I would never admit it
But I do think it
I know you will always be in my life
Because I worry
With all the pills you pop
That one day you won't talk to me
Not because I'm blocked
But because you won't be alive to talk

I want to show my friends what I write here
But I am filled with fear
at what they would say
or think
about me writing online and not with ink
but here for everyone to see
and I know the things they would read
would change how they look at me
because they don't know everything
and they really don't know me

i do not feel
like everyone else
i watch tears fall
when i shed
none at all
for death or love
for good or bad
being angry or sad
i don't care
i understand
what i should be
f e e l i n g
i understand
that i should be
worried
or sad
or scared
but i am just
e x i s t i n g
and everyone around me
is depressed
i do not understand
why my brain is not sad
why my life is not too bad
and how i deserve to be
happy
while everyone else
is suffering
because they have the ability
to be
         feeeeling