filled with daffodils and sunflowers,
carnations and roses

but overgrown with bindweed, deep-rooted thistles and
quickly-spreading dandelions

the gardener just stood by and watched it grow
it got worse and worse right before their eyes

sure. they did the basic maintenance
so the neighbours wouldn't notice too much
but the weeds kept winning.

lately it's been getting better. they used to be
ashamed of their mess
and they didn't let anyone into the garden

but now they realize that such an overgrown garden
is too big a burden for one person to handle

they have friends who want to help get rid of the weeds
and bit by bit, they're starting to clean it up

I fall too fast
I fall for friends
I fall for anyone
I fall for everyone

I fall in love
I fall in love too fast
I fall in love too hard

I fall in love a bit with everyone
I fall in love a bit with everything
I fall in love a bit with all my friends


and I wish I didn't

burning in my chest
is an anger i haven't felt
at least
not in a while.

i can feel my bones in my body
and they don't feel happy
i can feel the anger fester
and i don't want it to lash out

not at those i love
please

redemption is the action of saving
or being saved from sin, error, or evil
saving someone
being saved.

who chooses who deserves to be redeemed?
is it karma? are there points?

I like to see characters get redemption,
because it gives me hope.

Sitting on the floor, just the two of us.
I just told you about how I don't know how to love myself,
and you promised you'll stick with me,
through the learning progress.

I'm falling for you,
falling so hard.
I want to hold you close, hold your hand.

You hugged me on the floor,
and then put your hand on my knee.
I held your hand. You didn't mind.

And then later? You called me cute.
I felt like my heart was gonna explode.

I don't like catching feelings,
the previous time didn't go well.
I am scared that history might repeat itself,
scared to be vunerable.

On the second day of knowing each other,
we looked each other in the eye
and laughed.

That was three months ago,
and since then,
I've just been falling for you.

Your smile, your eyes, your strength,
your kindness, your love, your personality,
I love it.

And I don't know just yet if that love
is platonic
or romantic,
but I do know that I am

comfortable around you.

Your hand
On my knee,
My hand
On your hand,
Your arms
Wrapped around me,
And mine
Around you.

I wish I could trace the freckles on your skin
even the ones I've never seen

I wish I could play with your auburn hair
or platinum, in your true form

I wish I could observe your icy eyes
without it being weird

I wish I could hold your hand
and trace circles with my thumb

I wish I could be less awkward
and tell you I love you

my cat sits in the windowsill often.
i wonder what she thinks about
while laying in the light
of the setting sun

does she dream?
does she think about me?

when my cat sits in the windowsill
i appreciate how pretty she is
with her black and white fur
and yellow eyes

i like it when she gets distracted
by tiny things
like birds or flies
or the neighbours cat

if i were a cat in a windowsill
i think i would be at peace

in a movie i loved as a kid,
the moon was seen as a sort of deity.
the man in the moon told people
who they were and what their destiny was.

of course that movie was fictional
and the characters were fake
and so was the man in the moon.

no one can tell me what my destiny is
no one can tell me who i am
or who i am going to be

in a movie i loved as a kid,
my love for the moon was born.
and still when i look up at it
i feel calm

still uncertain, still searching
but i know i don't have to do it alone
because there may not be a man in the moon
but nature will always be there
for me

fishing                        fishing
loose nibble               all alone
on the lure                 on the water
pulling                       swaying
trying                         with the waves
failing                        thinking
trying again              about my goddess


fishing
catching
feelings
calm
content
alright.

I don't like writing.
It reminds me of myself.
I see myself in what I write,
and I don't like what I see.

I have a long way to go,
a long way to self love and acceptance.

I don't like writing,
because I feel like I'm bad at it.

It is 1am,
I just played minecraft on our server,
which has mostly been abandoned.
Good memories and happy thoughts.

It is still 1am,
The discord call is muted.
The only sound is the Lo-Fi from the music bot.
I am calm.

It is 1am,
and I am thinking about how much I love my friends.
Thank you, for everything, I am glad we exist.

When will I learn?
When will it be my turn?
Will I ever realize,
that my turn might never come?

When will I be happy?
Or, will I at all?
Will that moment ever come?
Or will I miss it, because I blink too much?

When will I love myself?
Will I ever get out
of this endless
circle of self hatred?

Running.
As fast as I can
to keep up with the train

I wanna know
what is happening inside.
But it's going too fast.

I can't keep up,
I'm running out of breath.

Maybe one day I will
be able to catch up.
Maybe if I calm down,
the train will too.