i love you so dearly
but you are dying me blue
from the tips of my toes
to the tears you make me cry
i know you’re too clueless to understand the emotions of a hopeless romantic like me
but i hope you can understand one day
that i am doing this because i love you too much.
for so long i never understood why people left the ones they loved
“Why do such a silly thing to yourself?” I would ask the stars accompanying venus
but now i understand that the silly thing would be to stay
because as much as i love you
i need to love me too.
so for now i’ll sail my ship far away
and maybe one day you’ll grow up as i did
and love me as a love you.
and it pains me to say this
this pain is like no other
i would rather take a bullet straight through my head
but we all have to make sacrifices
and so now i will take a bullet straight through my heart
goodbye.
~ you know who you are. i love you too much to stay. i hope you can forgive me but for now let me forgive myself.~

I’m in a bit of a situation
There seem to be weeds blooming all across my face
The weeds are red
They are blooming all aross my cheeks
All across my forehead and chin
and even some buds on my nose
I don’t like the weeds
And neither does anyone else
I’ve tried everything to get them go away
but nothing works, and they’ll always stay
these weeds make me sad
oh so sad
and now my tears just water these weeds
I refuse to show the world these hideous red weeds
i have been taught to hate the unwanted
and to strive for perfection
but perfection is something i’ve never known
so for the moment i cannot make these red weeds disappear
and from now on i’ll stop quenching their thurst with my tears
for now all i can do is love them
love these red weeds that cover my face
and hope that one day i’ll find someone who can love them too.

We take the Sun for granted
Like she’ll always be here
As if she is filled with golden rays
That knock away our fears
But what if all that golden light
Doesn’t repel fear itself away
But she’s just too scared to admit
That all of her demons stay
And she relies on the moon to watch her back
But she too has problems of her own
Yeah the stars keep her company
But she still feels so alone.
These two wonders of the sky have so much beauty in common but still ignore each other, what for?
If you would just open your eyes, and open your mind
You two could be so much more.

My favorite story in greek/roman mythology is the story of Persephone and Hades.
I always though that she was in love with him
That she was the good grace that saved him
Almost as yin and yang, two beautiful opposites that fell perfectly into what I described as love.
But as I read inbetween the inbetween of the lines
I learned that I was wrong.
She wasn't happy at all, she just couldn't leave.
She was trapped in a whirlwind of melancholy
Longing for a hand to grab through the storm.
And as she grew sadder, so did the world around her.
When she was not with Hades flowers grew inbetween her toes
and butterflies danced across the clouds,
But when she had to leave the sky rained monotone gray.
I was Persephone, I longed to help the hopless
and in hope of love being returned to me from the hands of god
all i was given, was nothing.
But then you came.
You swooped me off of my feet and doused me in saphires.
You showed me what it felt like to be loved.
I'll admit, the feeling is new,
But sometimes you have to grab the hands of fate and just hope that you'll be catched.
Because at the end of the day, why keep picking roses if they're thorns make you bleed?
Thats why I prefer Sunflowers;
and I'm sure if she had the chance, Persephone would too.

Giving you my heart would be easy
And loving you would be easy;
if it wasn't for him.
him and his hands
him and his lips
slurring disgust while grabbing my hips
him and his voice
him and his eyes
I would tell you the truth but you'd only believe his lies.
It was like being shoved under meters of water
gasping for air, reaching for the sunlight above
but i just kept sinking and sinking and sinking.
swallowing all the words that longed to leave my mouth, it was like choking on water
while just sinking and sinking and sinking.
somedays I'd just let it happen, because what could I do, who would listen?
the feeling of his thrusting on my back, it was numbing
the way his voice would slither into my ears saying, "shhhhh just hold still."
that voice was chilling.
and no one even noticed, no one even cared.
I am trying to give my heart to you and I am trying to give my love to you, but his hands leave scars that I'm not ready for you to see.
So until you reach out your hand for me to hold
I'll just keep sinking and sinking and sinking.

We pulled up in the drive way
If it weren't for my hello kitty flip flops, my feet would've melted into the cracks of the pavement.
Running up to ring the doorbell, and the smell of home rushing through my nose as I am greeted by hugs.
Kicking off my kicks, and letting the beige colored carpet mingle with the bottoms of my feet.
Leaping on to a couch that was stained with strawberry ice cream and memories.
The lace that trailed off the ends of the curtains danced as the breeze from an open winow came to say, "hello."
Splashing in a wading pool while grandma looked through Avon catalouges
sipping lemonade that we made prior, in a Disney Princess Sippy Cup.
I run up the stair into my room; sparkly purple bed sheets cover my bed and I crash.
All snuggled up in an ocean of blankets while everyone else watches the Steelers game downstairs.
As I dose off, half way through a dream filled with pink, grandpa woke me up; he said we were going out for ice cream!
I put on my favorite Little Mermaid shirt on and ran downstairs.
We all pile into an old BMW and start our journey to Sarris.
Nostalgia and city lights fill my eyes with wanderlust.
We park the car and rush to hop in line. When we order our ice cream we sit down in a red diner-hop booth.
Everyone together, MiMi, Papap, Mom, Dad, Victoria, Patty, G-G, and me.
And I don't know if it was eating powdered donuts on Sunday mornings
Or the way that Fresca tasted after eating a happy meal,
but visiting your house
in that small town in Pittsburgh
Is the only way that I can describe "home."

You mean so very much to me
You make butterflies spiral up my stomach and flurry around my heart
you make me giggle on the days that my eyes are sore from crying
I love every single part of you
from the freckles around you beautiful brown eyes
from the way your lips seem to have the words “kiss me” written on them in cursive ribbons
but every rose has it’s thorn
You seem to enjoy the daisies
while i enjoy the sunflowers
and no daisy lover shall fall for a child of the sunflower
but when i’m with you, i could care less
the way we love without warning makes Romeo and  Juliet jelous, oh so jealous
i’ve spent the summer away from you, but that doesn’t mean a day goes by that i refuse to think about you
and on this summer journey i noticed something quite strange.
As the sun rose and melted colors of pink, and orange, and yellow into the morning sky
i saw a single sunflower
holding hands with a daisy
and oh how happy they looked
soon the orange, and yellow, and pink transformed into beautiful  cumulus clouds.
and there the daisy sat with that sunflower.
and i don’t think i’ve ever seen something better represent love.

the women who came before me
were hurricanes of great power
so when the men of their time would see them, they would run away and cower

the women who came before me
were lush forests of great size
wide variations of kindness
leaving all in awe with their beautiful baby blue skies

the women who came before me
were frigid tundras of snow and ice
chilling all who came near to the touch
because the women who came before me
didn’t always like to play nice

the women who came before me
were the golden glistening sun
no matter their color, their religion, or who they loved
their radiant beauty blinded everyone

the women who came before me
were the moon, solemn and wise
always at peace and a state of zen
drawing people in and out with their eyes just like the tides

the women who came before me
were all the sparkling stars in the sky
connecting together to form constellations
beautiful enough to make you cry

the women who came before me
were so strong and so wise
they rise
they rise

the women who came before me
showed hope even in their cries
they rise
they rise

they’re souls will remain sewed
into my heart and the skies
they rise
they rise

because the women who came before me will stick by me until I die.
we rise
we rise

You are the warm breeze that hits my shoulders in summer
When I am sitting in the shade
Roots mingling with blades of grass
Bumble bees cozy in my braids

Always passing
Always watching
Always moving
Always there
And I too am always passing
Always moving
Always watching
And always there
But you just so happen to not be aware
Of my presence

You somehow are able to make flowers dance
You even make the weeds waltz and sway
You make butterflies blush and blue birds sing
But yet you never seem to stay

Soon fall comes around the corner
And your chill makes the oak trees drop their clothes
We graze fingertips
as you wrap around my hips
And we nearly touch lips
And time suddenly froze

So did you

You became a chilling breeze of ice
I had to force away your embrace
Because slowly snowflakes and frost
Appeared across my face

I’ve longed to be with you since forever
But every weeping willow tree knows
As much as I wanted to hold on to you
The wind must eventually go

So a watched you glide away
Across the freshly fallen snow
And without a breeze nearby
Things were moving slow

No poppies were swaying
No sunflowers were smiling
No butterflies were in sight
The weeds were not waltzing
The blue birds did not sing
And there were no stars twinkling in the sky that night

Soon the snow melted into dandelions
And the snowflakes melted midair into rain
Sprinkling on the concrete sidewalks
And the noise seemed to wash out my brain

Because that next summer I didn’t miss you
Your presence no longer meant a thing
And I think everyone also forgot
Because the roses still bloomed
And the blue birds would still sing

And one day I felt a warm breeze walk by
While I was sitting in the shade
My roots in between blades of grass
And flowers stuck in strands of my braids

Since forever I’ve longed for this feeling
That’s why I’ll never know
That instead of holding on
I decided to let the breeze go

-It’s time to let go

Do you miss the warm rain like i do?
The way it would caress our skin; it’s touch was light as a feather. Almost unnoticed, but too nurturing to be forgotten.
And when warm rain fell, the sun always followed.
We’d bathe in tender golden light.
And she would wrap us snug in her rays, only to let us nap on her sister’s green quilts of velvet.
In this moment nothing mattered.
There was you
There was me
And there was the warm rain.
Nothing mattered except for us.
We didn’t have to argue or yell, and no tears were shed.
Just you me and the warm rain.
It would dance across our sunburned cheeks and shoulders, mingle with our freckles, and get lost in between our intertwined fingertips.
Although my eyes were closed i knew you were smiling. Smiling the smile that i’ve longed to see since September.
I didn’t want this moment to end i just wanted to stay
stay
stay
here
with you
forever.
Mom yelling for dinner woke me up.
There were white tiles under my head and a shower head infront of my face.
i stood up, wiped the running water from my eyes, and turned the **** to the shower off.
pearls of water formed and chilled as i hopped out while looking for a towel frantically.
I paused the outdated song playing from my phone, that i once resonated with you.
I look through the fog on my bathroom mirror
and i see me.
without you
but i see love.
love inside of me, past my now fair and satin skin
beyond my fading freckles and rosy cheeks
there is love.
and maybe one day when the grass is green again, and the falling rain is warm
i’ll find love there too.
In the warm rain.

from day one he held her fragile hand
tugged her along the cliff's edge
watched her through even the longest of days
or peered throughout the green garden's hedge
he tugged a bit harder the older she got
until her skin drooped like elastic torn apart
fed her alcohol like a bottle to a baby
popped her pills till it paused her heart
As he'd comb his hands though her soft brown hair
streaks of gray followed the strands he once brushed
he'd press his black lips on her sun spotted cheeks
and place a rotten finger over her mouth whispering, "hush"
he tugged her night gown once more in the rocking chair
as wind from the open window brushed by with a chill
he held the jagged dagger up to her neck
although his intention was not to ****
as he sliced her open, the scythe hit the ground
her eyes of glass finally stood still
he brushed her hair behind her ear and whisperd
"i promise, my intention was not to ****."
They walked away from the old rocking chair
hand in hand like it was from the start
because although life gives you your pulse
the reaper steals your beating heart

I'm getting quite tired of waiting
waiting for you
waiting for "us"
If you would even call "it" an "us."
Last night I couldn't wait
I picked up my phone, pouring the thoughts of my heart
into that little text box, and before I let my finger just push that send button
I stopped
resisting it with all my might; i stopped
I deleted word after word after word, watching everything reverse with a sense of melancholy elegance
I watched as the bar ran out of words to take from my fingertips, and then haulted
I froze staring into space; until I slowly turned my phone off and set it on my nightstand
I fell back onto my bed and nearly drowned myself in an ocean of blankets,
and let out a sigh of regret as my matress cradled my oh so tired back
I watched my dusted ceiling fan spin once, then twice, and then once more;
just wondering if you've ever done the same
if you've ever felt the same
if you've ever felt this feeling of melancholy elegance

you were always good with guns
you hanlded them with sence of grace
firmly, gracefully.
I used to be the one you talked to
the one you told your secrets to
the one you would laugh with
the one you would cry with;
but now you talk to her
you tell her your secrets
you laugh with her
you cry with her.
and now i'm crying by myself.
you were always good with guns
you hanlded them with sence of grace
firmly, gracefully.
load
aim
fire
and there goes my heart.

this noise is too loud for these porcelain ears of mine
they scatter with cracks as the noise grows near
this abuse is too rough for this porcelain skin of mine
each hit I take scuffs the baby pink paint on my cheeks
this sadness is too sad for this porcelain heart of mine
the melancholy that has been brewing inside of you for so long is now forced into my fragile soul
there seems to be no more love in this home;
I guess thats why they call it a dollhouse

i miss the words never spoken,
the actions never taken,
the kisses that never kissed,
the songs that were never sung,
the glances that were never approached,
the calls to hesitant to ring.
the things that never happened are the things i miss most

I once desired for your love,
But your love was never mine.
It was her’s, so I watched you two fall in love from behind.

I now desire for your love,
But is your heart still in her hands?
Or is it tucked away just for me
Like treasure hidden under sand?

Will I still desire for your love
In the next year or so?
Because although I’ve waited far too long
I can’t imagine letting you go.

So if I’ve stopped wishing by January
Please know that I’m fine
because I finally gave up on wishing
And took your love as mine

There was a time when i believed in falling
for falling is the first step to trust
and trust, i have lacked for the last few years
because sheded tears caused my steel heart to rust
for a while i was convinced there was a spark
hidden under heaps of high expectations and hope
past the overthinking, right next to quaint smiles and glances, and hidden under the wish that we’d finally elope
but love isn’t built with empty promises
nor is it molded with the lovley, “if only”
because when you fall in love with the idea of someone
falling turns to broken, the broken can’t mend, and your back to being desperate and lonely
i wish being loved wasn’t so difficult
but if it was easier no one would dare to fall
because we’d rather be shattered from falling with faith
than stay safe with nothing at all

it ended
it’s over now
but what surprised me most of all is that i’m not even sad.
i’m happy it happened and i don’t regret a second of it.
i’ll miss what could’ve been, but i won’t miss what was.
it ended
but it’s only just begun.

Now I’m not usually into politics
But our nation's not a firm apologists of its actions
And it’s making me quite frustrated
Seeing homeless veterans on the street
Isn’t being this small minded just a little bit outdated?
The America that we’re living in has me completely surprised
Has no one in this country ever opened their eyes?
Because our skin tone still defines us
Yeah thats without a doubt
As if the darker your skin gets the less respect your given
Is that what you want America to be about?
Immigrants are given no trust
And now our  president wants to put a wall around us
I think that’s enough
Don’t you?
They say we’re in troubled paradise but all I see is trouble
Cause the number of suicides from last year to now has nearly doubled
And not to mention
That there have been just about 22 school shootings in just this past year
Ever wonder why our country is trembling in fear
Well here’s why
Because our school dress code matters more than our gun laws
Here's why
Because our skin tone determines our value and our worth
Here’s why
Because Gay marriage was only legal just a few years ago
Here’s why
Because poverty is spreading quicker than ever
Here’s why
Because now women get harrassed on the street
Here’s why
Because some people feeling like dying everyday and the only help they’re  given is prescribed medication
Here’s why
Because women are still paid less than men
Now I suggest you go ahead and look outside
And don’t try to hide away from it all
Don’t ignore the homeless man that is dying on the street
Don’t ignore the black woman being sexually assaulted on that corner
Don’t ignore the that gay couple being rejected from their church
Don’t ignore that little girl who has to measure her shorts for school
And we are told that young or old freedom will unfold
But If that’s so
Then why has nothing changed in the past century?
And now let me ask you
Did we make America great again?

The moment I looked into your eyes,
I knew you wouldn't stay for long
I knew that there'd be love and lies
But I'd lock onto your arms until you're gone
I knew this love would hurt
But I did not know it would be this hard
Because I'm not ready for you to go
I'm not ready to stich up new scars
I'm not ready for the leaves to leave the trees
I'm not ready for the wind to be cold
I'm not ready to say goodbye
Because this love was meant to be gold.
But you can't decide when the wind changes
And now withered love will blow away
I guess I should've listened to Robert Frost
when he whispered to me,
"Nothing gold can stay."

The trees have shed the snow that sleeps on their branches,
and the rivers are starting to crack.
The wings of the geese are once again heard in the distance,
and icicles are creating puddles on my front porch.
I'm packing up my winter gear and saving my galoshes for next
December.
The Sun is once again peeking behind locks of cirus clouds.
Sofly kissing my cheeks and nose.
My back is warm, my toes are wet, and I finally remeber the smell of, "green."
As the Sun soons sets, the smell of a campfire cozies my lungs.
And I think I forgot how bright stars could shine, until now.
Polaroids snip snap click and clack as I gather and scrunch up with two friends to get the perfect scrapbook shot.
Burnt smores and belly laughes fill the air until we all pass out- and do it all again.
hope.

How does one call out love, when one knows nothing but sorrow with the word love painted on it?

i’m having a hard time understanding
because it shouldn’t feel this way anymore
but how do you let go of poison
when you can remember how water tasted before
when you can’t trace back the days when roses smelled oh so sweet
when you can’t trust enough to even let the soft grass kiss your feet
when it’s too risky to take off the blind fold that once hid you from the light
because you’ve just learned to love the abusive night
when you’re too numb to move a muscle
or too tired to even care
so you hold on and let them strip you down
because when you’ve ignored it for so long you tend to forget it’s even there
even though it beats me badly
i simply don’t know how to let go
because when you replace your water with poison
your roses will refuse to grow

I am not hot
Hot is a bowl of soup or a fresh cup of coffee
I am not hot
If you touch me will I burn you?
You’d think an English major would have wider vocabulary
Hot is not romantic hot is merely a weather forecast
For this forecast is expecting thunder if you call me hot again
But hot is what you settle for
Hot is what you say
Is hot supposed to make me swoon
In some romantic way?
Hot will sexualize and demise my self worth
Because hot is not me
It will label my beautiful with a 50% off sticker
And it will place me on a pedestal and shine spotlights on my bare body
Yelling slurs from below me and taunting my every move
Hot is not hot
I am not hot

lets go for car rides at midnight
count all the stars we can and cannot see
because though we can’t see it with our eyes
that one forgotten star
may lead to the most amazing universe
but we’d never know, because its just out of reach
lets drive down empty roads
and let these smoked city lights lead the way
let us scream to the top of our lungs as the warm breeze brushes across our faces
and let the sunrise the next morning be like no other
let the sun melt and fade into the sky like fondue
let the clouds form into images of the love we never knew we wanted;
or that i wanted
because although i felt a warmth that some call “love”
i was just a star
lost in the many that fill the sky
but to you i was forgotten;
to you i was a forgotten star.

there’s a place where the broken hearts go
it’s lost in grey eyes and smoggy skies
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
and there i long to be
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in weary sighs and midnight cries
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
there i will be free
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
in the back of our minds losing track of time
there’s a place where the broken hearts go
that’s where i will see
the place where the broken hearts go
is away from you and all that you do
the place where the broken hearts go
is a safe place for me

I’m feeling quite lost at the moment
almost completely numb in a way
i feel as if all the love that ran through my veins
has evaporated into thin air
the feeling is almost sickening
it just feels so empty
and i’m surrounded by people that love me
but yet i feel so alone
and tomorrow morning when i feel the beach in between my toes and hear the waves crash up against my feet
a feeling of longing will be cured
i’ve never truly loved someone yet, i don’t think
call me a pyscopath, because maybe i am
but maybe one day when the wind dries the tears off if my cheeks
and when clouds fill half of the sky
when the stars whisper words of reassurance and beauty into my ears
and when the waves of the oceans and seas travel miles just to reach my open arms
maybe then will i feel “love.”
-gs

i feel like a sailor lost at sea
but the sea is filled with people
and the boat i am steering is my mind
you are the island i saw far in the distance
with fruits of gold
mountains of silver
and streams of crystals
sand of emeralds
and sunshine made of citrine
a moon of pale opal
and stars of pure diamonds
and as i rushed to shore holding out open arms
you vanished
disappeared
and i was simply just a sailor, having a hallucination
lost at sea.

He loves me, he loves me not
throw flower petals up in the breeze
he loves me, he loves me not
sweet honey trills off your lips with ease
He loves me, he loves me not
even though you say it's true
he loves me, he loves me not
You make it hard to believe you
He loves me, he loves me not
my bruised skin is healed in the places you kissed
He loves me, he loves me not
but you soon strike the skin your fist once missed
He loves me, he loves me not
the soft, delicate hands that used to hold mine
he loves me, he loves me not
now beat instead of intertwine
He loves me, he loves me not
wrinkled petals flutter across the sky
he loves me, he loves me not
as you’re pleading i begin to cry
He loves me, he loves me not
And i was really hoping you’d known
that no matter how much you make up for what was lost
a plucked flower will never grow
he loves me; not.

and like the rose you handed me the day we fell in love
we were golden, grand, beautiful.
but as time went on, we slowly fell apart.
petal by petal, day by day.
nothing gold can stay, and thats why we wilted.

i miss you
but i promise i’ll see you soon
and when i return home, and i gaze into your beautiful luring eyes
I will wisper, “I love you, I love you” without even moving my lips
and our eyes will intertwine for what feels like a century
but when reality comes flooding back in
we’ll move along with our lives
just as friends.

I didn't know you didn't like me
I didn't know I made you mad
I didn't know I made you cry
I didn't know I hurt you so bad
I didn't know you hated me so
and I didn't think that we would end
But when you tell your little fibs,
They break shards that refuse to mend.
Your cruel words are masked behind a pretty face
And your smile leads me on to believe
That it truly is okay, but then you say
words that leave me deceived.
Your vicious claws tear through my skin
and you leave me out to bleed,
but in some twisted way, you whisper lies into their minds
and the blame, once again, rests upon me.

I believe that i am a cloud
some days i am an airy swift ball of sunshine
but other days i rage storms with lightning that will chill your spine
some days i cry tears that water willow trees down below
and other days i just wallow in the sky sulking in a forever feeling of numbness
i am what you want me to be
maybe i’m a butterfly one day
maybe the next i’m a sunflower
and the sun whispers in my ear each night before she sets,
“A rainbow shall come after the rain, and if you wait long enough you may find happiness too. But be careful, because a rainbow can be further away than you think.”
and i think i found my rainbow;
but they’re out of reach.

beautiful
beautiful-
b e a u t i f u l
i love the way it rolled off of your tongue
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.
every time our eyes intertwine i can hear it echo;
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.
a word my heart has only dreamed of hearing,
and yet here i am
standing beside you
still in awe
beautiful, b e a u t i f u l.

we live in a deck of cards
you are the king of spades
i am the queen of hearts
but even the jester knows, a ***** is to dangerous for a heart

I do not have her brown hair, and I do not have her genuine smile
But I have hair tinted as gold grain, and and a grin I've worked on for a while.
I do not have her slimmed out waist, or her beautiful skin
But I have a tummy that folds over on occasion, and a beautiful soul within.
I do not have her elegant laugh, or her power to light up a room
But I have a peculiar love for flowers, and like them I need some time to bloom.
You adore her and laugh with her, but when I come over to talk to you you walk away. And I can't help but to wonder, what would've happened if you stayed?
Now I can't promise you beauty and grace, nor can I promise me to open up.
I can't promise that I'll trust you right away, or that I'm ready to fall in love.
But I can asure you one thing, something I am just dying for you to see.
That the day she breaks you into a million pieces,
you'll wish you picked me.

in every romance i fall into blindly
there’s always a curious tie
invisible but inevitable
and this one has been yanking my pinkie since December
and every time we encounter one another, i can feel the gentle nudge from angels above and the kind whisper from the summer breeze
but your pinkie is being tugged by another
she holds your heart, and you hold hers
and it doesn’t look like you’ll be letting go anytime soon.
but when the day comes when your tie gives out and hearts shatter across the cream stained marble floor,
i’ll be here
waiting patiently
for you

sometimes you’re gonna meet people who change your life
who shine like your sun, glow like your moon, and twinkle all of your stars
but, you mustn’t fall
because someone else is their sun, their glowing moon, and stars.
and you can’t take away someone’s world, because that love comes once in a lifetime.
i just wish you could see you’re my once in a lifetime.

Dear my love,
I have yet to find you. The past years of waiting have been exhausting I’ll admit, but still i wait hopeful. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to run barefoot in the summer rain. As well as what it feels like to gasp for air mid laughter. I can barely remember the feeling of your salty summer hair, and the sand in between my toes. The sound of quiet whispers on a phone call that’s been going on for hours. I’ve forgotten the warmth of you’re touch. You melt me like candle wax my love. I miss your striking eyes, and your gorgeous smile. And mostly I miss this feeling of comfort. Like I could just fall into your arms, into your love, and it will all be okay. I miss the way you’d whisper to me I love you, and how you’d kiss my forehead in between smiles. I miss the way you remembered the name of every constellation I’d tell you about, and would giggle when I told you about another. I miss you and your everything my love, but most of all I miss this feeling you gave me. This feeling that I’ve never, ever, ever known.
And the only word that I could possibly describe it with,
is whole.
Until we meet again.
Sincerely,
The girl you’ve never met

i wish i could tell you how much i miss you
and how badly i want you
every time the thought of you crosses my mind
rain pours from the hurricanes that rage in my eyes
they pour because as much as i want you
crave you
need you
you are killing me slowly
but you don’t even notice

Dear Great Grandma,
Thank you. Thank you for the loud 4 o'clock steeler games, and the snacks that followed them. Thank you for the Saris' ice cream dates that included and eruption of chocolate sprinkles

You were a bright yellow flower
That bloomed in early July
I was the shy little bumble bee
That was always passing by
I would like to keep my distance
Cause other bees liked you too
Any yet you barely knew me
And I barely knew you
But somehow I felt like I've seen you before
In this botanic garden of dreams
Filled with flowers of blue, violet, orange
And crystallized glistening streams
But yet you were one of few yellow flowers
So you easily stood out
You colors always remained vibrant
Even during Our droughts
So I kept on admiring your colors
But I still stayed far away
In our vibrant crowded garden
Until you noticed me one day
And I started to fall in love with you
But soon came the end of July
And all of us smart bumble bees know
That's when Sunflowers die

on a day where i should’ve lost hope
where i should’ve given up and moved on
i fell in love with you all over again
and i hate that fact that deep down i know
this love will forever stay unrequited.

cut me loose
let my feet walk again
no longer drag me by the thread you’ve weaved in between my heartstrings

cut me loose
let me roam without your phantom-like presence
let me feel what it’s like to fall in love with out wanting to look back at you

cut me loose
let me understand that unrequited love isn’t the only option
there’re so many things waiting for me up ahead, but you’re just dragging me backwards

cut me loose
I’ve overdosed on temptation and now i feel numb
i have no desire to fall in love with you anymore
so please cut your thread
cut me loose

One time I had a flower
Planted in my room
I gave it all the love and time
That it needed to bloom
I watered that flower everyday
Gave it lots sun
But after a while work got boring
And it wasn't fun
And so I left the flower
Dying on its own
Withered petals scatter around
Because I left it alone
So next time you get bored of someone
Think before you do
Because flowers need love to grow
And people need it too.

Your lips are made of sugar, your sweet voice melts my heart
You stitch my wounds with candy floss, when I start to fall apart
patch my cuts with gumdrops, and dry every tear
bite off all the bitter, and kiss away the fear
It's nice to have a candyman but what I really want to know
is when the sweetness rots away will a sour side start to grow?
will this start to bore you? will my face become a dull sight?
will you leave my texts on read after pointless fights?
will you sell your sweets to another, and leave me blind?
because every sweet soul, has a bitter mind

I try to keep it all together
But everyone is dependeding on me
Everything depends on my sucess or my kindess
I can't do this I can't breathe this air, or look at myself in the mirror when I hate who I see
when I know that I can never stop being the girl that everyone hates
the girl that everyone talks about behind her back
the girl that everyone glares at and stares at
this girl who is selfish and stupid and insolent
this cruel, harsh, greedy persona is now permanent
shes lost in her ******* mind because the world is just as bad
she wants to ******* die, to sleep and cry
to let go of her sanity and just fall, fall, fall down into deaths arms
because my sickness just makes everyone's life harder and less liveable
I just wish I wasn't born as "me"
I wish some other unlucky soul had the burden of being this skin slashing human
But it fell upon me

When our eyes meet the ashes turn to embers and flutter like golden butterflies.
They rise and swirl tickle the sides of my tummy.
It is a heavenly feeling
I would not give it up for the world, but I am scared that I will.
Because yellow only lasts for so long.

Is silence so much to ask for?
If you don stop I will slam your lips shut
Because these same old lines of mockery
Are making me want to thow up.
If you don leave me alone, I am warning you
beware of the things to come
because I wont hesitate
to chew your face and spit it out like cherry chewing gum.
If you dont leave I am telling you
I will **** you, I promise, I swear
because I am sick and tired of being your joke
So if you dont shut up, I am warning you
beware.

My father once told me to always except the best and worst possible outcome.
And for the longest time i was completely baffled.
"How could I be okay with the worst possible outcome?"
"It's impossible to be okay with the worst possible outcome."
But what I think I was really trying to say was," It's impossible to be okay."
And I remeber the day loud and clear.
I was shaking and in utter destraught.
I wanted it all to end, and I too thought it was the end.
But despite the chaos
for a slim slip of a second, I was okay.
Not only with the "Worst possible outcome."
But I was genuinely okay.
Because that was the day I realized, that no matter what,
through the worst and best "possible outcomes"
I had Grace.
I had me.