It is always something small
Something you hardly notice
A moment,
when clouds form shapes
Our favorite meal,
a father and son feeling the love,
for one another
A ritual,
movie night,
a walk on Sunday
Then it’s goodbye,
forever no
But to the life you built
Not the vacation you took
But the small things
A day,
that became too many turn back,
when your son smiled,
just because you came home

Another good woman
Misunderstood by a good man
She loves what’s right about life
He just loves her

Taking guardian angels for granted
You can’t always count on them
Sometimes an angel needs you
It’s the one standing in front of you

Even if you don’t feel the same way
The further away you get
What’s important seems to come together
Clouds and oceans make a world for us

Another good woman
Up against a wall she didn’t see
Believing in someone who can’t love like she does
But years later he said you hurt him

Your picture tells me more than I could ever say
But not enough to tell me what I should think
It is because your smile has become so effortless
The corners of your mouth learned without me

There is a love affair between us in my mind
That is why you have settled for being alone
My dreamscape desires made the choice for you
Living in silent madness is better than what is real

I thought to tell you but I'm so far away
Like distant paintings with faded signatures
The captured love of another man’s memory
Has become my own way of missing you

There is nothing anyone can say that I would hear
Only you understand what I have dreamed
Let me whisper words upon your lonely canvas
Painting a new sunrise upon your sleepless soul


Copyright © Mark R. Lecuona 2016 ®

* No part of this poem may be used or reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any way or form or by any means electronic, mechanical, recording, or otherwise without the written permission of the author.

To be tied to a reality other than your own is
either liberating or shackling for in the alternative
is your own what is true or the absence of anything
other than what you have experienced or perceived;
what should I tell you about that; did the painting
hide something for a reason or might it be better
that you decide what the suggestion on a canvas
is about; and so why did the shadow stop at the
given point in the parallel; do you wish to discuss
the physics or instead the abstract claim of a
metaphor that is greater than the life which it
attempts to emulate; there is no moment without
a question; there is no explanation without doubt
however slight; this is how you have learned to live;
you are not creation even though you can create;
you are not death because you will not **** though
it is true that you will die; you are not floating as
you cannot fly though you move relative to the star
you wished upon last night; you are not weightless
nor are you full of meaning except to your children
or someone you have hurt deeply; you are not
happy but you have made someone smile; you
are not forever though you believe you can see
it when you stare into space even though it is only
light from the past; you moved to a smaller town
because you used up the abundance of what you
once thought illuminated your aura in the presence
of others; you were once free to spend all your
time with someone you loved madly until they
decided you weren’t going to do what they
needed you to do; but did you hold to principle
or selfishness; the discomfort of their absence has
failed to reduce itself to the memory of a movie
you once watched; instead it has become an
explanation with residual doubt, in other words
it is the way we live; we tell someone we love
them and find out later that we actually meant
it at the time; you are a natural scientist as
discovery is everything you crave; you want to
know their mind, what they are thinking, how
deeply they can love and if they ever truly loved
anyone else more than you; but these discoveries  
are not for your betterment; it is only to provide
the comfort of your worth; did a someone love
them at their peak beauty then reject them; does
it mean they will never get over it or does it mean
what you now have is a mind that has finally
humbled itself yet has built a wall, not of beauty
but instead of caution; either of bricks or stone,
but no matter for its strength is the same, as you
cannot scale what is intended to be a test instead
of understanding or kindness; but is any of this even
true; it could well be that you instead built the wall
because you were once beautiful and now are only
vulnerable, because to walk naked or to ask someone
to walk naked before you is the same; and it will not
happen until you have found the courage to lose or
live with the reality that you have expressed or that
they have revealed; all that you can hear at this
moment is your own labored breathing; you have
allowed your mind to walk where you are weightless;
where you creation; where you are death; where
forever exists; where the questions that followed
doubt became answers that pushed doubt ahead
of you, for another day because today the shadow
on the canvas finally made sense; it was not about
you because it did not come from the brush that
you hold in your hand; it was only to be explained
fully by the artist; but for you it was to be used as
you wish and that is how you will know its meaning;
the cocoon and the womb have been left behind and
the shadow is only about how you will live; that is
what you can see and the explanation will not be
forthcoming from its creator; that is for you to decide

I wish I was strong enough to make you happy
I know all about you
How you’ve been hurt
The things you worry about
But I saw how I made you smile
And for a moment we were in that place
Our lives were together
And you became someone new

I wish I was weak enough to need you
I’ve learned to be alone
With my thoughts
And my dreams
But I saw how we could be
And I miss being that way
With a lover
Who knows how to be true

I wish we both knew how to love
Like birds flying together
Instead of alone in a cage
We could be free
But our fears remain
And our gift remains unopened
So we look at the paper and ribbons
And wonder who to give it to

Hey baby you got me thinkin’ about you
That’s how it always starts
I’m gonna’ say what I got to say
But are you gonna’ hear me tonight?

My dreams moved right in with yours
But I think they already knew each other
We just have to forget about losing
At least we’ll remember when it was right

You got to give me more than a smile
But a woman wants to see a man work
I know what you want me to do
I’ll run for you baby
That's the game we both have to play

Hey baby you got me dreamin’ about you
That’s how it always starts
This time I saw you before the sunset
I wanted to see you in the light

Don’t give me no hard time
There’s plenty of time for that
Go ahead and put on your crown
The jewels will guide me tonight

You got to give me more than a while
A woman wants to make a man wait
I know what I’m supposed to do
Sit still for me baby
The game's over why don't you stay

He didn’t think to write it in a language I could understand
But I wasn’t around so what difference to that kind of man?
Somebody finally decided to tell the rest of us what it meant
But the King’s English confused borrowing and fasting for lent

But then
He whispered
No faith is too great for nails
He whispered
No sin is too large for forgiveness
He whispered
No grave is too deep for a resurrection
He whispered
No prayer is too soft for hearing

The dreamer wrote letters to those that were always awake
Though the distance between then and now changes every day
I became lost not in the words but in how I chose to live my life
I held a promise in my hands but I didn’t know how to pray

But then
He whispered
No rock is too big to move
He whispered
No ocean is too deep to part
He whispered
No bush is too hot to touch
He whispered
No flood is too wide for a dove

was it because I was so young
or was it love because it was love
and it was you who I wanted to see?
was it because the life we led
knew nothing but the sounds inside
until our eyes finally opened
and we finally heard one another?
was it because I finally felt desire
even though you were so far away
and I could only dream of a song

the echos of why fade
the limb braced itself
for the burden of my life

innocence tied the knot
guilt wept but then forgot

lust for vengeance
blood for hatred
death to forgiveness

it was not the way I wanted it to be
but a dream is not always true
I wanted to wish for these thing
but the wish would not listen to me

as it washed away I saw what it could be
walking where only animals once lived
made me feel sad but what could I do
when the world is begging me to set it free

I know what it is I need
It has to be something I never had before
It doesn’t have to be new
It doesn’t have to be old
It isn’t famous
It isn’t anonymous
It isn’t expertise
It isn’t legalese
It only has to be

It doesn’t have to be from me
I don’t want it to be from me
Unless that is where it comes from

I want it be something that is awake
And not from a dream
Especially a dream I already had
It can be early
It can be late
There is nothing special about the time
Except that I need it now
Maybe it’s about acceptance
Or the impossibility of forgiveness
But it can’t be something I can hold
Or something I can see
It can only be something I can feel
I’ve seen enough
I’ve heard enough
It’s time for it to take shape on the inside
I’ve thought enough
I’ve cried enough
It’s time for it to show to others on the outside

What’s that you said?
Did you see that?

I just missed it

That’s where it is
In a glance
Or a sigh
Or being late
Or leftovers I forgot to eat
Or losing my train of thought
Or a fire fly
That’s where it is
The instant before it’s gone
But I only know it as leaves
I only know it as a goodbye
I only know it as heartbreak
I only know it when the song ends
I only know it when you die

There is a natural worth to regret
It’s the only way I can learn sometimes
It’s not a prophet
It’s only a recourse
But I must first recognize that it exists
Before it happens
And in the way smoke becomes clear again
Or how a spark from a flame becomes the night
I to want to transform myself into a paradox of being
Folded into the world around me
Becoming what is good about it
Becoming its strength to accept my flaws
Day after day

That is what I want
Because in the clash of opposites
I instead shall become the world
And not its conflict
Not its ego
Not its destruction
Only its soil
Only its atmosphere
Only its ocean
Only its mountain
Only its life

As we prepared for our last goodbye
I cleared my mind of the past
I memorized her face
For that was what was cast before me
I had to remember that moment
Without a memory of our mistakes
I wanted something good
To see an unknown beauty
To believe in love
A new beginning
And when you spoke
Your farewell was as sad as your hello
For I had rescued you once
And now as you again set yourself adrift
I watched a human heart that I once loved
Sink under the weight of an unsolved mystery

I never saw it coming
I thought we were in that place together
I knew I’d finally found something
But being with someone who is lost themselves
Is living between perfection and thinking it all might end

I just want to live for a little while
It seems you’re more concerned with dying
If it’s all in God’s hands then what’s left in ours?
I’m watching you live for a future that may never arrive
You’re thinking about how you might you lose another friend

You picked out a flat earth for yourself
You don’t like shadows or horizons
Wherever the sun goes at night
You just invent another one

I never saw it going
But you were just passing through
I felt like a coffee shop on the corner
I made you relax but you longed for more
I said it’s alright you’re still going where I’ve already been

You picked out a small garden for yourself
But you don’t like fences or thorns
Whatever flies away in the wind
Plants itself where love refuses to be born

I only feel pieces of how I can love a woman
They are walking around, inside of them
In different places, trying to grow
Far away seeds, a garden waiting to begin

I know it’s not right
There is supposed to be only one
But how can I choose between seasons
Oceans, mountains or a setting sun?

I know why it feels that way
My life is a tourist inside of theirs
I only want what is good
But I don’t know if it’s my prison or yours

Are you a day or a moment?
Can we gather them all up my love
We have to put every promise in one hand
I want to hold the one you’re thinking of

what is just
to be born as the breach
the door
between good and evil
in the image
of the father for us to choose
with fear
and the will to ****
to survive
as only the wicked know how
their burden
though the dove returned
endless guilt
learning to be kind to another
but failing
as the relationship with the creator
languishes
except in the heart of a rainbow
every soul
pierced by a crown of thorns
every love
lanced by the point of a spear
every wall
falling to crush those who approach
black sails
filled with naïve dreams of eternity
from Jesus
to the beaches of hells angels

what is just
to read the words of a dream
written by a man
was he crazy or a prophet
he was ready
it was to save us all
and he knew
before diamonds were mounted
he knew
as she looked into his eyes
yesterday
they did not think of prophets
as it was written
their boots sunk deep into the earth
his mother cried
it had been so long between them
he loved her
but he could only dishonor her
he knew
but he lived the only way he knew how
not for her
not for the prophets dream
he was chosen
for a prophet knows of men like him
because he knows men
he did not have to dream about sin
it was dust on his sandals
but no difference for rich or poor

what is just
how can we know except we are here
it was not the spirit
as it moved across still waters
it was not light
as it split the darkness in half
it was the chosen one
as he gave himself up for us to decide
but there are no pictures
only the longing deep inside for truth
from the time of God
to the time of Satan’s last temptation
some hear a voice
but why is it always about death
some witness a dream
but why is it always about obedience
our nature is given
a rose and a thorn love and hate
to be denial
but who would sever a limb?
we did not ask
yet we are judged as he was
three thousand years
still the wicked walk among us
we live with his silence
though the message rings loud
but would you hide
if the rain refracted the light no more?

Tattoo tears
Walking between our eyes and our heart
A trail of pain
For our next lover to see
We were victims
Perpetrators
Witnesses
To the crime
When all we really wanted was love
But we became all these things
Because our emotions became weapons
Weapon’s to protect ourselves
From our own dreams
The dreams we saw in each other
Yet what we saw
Became what we demanded
And what we demanded
Became what was wrong
Because a dream is not a heart
It is only what your heart wants
Desire does not bleed
It is blood
And the tears that walk upon our souls
Are now on our lives
The secret we both held fast
Is ready for the world to see
If we would only let them

Only the dead tell the truth
But their mouths are silenced
We accuse our brothers of sin
Are Christ’s words spoken here?

But I don’t believe that
I was born again last night
You made me see the light
I know he will forgive me

I don’t walk around as much
But I still make eye contact
I want to know who you are
I want it to be love and not fear

But it’s so hard to believe
I saw faces on the pavement
Too late for earthly sacrament
Yet from blindness they now see

I want you near my grave when I go
I thought about being scattered about
Maybe memories are better as stars
I’ll let the sun draw your shadow near

But is it late for you to believe?
I’m dedicating my soul to you
Carved stone words are true
My ashes won’t be lost at sea

Don't burn my skin without a reason
You don’t like the fire for yourself
So why is it good enough for me?

I thought about a guitar
It can make you feel like crying
But I can show you the real thing

It’s hard to understand
I thought I saw myself
Instead it was him
I thought I saw you
Instead it was her
It was time for a change
But who made it happen?

You can't make me anyway
I already know the story
You believe in somebody else

It’s not about my glory
I think somebody should have that long cry
It feels good to empty your heart

You may not believe how that could be
But crying like that makes it easy for someone new
I don’t want them to drown in day old sorrow
And they will know that what I tell them is true

It is how we must live, the will
We do not question our souls
For there will be no answer
Like the wind we cannot see
There is only a feeling upon our life
Or a love song in another language
We do not know the words
But we know the what it means
The eyes of God are upon us
Though we cannot see his face
So too my breath upon your neck
While you turn your back, to say no
For today’s storm is not about me
But I know why it must be so
I know why the forest must burn
And the sea rages against the land
It is the only way they know to live
If only you would not be so afraid
But yes, my love, I know why
It is your soul that I cannot question
Instead I will wait for your ship to land
You will know when the wind feels right
You will know when to capture my breath
And as the mast bends, so too your will

I used to think dying wasn't fair
Now I'm happy it’s a slow death
I need to stick around a little more
I'm not gonna’ ask what for

I’m not ready for streets of gold
I don’t know how to live like that
Maybe it’s just my imagination
This world is only good for complainin’

God I’m outta’ control
God, are you outta’ control too?
Are you still throwin’ paint at us?
Are you still trying to create us?

It feels like some sort of made up game
I’m no tourist I don't care where I go
I just live here
I’m not very biblical
Just a part-time saint and a full-time criminal

I’ve been movin’ around
I’m not a part of anything
I just remember the people I met
And when it rains they still get wet

God I’m outta’ control
God, are you outta’ control too?
Are you still throwin’ paint at us?
Are you still trying to create us?

I thought I heard you say my name
But your lips never parted
Did I dream again
Or is it time for me to answer them?
I thought I made them up
Instead I was the fiction

It seems my past is now a movie
But the echoes of love sound new
Or the walls in my heart are perfectly formed
The memory of your eyes never fade
And in the darkness where I cannot breathe
The only truth is how much I love you

Spaces between my fingers
Lips that only feel empty skies
A heart beat without an echo
Until someone say's baby you're mine

Upon me walks alone the longing
For the reflection from your eyes
To fill the distance between us
Until someone say's baby you're mine

There are things I no longer need to know
Things you do not confide
It is as if you always sleep when we are apart
You no longer dream
As if there is nothing inside
Nothing to sort out in your mind
No life to tell
Whatever I once said to you
Freely without recourse
It is not your affair
You do not look to me for help
You do not mingle your thoughts with my own
I have to accept that you have moved on
Even though I know your tears will wait for me
Sad pools where your eyes drown every night

Poetry
The voice of the human heart
When we cannot paint
or sing
The words bring us together
Though we are apart
The confessions of a sinner
and a saint
Silently staring at you
But you can hear the bells ring
For what I say this day
You already know to be true

my love for you is ocean deep
the life we lived together filled my heart
and now that you're gone
i float upon the memory of you
as the swells remind of dusk and dawn
living as we did
brother and sister
father and son
lover and lover
and while the sand rushes back to you
from the shores i walk upon
i say a prayer that what is being filled
is your soul
and my heart
while i watch sand castles moving on
into the deep

It’s alright
If you are afraid my friend
You can think about the past
And who you owe an apology
But I’m not the one
Who sees the things you try to hide

Yeah that’s right
I remember you from back then
And even though it didn’t last
It’s still a great memory
But I’m not the one
Who left the sadness all behind

You were always so far from here
What you thought about
The time that passed
Why you decided not to stay
But you never knew
What you thought about yourself
Were things I never felt about you

Ok, you’re right
But why not try again?
You said the die was cast
And you don’t relive history
But I’m not the one
Who kept his feelings on the inside

It’s not something that happened
It was just part of living
And the mistakes you think you made
Are the one’s I’m forgiving

You were always so far from here
What you thought about
The time that passed
Why you decided not to stay
But now you know
What you thought about yourself
Were the things that made you go

What is it that we’re doing here
We wear faces of the past on a cotton canvas
We stand behind words of idealism
Words to be ridiculed because they are too holy for mankind

Have we
Have we
Forgotten how to be
A man
A man
Moved a stone so we could see
An angel
An angel
Said the choice was ours to be free
To be free

I heard your voice tonight
It was your family that could not cry but instead serve
The blessing of life could not understand why they walked away
What had been hunted was not love but instead victory

Have we
Have we
Forgotten how to be
A man
A man
Moved a stone so we could see
An angel
An angel
Said the choice was ours to be free
To be free

Tell us what happened here
Who was standing in the midst of walls that would never stand again
It never is better, only worse
For the innocent have already been chosen to die

Have we
Have we
Forgotten how to be
A man
A man
Moved a stone so we could see
An angel
An angel
Said the choice was ours to be free
To be free

Will there ever be peace
Or is it only what I am able to ignore?
Is it peace in my world only
Or peace for those too who are poor?
Is it peace for my family
Or peace for suffering in times before?
Will there ever be peace
I don’t know Lord what you have in store

Will there ever be peace
Or is it only when I close my door?
Is it peace for an empty wallet
Or only for those who have more?
Is it peace for a full closet
Or for those with an empty drawer?
Will there ever be peace
I don’t know Lord who you saved it for

I'm not going to stop thinking about you
   the way I do
No matter if you know
Or care
I’ll still be thinking about you

I'm not going to believe in anything except
   what I know is true
No matter if you lie
Even to me
I’ll believe in what I know to be true

I'm not going to forget the things we did
   when I loved you
No matter if you do
Or don’t
I’ll always remember the things we used to do

I'm not going to be who I was until I hear you say
   you love me too
No matter my life
Or yours
I’ll wait to be myself until you tell me it’s true

Should I lay my head, soaking in a tub covered in white paint
It is how you think I live, pretending to be a saint
I do not ask, but it is my children who must overcome my teachings
But what should I tell them of another man's preachings?

It is the unjust law that should be buried by glorious upheaval
For no law of despots and thieves knows equity, only evil
But thought repressed by those who will not allow others to speak
Is a law of mad men who would not give what it is they seek

In the judgment of those with too much power or nothing to lose
We are either ruled or blamed, but it is they who choose
I would die on the island of my father no matter the depth of peril
For the blood in my veins is not of the anger in your barrel

Youthinkyouvereadmydiary
idontneedonebecauseimnotafraid
Sowhatyou­knowiloveyou
Sowhatyouknowiloveyou

Youknoweverysecretiow­n
theyw­ereonlymylifesoimnotafraid
Sowhatyouknowwhoiam
Sowhatyouknowwhoia­m

Everysunmoonlightmoment
Imthereandyoucannottell­menottobe
Sowh­atyouwantlovetoo
Sowhatyouwantlovetoo

Youk­nowhoweasyitisforyou
­Iamonlyweakwhenyousubmittome
Sowhatyouma­demescream
Sowhatyoumade­mescream

Everysunmoonlightmoment
Imi­nsidethelightandyoufeelitto­o
Sowhatyouscreamformetoo
Sowhatyouscreamformetoo

The truth is,
my mind sweats more than it bleeds
Every puncture is filled,
salty tears water the debts of tomorrow’s seeds
The sun goes down,
but I’m never sad about something I seek
I work at what I am,
the things I believe are never easy or weak
To see things as God does,
a prophet studies leaves until the fall
What can we know,
it is in the silence between us that hears the call
I know I was,
but it wasn’t anything I could explain over drinks
You wanted to laugh,
so it never was a question of what each of us thinks
The lie is,
that I can forget everything I want just for you
Until you ask,
I will just assume that what I just said is true
But I know,
it can be as complicated as I want to make it
And you know,
that the reason I do that is because I can’t fake it
Stand up to me,
I need to know that no love can be about itself
All I do now,
is think about how bad I want your picture on my shelf
When I talk,
the things that happen seem to be unaffected by me
But when you suffer,
I remember that it was probably because I was too free

i may disturbed
but i'm not destructive
i can't let things go
just because they didn't happen to me
i may be idealistic
but i'm not stupid
i don’t want to live my life so cynically
i may be hard to understand
but really i'm very simple
you’re so beautiful
i can look at your picture so lustfully
and that could be all there is to it
but i could love you so easily
if only you would not change me
if only you would not compete with me
if only you could be proud of me
if only you could live with me
if only you could love me like that
isn’t that what you want?

i thought i'd lost
my imagined way
but knowledge seeks
someone who walks its way
it is never lost
only misunderstood
the light is ahead
or is it always behind
the riddle puzzles
the answer pays no mind
instead
you take what is serious
the color in your hands
it is your life now
there is no pretense
you paint my eyes
by the end of your brush
for i will look
no matter how deep i must
the canvas
my heart
please open it
become a part of me
i want you now
the tears i saved
were for you
the man who is not afraid
to show you his weakness
or his desperation
yes
it is you
but between us
what other men also see
they do not know
it is my vision
only you knew what I wanted
as I lay still
for your imagination
trusting your hands
guided by love
for your gift
and your desire
i know it is what you want
i will look back upon you
and not at a work of art
for what you hung on the wall
was instead a mirror
and my love for you
is waiting for you to understand
what you finally created
the colors you see now
are the reflection of you

How can I decide
When I know so little?
How can I know
When life is a riddle?
How can I love
What I cannot see?
How can my mind accept
What it cannot conceive?
How can I preach
When I do not understand?
How can I hear
Tongues from a foreign land?
How can I believe
Miracles from long ago?
How can I choose
Which words to follow?
How can I be like you
If it is you I do not understand?
How can we live together
When truth is built upon sand?
How can I worship
A God who remains silent?
How can I bow
In a world that remains violent?
How can I turn the other cheek
When it hurts so much?
How can I drink your blood
When your cup I cannot touch?
How can I be saved
When the wretched rule our domain?
How can heaven wait
For a mind that causes so pain?
How can I know you
When the words of man fail?
How can I know
When money is our holy grail?
How can I know the truth
When we believe a lie?
How can I know
When the answer is always why?

A dream is never too old
It will never be over
For it is your breath upon which it relies
And as long as your heart beats
Or promises are made to yourself
The gratitude of life will remember

Love is worthy of you
As you are of it
And art is your mistress
Wait not another moment
Live believing in chance
Your dream will know what to do

But do not rely solely upon fate
You are destiny knowing the secret
Love will always be true
If you will live
As if you have already found it
Because it is trying to find you

I built this road with the wrong sidewalk
The man who walked on it told me so
He said he couldn’t hear the smooth sounds
Only the bitter tones where bad dreams go

He felt justice all the way to the marrow
Seeing the man made me think about it more
I try to stay out of everybody’s business
But I’m saying the next road won’t be like before

I paved my own road
All I did was lose my way
He knew it when he saw it
But I didn’t know what he was trying to say

I could scatter the rocks side to side this time
And make it a little wider for everyone to see
Nothing to divide with only street lights to share
We can be together singing songs about being free

I wondered what’s wrong with acting like that
I didn’t think too much about if it could be true
I just wanted to believe in something greater
But the man said I should sing them for you

I paved another road
This time I found my way
I saw her standing close to me
I turned to thank him but he said some other day

I'm trying to remember
When they told me how to live
I know how to get to heaven
But I don't know how to forgive

Isn't about time somebody said
You're gonna' hurt real bad
You won't be ready for it
You're gonna' be real sad

What am I gonna' do with that
Stop loving my girl
Stop loving life
I can't stop I'm committed
I'm gonna' keep gettin' hurt

I don't care about being a man
I don't care why I'm still alive
I didn't ask for it
I didn't ask for it

I heard about her leaving this place
More beautiful than she knew
She could have lived across the street
Now her mother weeps next to me in a pew

What am I gonna' do with that
Stop believing in God
Stop believing in you
I can't stop I'm committed
I'm gonna' keep gettin' hurt

I would change my life for you
if I thought you really loved me
I heard her voice walking away
That’s the trick of it isn’t it then
how can I make you believe in me

Our dreams are about far away things
there’s so much distance between us
There’s no echo of what’s to come
No sound telling us what we should do
Only the silent way of praying alone

It was long ago that we were so sure
But we didn’t really think about it much
We didn’t want to talk about change
We promised to always be who we are
But change is the only way to be together

You moved on trying to be a new person
You take my call but it's still long distance
The way you speak about your life is sad
I know I made you think about a new life
But not the one I'm making you live now

From The Streets

We once feared the survival of civilization
Now it is the survival of culture
The assurance of mutual destruction
Madness
A godless government
Wary of one in him do they trust
The posture of destruction
To agree on a way not to strike first
And to believe in the rational man
The desire to live
The belief in the future of their people

On earth

Order them in
That is the order
That is what must be done
But can it be done
Who can do it
Someone must advise
Someone must decide
The gulf separating advice and decision
Is the gulf separating man from heaven
God or no God
It is mankind who must order them in
And it is mankind that must die

Man killed God
God is eternal
Man invented God
God is incorporeal

The voice of our adversary is subdued
Almost sad
It is so that he wants to live too
He is not a mad man
Only living as all men live
Within the desire to care for their  world
A home
A neighborhood
A town
A city
A state
A nation
It is all the same if all is at risk

But it is no longer at risk

The fatalism of heaven controls our minds
But it is not more powerful than human weakness
And the need to be loved by God is our  weakness
We must prove ourselves worthy
And it is our precise belief that is most holy
Not because God told us
But because we believe it
And if we are wrong
Then we are nothing
Not us
Or our people

It is now man versus man
Our God versus their God
Our culture versus their culture
Our law versus their past
It is our history that we sustain
We walk its streets
And remember the words of our parents
The must mean something
How can they not
We are their blood
The blood of our nature
The blood of our God
OUR GOD
The one to which we pray
The one who gives us strength
The one who tells us we are worthy
Yes
We will be saved
For we are saving him
Saving him from lies
Saving ourselves from our lies
For it was written by us
And we must believe those who died for them

And those who died at the hand of them
For everyone who died

Just to cross a bridge
Or to believe as they want

It is personal now
We have allowed life to become greater than we are
Now we are taking it back
Vengeance is ours
To each of us is the power to accuse
The power to ****
The power to teach our children

What will we say first?

Some people think if they survived
Then they’re alright
They take their blessings with them
And play a game of pretend

My hands are still *****
I know things aren’t right
Unfinished business is still a choice
I need to decide on a loud or silent voice

I won’t drag the past into a new life
It will remain only in my sight
With a soiled memory is how you left
And being wrong is what I must accept

She didn’t want him to know
She fell in love once before
She thought he was the one
Now it’s over
But she's not ready to close the door

She lost her heart
She wants to write about it
But her new man can’t understand
He thinks she’s still in love
It's something she can't admit

She’s trying to be hard
But that’s not what life's about
She can’t deny her past
Or how it made her grow
She’s just being honest
But it’s making him doubt

She decided not to think about it
She had to pretend
But a dream can't be controlled
And the past can never be forgotten
She wonders if her heart will ever mend

She’s trying to lower her guard
Sometimes life won’t let the tears out
She hopes her feelings don’t last
She's trying not to let it show
But she needs to be honest
Even if he decides to walk out

Pretty girl standing with her man
The world laid out in front of them
Turning on every moment as best as it can

They had their ups and downs,
Drama film makers, circus clowns
Neither of them wrote the soundtrack
But they knew how to walk among the trees
Listening to autumn voices falling all around

I wanted to tell you long before I knew you
Maybe I’m actually living in that time
But then I thought memories are stronger than hope

You know what you want
Skies that long for your touch
Sunsets that pause to look at you just before they set
Sometimes you think you love nature more than love
But rainbows can't make you feel like the day we first met

Pretty girl standing with her man
Was it yesterday or a dream shared between them?
I hoped it was today because it meant you trusted love again

May your age matter not
And only the fact of your life matter much
It is the dream that is on the rise
And not the sleep that lays you down
Consequence may choose
But it is not a reason to hesitate
Not for those of us who take chances
To discover what we wish to say
Not to hurt those who are different
Or those who cry because others are indifferent
But for those who do not have money
Or a way to wipe a child’s tear other than with love
We must write
We must paint
We must sing
We must discover how we change how their emotions
To soften their hearts
To redirect their minds to a place of happiness
For when we are happy
We are also happy for others
We are understanding
And grateful enough to turn the pages of a sad story
It is our gifts that will extinguish our own needs
And our fears that will raise them up again
Yes, may your age matter not
For it is what you can be to others that matters much
And the dream that you possess is ready to walk upright
If only you will let it

They said there was only one man who lived a perfect life
But the world wasn’t ready for what they couldn’t believe
Even the rock upon which the church was built knew fear
The power of man on earth is what made his faith leave

Life used to be about food and shelter for your family
But life is not kind to a man who rolls up his sleeves
A man gave his land to the children who planted flowers
But when he died peace for a day was something to grieve

The candle flickered and yet the wax remained
It was his time to run and close the window
He wanted to live life without worry of tomorrow
But now tomorrow waited with the news of sorrow

An angel laid her head on a garden hoping nobody would notice
Sent by heaven, she thought of what man could not conceive
An angel was blamed for the fall of man but no one knew why
She wanted to tell them but only God knows why he chose Eve

A lonely man cried, life blamed him for making them feel their guilt
The holes could not hold water because nobody taught him to weave
He knew that people thought it was his fault that he lost her long ago
She was all he could think of but lost love only knows how to deceive

The candle burned brightly and yet the wax was gone
It was his time to run and open the window
He wanted to live life without regret of yesterday
But yesterday reminded him why God made a rainbow

I saw him the first time walking the other way
He was a lightly singed darkish-skinned man with a tight face
A rope of a body without hint of it being a weary day
And I wondered if what I saw was true
He looked so out of place
He wore an Indian headdress and not much else
It couldn’t have been any more perfect
Him walking East and me driving West
I knew it would be different later when the sun set
I want to ask him if I was describing someone he knew
But maybe I’m better off wondering

The rituals of the past must be adorned each day
He walks holy ground upon the concrete of our disgrace
There is no haste or urgency for him to change his way
And I wondered if what I saw was true
He looked so out of place
He wore the look of a riverbed starving for ice that melts
His face was matted by tears tired of regret
But his feet never knew the meaning of rest
No matter how high in the hot red sky the sun would get
I want to ask him if I was describing someone he knew
But maybe I’m better off wondering

I read the news today
She doesn't know if we care
Her lifeless body is in our hands
Do we have a moment to spare?

I saw her picture
A life of love and flowers
Hate became the poison
That turned years into hours

I cried once again
I am willing to say how I feel
Life passes much too easily
I don't want to forget what's real

I'm so sorry beautiful child
Must innocence pay for our sin?
Is there nothing we can do
But to ask God to forgive us again?

We're glad we're the kissing kind
Whether son or daughter
We are the one's who wait
Walking deserts, believing in water

A blue storm builds inside us
We feel it's fight and fury
But we are the one's who can
It is faith that slays our worry

Wherever we are in the knowing
Of what tomorrow may bring
We will continue to live with love
Holding hands at dinner's bell ring

We summon every happy moment
Christmas morning in June
Singing our song of joy and love
Our smiles, the Lord's harvest moon

It is our kind that just as soon believe
There is every miracle under the sun
What another man cannot understand
We see in the glory of our rising son

Rising to meet the day once again
To light our life without grief or malice
The wick of every melting candle, and
Gathering wax inside God's chalice

No, I’m not what you think I am
Not really, things happened to me
But they are not me

I can’t say because that’s really about you
I’m not interested in justification
Only the things you cannot see

I don’t feel like I’m being difficult
Answering is like telling you I love you
Isn’t that really where it’s going?

Oh yeah, you’re asking the questions
But you don’t know how to ask
It feels more like you’re telling

How can I say what I am
Oh, I should just say it then
I thought this was about you

You didn’t know where to start?
Well where do you want it to end?
How about with what is true?

I’ve made plenty of money
It seems to me it’s still coming in
But it’s only like the wind

There are people I know who are sick
But it’s not about their temperature
It’s only about the pain they are in

I can only tell you how I feel
Or maybe I should describe a tree
But wouldn’t it be better to sit under it?

I only have peace when I’m happy
So when do think that happens?
Yeah, it’s the same for you isn’t it?

I have some things I could say about my past
But you haven’t asked about that
You haven’t gotten over yourself

I’m friends with everyone I’ve loved
More or less, maybe less
It’s really more about forgiving myself

I don’t know if I should ever say I love you again
It makes it so hard to speak freely
Does that surprise you?

It’s not about loving you
Or telling you how you hurt me
Or you telling me I hurt you too

We know these things going in
It shouldn’t be a shock
We just need to know if we want it to work

I would wait as long as you want me to
You need to know about me first
I don’t really know if I’m sick or just hurt

So what was the question?

I turned to my soul and made it my God. I wanted to know who I was and found nothing but despair until I realized you cannot live on a bridge; you must continue on....

If I don't have your love
I hope I'm at least on your mind

Out of sight
It hurts baby
To never see you
But maybe you're thinking of me
Like I'm thinking of you

If he has your love
I hope he knows how to treat you

In his arms
It hurts baby
To never hold you
But maybe he can't feel you
The way I do

If we never love again
I hope you know nobody compares to you

Walking alone
It hurts baby
You made me see
But I'd rather see it with you
The way I hoped it would be

Could you risk a memory
Without expectation
For tomorrow?
Could you risk a kiss
Without pride
Making demands of love?
Could you risk a morning
With the promise of the sun
Knowing it will set?
Could you risk the passion
Not as another scar
But as your closest friend?