busy contemplating
when one should be taking responsibility,
accountability for what has been said
and done.
with you,
i am me
i throw away all of my mistakes
worries, doubts, regrets
when i think of you
i stop everything
to sit and reminisce
your handsome face
the warmth of your body
something i held close to me, at some point
i wish i would’ve
cupped your face
pull you into me
and feel your rosy lips
brush up against mine.
i would trade the world
for another day
just me and you
facing each other
we would take a deep breath
and let the words escape
after all is said
and done
we will embrace each other
cling onto each other
like a magnet would
or like an innocent child,
holding onto momma’s hand.

all i want to do is love you
love you,
love you.
i've had my hands tied
for far too long
and i am finally floating,
i'm floating.

you sit and pout
about everything
try to work out your problems
by finding ways around them
but that is not the way life goes.
you're slowly running out of time
without realizing it
you're stuck in your head again
you feel like it's too hard to get out
but this isn't you
i know me and you aren't acting quite like her
this isn't you and you know it
but i know you don't know much about yourself
been too busy absorbing the personalities that surround you
you're slowly losing yourself
without realizing it
you're going too black out one of these days,
they say
and those words aren't wrong
they might foreshadow destiny
but only you can stop them
only you can put an end to the words that they tell you
you can either choose to ignore them or consume them
but you better choose
you better choose by not what you feel but by what you believe is enough.
you've got to keep going,
even when everything feels like it isn't worth it.
you over analyze everything,
try taking a step back
every once in a while
cause' only you have the ability to turn wrongs to rights

it’s hard,
finding words that best describe
how to feel
how to tell.
nobody understands,
i talk in complicated ways,
making it hard for you to grasp onto me.
maybe it is the words i use
or perhaps, the words you’re unfamiliar with,
call me out for being out of context,
but the content i create communicates sense to me.
i tremble at the sight of people talking around me,
troubles me because everyone and everything i know has remained close to speaking ever so carelessly and loosely about me.
at this point, they receive pleasure from laughing, mocking and “getting” me,
they lie and reflect bitterness
is it jealousy or envy?
quick assumptions or savvy?
call me stupid, useless, or any other unnecessary comment that seems to compliment your currency,
but extraordinary is more suitable a trait,
than the look of disgrace placed on your face whenever your eyes meet mine.

she pours all of her time and effort into a guy who is foreign to the thought of love,
deeply rooted lays the never given,
he was never shown love,
what could possibly, make him give it?
she is upset all of the time,
probably cause’ daddy is absent and doesn’t bother to call either,
she rides the rollercoaster of life,
by “getting by”, searching for love in guys like him.
he likes her, but refuses to pronounce the words of his love,
too cold to show it,
leaves her to feel drowned out,
she is broken down, but still calls out for him,
her yearning drives him to be consumed by the tidal wave of love,
in the end, he and she are found washed ashore.
what do you call this?

just tell me what to do,
confess to me your love,
or leave me here,
i promise this won’t be long.
just find out what to do,
tell me what to do,
what gave you the mobility to get over me,
to overcome the distance that once broke our connection apart?
how did you do it?
tell me, or I’m afraid,
I might have to jump off a building,
Cause’ you’re stuck in my brain again,
Yeah, I’m stuck in my brain again.
havoc and incessant quarrels,
bring tears to eyes and knives through hearts.
despite the mess you made with our love,
I’d go through it again if I were to know we would create the product of our love.
you’re the one i choose,
and most importantly,
the one i can never lose,
you’re stuck in my brain again,
yeah, stuck in my brain, again.
wish i could hear your voice,
it used to soothe me when i’d reminisce,
late at night, used to seek comfort in daydreaming,
in those daydreams, you used to confess to me your love through dry humor and long phone calls,
we would recycle the same thoughts to prolong conversations,
and pivot them, when the time grew too long,
all i get nowadays are the reminders that we were far too young to comprehend the concept of love;
we are no longer in love as we once were,
and you don’t feel the same anymore,
which brings me to face what i have avoided all of these years.
i no longer feel sane anymore,
so I lay wide awake,
To get my soul away,
I look for new ways around the thought of you,
I need a great escape or I might jump off a building.
is it wrong to hope that someday love will return to us?
to the one place in the world where it falls and belongs to us.
i’m afraid that if it doesn't,
time and fate will consume us slowly,
right before you declare to me the loss of us,
have you know that you’re the one i run to mid problems and emotions,
your name drives me crazy when i hear it,
still hard wired to the thoughts that make me run to you,
and your smile, don’t even get me started,
however, i acknowledge the deep sorrow and pain you feel for cutting off the supply chain of tangible thoughts that trace through my head and the oxygen that supports the barely moving body of mine,
in an alternate world,
you’re stuck in my brain, again,
yeah, stuck in my brain again.

i wish you were here,
when i felt unnecessary in everyone else's life
left behind like an abandoned child,
stuck and miserable in the world,
consider me,
an untimely product.
when i was so close to giving up
you were the only person I felt something for,
but that has changed.
Despite feelings changing overtime, I still....
wish you were,
right next to me.
I wish I could I feel your body
press up against mine when the cold air lathers on our skin.
I wish I wasn't so bad at expressing signs of love,
it was never taught
or given to me.
from the start,
you were the only person that knew me better than I knew me
and that is, the reason as to why I still crave the times I wish you were here with me.
I wish you stood by me in the worst of times,
especially when I couldn't think of anyone else in the moment  except for you.
No strings attached, I think I am drawn to you,
like an artist to a blank canvas,
like a girl who runs away from love because she wasn't given enough.
Yet, I always come back to the thought of you and me,
smiling and laughing
living life happily,
exploring each other's interests so effortlessly,
we lose track of time,
forget to realize that we had to meet sometime this week.
that is why I steer away from the thought of you
and although, the title of this poem is quite ironic so,
with careful notice of both ways this can go,
I can still say that,
I wish you were here.