I fear oblivion
the unknown waters
that inevitably we all will drown in
It's pointless, **** near pathetic
to believe in forever
although even myself has fallen victim to the promise
That selfish hope that I might not cease to exist
that along with forgotten I will fade with nothing to show for myself
I will only become the nourishment for new life as mine becomes a lost memory among the rest

I see but I don't observe,  I see these trees' but do I actually see them? the billowing leaves in their natural luster, I see them as not individuals but a thick cluster, I observe and I see that each is different, some yellowing, some turning a vibrant red, and some as green as when they first sprouted, this same principle goes for how I see but do not observe people, I see hair color, skin color, eyes, and shapes, but I have not observed
Had I, I could've seen personality, my foolish eyes lead me to see apprence, so I will not judge by what I see, but of what I observe

Her halo sat crooked on her head
Her brown eyes were wide with laughter
Her soul was as pure as the freshly fallen snow she stood in
And her heart was much too big

Her dreams were dark and haunted
But mine were haunted too
Our souls had been assaulted
But like soldiers we got through

Tinged by demons
Our tears we rarely shed
The pain would build
And our brains would go dead

Yet somehow we found each other
We saw through kindred eyes
The wounds stopped hurting so much
And the darkness would subside

But now you're gone
And I feel alone
My friends are here
But you felt like home

A friend that felt more like the other half of your soul
And with that other piece missing
I can never be whole.

Oh love , do you avoid me?
Am I not deserving of your company?
Because I see you with all my friends
But when I sit down you seem to leave
Oh love have I not been kind?
Have I not sacrificed enough?
Am I not deserving of a small bit back?
We used to be close
But then you seemed to leave
A vacant area in my life
Yet to be filled
I miss the laughter
I miss the happiness
Real happiness
Not the kind you fake to hide your remorse
I miss the warmth
I miss the passion
I miss it all
But I'm so scared to come out and whisper
These words at the tip of my tongue
Sealed behind these quivering lips
The key to my savior
Or the key to my ruin
This gamble is so risky
I'm not sure if I should take it
Or walk
But I can't help but remember those sweet
Moments that are forever
Planted on replay in my head
But then again so are the worst
Fate is unreliable
She will take me anyway she chooses
And as much as I've seen of her
She is not on my side
But another rival against me
In life, on this battlefield
Littered with untold stories
So many disasters left without
The happy ending
No my fairy tale story of love
And how the prince fell for me
And everything turned out perfect
Is a morbid twisted bent version
Of how the lowly princess
High in the tower sits
Waiting for the prince that doesn't care to come
Oh love you've abandoned me
And I have abandoned hope
Time may tick on
But I will still be waiting high
In the tower of lost souls
For the prince who finds mine
And wins it so effortlessly
Not knowing he's not showing

I watch the blood drip on to the cool tile
Watch it pool as my brain numbly
Focuses on the throbbing in my arm
I was so strong for so long
And then you knocked all my efforts over
And that's what urged my hand to wrap around
The cool orange bottle
I didn't know what was inside
But i twisted the cap off
Look inside at the long white pills
A tear slid down my face
Being human was my greatest weakness
I want to swallow them all
I want to tear my wrist open and let it bleed out
I just want it to end
But one face in the angry mob i'm surrounded by
One face stops me
One that held on for me
Gives me the strength to put the cap back on
Gives me the will to stumble to my room
Close my eyes, and write it down

Built up from the ground
I was here
Planted the first seed
To the master piece
Tucked away my pride
And came out of hiding
To grasp the hands of the man
Who sat against the wall
Not one to beg
Only watching
With a blank face
I couldn't help but to take his hands in my own
And lead him to his savior
Fed him tell he was full
Bathed him until he was clean
Taught him until he knew
His eyes where wise and kind
Reminded me of mine
I was young
So young
They told me I was naive
To let in a man poor
Said that he would take all that I had
But I had little
And it could be replaced
I knew he would never
His eyes told me so
His smile so shy
He had been set in my path
An angel for me to nurture
Because I woke in the morning
And he was gone
All that had been left
Was a crisp white feather
And a note that told me
He'd returned to his tower
Where he stood a top
To feel the winds power
I was not bitter
I had given all I had
For one that had less
And in return I had an angels eye
To watch over me

Close the door to opportunity
I was so close
but it was like running in a dream
Trying so hard
But I feel locked down
My finger tips brushed it
But it slammed in my face
Sent me flying back
I fell over
I couldn't get back up
I was frozen in the essence of my failure
If only all was fair
But it isn't
So wishing on an empty sky
Is pointless
I have to pick it all back up
And start again from the beginning line
When the bell goes off
I'll run until my feet bleed
And my heart stops

I find it ironic how most dystopian novels are about a utopia
A world created to be perfect because ours failed
A world full of control, uniformity, perfection, no reflection
No identity, no war, no lust, maybe lust. Maybe just lust.
Broken, failed, oh how this brave new world derailed
It's a mishap, a hit and a miss, a world full of "ignorance is bliss"
Hidden from the view,
Or maybe just hidden from you
Oh yes it's quite ironic how the perfect world is ours,
Which we find so imperfect as we stare up at the stars
And wish for a world that we could just be one
Because everyone belongs to everyone

I can't think ,
my pen suspended above blank paper,
I can't put to words these jumbled feelings
I hate not knowing what to say
Hate not knowing the words
I need to let all my confusion out
I just want to creat the perfect poem
But I will never achieve the impossible
I want to write until my pen becomes dry
I wish I could put every word, verbatim as it enters my mind
But I can't, I wish I could put this down
But my pen doesn't press against the paper
Fireworks do not egnite as I write
No one wants to listen
No one wants to feel
How do I translate what I feel to words
I hate that I read over past written words
And feel pain exude
I want to write the perfect poem
I need to
But I never will, maybe my dreams will never
Be fulfilled, these words mean nothing
Only to me, only I feel these words
Only I hear me shouting these words
In a room full
Maybe wishes get lost
Amongst the rest of the unfulfilled dreams

I held a flower petal in my hand
And softly let it go
I watched it fly above the land
And wondered where it will go
Sadly I thought of the flower it used to be
And how I loved it so
I watched as the petal left without me
And left me here so low
I have a garden filled with flowers
I really shouldn't be sad
I have a million of them that I could shower
But I missed that one I had
Soft tears ***** my frosty green eyes
As I watch it blow away
So sad I wonder why
My flower couldn't stay

Soft curtains a drawn
A mist set forth on the stage
Down from the ceiling fell a cage
Elegant in beauty
The crowd watched in silence
For the show to begin
A soft melody fell from her lips
And crescendoing into loud folds of words
The opra began
She draped her body along the bars
And sang about how she wished to be set free
About her soul dying in the clutches of containment
A tear fell down her face
The crowd in awe leaned into the stage
Grasping her sides with a forlorn frown
Lying there
She let out the last of her show
It flew through the room like electricity
And the curtains where once again drawn to hide her face
She fell  against the cool metal
Waiting to be set free
But the room dimmed to dark
And her body ebbed in and out of reality
Phantom of the ... Opera
Inside my mind

The night slightly hushed by the nocturnal lullaby
The ground wet from the remains of rain
The slanted hills that roll along the land
I sleep there with eyes wide open
I weep to the flowers that drop their heads in pity
I weep to the grass that ebbs in the breeze
A death of someone close, so close to me
That death was me
I died
And now I've lost my way home
Stuck between the world I knew and the one I learn
The girl I used to be
A phantom in a frosted mirror
Asleep inside this imposter
Chained inside a disguise
A nightmare all to real
The trees bow before my tears
The songs grow louder
Crescendoing
Until I lay still

I answered the phone
I was happy
Then you said hello
My smile fell from my face
And I sat down without grace
Because I know your voice
I hate you
It's the only time I'd say such a word
But no other could describe how I feel towards you
After all that you have done to me
Can't you just leave me alone?
After all that I've said to you
Can't you go home?
I don't want to talk to you
You've broken me, and I'm stone
Please I am begging you
Stop!
I've asked you how many times
I've cried too many to count
I'm a mess already inside
Just leave me alone
I don't want to think of you
I don't want to hear you
I'm trying to get stronger
I'm trying to stay alive
So if you ever cared for me
Then you'd hang up the phone for good
And hand back my heart

Watching you leave
Left me crumpled
Broken and so alone
Your in my viens
And its like ice
Nothing stays the same
Nothing last forever
Wishing and praying doesn't help
Not when the bitter taste of tears
Scar my tounge with their salty revenge
What's left for me?  
What's  left to breathe?  
When you were the air that kept me breathing
Kept me seeing
Your running through me
Never leaving my head
The record spinning , so numb  and dead
Theres no comfort in my bed
There's no escape in the dark
No way to avoid facing it all
It sinks into my skin
Leaving me shaking
Fighting to remember to breathe
And when the sleep does come
The pain that fled for a blur of what seems like seconds
Flood back inside in the day
I cant keep you out
You're like a plauge
Whats left of my shattered heart
But the worst pain of all is you don't even care

Who am I?
It would be easier if you asked me
Who I want to be
I'd give you a thousand answers
that will never come true
because who I am
is no where near who I want to be

Beat to beat
Voices yelling all around
Stomping stomping feet
Shaking, quaking, breaking the ground
Jabs, and blows thrown in every way
Blood stained the marble floors
I really didn't want to stay
But broken bodies blocked they way
Trapped in here I rest my head
As voices scream and skin is broke
People falling dead
I begin to choke
Raging wars at the scene of the crime
Breaking bones, and stopping time
Overwhelmed I want to run
But I'm forced to stay to see what's done

Do you remember me?
I wonder did you ever care?
Did you even notice me?
Or was I just there?

You meant the world to me
and everything in between,
but I was nothing,
hardly seen.

My sullen tears have long since dried
my aching hope that you could love me
has already died

Upon a whisper
that flutters in the wind,
A silent whisper,
Thats screaming from within

A wilted flower
that bleeds along the snow
A rain shower
thats raining to slow.

I had been running
For years.....
Tuning it out
And turning my back
But the stabbing in my brain
Won't let me shut it out
I hate when memories find there way in
When you rather they just fade away
If I could vanquish these faces from my mind
I would do it in a hearts beat
But for now I'll reach for gods hand
To help me through the maze of memories

Your words break my heart 
Every piece 
Tore my world apart 
You had a feast 
Scared and trapped 
No where to go 
I almost snapped 
My sanity let go
Burned the bridges that we had built
Taken gravity
I felt the world tilt 
No stopping me 
I've been unleashed 
Tonight I roam 
These darkened streets

Goodbye fragile soul
Sadness overwhelmed the heart
Of a fourteen year old today
He fought and he fought
But the dark swallowed him
I shed these tears for him
I whisper his name to the stars
And scream it to the clouds
The words scraped across his already bleeding heart
"******" "loser" "poser" "freak"
Each another cut into his flesh
Until they added up to the rope around his neck,
Swinging there lifeless the angles cried for him
And we lost him, and then they all care
Not when he pleaded for the help when we had a chance to save him
Not when his heart still beat firmly in his chest
Not when his skin was still warm
Only now do the tears splash upon his cold body
Only now do they ask god for him back
When he no longer breathes
When he no longer smiles
Or laughs ...or lives
I hold the memory of you In my arms
As I struggle not to leave myself
As I fight not to follow you home
Because though it hurts
I will live for you
I will go all the places you can't anymore
Breathe for us both
Smile and laugh for your spirit
Just promise to be at peace
And rest your eyes
Good bye

Give these broken limbs the will to walk
For I will not lay down beneath thee;
Give these silenced lips the will to talk
And I will let you see inside of me.

Hear the cries of those whoever tumbled
They scream of the battles they have lost
And though in my journey I have stumbled
I go on pushing through despite the cost.

I've paid my dues and they leave me broke
I have served my time and dealt my pain;
There's a warrior beneath my skin, she awoke
She wields the sword that leave my enemies slain.

Give me the chance to make this right
A chance to save your diminishing life
A second to spare you the gruesome fight
Just one chance to save you the strife.

For the Fallen will rise above this
             To fight again

Deep violet red rose
                         Breath your
                                 life into my being ....

I'm scared to love anyone
I'm scared to let anyone in
I'm scared that all the memories
Will press play and begin
I'm scared to let myself feel
I'm scared to leave this dream
I'm scared to feel something real
Life's harder than it seems
I miss the silence
I miss the feeling without pain
Who am I kidding?
It's always been there
I've never been free
Pain is a part of me
There's only one way to break the chains
Of this eternal pain
This burning flame
This overwhelming shame
Taking the easy way out
Erasing this cloud of doubt
Erasing me

Sleek black fur
White boot paws
One strip of white
On her soft black nose
Full fat belly
Of a curious baby
Long white whiskers
Full of milk
Popping green eyes
That make me coo

I want to run away
Just to feel free
I don't have to run
From an empty family
I've got a mother who cares simply to much
Her heart the biggest I've ever seen
I just want to run
I don't want to run away to be mean
Simply to feel the rush
I want to run away with you
I want to watch the morning sunrise and watch the grass dew
I want to run just for the pleasure of it
Just to feel the wind
I want to run until I have to quit
I want to run just to come back home
Because when I ran I was truly alone
I want to run so I really know what I have
I want to run so I will see clear
I want to run just for the fear
Of being caught of being sought out
I just really want to run