I woke rapid to no avail!
Found the vapid conversation grew stale...
paralyzed by my fears,
endless ringing in my ears,
conscience begins to smear.
Shrouded in the stains of time.

Kind thoughts vanish,
torture runs rampant through my body like a bind.
Nightmares are ceaseless in my mind,
insanity does not flee.
All bets are not on me,
my mind leaks horror once more!

Lonely but it's alright,
every day sadness falls upon the night,
God is here to listen to my trouble...
He pays attention and guarantees double,
double for your actions and multiplies it for your rebellion.

All is fair until you reach the end,
nothing will mend,
those wrinkles make you turn to stone,
the hourglass never gives you a loan.
*Just more corpses in the ground.

I believed every word and emotion,
you must of used a potion,
I don't believe anyone!
But somehow you won,
I was played like an instrument, inanimate and serving you.

You just said the word and I was a slave,
I thought it was for love and I was brave,
I thought it would be something I crave,
even if at the start I saw you give me a goodbye wave.
*It's all fine now that I'm numb and dumb forever...

Always* had a longing for belonging,
never *fit in anywhere,
a criminal in my mind,
a vigilante against myself,
protecting even the past I left on the shelf.

The battle is violent,
overdosed by reality... silent.
Neglected and ignored describe my existence.
No guilt, no shame and nothing to hide,
reborn stronger than ever now I stride with pride!

When we were kids we played with imagination,
we would be doctors and laugh at damnation,
we even dreamed of being the president of a nation.
Times changed as winters got colder,
eventually we grow older.

Socializing as if your life depended on customer service,
You pushed me away hard and I got nervous,
once so close but now I can't recognize you...
How do you sleep at night being so fake?
You're now my two-faced idol and nothing but a snake.

Can we pretend none of this ever happened?
Ahhhhhhh, your dreams are reality,
I'm left with my morality,
never changing me...
You've got amnesia now that you used me.

I,
a *daemon,
lurking *in the shadows of life.
Married to eternal strife...
I broke the shackles again...
only to come crawling back to pain.

Misery,
A dark beauty, the most jealous of them all!
I heed to the call.
She forebodes insanity and pain,
I have nothing to gain,
somehow I'm still sane.

The calm before the storm,
happens before I transform.
This is not ordinary weather we've experienced,
a sandstorm of emotions for the inexperienced.
The easiest way to become numb comes from liquid poison.

Like a moth drawn to its death,
I flock to the bottle without taking a breath.
It's so easy to drown under the pressures of life,
avoiding the strife.
My will died some time ago.

One with my thoughts,
I take shots.
When I wake up did it fix anything?
In love with every last drop and the sting.
**Then the shame of my past reminds me of the great battle ahead.

You jump started my heart when you existed,
but I forgot your heart could be twisted,
I'm so torn cause you saved me but you can ****,
those eyes can save a soul or make one ill,
I'd rather run than be your victim.

I'd refuse to be blind unless you wanted me to be,
but I would die if you asked me,
I don't matter but you do,
even if I perish I will thank you,
my existence depends on you for I am weak it's true.

Today I remembered my first friend,
he said I was anti-social,
I explained I'm just extraordinarily shy,
it hurts to open up...
like a fatal wound sometimes.

*We were vague but my wounds cut deep into my present.

Rotting* flesh in the night,
your eyes resonate a dead light,
Your soul vanishes at the sight!
The scars in your black heart will never mend.
The venom you inject through your friend,
turns into a trend.

Love converts to hate,
false innocence turns to vengeance,
beauty fathoms conscience,
purity transforms to perversity,
after all it's only diversity.
As the suns flee you run into Hell's Arms.

***, drugs and lies are still cool while you're dead too!
Pleasure is the harbinger of eternal pain,
forsaken ever since birth...
your predestined soul now has initials and a stain,
The Devil got cheated with your worthless soul,
unquenchable thirst for victory.

No longer in control of your will!
A high bill that takes skill!
Well you longed for it now bawl!
Crawl as you continue to fall!
Death is the prize!

No rest for the wicked,
no rest for the insane,
no rest for the haunted.
Only the dead rest.

This world belongs to the Devil...
How do I know?
Do you want to meet him?
Just stare at the eternal emptiness in my eyes...
he surely visits often.

They're all ugly,
they're all wrong,
they're all weird,
they're all annoying...
that's what I tell myself when I'm all alone.

Do you get to laugh like they do?
Do you get to feel normal?
Do you have more friends than family?
Do you feel attractive?
It's alright cause I'm content in the corner.

Your clothes make you feel important,
yet I don't even get noticed,
those shoes are ugly and fashionable,
mine make me feel barefoot.
After all I'm cool, I tell myself running away from everything.

Family and friends are supposed to have your back.
Yet everyone seems to think you're whack.
The insanity is back...
taking control of you again like crack.
I won't let you ruin another life.  Period.

I'm dying inside and outside.
Yet next month, you're gonna be a bride?!
Really!!!  Destroy our lives twice?
Your heart is colder than ice.
The notice was shorter than your pregnancy.

I tried to be strong for you,
breaking my back while drinking the brew.
I slept away the hours and the days away,
all the while staying away from the fray.
**You are thankful for nothing and grateful for everything.

Memories can be reclaimed from Chronos for a bit.
I know I should quit,
the past cuts sharper than a blade,
yet I stayed and strayed,
even if it wasn't an equal trade.

The insanity in your eyes was well concealed,
led to doors of tragedy not completely sealed.
You held a key around your neck!
Somehow I enjoyed being around you---HECK!
I could never leave a wreck.

Self-inflicted wounds from the past always last,
even as I glanced passed them fast.
A camera is a double-edged weapon not a toy,
my eyes bleed with misery and joy.
*Am I destined to be only a lonely boy?

In this year no one came to my aid,
I even prayed,
I attempted to give away my joy as a trade,
this pain never faded,
shaded by my eyes forever jaded.

I cannot feel pain any longer,
by default I thought this made me stronger.
A lie ingrained by my apathy,
I faded in and out of sanity,
while no longer part of humanity.

Life became so gray,
I began to decay.
A voice told me to just die,
I decided to say bye instead of listening to my cry.
Another year another death soon to come.

I have all of your screams and insanity engraved in my mind,
now deal with me and I knew I was blind,
you kept me in the dark,
you wanted me to never hark,
I have exposed you and you can't make me go away!

Your living nightmare,
no longer your liar,
I was slightly wiser,
you played me exactly like you wanted to...
I still cry tears in your name too.

You own me and the death of me,
for both will bring joy and set sorrow free,
I wish to die,
Why even try?
You shredded my soul and left a blackness in my heart.

I've always asked myself:
Will I grow up to be a good person?
Or will my condition worsen?
Will I ever know?
What is it like to grow up though?

Now I tell myself:
Trapped in this body,
I feel so gaudy,
I wish to disembody,
I feel so *****.

I will ask myself:
Did I live enough time?
Was I ever in my prime?
Am I even worth a dime?
And so I rhyme...

Only time can tell who I become,
Yesterday,
Today,
Tomorrow and **Forever.

I'm part of the unemployed youth,
it's the truth,
a generation of dreamers with endless ambition,
all with one mission:
to strive for attention under constant tension.

Overprotected and neglected,
yet somehow connected,
attacked by the constant barrage of words,
we fly like birds,
we are truly free in our imagination.

No hope for a better tomorrow,
in love with sorrow,
nothing left to borrow.
Money comes at a high cost,
your youth...lost after slavery to the economy.

You were my own blood,
yet you kept my face in the mud,
I grew to hate myself,
just like a bad item on the shelf,
ashamed and running away in my mind every day...

How could our blood be so different?
Made me feel indifferent,
I broke like a mirror into three,
if you know all of them you would flee.
Oh how I craved your wrath.

You pay me like you would a slave,
my sum of $10 a month thinking I won't misbehave,
I am the shadow of your existence.
Although you created the distance,
It's over now your thin blood explains it all.

Tears created trenches on my face,
left with no breathing space.
Both blinded and asphyxiated,
every day I was reminded and humiliated.
And yet...
thoughts flew past me like bullets in a war zone.

The mirror shows no reflections,
could this be rejection of my imperfections?
Overused, bruised and abused emotions,
I allowed joy to be replaced by angst somehow.
The seeds of catharsis I sowed sprouted now!

The darkness retreats even if only momentarily,
in control of my thoughts temporarily.
The doubts and lies turn to certainty and truth.
Is this what it feels like to be awake?
Demons never rest but today they sleep.

There once was a tree of hope,
all people did was mope to cope.
No one changed...
chaos and insanity ensued our souls
and we took our roles.

One took the role of martyr,
another chose be the darter
and the last chose to be the barter.
SHE chose to trade my soul for false love.
My melody only resonates suffering.

I was the martyr by choice,
sadly I had no voice.
Every day I roamed the night,
I did it all out of spite...
one day you will see the fight.

The night is the darker than my own heart,
I never thought I'd fall apart,
blood drips but I don't care,
I say another prayer,
lost all my hair.

Everyone had a dream and plan for me except me...
I'd rather flee,
no purpose for me here on Earth,
I knew this since birth,
I'd be happier dead but there's too much to unearth.

I've given up looking for a reason to live,
I'd rather just forgive,
I wouldn't trade my depression to anyone,
I'd deal with it if I could run,
I know I've come undone.

I once thought love was real...
A heart shattered like glass broken by rocks in Chicago.
May the one without sins cast the first stone...
And so I did.
Unspoken words are *better left known than unsaid.

Anyways I was always the first to leave.
A hopeless romantic blinded by loyalty.
A picture means a thousand words,
nothing more true...
Words cut like a razor blade.

To this day I did not want to fall in love again...
Because lies, betrayal, mistrust, cheating* always ensued.
I felt like Beyoncé in the elevator with Jay-Z and Solange.
Defenseless, yet angry, willing to stay for now.
Blinded by rage I waited to leave but plagued by health.

Today I realized nothing can hold me down,
not even love since I deserve the frown,
now and never is a great time,
I hope I didn't play with your heart like a crime,
I didn't even realize my poker face and empty heart.

I would pretend I never met you,
as I meet someone new,
I'm buried in lies,
yet people seem to admire the fire in my eyes,
at my worst I feel nothing not even love.

I disappear like the fog that vanishes then appears,
those dry eyes won't leak any tears,
not tonight,
just hold myself tight,
I've got me and me alone forever and always.

You're gonna stop now I said!
You're gonna stop drinking so much,
you're gonna stop eating bad foods,
you're gonna stop making dumb decisions.
But most of all you're going to be happy.

Although hApPiNeSs is subjective,
only YOU control it,
the fire within your being dies every day,
you're still drinking, eating and doing as you please.
At the end of the day you are HaPpY!

Mr. Self-Destruct and Mr. Brightside all in one,
you act like you're having fun...
yet inside you're as happy as a criminal,
it's all subliminal.
No one feels what you feel and no one cares like you do.

I'm a walking dead man,
a zombie crawling through existence...
What is life after all?
Honesty makes people cringe.

Life is a roller coaster we ride in the dark,
no one gets a walk in the park.
A war in our mind filled with hate,
the  unknown never ceases to wind our fate.

We all have one sure destiny,
DEATH.
Born to die but don't cry,
just don't ask why.

I am only a thought,
a name,
a figment of your imagination,
thank you for letting me exist.
~Ito~