Through the vision you have given me
I found the peace in my heart
But it was not as I thought it would be
To know comfort was not of knowledge
Only perception
But to know peace was not of perception
Only knowledge
And what I came to know was not how I’ve been sleeping

True love can feel fingers separated by glass
Smile knowing of the coming storm
Live on after the loss of a child
It is so that we must feel these things if we are to be alive

Born from dark murky shadows into bright cold lights
It is life that begins without peace
Or knowledge
Or perception
But though a flower will grow as destined with water and sunshine
A baby can be a rose for beauty
A tree for shade
A sunset for comfort
An ocean framed by palms and dreams
If only someone will show him how

Will he know a slave feels love
That a hero knows fear
That a woman can be brave
That men **** for a God of love
That the desire for equality is seen as subversive
As a **** growing in a green meadow
Will he know these things
And will he recognize it as peace in his heart

He will know
as…
An honest man
even as an island
as…
A civilized man
even as a bruise
as…
A dignified man
even as a victim
as…
A strong man
even as a pauper

It is this peace…
to be willing to live outside while it rains
… because outside is who you are
to be willing to be struck down in the streets
… because the streets are who you are
to be willing to be cursed as you speak the truth
… because the truth is who you are

Peace

It is not what you think
If you don't
It is not how to escape
Because you cannot
It is not what you pretend
If it is wrong
It is not about power
If that is what you want

It is only who you are
Who you are
No matter how much turmoil all around you

There’s a dog walking around on stage
It’s a calm moment even though the problem is still with me
There’s a family of rocks that got there first
But a swarm of rapids started forming their way to the sea

The flowers were lost in a blind alley
Somebody left them behind so they took root in my heart
There’s a way to accept life this way
But the soil you till must not object to sounds in the dark

The source of the sound understood
It’s meaning came from the way it drew joy from despair
When you are able to be who you are
Then you will know why what we breathe is what we share

May your age matter not
And only the fact of your life matter much
It is the dream that is on the rise
And not the sleep that lays you down
Consequence may choose
But it is not a reason to hesitate
Not for those of us who take chances
To discover what we wish to say
Not to hurt those who are different
Or those who cry because others are indifferent
But for those who do not have money
Or a way to wipe a child’s tear other than with love
We must write
We must paint
We must sing
We must discover how we change how their emotions
To soften their hearts
To redirect their minds to a place of happiness
For when we are happy
We are also happy for others
We are understanding
And grateful enough to turn the pages of a sad story
It is our gifts that will extinguish our own needs
And our fears that will raise them up again
Yes, may your age matter not
For it is what you can be to others that matters much
And the dream that you possess is ready to walk upright
If only you will let it

A dream is never too old
It will never be over
For it is your breath upon which it relies
And as long as your heart beats
Or promises are made to yourself
The gratitude of life will remember

Love is worthy of you
As you are of it
And art is your mistress
Wait not another moment
Live believing in chance
Your dream will know what to do

But do not rely solely upon fate
You are destiny knowing the secret
Love will always be true
If you will live
As if you have already found it
Because it is trying to find you

I once thought you were nature as it was intended
for a man to hold close to his heart; but then it was
too real, for nature is heartless in its cruelty and
distant in its beauty; it's is not the existence I wanted
for us because we know how to make things right

Are clouds of looming fears better than eyes of falling tears?

Where is the love walking to me without the same
hope for calm days followed by a nights of fire that
melts our hearts together; but would it be the same
if it was wildness that had no purpose other than to
replenish itself and feed what lives inside uncertainty?

Are rivers overflowing better than hearts forever breaking?

We spend a lifetime sheltering ourselves from where
we came; wild, naked, dangerous to our lives but ready
to be tamed if only we knew how; it is the same my love
with our thoughts that we cannot speak of because we
are the same as tornados from colliding streams of turmoil

Are trees lying broken better than promises unspoken?

i thought i'd lost
my imagined way
but knowledge seeks
someone who walks its way
it is never lost
only misunderstood
the light is ahead
or is it always behind
the riddle puzzles
the answer pays no mind
instead
you take what is serious
the color in your hands
it is your life now
there is no pretense
you paint my eyes
by the end of your brush
for i will look
no matter how deep i must
the canvas
my heart
please open it
become a part of me
i want you now
the tears i saved
were for you
the man who is not afraid
to show you his weakness
or his desperation
yes
it is you
but between us
what other men also see
they do not know
it is my vision
only you knew what I wanted
as I lay still
for your imagination
trusting your hands
guided by love
for your gift
and your desire
i know it is what you want
i will look back upon you
and not at a work of art
for what you hung on the wall
was instead a mirror
and my love for you
is waiting for you to understand
what you finally created
the colors you see now
are the reflection of you

Poetry
The voice of the human heart
When we cannot paint
or sing
The words bring us together
Though we are apart
The confessions of a sinner
and a saint
Silently staring at you
But you can hear the bells ring
For what I say this day
You already know to be true

You cry perfectly
I had to watch
It was so beautiful
Your sadness was so you

It was the end
We both knew it
And what was next
Looking for someone new

I won’t forget
The feeling you made
I can’t leave it behind
The remains of what’s true

Your tears so deep
But you wiped them away
Your smile was your revenge
That’s when I knew

There is nothing left
Only to know the past
Walking away from sorrow
I watched a bird that flew

I wondered how long it would take before I could only see your mind
I didn’t long for the day but I knew we’d both leave our lust behind
What takes me an early morning always took you most of the night
I want to see things by day but you don’t like to dream by the light
We sail side by side but my hull is made of steel and yours of wood
We felt the same current but how it affected us we never understood

The blue skies were too few
And the sunrises were too red
Maybe that’s why we drifted apart
What a fisherman knew to be true
We decided to ignore instead
Because we sailed first with our heart

I wondered who would decide which way to go when the skies parted
A storm doesn’t listen but a glistening bow remembers where we started
You don’t forget who you were with when waves are bigger than the boat
That’s not the time for blame it’s just the way love sometimes has to float
We didn’t know if by sail or prop was the best way to turn this thing around
I wanted to believe in your instincts but instead I ran the boat aground

The storms were too many
And the sunsets we barely knew
Maybe that’s why we drifted apart
When the days heat was plenty
And the evening breezes few
We stopped sailing with our heart

If I don't have your love
I hope I'm at least on your mind

Out of sight
It hurts baby
To never see you
But maybe you're thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you

If he has your love
I hope he knows how to treat you

In his arms
It hurts baby
To never hold you
But maybe he can't feel you
The way I do

If we never love again
I hope you know nobody compares to you

Walking alone
It hurts baby
You made me see
But I'd rather see it with you
The way I hoped it would be

Youthinkyouvereadmydiary
idontneedonebecauseimnotafraid
Sowhatyou­knowiloveyou
Sowhatyouknowiloveyou

Youknoweverysecretiow­n
theyw­ereonlymylifesoimnotafraid
Sowhatyouknowwhoiam
Sowhatyouknowwhoia­m

Everysunmoonlightmoment
Imthereandyoucannottell­menottobe
Sowh­atyouwantlovetoo
Sowhatyouwantlovetoo

Youk­nowhoweasyitisforyou
­Iamonlyweakwhenyousubmittome
Sowhatyouma­demescream
Sowhatyoumade­mescream

Everysunmoonlightmoment
Imi­nsidethelightandyoufeelitto­o
Sowhatyouscreamformetoo
Sowhatyouscreamformetoo

What is important to us is no longer to you
A story without an ending is what we hope for
But to those looking for another page
The loss of your love was why we wanted more

Were you looking for something
Or is it what you have now found within?
The shock of you is the reason
And the loss of you is where we begin

Something we always knew will always be
You are now the one we will miss
When you weren’t around we felt it
And that is why it was you we could never resist

You are human and that is now our story
To be admired for being more than us
And to know what it is like to be gone
Is why we ask God if it is his will that we can trust

Your picture tells me more than I could ever say
But not enough to tell me what I should think
It is because your smile has become so effortless
The corners of your mouth learned without me

There is a love affair between us in my mind
That is why you have settled for being alone
My dreamscape desires made the choice for you
Living in silent madness is better than what is real

I thought to tell you but I'm so far away
Like distant paintings with faded signatures
The captured love of another man’s memory
Has become my own way of missing you

There is nothing anyone can say that I would hear
Only you understand what I have dreamed
Let me whisper words upon your lonely canvas
Painting a new sunrise upon your sleepless soul


Copyright © Mark R. Lecuona 2016 ®

* No part of this poem may be used or reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or form or by any means electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise without the written permission of the author.

There’s no tracks for me to cross in my neighborhood
So I don’t know which side I’m on
There’s no land for me to plant any seeds upon
I don’t know if I’m a duck or a swan
But I know I’m welcome on any backwoods pond

I could sing about things I never understood
And I could say if I believe it then it must be true
It takes too long for the past to make itself known to you
It’s easier to recite the things I already knew
Maybe something I heard sitting in a wooden pew

I’m the father because he was born next to where I stood
I didn’t say anything because the bus already ran
On the road upon which try to cross but never can
We’re turtles walking slow without a plan
Nobody knows anything so our shell became the holy land

The last time I crossed my heart my promise was good
I wanted say oh baby and let it last long in your ear
But you were interested in flags that you held dear
I agreed but then it’s not always so clear
We had no complaints but then we never did live in fear

There are men who stoop low
While their pain builds slow
And their women clean homes
Full of dreams and wistful rooms
But still they live this hard life
Because their God told them so

He stared at a sunset nailed to a wall
Scraps of inspiration were in his hands
The envelope was white and empty
He had sent the money to foreign lands

There’s a way to survive
Even if you’re dying inside
There’s things that you know
And things that make you grow
But you will never begin
If you let someone tell you no

He never had a conversation with her
When it seemed she thought him her equal
When she was young she wanted someone else
Now she thinks she’s starring in the sequel

There was a time to remember
The bullet was in the chamber
But he didn’t take the opportunity
Though he was angry about inequality
It was why he lost her love
She could only think of him with pity

He was separated from her brown skin
And the one who once carried his son
They all had dreams of a different life
But they learned to live apart from their own

Finding a four-leaf clover
A game you played when you were younger
Laying by your feet
Watered by my tears right outside your door

A lucky penny
Lying next to the curb on the corner
It was in my pocket
A memory that always needed more

Life broke the promise
I didn’t like the reasons
I had to look inside at myself
It’s the only way to find my heart again

A black cat walking
I followed it because now I’m stronger
How can it be
That it does not scare me like before

It’s never too late if we are breathing
But I can’t ask you to change your life

Life broke it’s promise
I had to accept the reasons
I had to look outside myself
It’s the only way to find another friend

Something is wrapped tightly all around me
Though I am allowed to move freely
I can see the stars
Feel the wind at my face
And even smile at a stranger
But my footprints are washed by my chains
Though the key  is on the table
It fears no use or loss
For I willingly live within the confines of choice

Where a day must end with accomplishment
A night begins with longing
And what I may one day find of my myself
Is a trail that only I know to find
But will never walk again
And peace that arrived at the same time
That the trail did end

No, I’m not what you think I am
Not really, things happened to me
But they are not me

I can’t say because that’s really about you
I’m not interested in justification
Only the things you cannot see

I don’t feel like I’m being difficult
Answering is like telling you I love you
Isn’t that really where it’s going?

Oh yeah, you’re asking the questions
But you don’t know how to ask
It feels more like you’re telling

How can I say what I am
Oh, I should just say it then
I thought this was about you

You didn’t know where to start?
Well where do you want it to end?
How about with what is true?

I’ve made plenty of money
It seems to me it’s still coming in
But it’s only like the wind

There are people I know who are sick
But it’s not about their temperature
It’s only about the pain they are in

I can only tell you how I feel
Or maybe I should describe a tree
But wouldn’t it be better to sit under it?

I only have peace when I’m happy
So when do think that happens?
Yeah, it’s the same for you isn’t it?

I have some things I could say about my past
But you haven’t asked about that
You haven’t gotten over yourself

I’m friends with everyone I’ve loved
More or less, maybe less
It’s really more about forgiving myself

I don’t know if I should ever say I love you again
It makes it so hard to speak freely
Does that surprise you?

It’s not about loving you
Or telling you how you hurt me
Or you telling me I hurt you too

We know these things going in
It shouldn’t be a shock
We just need to know if we want it to work

I would wait as long as you want me to
You need to know about me first
I don’t really know if I’m sick or just hurt

So what was the question?

She was a garden of a girl
Petals falling all around
Being stared at without a sound
Foot prints uninvited
Picked without permission
She felt like a church
Kneeling close to her thorns
They knew only pain
Though her beauty drew them near
But then everyone left
They expected she would stay
While she lived quietly
With the rain and the sun
Sadly knowing she had no name
It was like she was an arm
Or a nose
But instead it was a flower
Or a bee
But what about a life line?
Neither water or sunshine would do
She was alone though you loved her
You only wanted to touch her
And take a part of her home with you
But you left her behind
Because that was how you wanted to think of her
Like a garden for you to visit
While she waited
Devoted to you
But though she felt trampled
It was alright
After all she was a garden of a girl
And not everyone knows what to do

They said there was only one man who lived a perfect life
But the world wasn’t ready for what they couldn’t believe
Even the rock upon which the church was built knew fear
The power of man on earth is what made his faith leave

Life used to be about food and shelter for your family
But life is not kind to a man who rolls up his sleeves
A man gave his land to the children who planted flowers
But when he died peace for a day was something to grieve

The candle flickered and yet the wax remained
It was his time to run and close the window
He wanted to live life without worry of tomorrow
But now tomorrow waited with the news of sorrow

An angel laid her head on a garden hoping nobody would notice
Sent by heaven, she thought of what man could not conceive
An angel was blamed for the fall of man but no one knew why
She wanted to tell them but only God knows why he chose Eve

A lonely man cried, life blamed him for making them feel their guilt
The holes could not hold water because nobody taught him to weave
He knew that people thought it was his fault that he lost her long ago
She was all he could think of but lost love only knows how to deceive

The candle burned brightly and yet the wax was gone
It was his time to run and open the window
He wanted to live life without regret of yesterday
But yesterday reminded him why God made a rainbow

I built this road with the wrong sidewalk
The man who walked on it told me so
He said he couldn’t hear the smooth sounds
Only the bitter tones where bad dreams go

He felt justice all the way to the marrow
Seeing the man made me think about it more
I try to stay out of everybody’s business
But I’m saying the next road won’t be like before

I paved my own road
All I did was lose my way
He knew it when he saw it
But I didn’t know what he was trying to say

I could scatter the rocks side to side this time
And make it a little wider for everyone to see
Nothing to divide with only street lights to share
We can be together singing songs about being free

I wondered what’s wrong with acting like that
I didn’t think too much about if it could be true
I just wanted to believe in something greater
But the man said I should sing them for you

I paved another road
This time I found my way
I saw her standing close to me
I turned to thank him but he said some other day

Could you risk a memory
Without expectation
For tomorrow?
Could you risk a kiss
Without pride
Making demands of love?
Could you risk a morning
With the promise of the sun
Knowing it will set?
Could you risk the passion
Not as another scar
But as your closest friend?

Mystic seagull, flying close to the water
Your reflection, hidden beneath your wing
Though we watch, it’s only you that can see
From where we came, there is no other light
What we believe is wrong, what you know is right

White winged shaman, your sails fill the air
All your memories, you place upon the shore
What we hear, the roar of oceans in our ears
Only the misting air understands crashing waves
Can you tell me the secrets of my coming days?

In the days of tides that washed my soul
And breezes that would always blow
We would always remember
How the land would always know
Unspoken sentiment poured itself out
Through eyes that can only see
The things that we love the most
But are unable to speak or conceive

Bird once in flight, light upon my shoulder
Speaking in tongues, happy only to be
Casting about, holding only what you need
When you held them, a kiss made them believe
To carry us with you, only fear could ever grieve

When I look at you it is what you know that I want
We shared what truth only makes with a sound
You said meet me where salt meets the land
Only shells know where hearts could be found

In the days of tides that washed my soul
And breezes that would always blow
We would always remember
How the land would always know
Unspoken sentiment poured itself out
Through eyes that can only see
The things that we love the most
But are unable to speak or conceive

Did they ask
Did they ask why a cross marks your table?
Did you tell them that on the hill
Those who stood weeping witnessed no fable?

He knows I have a dream
And that it is because of you
But he taught me you are not a piano
To be played only when I choose to

To be risen
To be risen before our eyes
It meant to watch him suffer
It meant to understand why a man dies

He knows of my loneliness
And that it is because of you
But he taught me to accept the reasons
And to understand what I put you through

To speak to an angel
To speak to an angel who reveals the good news
Is to know that his words were true
And it is now up to me to believe or refuse

He knows I am aging quickly
And that it is because of you
But he taught me to believe in my life
Faith must endure what doubt said was true

“Perform all thy actions with mind concentrated on the Divine”

We are free where flowers grow
But if you walk into the garden
Do not send me into the desert

“Blessed are the peacemakers”

You may accept who I am
And you may think freely
You may give me your hand
And you may think freely
You may speak of your wounds
And you may think freely
You may be who you are
And you may think freely

"Renounce attachment"

I am not a preacher of miracles
I only know them when I see them
But knowing of them is not understanding
It is only a miracle if I do not understand
Otherwise it is as common as my failures

“Look upon success and failure with an equal eye”

I am not a wise man
I only gather the words of those who are
For they have opened their minds to others
And the castle has already been built
I must choose to walk within its walls

"Spirituality implies equanimity"

Do you want someone to save the day
Or is the name you know all you need
Is it in his name that you walk
Is it in his name that you pray
But in my own name I see only despair

"I and I is the oneness of two persons"

The deeper you fall into your face
The further away from your soul
It is that you have invested in flesh
And while your mind withers alone
In desperation you watch as you age

“The cause of all suffering is desire”

The only thing I can control is trust
The trust you have in me is my word
The trust I have in God is faith
The trust he has in me is not for me to say

“Let he who has not sinned cast the first stone”

I do not know what it is that he trusts
I am his creation with nothing to offer
There is no need to trust in me
For I have not been asked to make a promise
Only to believe

“We only dream this *******. Wake up and let it go.”

What I've been afraid of
It changes every ten years
It would have been about dying
Now it's just dying before my time

The only thing that has passed is a memory
The hot flame I once held in my hand
Is now the sand upon which I run
To the ocean to cool the turmoil in my heart
Only the ways of the wild and tameless
Can understand me now

I don't know my fate
I just know my plan
I haven't written anything down
Did you really think I wouldn't remember?

Why were you so sure of yourself
You thought you could find something better
The sun at midnight does not burn
But it knows the path you run
I tried to follow you once
Only a fool can describe you now

All I have to do is look at my children
It's like seeing the moon at night
Nothing else matters anymore
It's all up to me now

I stand with my arms folded
As if I know what to say
It’s no life without a broken heart
We can live longer than we should
The way love fails is too cruel to consider
But what I see in you is how I want to die now

I'm not so weary of life
That I cannot build another future
But when I think of you it's so hard to know
Can I love you enough to keep you?

I would change my life for you
if I thought you really loved me
I heard her voice walking away
That’s the trick of it isn’t it then
how can I make you believe in me

Our dreams are about far away things
there’s so much distance between us
There’s no echo of what’s to come
No sound telling us what we should do
Only the silent way of praying alone

It was long ago that we were so sure
But we didn’t really think about it much
We didn’t want to talk about change
We promised to always be who we are
But change is the only way to be together

You moved on trying to be a new person
You take my call but it's still long distance
The way you speak about your life is sad
I know I made you think about a new life
But not the one I'm making you live now

Only the dead tell the truth
But their mouths are silenced
We accuse our brothers of sin
Are Christ’s words spoken here?

But I don’t believe that
I was born again last night
You made me see the light
I know he will forgive me

I don’t walk around as much
But I still make eye contact
I want to know who you are
I want it to be love and not fear

But it’s so hard to believe
I saw faces on the pavement
Too late for earthly sacrament
Yet from blindness they now see

I want you near my grave when I go
I thought about being scattered about
Maybe memories are better as stars
I’ll let the sun draw your shadow near

But is it late for you to believe?
I’m dedicating my soul to you
Carved stone words are true
My ashes won’t be lost at sea

Nobody ever met me in a bar
There’s not enough room in there
Where do I put my childhood
All the friends I’ve known
All the times I've been alone
I wonder if anybody would care

I wonder if I’ve had my finest hour
Maybe I could ask my daughter
I think it was when she was a baby
But only I remember those times
Only I remember those rhymes
And not the baby held by her father

I’m not hard to get to know
The book is always open
But there aren’t any pictures
You’re gonna’ have to read it on your own

I left myself behind in the car
I just don’t want to talk about it
Being a stranger is easier
Just someone for you to walk by
Just someone who won’t make you cry
You’ll never know that I’m worth it

I’m not hard to get to know
Sometimes the book is out on loan
But I’ll be back on the shelf soon
I know there's a lot of pages to turn

I won't trample upon your garden
I won't pick flowers for myself
Instead you will grow into me
I'm the air you need to breath
The water your roots search for
The sunlight that calls for you
A flower that knows how to live
Inside the soil that is my heart

Welcome to the world sweet child
Hope anew, the sun and moon smiled
Upon your cheeks the blush of grace
Turning, guiding you to a holy place

Of kindness towards your neighbor
And reverence for your savior
Within you, born the beauty of your life
The pride of your parents, man and wife

Within searching eyes and ears that listen
We see your wonder, with hearts that glisten
With the blood of family stirring us to love
For the gift that we always dreamed of

And without the burden of our own dreams
It is instead his will that makes oceans of streams
The one you travel, we will protect from the banks
And what love made, to God we give our thanks

Walking on the side of the freeway in my mind
With our hearts dancing inside a memory
Like a song that takes your breath away
What can you say
But hearing your heart beat
Is something I will never forget

My smile for you is the one that is real
A gift that you will never have to pay back
Even if autumn is lost
All its colors too warm to turn
They wait for the season of their glory
While I wait for you to decide on mine

Let’s just make each other well first
We don’t have to discuss the ending
Or even each page along the way
Being happy is a clear mind
The next step is without pretending
And your embrace is my healing

i may disturbed
but i'm not destructive
i can't let things go
just because they didn't happen to me
i may be idealistic
but i'm not stupid
i don’t want to live my life so cynically
i may be hard to understand
but really i'm very simple
you’re so beautiful
i can look at your picture so lustfully
and that could be all there is to it
but i could love you so easily
if only you would not change me
if only you would not compete with me
if only you could be proud of me
if only you could live with me
if only you could love me like that
isn’t that what you want?

There’s a baby who was born alone
Hearing a voice he did not know from his own
It would not be the last he would ever hear
From a world that didn’t ask what he had become
He wanted to know how a moment felt
Smiling after someone had left their mark
He saw green meadows that survived the fire
But they have no memory to burn into their heart

It's only a choice until you make it

The crowd can only hear the things they cannot say
Leaves and waves always replenish from stormy skies
But a baby can only live the life it is given today
The path he makes leaves a trail when nature decides
Three paths asked his permission to tell their tale
One to believe in a life that revealed only pain
One to believe in a life where he felt only shame
One was to believe in a dove that had no name

It's only a choice until you make it

Every sound means something to someone who cares
The only thing a baby must learn is how to sell regrets
But there is nothing sure once the forest sheds its secrets
Inside the quiet stands the doubts he must learn to believe
The feelings of a lifetime lurk once he knows it is time
He may not remember but the path he chose will remind him
Whatever final word he wanted to hear was his choice alone
But on this earth the circle only leads him to what is known

It's only a choice until you make it

I'm just getting started my love
They said I'd forget you soon
Not to take it so seriously
But I can't live like that

I wanted to think of forever
I wasn't practicing how to love
I thought you deserved my best
I guess it's not good enough

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna come alive
You'll remember I knew
I knew how to love you
Because that's all I wanted to know

I don't want to make mistakes
I tried to figure you out
That's where I went wrong this time
Putting pieces together before they break

Now you want to say you're sorry
Somehow I'm more important than ever
Telling you it's ok so you can move on
And give a clean heart to someone new

I'm the one that got away
It's gonna haunt you
You'll wake up thinking of me
And how I was the right kind of fool
The right kind to fall in love with you

But I'll love again
Yes I'll love again
In spite of you
In spite of you

I only feel pieces of how I can love a woman
They are walking around, inside of them
In different places, trying to grow
Far away seeds, a garden waiting to begin

I know it’s not right
There is supposed to be only one
But how can I choose between seasons
Oceans, mountains or a setting sun?

I know why it feels that way
My life is a tourist inside of theirs
I only want what is good
But I don’t know if it’s my prison or yours

Are you a day or a moment?
Can we gather them all up my love
We have to put every promise in one hand
I want to hold the one you’re thinking of

I can feel you next to me
You can’t hear what I say so I say it to myself
But I hope you think about me
There’s a love and this is what it said
There’s more to a dream than a kiss
That’s the only thing your heart could ever see

I woke to a conversation in my head
But nothing made sense
An obsession in the dark cannot see the picture
I could only hold the brush tightly as it moved
Though the beginning was lost forever
The coming light will reveal what I need to remember

Whatever stands on the far shore
Thinks the same of you
Horizons comfort though the sand sinks beneath you
Yes I can feel you next to me
But no matter how many times I say it
It will remain the same until I decide what to do

Tattoo tears
Walking between our eyes and our heart
A trail of pain
For our next lover to see
We were victims
Perpetrators
Witnesses
To the crime
When all we really wanted was love
But we became all these things
Because our emotions became weapons
Weapon’s to protect ourselves
From our own dreams
The dreams we saw in each other
Yet what we saw
Became what we demanded
And what we demanded
Became what was wrong
Because a dream is not a heart
It is only what your heart wants
Desire does not bleed
It is blood
And the tears that walk upon our souls
Are now on our lives
The secret we both held fast
Is ready for the world to see
If we would only let them

On a tide-less shore
Ignored by a slumbering moon
The religion of the innocent
Howls at vacuous skies for guidance
Upon every braying sound
Stands the super-natural law
Believe in me
Descendant of moral decay
You stand with nature
Perplexed
Unknowing of yourself
Or the doctor declaring you unfit for life
You admire those who send gun-boats
And ignore those who hunger
For you have simplified the means of proof
Or further you require none at all
For as still as cut grass
It is enough that you may walk upon it again
In this way you may unencumber your mind
No obstacle to navigate
No foul smell
Only the fresh air of soft ignorance
Caressing your mind
For believing in very little
Allows you to believe in things great
Things you never witnessed
Not of God
But of this earth
To the detriment of all others
For what you were told
Was that sand is white
And black is night
Because that upon which you walk
And build castles
Is far greater than that which you cannot touch
And this you believed
Though in the heart of every child
Is a lantern
Waiting to be lit by love
To guide them to the gathering place
Where flesh becomes spirit
And white sand becomes brown as the tide rises
Waiting to be consumed by the ocean
To make the salt of the earth
If only you had a match

It had become so easy for her to say goodbye to a lover
She had become a rose with too many thorns

The melancholy of a guitar lingered always,
playing softly,
as she grew worried about things like intentions

They all walked away because she told them to

When she finally became a flower,
she could only love a man who refused to leave

There was no need to linger on the vine
When it was time for thorns it was time

Growing up one way is hard to forget

That’s what she decided
It was too hard to forget

But still,
she would try
because thorns can only hurt

and that’s not what she wanted to be

Flowers do not grow well in memories made of rice
or ribbons
or promises

But thorns can survive being buried in flesh
and in someone’s heart

Yes it was easier to live that way
Like a rose with too many thorns

Until he picked her for himself

I know you’re scared
You’re not the only one that feels that way
I don’t want to make life hard for you
But leaving me before we meet is easier for you

It’s as if being lonely is a hobby
You paint slogans on walls that I can’t see
I was hoping to see your green eyes looking at me
But you only chose the caution of yellow lines

Yellow lines
Don't cross them
That's what you said
That's why I left
Because they were really red

I see so much in you
Go ahead blame me for everything he did to you
If that’s how it has to be then I’m willing
I can take anything you want to say

I had to laugh about a hello that was a goodbye
Living life is not something that brings us closer
It seems when I knew nothing I had everything
Now I have to wonder if you ever did

Yellow lines
Don't cross them
That's what you said
That's why I left
Because they were really red

I don’t even know how I got past your door
I was wondering if I could walk through it
I can’t be the messenger anymore
Just a light at the end of the room
But it’s my shadow that knows what to say

I'm not a road or even a small tower
You can look at me though if you dare
You can go around the side but not know how
Everyone who felt the same way knew why
But everyone with their own mind said nothing

A crowded room has spaces nobody can see
I noticed it one time in a painting
It was a long stretch of land
It seemed like a good place to shoot a gun
But not where spaces hide from one another

Sometimes there’s so little to say to one another
Except which way the money went today
Everybody who digs a ditch wants a window
Everybody with a window wants to open it
I thought the answer came with a bottle

You know you got lost before you started
The sax in the song was too fast for you
It was confusing anyway you heard it
It didn’t add anything to the room
So you left before you even got there

I think I’m gonna’ laugh about it now
Making sense never works for me
No matter how far, they’ve already been there
I thought about writing a song about you
But a long explanation is too shallow
And a short one is always too deep

What would I say
   if I were not so meek
What you already know
   that I cannot speak
What we are
   that we cannot share
What we will be
    if only we dare
What I want
   that you want too
What I want
   if only it were true

I know what it is I need
It has to be something I never had before
It doesn’t have to be new
It doesn’t have to be old
It isn’t famous
It isn’t anonymous
It isn’t expertise
It isn’t legalese
It only has to be

It doesn’t have to be from me
I don’t want it to be from me
Unless that is where it comes from

I want it be something that is awake
And not from a dream
Especially a dream I already had
It can be early
It can be late
There is nothing special about the time
Except that I need it now
Maybe it’s about acceptance
Or the impossibility of forgiveness
But it can’t be something I can hold
Or something I can see
It can only be something I can feel
I’ve seen enough
I’ve heard enough
It’s time for it to take shape on the inside
I’ve thought enough
I’ve cried enough
It’s time for it to show to others on the outside

What’s that you said?
Did you see that?

I just missed it

That’s where it is
In a glance
Or a sigh
Or being late
Or leftovers I forgot to eat
Or losing my train of thought
Or a fire fly
That’s where it is
The instant before it’s gone
But I only know it as leaves
I only know it as a goodbye
I only know it as heartbreak
I only know it when the song ends
I only know it when you die

There is a natural worth to regret
It’s the only way I can learn sometimes
It’s not a prophet
It’s only a recourse
But I must first recognize that it exists
Before it happens
And in the way smoke becomes clear again
Or how a spark from a flame becomes the night
I to want to transform myself into a paradox of being
Folded into the world around me
Becoming what is good about it
Becoming its strength to accept my flaws
Day after day

That is what I want
Because in the clash of opposites
I instead shall become the world
And not its conflict
Not its ego
Not its destruction
Only its soil
Only its atmosphere
Only its ocean
Only its mountain
Only its life

my love for you is ocean deep
the life we lived together filled my heart
and now that you're gone
i float upon the memory of you
as the swells remind of dusk and dawn
living as we did
brother and sister
father and son
lover and lover
and while the sand rushes back to you
from the shores i walk upon
i say a prayer that what is being filled
is your soul
and my heart
while i watch sand castles moving on
into the deep

Put yourself together
so you can leave
I didn’t ask you, but
you need to think to believe

Everything we felt; we
couldn’t talk about
We were assuming, but
was it assurance or doubt?

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

You will never know either;
but you are stronger than me
You have to put yourself through it,
so I can believe the way it will be

When you left,
you really left
When I watched,
I knew what you could not accept

Whatever the wind did to your hair,
you had already left with me

Whatever you gave away,
you had already given before me

I never know
I never know
I won’t pretend
I just never know

the words floated towards her ears;
and though they were a whisper,
though not so much to her;
onward they flew,
like an arrow in search of an apple;
as i watched its unbending advance,
intent upon its true aim,
i prayed an eagle would sense its prey
and by its tyrannical claws,
sharpened for battle,
my insults would be given a stay,
dragged away for just recourse,
like a judge halting a widow’s creditors;
but alas my safe harbor of regret
was not soon enough in its valor,
as the apple i loved,
a beautiful gift of nature,
shattered
bursting loudly,
into the tears that exist only for me;
no they would not spare her,
not my words
not her tears
for once sent,
they could never repent,
and once wept,
they would never forget

There is no leaf caressing a ration of rain water
No tree bent by green skies
No hedge split by the wind
No meadow laid bare by it's own kind
No form of nature
That has not witnessed man's tribulations
Or man's secrets
Or man's history
Or felt man's longing eyes
For beauty
For strength
For power
For fearlessness
To be who we are
And live the life we are destined to live

I want to get away from it all
I can’t go back and make it up to you
And tomorrow won’t wake up early
The sun said setting is all that’s true

I don’t need a big house
The refuge is only in my mind
I left town to see another one
Maybe a stranger is what I need to find

The nights aren’t that long anymore
I'm used to sleeping on both pillows
Maybe we talked too much
Now love is on the other side of the windows

How could I have known it wasn’t the right
Our whispers were so loud in our hearts
Something gave it all away
The secret is not how the fire starts

what if this
wait until then
what it means
think about it
how I feel
it depends
why I do it
it's my right
when will I do it
when I'm ready
if I meant it
I always do
where I am
I'm still traveling
what about my plans
they never turn out
if I believe in God
why should I tell you?
if I love someone
don't you?
if I'm happy
it no longer matters
if I'm angry
aren't you?
if I love people
I love my children
what about that
I can't solve it
how to be
don't hurt anybody
have I hurt anybody
everyone I know