It's a weird kind of lonely I'm feeling.
Like I'm hugged by a dark emptiness, not your arms.

I'd make you cinnamon rolls, fruit and iced coffee
And we could sit under a tree, or on the swing

We could go on ice-cream dates
Or we could grab some coffee

We could take walks in the park
Or have a sleepover on the rooftop

We could make pizza rolls and cuddle
And have a movie marathon

we could go pick flowers in a field somewhere
or we could move all the furniture in the room

i just wanna spend
some time with you

I love you,
Whoever you are reading this.
I love you,
Take care of yourself.

My name is Evan,
I like to write.
My boyfriend's really inspiring
But inspiration comes at night

I asked my friends for inspiration and here's what I got...

"Ukuleles zijn kut"

"*****"

"Ukuleles zijn vals"

The thing that hurts the most, to realise, is that no matter how much I love you, and how much I tell you that, it won't change the fact that you want to end yourself. I am powerless, and that's pretty awful, because not a lot of people want you to be okay more than I do, and I can't do anything about it. I'm sorry for that

Still don't have those binders. I'll probably ask one for my birthday.

I need more broadway shows to listen to.

I haven't found the answer keys to French yet, but I found the answer keys to dutch. They're only one chapter per 1, so that's not very helpful.

I sent the poem 'March 15' to the person it's about, and I'm not sure what to think.

I got an F and a D+ for my tests.

I'm not sure if the note numbering is right, I messed up at 34. But it's fine now, I think.

Also, I'd love meet some new people on here.

Have a good day.

It's so weird to say this, I feel like a terrible person. I can't promise that I won't feel shame, regret or fear, writing this, but I just want to be able to feel this way to you for a minute. I wanna hold you, shout at you, and scream in your face how pathetic you are, but I can't. I get that you feel bad sometimes, but I know you aren't depressed. You self-diagnose yourself with everything you can imagine. Not liking to talk to people isn't "exteme social anxiety." Feeling sad sometimes isn't "Depression and suicidal thoughts." Cutting the tips of your fingers once a month isn't "Before someone finds me dead in my room." And I get you want to make something beautiful out of the things you feel, but sadness isn't beautiful. You are misusing these things I feel, to create something. I get that you 'Want to feel, and be a part of this.' But you aren't. You keep complaining about how bad you feel. You shut up when you 'Almost commited suïcide.' but as soon as you get a single feeling that is not hapiness, you push it onto me. You drag me down because you feel all this terrible stuff. And I know you don't mean it wrong, but I'm so tired of having to feel this way too. That boy, you know, T, he made sure we all paid for his feelings. I ran after him for 3 miles, to stop him from taking the train to Hadestown. I don't wanna chase after you. I get that you haven't figured out your sexuality yet, and that you're confused. I get that you haven't figured out your gender yet. But I know you aren't pangender, or genderfluid. I just know. You always seek attention from me, and when I don't give it, you become 'sad' again. You're so pathetic, and words can't describe the hate I feel sometimes

She opened up the window
And from the garden she heard a song

..."I'm gonna write a song for you
            In a language, that doesn't exist on earth"...

The curtains were softly moved by the wind,
And she thought to herself

"How beautiful, A little song for me"

I love you,
I promise.

I really do


Remember that, okay?



Whatever you'll hear about me






Just remember

******* broken hearts - Billie Eilish

You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
What is it you want?
You can lie but I know that you're not fine (oh yeah)
Every time you talk
You talk 'bout me but you swear I'm not on your mind
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Everybody knows
You and I are suicidal stolen art (oh yeah)
Pretty moments sews
Stitches into all your ******* broken hearts
You can pretend you don't miss me (me)
You can pretend you don't care
All you wanna do is kiss me (me)
Oh what a shame I'm not there
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort you
Like you want me to
Somebody new
Is gonna comfort me
Like you never do
Every now and then it hits me
That I'm the one that got away
But I guess being lonely fits me
And you were made for begging, stay

I believe that was the first time I wrote something about you (Or maybe posted.) I'm sot sure what I wrote before that, We'd have to dive into the history books. March 15, Almost half a year ago. I've thought about a lot of people since then, I've loved a lot of those people too. But, it's been 172 days. 172 days and I there hasn't been a single day that I haven't thought about you. And I don't think those days will come soon.

Welcome to wonderland - Anson Seabra

Welcome to Wonderland, we've got it all
Potions and pastries that make you grow tall
Forests and cottages, castles and cards that can talk
Welcome to Wonderland, look where you're at
Maddest of hatters, the Cheshire Cat
Magical cabins and lovely white rabbits with clocks
Dancing through a dream underneath the stars
Laughing 'til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart, oh, Wonderland I love
Welcome to Wonderland, I'll be your guide
Holding your hand under sapphire skies
Let's go exploring or we could just go for a walk
Welcome to Wonderland, where should we go
There's a tea party along down the road
Make an appearance and maybe they'll sing us a song
Dancing through a dream underneath the stars
Laughing 'til the morning comes
Everyone that leaves has a heavy heart oh, Wonderland I love
Nothing around here is quite as it seems
Not sure if anything's real or a dream
And the only thing sure from the start
Is the song that's inside of your heart
Don't let it leave
If this was a dream, then at least I've got
Memories for when morning comes
Now that I must leave with a heavy heart oh, Won-derland
I love

I'm lost in a storm of  w  o   r    d     s
And I can't find the right ones

A big part of my recent notes just dissapeared from my account (front page),
and i lost 6 followers
anyone know what's going on?

I didn't know if I was safe,
But you had a way with words.
They didn't even need to rhyme,
Because they were yours,
And that's what mattered.

I can write poems, essays, paragraphs,
Fill the entire world with all of you.
But I don't really want that sadness,
I just want to write our love story.
Even  if   it    isn't     true.

oh ye ye
oh ye ye
oh ye ye

I knew what love was,
But I didn't realise I never felt it, until you held me.
And love is different for every person,
But I'd wanna feel it with you.

Love is making flower crowns in the school break and putting them on each other's head.
(the flower crowns were just pretty, weren't they?)

Love is not really knowing, but it's okay, because you're with me.
(even though it was just a 'comforting friendship')

Love is staying at school until 5PM, and getting home too late, just so we could spend some time together.
(time we didn't know would make the difference)

Love is skipping class together, and hang out in the hallways.
(that's what normal people do, right?)

Love is laughing so hard that the teachers walking past wonder why we're crying in the hallway
(but weren't we just good friends back then?)

Love is doubting if you should maybe text the other, while they were waiting for it on the other side.
(but deleted texts don't count as actual texts, do they?)

Love is writing poems and poems while having no idea what you're writing, because you want to make the other happy.
(it's just not love if you don't read them)

Love is trying not to say "I love you," because you're not supposed to say that.
(if we don't admit to loving one another, we don't, do we?)

Love is drawing awful bathroom graffiti and being sad because the janitor cleaned off our huge "LIN-MANUEL MIRANDA"
(that was just casual fun right?)

Love is hugging each other almost every morning, because depression is a killer
(friends are there to comfort you, aren't they?)

Love is writing essays on how beautiful you are, or why you deserve love, because I felt like poetry wasn't enough.
(you didn't read the poems anyway)

Love is, I don't know. It doesn't matter. I can feel it when I'm with you, and that's the most important thing right now. As long as you want to feel that with me too, we're going to be okay.

I love you

Starting to wonder
If the place I've been looking for
All these years
Is the right one

Somebody that I used to know - Ables

"I don't even need your love, but you treat me like a stranger and that feels so wrong. Guessing I don't need that though, now you're just somebody that I used to know."

Ah ****, Here we go again.

flip
      bash
              bang
                      boom
                               crash

                                           my mental stability
                                           fell down the stairs

I can't keep up
I'm falling apart
And there's nothing poetic about it.

There's a bruise on my left arm
I want one of those
There's blood on my bracelet
And tears on my nose

I'm sorry, life has been taking it's toll on me, and I can't keep up. I'm sorry.

I can feel your head in my lap,
your hand in my hair,
your lips on my cheek,
but it all feels wrong

like it's not you who's supposed to be there

Let's live in a little cottage
Just at the edge of the woods
and have a pretty life
without anyone around

or in the centre of the city,
an appartment, if you prefer'
where we can fill the world with music
and with our friends real close about

or we can live a normal life
in a regular house in town
where we'd re-decorate every week
and have a spot, just of our own

we could watch the stars all night
and wake up feeling cold and blue
but clichés won't really matter then
because I'll spend my life with you

Mijn school is als een eerste thuis
Het tweede komt er nog niet bij
Zodra ik door de deur heen loop
Voel ik me bijna geketend vrij

De zon schijnt langzaam door de ramen
Ik heb uitzicht op de lucht
In de klas heerst er een vage stilte
Met alleen af en toe een zucht

Ik ben omringd door zo veel mensen
En ik kan nergens meer naartoe
Maar daar staan mijn vrienden weer
En dan is de rest van de wereld taboe

En als ik langzaam door de gangen loop
In stilte ongestoord
Dan voel ik me veilig hier
En niet alleen, zoals het hoort

listen before i go - Billie Eilish

Take me to the rooftop
I wanna see the world when I stop breathing, turning blue
Tell me love is endless, don't be so pretentious
Leave me like you do
If you need me, wanna see me
Better hurry 'cause I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now
Sorry I don't know how
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Taste me, these salty tears on my cheeks
That's what a year-long headache does to you
I'm not okay, I feel so scattered
Don't say I'm all that matters
Leave me, déjà vu
If you need me, wanna see me
You better hurry, I'm leaving soon
Sorry can't save me now (sorry)
Sorry I don't know how (sorry)
Sorry there's no way out (sorry)
But down
Hmm, down
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
But I'm not sorry
Call my friends and tell them that I love them
And I'll miss them
Sorry

Honestly, there's just one thing I need right now. Just us two, in one of those small, empty diners with those pink/red and blue neon signs. Being able to talk about stuff. Sad stuff, and happy stuff. Mostly good stuff. To steal your breath somehwere on a park bench and being able to hold your hand in public. I just want a simple life with you.

God ******* **** it Chay. I can't even write ******* poetry about you. You make my heart race like no one ever does and I lose even the simplest words around you. Every text from you makes my day. Yet, you don't even seem to notice me. How extremely happy and how uncontrollably down you make me feel. Maybe because you think I'm over you. Maybe because you forgot. Perhaps you forgot, but I never did. I ******* love you. I always have. So could I get a shot? No second chances if I **** up. Is that okay? We could be okay. I can be anything you want me to be. A lover, a friend, anyone. You want love, I'm right next to you. You probably don't seek mine though. I just want another first chance with you. Maye you could love me too.

I'm still alive after 401 days. didn't think i would make it past 10. this started as a fun thing. it's become a coping mechanism. a reason to live, a way to function. it wasn't the support that i did or didn't get. it was me. i think this is the first time i actually wanted something, and finished it, even though i didn't have the energy. because i wanted to, unconciously. it just hit me. i'm glad i'm here for some reason. i have an emotional connection with these notes. they've been here the roughest year of my life. without knowing. so this time, no thanks to other people, but to me. i'm here, i did it. i'm proud of myself. i can't say that with certainty yet, but i just hope i can, a bit more, every day. soon.

I dreamed a dream - Les Miserables

There was a time when men were kind
When their voices were soft
And their words inviting
There was a time when love was blind
And the world was a song
And the song was exciting
There was a time
Then it all went wrong
I dreamed a dream in times gone by
When hope was high and life worth living
I dreamed, that love would never die
I dreamed that God would be forgiving
Then I was young and unafraid
And dreams were made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted
But the tigers come at night
With their voices soft as thunder
As they tear your hope apart
As they turn your dream to shame
He slept a summer by my side
He filled my days with endless wonder
He took my childhood in his stride
But he was gone when autumn came
And still I dream he'll come to me
That we will live the years together
But there are dreams that cannot be
And there are storms we cannot weather
I had a dream my life would be
So different from this hell I'm living
So different now from what it seemed
Now life has killed the dream
I dreamed