And you said:
~
I'm also so ******* in love with you
And together we will move forward, I also don't know what will happen.
But we will get those good things together

I know I want her

I can feel your head in my lap,
your hand in my hair,
your lips on my cheek,
but it all feels wrong

like it's not you who's supposed to be there

listen before i go - Billie Eilish

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do
If you need me, wanna see me
Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me, déjà vu
If you need me, wanna see me
You better hurry, I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now (sorry)
Sorry I don't know how (sorry)
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

I love you,
Whoever you are reading this.
I love you,
Take care of yourself.

Every day I doubt if I'm still a poet,
But then I look at you again, and I know it.
My purpose is to write in life,
So I look at your eyes, and take another dive.
The sea of words is high and wide,
But your eyes make the sea go tide.

My name is Evan,
I like to write.
My boyfriend's really inspiring
But inspiration comes at night

The darkest black wasn't dark enough,
So he decided blood red would be better.

I'm meeting an internet friend tomorrow,
And I'm very happy. My parents just aren't.

I've put so much of myself into my poetry,

That I became whatever DARKNESS I shaped with   p e n   a  n  d  ~   i  n k.

Ah ****, Here we go again.

The thing that hurts the most, to realise, is that no matter how much I love you, and how much I tell you that, it won't change the fact that you want to end yourself. I am powerless, and that's pretty awful, because not a lot of people want you to be okay more than I do, and I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry for that

When you said you'd be by my side in the worst part of the fight
Where did you go?

I believe that was the first time I wrote something about you (Or maybe posted.) I'm sot sure what I wrote before that, We'd have to dive into the history books. March 15, Almost half a year ago. I've thought about a lot of people since then, I've loved a lot of those people too. But, it's been 172 days. 172 days and I there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you. And I don't think those days will come soon.

Honestly, there's just one thing I need right now. Just us two, in one of those small, empty diners with those pink/red and blue neon signs. Being able to talk about stuff. Sad stuff, and happy stuff. Mostly good stuff. To steal your breath somehwere on a park bench and being able to hold your hand in public. I just want a simple life with you.

I knew what love was,
But I didn't realise I never felt it, until you held me.
And love is different for every person,
But I'd wanna feel it with you.

Love is making flower crowns in the school break and putting them on each other's head.
(the flower crowns were just pretty, weren't they?)

Love is not really knowing, but it's okay, because you're with me.
(even though it was just a 'comforting friendship')

Love is staying at school until 5PM, and getting home too late, just so we could spend some time together.
(time we didn't know would make the difference)

Love is skipping class together, and hang out in the hallways.
(that's what normal people do, right?)

Love is laughing so hard that the teachers walking past wonder why we're crying in the hallway
(but weren't we just good friends back then?)

Love is doubting if you should maybe text the other, while they were waiting for it on the other side.
(but deleted texts don't count as actual texts, do they?)

Love is writing poems and poems while having no idea what you're writing, because you want to make the other happy.
(it's just not love if you don't read them)

Love is trying not to say "I love you," because you're not supposed to say that.
(if we don't admit to loving one another, we don't, do we?)

Love is drawing awful bathroom graffiti and being sad because the janitor cleaned off our huge "LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA"
(that was just casual fun right?)

Love is hugging each other almost every morning, because depression is a killer
(friends are there to comfort you, aren't they?)

Love is writing essays on how beautiful you are, or why you deserve love, because I felt like poetry wasn't enough.
(you didn't read the poems anyway)

Love is, I don't know. It doesn't matter. I can feel it when I'm with you, and that's the most important thing right now. As long as you want to feel that with me too, we're going to be okay.

I love you

I didn't know if I was safe,
But you had a way with words.
They didn't even need to rhyme,
Because they were yours,
And that's what mattered.

I can't keep up
I'm falling apart
And there's nothing poetic about it.

I'm lost in a storm of  w  o   r    d     s
And I can't find the right ones

oh ye ye
oh ye ye
oh ye ye

Dear G,
It's becomming harder and harder to express my feelings, especially about/to you. I hope that the poems I recently posted are enough. Enough for just one sign. Nothing even has to happen. I don't even know what I want to know or hear. God, I'm really ******* helpless. I'm sorry. You deserve a good letter, from a normal person. One that has a poper end. I'm a mess, I'm sorry.
Sincerely, yours
Lillie

I can write poems, essays, paragraphs,
Fill the entire world with all of you.
But I don't really want that sadness,
I just want to write our love story.
Even  if   it    isn't     true.

I'm sorry, life has been taking it's toll on me, and I can't keep up. I'm sorry.

what if i texted you

"how are you"

or something along those lines.

No, i'm sorry's or indirect poems.

would you read it?

would you respond?

would you actually care?
care in the way you used to?

i know you don't like all the poems i write about you. you do always give the rest a like. it makes me happy, but it destroys me more than heals.

I love you, i guess. but who cares?

Your eyes shine like the early evening stars,
And your lips are shaped perfectly like the pink clouds.
You skin is full of wounds and scars.
I don't think I'm the only one who knows their whereabouts.
No words will describe your "beauty"
As I see it through my eyes.
I thought love was never-lasting
But eternal words exist, a poem never dies.
The early sun hits you sour,
Like the walking hours dew.
Even though you were prettier than the flower,
Still, the ravens flew.

I'm lost again,
And I can't find the rights words.
I'm speechless
again

everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
Not what you'd think
And if I'm being honest
It might've been a nightmare
To anyone who might care
Thought I could fly (fly)
So I stepped off the golden, mm
Nobody cried (cried, cried, cried, cried)
Nobody even noticed
I saw them standing right there
Kinda thought they might care (might care, might care)
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you're here
They don't deserve you"
I tried to scream
But my head was underwater
They called me weak
Like I'm not just somebody's daughter
It could've been a nightmare
But it felt like they were right there
And it feels like yesterday was a year ago
But I don't wanna let anybody know
'Cause everybody wants something from me now
And I don't wanna let 'em down
I had a dream
I got everything I wanted
But when I wake up, I see
You with me
And you say, "As long as I'm here
No one can hurt you
Don't wanna lie here
But you can learn to
If I could change
The way that you see yourself
You wouldn't wonder why you're here
They don't deserve you"
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?
If I knew it all then would I do it again?
Would I do it again?
If they knew what they said would go straight to my head
What would they say instead?

I'm sorry guys,
My internet failed hellopoetry
I'll post the missing notes today

My notes aren't poetry anymore
They don't have the right dates

but they're special
because i wrote them

You have all the right to not believe me,
It really wasn't your fault baby.
But I know that I want to keep you in my life.
Who knows what the future will bring, maybe?

I can't seem to focus.
I fall asleep with my eyes wide open.
I can't see it happening now, but I just keep hoping
That tomorrow will be a better day

it's not that i can't find inspiration if i wanted to
i'm just too physically tired to do so

I hacked my e-reader
web whatsapp next
** 4AM

I like to think of myself as a ghost.
It makes me feel less alone.