The smile I wear is a mask
To hide the secrets of my past
For happiness is not real
For my true face will soon be revealed
When it is you’ll hate me so
I’m not the person everyone knows
For when I laugh I’m truly sad
There was no joy in times we had

Sadistic Hierarchy

I change my shape in hope to please
The ****** up mindset of society
Dropped 60 pounds and prayed they see
How much that they mean to me
But still they laugh and mock me
About so many trivial things
And while I see right through their schemes
I continue trying to please
The sadistic hierarchy
In trust that they will finally see
The ****** up person they made me
**** these insecurities…

My mind is a feeble thing
Coming unraveled at the seams
It lies to me of what it needs
Tells me to hate everything
To be so critical and obscene
Why can’t I just be happy?

We’re just peasants can’t you see?
This is our society
They love to keep us dumb and fat
So they can exploit all we have
I’m sick of bigots and their lies
I’ll jump off now and hope to fly
To a place that will show me
All of its sincerity

I'm broken, like a light-bulb burnt out
Trying to figure out what I'm about
I'm a mixture of this ****** up society
Kurt Cobain's suicide is my ideology
Can anyone reset the breaker please
I use to shine so bright but now I'm a fading plea
Motivation used to be at an all-time high
****... now I'm just trying to get by

Stay strong don't cry its not that bad
You shouldn't act like this you're a man
Hide your emotions, don't let them show
How dare you let anyone know...
This is what society wants
men to be strong like an ox
But I'm too sensitive to act this way
I've seen the bad the world relays
This outlet allows for me to be
What I've always needed to see
That others care of what I need
They save me from this ideology..

Fill me with pills to quit my mouth
My ignorance spews unannounced
I'm like a moth drawn to the flame
I'll burn myself and say I'm okay
But deep down I'm rotting away
Knowing that the pain will never fade

The itch I have I cannot scratch
Its one of a sick psychopath
I yearn for flesh, blood, and guts
To end a life to quench my lust
But do not fear for its not you
That I will put the bullet through
I will be the one it hits
Cause I get off on killing the sick

She can't see that hate I hold
It darkens my entire soul
Oh I wish to be set free
From this self imposed slavery
But here I sit alone and sad
Gave up on the friends I had
Waiting for my body bag
The reaper comes his touch is near
He'll take me far away from here....

I’ll cut my hair and trim my face
Please put me in my rightful place
Allow for me to succeed
So I can buy all I need
Phones, watches, jewelry
All of the essential things
Everything you said I need

Now can I be happy?

Her face is still
Her eyes are closed
Her beauty still decides to show
Fast asleep inside her head
If not for her I would be dead
She's snoring soft but ever so
She's the cutest thing I know
******* the outside
Cute within
I swear her love beats out all sin

Whats the point?
The great grand scheme
The person I was meant to be
I am alone and cannot see
a purpose for me to be....

The sarcasm you hear is the pain I feel
I'm struggling to find something real
Feeling surrounded by the hate
My life is always up for debate

When I met you I thought it was fate
But then I let you go astray
You traveled where I can't be
Unless I do an awful deed
But one day soon I will see thee
And we will live happily
Both of us will be at peace
Rotting deep down beneath

Fill me with pills to shut my mouth
My ignorance spews unannounced
I'll hurt the ones I hold so dear
God forbid they'd see me tear
For if they do I'm not so great
My legacy goes up for debate.
So then I decay in my room alone
Till the day my names not known
My friends all leave and I will fade
Into darkness unafraid

Looking for happiness among the dark
I need to find a special spark
Something to help keep me sane
Someone save me from this pain
Before I end this ****** game
By putting a bullet in my brain

Stay angry, sad, and depressed
They're the only feelings I'm good at
I want to fight the whole world
Cause someone immense hurt
Then cry my eyes out and grab my gun
Then paint the walls to prove I'm done

Love me now or leave me be
I wish to be your only need
To be someone that you can love
Please call me your little dove
I’ll love you more than one can bear
I need the scent upon your hair
I hope you see the love I bring
Waiting for that hope filled ring

(Drip)
It falls down my face
My heart begins to race
(Drip)
I see a peaceful place
No more hate or great disdain
(Drip)
The stain it makes today
Will never be washed away
(Drip)
My vision starts to blur
My pain will haunt me nevermore
(Drip)
I became free today
All the blood has left my veins

- J.W

The blank canvas exposes the truth
My mind is dull,  the lack of words are proof
I sit alone in the dark and cry
The future was never really mine
It was a sham, a big fat lie
I'm just a loser, that cant deny
That maybe I'm not special at all
My teachers lied while they stood tall
Told me that I had a gift
Now I realize it was just ****
Spewing from an ignorant mouth
How dare they promise what isn't real
Now I live in constant fear
That I will die alone and sad
I'm not good enough to stay glad.....

I hate my life it’s such a waste
There is no such thing as fate
For if there is I’m sad to see
What god might have in store for me
He’ll punish me for all I say
For all the people I push away
But oh dear god can’t you see
What the world has done to me?

Do we drink alcohol to have fun?
Or do we do it to numb our thoughts?
Cause deep down we truly know our existence is pointless.

The scars I have are not skin deep
They live deep down inside of me
They are not cuts upon my wrist
Or needle marks upon my skin
They are my insecurities
That people have instilled in me
How I’m dumb, ugly, and fat
Not worth their time or a kind act
They hate how I never act my age
Because to me life is a game
I loved to play
But more and more I do see
That the world no longer needs me

**** **** **** ****
why am i so sad
I have a decent life
While I may not be glad
I produce many things
I'm valuable can't you see!?!?!?

I'm drunk
The words don't sound the same
Dispair
The pain won't go away
Hope
That I will find one day the love I seek from far away...