people always say to have faith

how is one supposed to have faith
when they are inconspicuous to themselves?

people always say that time heals everything

how is one supposed to believe
that a plastic circular object is supposed to fill the holes in their heart?

people always say to stay calm

how is one supposed to stay calm
with thoughts scraping their internal skin surrounding their skull?

This world is all about believe what you want to believe.
Follow what you want to follow, even if it doesn't correspond with all beliefs, go for what might give you some satisfaction that you are an 'okay' human being.

not only does cancer cause the immune system to whither
but the soul to float about the clouds
in search for ambition
to discover a better life,
or a better place to be.

not only does illness cause bones to shatter
but hearts to reach their last beats
surrendering blood
for a manageable death
or better type of sleep.

not only does a person cause hearts to break
but lives to cease  
and minds to be manipulated
for stabbing memories
or uncovered scars

how is one supposed
to aver their thoughts and emotions
with nowhere to pour their words
and nowhere to place their heart for safe keeping?

one has tried locking their heart inside of a chest
where forests of anxiety filled skies and thorny vines await predators eyeing the treasure: a pulsing heart, torn in two, clinching onto the safety of benevolence.

but somehow, the heart is always gaining scars...
scars that have stories,
stories intangible of the human mind to even comprehend.

when flooding season arrives,
those feelings
those emotions
float up stream and settle onto the banks
where a human sits,
eyes overflowing with the truth of life: nothing can be hidden from our world,
from ourselves.

boiling drops of water stream down my back
as I stand with my head held low
and my heart held high.

my fragile tears
put on mute
due to the lines of water
pouring out the shower head
onto my tattered, pink flesh.

arms clasped around your knees
while your eyes overflow with dysphoria
and spilling those things called tears.

you begin to wonder when the walls started to tower over you
while kept under those warm things called blankets,
the only things that kept you warm
while your heart was frozen in time that had elapsed

these towering walls
seem to be looking down upon me
and they tell me I am enervated
as I am limp under those blankets,
the only things that are competent to providing me warmth,
as my heart cannot.

you used your mother as our scapegoat
& when you finally crashed down onto the cold, gray pavement of reality, you realized you never actually loved me

"goodnight sleep tight"
is a euphemism
for "goodnight, go to sleep without worries and without pain. forget your tears as you drift from cloud to cloud within your elegant state of mind. forget your troubled times and hug your cloud for soft comfort"

your fair words
around my neck.
your love
exists no more.
your promise
no longer stands
you do not
love me like her
you will never
love me like her.

they tell you that time heals wounds
but what they didn't tell you is that during recovery time,
more stones are thrown at you
more tears are shed.
recovery lasts a lifetime.

wait for the thunder to hold its rumble, but watch for the lighting to illuminate the dark skies and the long tears in your auspicious eyes, yet forever holding a mutilated heart upon a tattered, white sleeve

it's sad when you can't remember
if you're standing under a storm cloud
or the water streaming down your face
is tears

the winter & snow is wonderful
until it burns your nose
and scars your fingertips
with your heart left with faint beats

the world is nothing more than a question & time is nothing but a restraint

your mind is paradise...
it's where I love to go
when a day has been rough
and I thank you for the very few words we exchange.
I will forever be thankful for our short conversations because they bring out the biggest light in my heart.

sticks and stones could break my bones but words break a heart even more.

your love
implanted on the white flesh of my delicate hands
and your words
forever engraved into my heart
like scars from a blazing fire
that an angel saved me from
just in time
so I didn't fall
six feet under

everytime I talk to you
I fall in love
over
and over again

I spend most of my nights alone on the couch
paralyzed from head to toe
unable to function.
My eyes water
and tears spill over,
tumble down my plump cheeks and dripping nose.
Mom never warned me about these side effects of love.

to feel guilty goes hand in hand with feeling foolish...

I am found guilty of being so foolish to believe that you really loved me.

it was a serendipity that we fell in love so **** young
timing is all love is

it's too bad that we were purposefully made to be incompatible with this planet

I wish to feel loved

please wake me up and tell me you still love me
because I know you do.

a blazing fire can't be put out with just a single bucket of water
but I guess you can stop loving me because of just one other girl

sipping on boiling water & having it accidentally(intentionally) burn my feelings(heart& all senses)
would hurt less than facing the despicable truth that the world's spout has to offer

sleeping in the basement tonight so the monsters can eat me in my sleep

I'm always being told to let go of all bad things in life
but if I did, I would have to release myself
and I managed to do so a couple of months ago

your spoken language,
each letter
engraved onto the under surface of my skin,
visible to my (non working) eyes;
the eyes that I (blindly) look at you with.
your spoken language,
running through my mind
like heiroglyphics,
whose codes cannot be cracked.

inevitably, I am numb.
unaware of
contentment
or is it depression?

look beyond yesterday,
today
and tomorrow.
darling, things get better
God wouldn't let you live
a life like today
for the remaining beats
of your heart

we would cry ourselves to sleep in each other's arms
and wake up to a dark sunrise,
counting tear drop stains on our pillows

grace (could indeed be the outcome of all that **** pain you layed upon my heart)
overcome by something greater,
which causes my thoughts to silence of all prosperous things
because now I recollect
moments that I wish could leave my memory
just like the way you left me
for her
(not that I miss you... but I miss you out of fear... some nights,  I tremble in my own bed. with my door locked. upheld in the dark. clenching my knees to my chest with fear. you know every ******* thing about me; you now hold an advantage... you know my secrets; I pray you keep them safe)

you're the kind of love
that makes me reach into the dark
and accidentally grasp
onto what I think is your heart...

what I thought was your heart
is really just a snake...
a snake (that is indeed alive, unlike our love) that wraps it's life around my heart
and suffocates me
until I can't reach
into the dark
and can't open my eyes to glance at your silhouette over me.
maybe I imagined you during my death... or maybe you actually did 'love me enough' (or so you said)
to watch me gasp for air
but you just watched...
but hey, I guess it's okay. leave me in my tombstone.
no visits are permitted to you.
thank you for your love (not really)

I swear
you have become the origin
of all my self conflictions.
you have helped me adapt
to the spears that pierce my heart
and the fires that set it to flame.
i cannot bare conversing with you
it hurts
and strains my mind
until it's membrane has split
and life comes pouring out.
I love you,
I love you not.
I love you,
I love you not.

you exude the vibes that I want to imbibe
the vibes I need to survive
that one almost invisible thing you always say to me
means half of the universe in my mind
it makes my brain bumble
and my heart humble
i love you
i can't stop falling for you.
I've been falling so fast
for what seems like light years.
i can't apply the brakes in time
or I'll turn into debris
that burnt and melted
in the flames and the heat.
i wish you knew how much I truly love you
i will continue to fall
century through century
until you love me too.
until then,
my heart will remain silently beating
the way it never does
unless it's hopeless love

I try to tell myself
I don't love you
but every time you don't reply
it still hurts
just as much as if you did love me

I try to tell myself
I love you
but every time you don't reply
it kills me
and I wonder why I've fallen for you
and not somebody else

either way
I get hurt
whether it's love from both ways
or hopelessness from just me

the third degree burns on my skin look much like the wounds you've engraved on to the surface of my heart

the drugs I consume
are far more complex
than **** or ecstasy
I consume the drugs
that cause my heart to throb
and my brain to never sleep
the drug of loving someone
is the most spontaneous
and addicting drug
of all

help my feelings are consuming me and I can't stop the process I can only allow myself to be taken down the throat of them

why is it that you look at me
with disgust in your eyes
and regret on your tongue?
it's only hurting the both of us.
it's only breaking us apart
not mending our torn feelings.
the worst part is
that we won't ever get to the point
where we are completely apart
we will forever be attached by the smallest fragment of our hearts.

fire
from the tongue of a human being
has the grandest flames
and the most overwhelming of fumes
so beware before entering the gates
of another one's path

YOU'RE ALWAYS GOOD ENOUGH
YOU'RE ALWAYS ******* GOOD ENOUGH
DO YOU HEAR ME ?
you're good enough.
you're always good enough.
you are lovely. you are loved.
you are lovely
you are loved.
Don't let one person
out of all the billions of other people
in this world
tell you that you are less
than anyone else.
you are good enough.
you are
good
enough

why does God ******* the lives of people who never got one single breath of normalcy?
the people who never got a chance to learn how to walk with their own two vestigial feet that dangle beneath them
that never got to speak with their own tongue that sleeps through the days and nights between their two jaws
their two jaws that try so hard to rotate and clench
rotate and clench
rotate and clench

This is for the people
who are physically incapable
of doing anything for themselves
because their bones aren't strong
or their brain is not grasping the world.
it tears my heart into shreds
shreds that are now buried beneath my heart and have became afloat.
knowing that you never got a chance
to be like me
I'm living for you.
I am writing this for you
whether your brain can perceive this or not
I am feeling for you
everything there is to feel.
I am seeing
everything there is to see.
this is for you, darling.

silently in love
while my heart claws at the lungs, trying to escape the cage of my ribs.
silent love makes it hard to breathe
Breathing seems as though you are trying to sip air through the eye of a needle
silently in love

that moment when you realize the petals of the flower by your window aren't shaped like petals
they are the pills you plucked
the pills you split to sleep
an eternal dream
where you were intangible to the world

if only we didn't chase after every ball that rolled into an unmarked territory
or reach after every shooting star that swam across the night sky

if only we didn't have to look at every face that passed by ours in the hallway
or touch everything that looked tangible

if only we didn't fall in love with every man we ever met
or hate every person who shattered our being

if broken hearted
were a species
I would qualify greatly

when you open your heart
and trust a person
with all of your secrets,
A door is opened
You allow those confidential thoughts
to walk through that door
and into the other person's mind
But once that door closes,
your secrets are held captive
while you're wondering
'are they safe?'
Once that door closes,
all trust has evaporated into the clouds,
fear is lapping your brain's conscience.

every part of me
is tied to your being,
tied to your heart
but there is this one part
of myself that says
free your life,
their soul
do not be tied down
because someone will always try to tangle the strings,
someone will always try to untie them,
try to cut them
and leave you
disconnected

I wish
That people knew of their poison,
knew of their toxins.
But I guess we have to be careful of what we wish for
because without toxins,
without poisons,
Other deceitful things
will fill their holes.

addicted to wanting
to be needed
is possibly the worst variation of addiction
because being needed,
you are important to somebody
we just want to be important
so we can feel like we are needed