choppy music consistent in my ears
water boiling in my chest
the steam makes my eyes water
the bubbles pop to the rhythm of a song
scalding
a reminder of how much the skin around my neck hurts when i think of you

i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you i dont need you

i-

****

there was a crack in my soul
then you picked me up and mended me
putting gold in the cracks

and then you dropped me again

now there are many cracks  
and the dust of the fools gold you left behind-

crumbled

i dont know what i dreamt about
i just know that it was about you
it’s always you

when i talk to you everything clicks
something that feels so right
when we talk, whispers like we used to it all comes back to me
and I remember why i fell in love
i remember why this was so hard to lose
i hear you laugh
i hear the softness in your voice when you call me
and i’ve never felt anything more worth it

it only makes it hurt more when i realize this wasn’t worth it for you

can i ever be enough?

let me be enough

what to do when you committed yourself to someone who won’t commit themselves to you?
they never loved you the way you loved them
maybe they don’t even deserve the way you loved them
saying that makes your heart hurt though,

how to look right at the face of the one who crushed your heart
and not want the entire world for them
how to stop wishing they’d be okay
that they would be happy again

how to stop wishing for the past
when they giggled and smiled and said “it’s because of you”

how to forget the tone in their voice when they said “i love you too”

How

if you figure it out write it down on a paper and send it to me too

words i need to know more than i need her to be true