is for myself. Its a deep one cause I'm pretty sure that I've been left for the same reasons, but in all honesty I can't even begrudge anyone that. You've gotta do what's best for you and who knows maybe serve as some inspiration or catalyst for change in doing so
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
Nostalgia or Noosetalgia?
Cause it chokes me in it
To recall a world where I existed
Without a limit

Crawl around a place
Inside my head
I can't escape
Unsure if that faded memory
Is real or fake
And did I make it

Did I make it?
For here I am
In a present
I'm unable to open up
Tied down by a past
Too much spoken of

And Will I make it?
To a future where there is no limit
Break the bad habit
Take the leap
Snap the rope
Or end up choked by it?

Pulled back by the past
A rose tinted hue
Blood shot eyes
Of asphyxiation
Fixated on a south facing view

Sunny
Its funny how warmth can be found
In something long dead
Neglecting life
Favouring the thoughts in your head

Gotta Be careful when you
Tread this path
Cause memory lane
Will be all that remains
Nostalgia can last

Fed it will grow
Your time is its payment
And before you know it
Your presents your past
You passed up your present
For your Past and your Future?

What Future?
*All you ever hoped for or looked to was the Past
If you live in the past the payment is always the present and ultimately your future, so let that **** go!

Nostalgias not always a bad thing but for me it needs to be kept in check cause it mostly seems to be a reflection of me not appreciating or being happy in my present.
Rhianecdote Apr 2015
If my Leg was bust
Would you be my crutch?

And if my Mind was,
Could I afford you the same Trust?

Cause Life weighs heavy on a Mind.
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