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Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
I am drowning in obligations I am going to die. Augh.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Society: Love is all you need. Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. You are beautiful and unique, everyone is!

Me: Oh shut up.

If you just cannot seem to find love and need to live off of something else, if words CAN hurt you, (if you think they can't, I will cheerfully smack you with a dictionary (: ) and you hate being told you are beautiful as if that is gonna change your mind when you just do not see it then please repost.
Comment! I love to read comments!
Repost if you just cannot seem to find love and need to live off of something else, if words CAN hurt you, and you hate being told you are beautiful as if that is gonna change your mind when you just do not see it.
Comment! I love to read comments!
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Right now you could turn around
and walk away
you could save yourself so much of that
You could save yourself the pain
and the anger
and the resentment
and the screaming
and the lonely cold nights
of regrets
and aching sadness
missing what you had
You could save yourself the happy days
before it falls apart
You could save yourself from an experience
that strengthens you even if it turns out for the worse
the days you finally smile again
after being so isolated for so long
You could save yourself the waking up grinning
and the nights that feel like they last a beautiful forever
and the lovely memories that haunt you
save yourself the fear of risking that brokenness
and all that possible pure joy
Or...

Please repost if you are going to act on that OR... in your life
Please comment I love to read interpretations of my poetry!
Please repost if you are going to act on that OR... in your life
Please comment I love to read interpretations of my poetry!
Ember Evanescent Mar 2015
Whispers and tangled limbs have never felt this electric.
You pull me in, and I feel your lips brushing my earlobe
I tell you I know what you're going to say,
expecting the same joke you usually make
You ask me if I'm positive I know what you're going to say
I assure you I am, and feel your arm wrap around my shoulder,
letting your warmth envelope me
Then I feel the unexpected words
Slip from your lips and collide with my emotions
Brushing against my ear in harmony with your lips
"I'm not sure you realize how beautiful you really are."
well, this is working out well.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
I've been meaning tell you that I'm sorry for the way
I been kind of all over the place lately
I know I been outta my mind for the last, say, two, three, twenty four months
I know I got a little too close to the ledge
and I chased my mind way over the edge
but fallin' on the way down
I learned how to fly
Please comment!
Ember Evanescent Jan 2015
Okay, you two. I want you to say sorry.
Now that she has said sorry, you have to say: That's okay.
There. Now it's all better.

**here is the problem with that, from a very young age, children are taught to simply SAY sorry, and not actually find remorse in themselves, they just say it whether they mean it or not, and they think there is no difference. The other problem: Even if you ARE sorry, not all things you do can be undone. Not everything IS "okay" now that you are sorry. Some things are unforgivable. It can't always be "all better".
just something from my childhood that my parents always had us say when there was a fight
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Yeah, I do have an image in my mind of a "perfect man"
few girls don't,
but here's where I differ,
I don't want perfect.
Perfection is overoverrated
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Glass is essentially perfect
Clear and easy to see through
Nothing hidden inside
No fractures
smooth
shining
flawless
used to hold treasures in museums
like priceless artifacts
the crown jewels
practically perfect
You could be like glass
Perfect
but keep in mind
glass is just waiting to shatter
and you can't ever fix it
once it has been broken
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
I can feel the rough surface of your goodbyes
Little monsters who bite at my flesh
They scar me and cut me and snag the little parts of me you loosened and I nearly let come undone
But at least I get to keep a little reminder of you
Even if it is a wound
A little something left of you to cling to
I can taste the bitterness of your unsweetened words
Their sour expressions like acid on my tongue
As they collide with mine, yours spilling from your lips, mine from mine,
and though you said you wished it and dreamed it, our lips, they never touched
Words words born of ink or vocal chords
Both vicious weapons and a divine form of healing
I can hear your silence
It whispers softly to me
It’s cold and sounds like the quiet night air when you are alone
And make a wish on a star even though you don’t believe for a second it could come true
I inhale the scent of your regrets
They haunt you and plague you like disease, ghosts and demons they stalk you in various states or consciousness
And their drifting aroma reminds me of the final day of autumn before the very first snowfall
I can see your mean streak
It cackles maliciously
Your shards of cruelty
They are silver and glint in the candlelight like blades
There is one intangible thing of yours that I can perceive in you that I really wish I couldn’t
I can’t taste it, or feel it by touch, sight, scent or sound.
It is not quite an idea
Nor a thought
Nor a concept or a fleeting feeling or emotion
But whatever it is It is swirling around your aura
Rising from your mind like steam from the fragile surface of a cup of Irish tea
And it stings so badly
Because whatever it is
I can sense it somehow with my soul
I can sense you not Missing me.
Not one little bit.
I love to read interpretations of my poetry! Please please comment!
Repost if you miss someone who doesn't miss you back
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
Pfft I don't need a f!cking man to make me feel loved and happy

Why else would we have chocolate?

I mean really

Chocolate doesn't mind if I am a *****

If I *** really badly

If I eat it (guys would never let you do that! And I bet they wouldn't
taste as good ...okay that's creepy. let's not think about that.)

If I wear what I call my: comfy-lazy-day-clothes and the rest of
humanity calls: hella-ugly-as-****-clothes

If I don't' wear makeup

If I bag on myself

If I sing. For 9 hours... straight...

If I ugly cry

If I literally act SO unbelievably insane it is actually scary and not pleasant or normal or safe and probably merits a psychological analysis

If I am too busy to hang out with it

Chocolate has never told me it loves someone else

Chocolate doesn't mind at all if I **** so badly at most sports that
dolphins are better throwers than me... and runners...

Chocolate doesn't ever care if I read so much that I forget to like, eat or
sleep or breathe or brush my hair or get dressed or get out of bed or put on pants or do anything else.

Chocolate can deal with my insane mood swings

Chocolate doesn't hit on other girls

Chocolate doesn't care that I'm not ready to like, you know "get serious" with it (that would actually be really disturbing let's not think about that either)

Chocolate accepts me for who I am and never judges me
(Although that is mainly because it is edible and inanimate...)

Chocolate respects my boundaries

I love chocolate

See? I don't need a man to be happy.

Who am I kidding I'm lonely as hell. :(
Why am I so pathetically dependant on love?
AUGH. I guess I'll just go and eat some chocolate.
so so lonely. sighhhh. :'(
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
Okay.
Sure.
Play victim.
Play with drugs, cigarettes and alcohol before you can even legally drive.
Play with knives and fire.
Play with all those things you swore you never would.
Play with the bad kids.
Play unloved.
Play overdramatic.
Play this game you love so well.

...because no matter how good you are at it sooner or later you are going to lose.

I can't wait, I hope I'm there when you do.
Because you wrecked me.
And I am STILL healing.
The scars on my wrists
are all your fault
the reason I sometimes can't eat more
than a yogurt and half an orange for lunch
is because of YOU
the reason I hate myself
the reason my mother can't trust me around blades anymore
the reason my mother cried for so many nights
because you broke her
you broke me
you SHATTERED my friends
and loved ones
you triggered her
you led to her eating problems
you contributed to the slits on her arms
the scars are STILL THERE
you made us genuinely want to **** ourselves
and HER
the one who was so strong she never drew blood
you even drove her to trying to with a pushpin
a f!cking pushpin
thanks to you!
we used car keys when we got desperate
scissor blades
safety pins
needles
construction paper edges
nailclippers
the ends of wires
circle makers
the backings of earrings
so many more things
sitting alone
you turned everyone against us
everyone
all of our friends
the whole school
our families
EVERYONE
you wrecked EVERYTHING
you killed us.
made us want to **** ourselves
now I just want to **** YOU

so go ahead
PLAY.
I hate her. dunno if you gathered that. she is an eating disorder triggerer, depression triggerer, self-harm causer. F!cking *****.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
The family all together over the holidays
It's always been a happy time
And that
Is really all I want
To feel that pure joy I always used to this time of year
Once again
Without those broken moods
Interfering
Because my inner demons
Have already taken every other joy in my life
And wrecked so many things that should have been perfect
PLEASE
Don't let them take Christmas too
Hoping a mood doesn't hit during Christmas. It's been a bad week.

I'm sorry to any of my friends on here (HP) who I haven't been messaging back. It I suddenly stop anwering I am probably really not okay and don't want to burden you.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Please sun
keep her warm
Please sun
help her stay happy
Please sun
give her a break from her depression
Please sun
she of all people deserves it most
Please sun
watch over her
Please sun
make her vacation as beautiful as her soul
Please sun
do everything you can to make her smile
Please sun
because she is like a sister to me
Please sun
and I just want her to be okay
For a friend, the sun can affect your mood, you know...in some cases. And she deserves happiness more than anyone I have ever met, so I hope on her sunny vacation, she is happy.
Ember Evanescent Feb 2015
I try so hard to be beautiful
If you only knew
But there is nothing beautiful
About the things I do

I try to be less so I can feel like I'm more
But does the number on the scale even matter anymore?

I'm promising and promising I ate before I came
But these pretty little lies are driving even me insane

And if you can't see through my smile
If you can't figure it out
I'm slowly killing myself
From the inside out
This was way back in grade 9 when I was very alone and very... well, I wasn't healthy in the mind. I'm better now. Usually I'm lying about that, but this time I ACTUALLY am. Seriously, I eat too much chocolate now. :P
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
WRITE A POEM ABOUT WHAT YOU WOULD SPECIFICALLY WANT YOUR DREAM GUY OR GIRL TO BE LIKE AND POST IT AS A POEM! MESSAGE ME OR COMMENT TO LET ME KNOW IF YOU ACCEPTED THE CHALLENGE AND WROTE ONE SO I CAN CHECK OUT YOUR POEM!
INCLUDE THE HASHTAG #CHALLENGE IN THE TAGS SECTION!
CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT YOU COME UP WITH!

PLEASE REPOST SO AS MANY PEOPLE AS POSSIBLE CAN GET INVOLVED IN THE CHALLENGE! :)
I wrote a poem called I like the type of boy... which was along these lines, so try doing something like that if you don't really understand what the challenge is.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
I don't understand why I am so caught up
In wanting go be pretty
You can BUY pretty
It comes in pretty bottles
Scented cream-form
Sealable powder containers
And tube mixed with glitter
A beautiful soul
Cannot be bought
But a kind-of-ish guy friend
Told me I was pretty today
I think he was just being kind though
And I wouldn't be interested anyway
Then earlier today
Some random grade 2 kids
Yelled at me
As I was walking out the door:
You're hot
Great so five seven year old boys
Think I'm hot
I don't think that counts
In fact it probably means im extra ugly
'Cause you can't trust a grade 2's taste
But that's not my problem
My problem is
Beauty is aways
What girls are complimented on
When it is so common
It has a price tag.
What has our society descended to
When "pretty" is the goal
Idk, what do people think? Does a seven year old thinking I'm hot actually mean im extra ugly? Lol it was kinda funny though. Getting catcalled by someone who is up to my hips in height. Haha
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Protection pledge of best friends:
-As soon as he starts looking at you like a piece of meat I start looking at him like a potential shishkebab
-When some ***** has hurt your feelings in the name of pride I know you gotta act tough, take the high road, and be mature. That's a good system, so while you do that I'll load her Into a catapult near the grand canyon... or maybe a massive pile of broken glass... or even just a huge fire. That works too.
-If you're in pain, I'll listen to you, I'll hunt down the ******* who upset you and find out just how flammable gasoline is when you drench someone else in it then I'll buy you bubble wrap, chocolate, a baseball bat and a tub of ice cream slightly greater in volume than your house.
-I'll make you feel better about yourself when you look at me and think: ****. Comparatively to her,  I'm remarkably sane! :D
-I'll always be here for you

Repost if you love your best friends like sisters and would die to protect them
Comment with your friendship code!  Or with really any thoughts you happen to have :)
Repost if you love your best friends like sisters and would die to protect them
Comment with your friendship code!  Or with really any thoughts you happen to have :)
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
I like you
I love you
You can trust me
I think you’re pretty
I won’t hurt you
I don’t like anyone else
I don’t love any other girl but you
I want to be with you, no one else
I don’t like her in that way
PROVE IT
...you never did.
Now I know why.
Your reason is spelled L-I-E-S.

Repost if you have been with someone who never proved it.
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! 
Repost if you have been with someone who never proved it.
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! 
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Psychological issues?

Sure.

I've got plenty.

I don't know exactly when it started
But some time ages ago
During elementary school
I just felt so worthless
Like I was numb
I wanted to feel
But I didn't know how
And it wasn't a sharp pain
I would welcome a sharp pain
It was dull ache that wouldn't leave me
I froze in my own icy thoughts
Maybe it was the loneliness
Or all the things those girls said to me
Maybe it was the insults or the whispers
Or maybe it was just my twisted mind
But whatever the cause
I tried to **** myself
When I was just a little 11 year old girl
When some girls were still playing with Barbies in secret
I was secretly playing with knives and ropes
I would take that blade
And scratch a cut into my wooden headboard
One slit in the wood for every moment that I wanted to die
Because I was too young back then to even think of my wrist
That came later
A few years later
And still
There are days where I just feel so horrible and sad and broken
For absolutely zero reason
It doesn't make sense
Nothing bad is even happening
But I feel shattered
I spent a year feeling so. hollow.
So f!cking hollow
I felt like I couldn't breathe
Like I wasn't alive
I spent entire days
Not speaking
I still miss the cuts sometimes, honestly
I like my scars
Which sounds terrible
But I trace them with my fingernails absentmindedly some days
During the darker nights
It comforts me
Because even though I’m not going to cut myself ever again
I can jolt myself into remembering the pain
And it is a form of relief in itself
I don’t know
Not something I can explain
Is that depression?
Probably not though, I feel bad suggesting it in front of people who actually for sure have depression when I haven't been analyzed
But still, it's not impossible I guess

I spent 5 years
From grade 5 through to grade 9
Which is pretty **** young
Feeling fat
Hating my body
Hating myself
I can see my ribs but I still feel fat
It’s okay I can fix that
Eating a little less
Skip a meal
Just skip lunch
Just eat a tiny breakfast, no lunch
No breakfast, no lunch but it’s okay because I have a good dinner
I think I’m losing weight
Is it bad that I’m in grade 5 and thinking like this?
This is great
I think it’s working
I’m in grade 6 now
Maybe I won’t be worthless if I become skinny
I can still see my ribs
I could from the beginning
But I still feel fat
Okay, less dinner now
Hide it well
Let’s switch
No lunch, a little dinner and a bit of breakfast
Just enough to stay alive
Although how much to I really want to stay alive?
Fat.
Look at my legs
Look at their legs
My thighs God I hate my thighs
Eat less
Eat less and less
Until I’m basically surviving on snacks and just the beginnings of each meal
Just enough to take a few bites before they leave the room for a minute
Just long enough for me to throw away my food
But I don’t think I’m losing weight
I will never be enough
7th grade
Just a little less
Don’t tell any of them
Losing pounds
Check my reflection
I still feel fat
I try to be less so I can feel like I’m more
But does the number on the scale even matter anymore?
I’m promising and promising I ate before I came
But these pretty little lies are driving even me insane
And they can’t see through my smile they can’t figure it out
I’m slowly killing myself
From the inside out
Pretty soon, “I don’t feel well” is my favorite phrase and an everyday thing
A justification for my small portions that I don’t finish
It’s true though
I don’t feel well
I feel worthless.
It continues into 8th and 9th grade
Worse and worse
Looking up the calories of different food
Surviving on water and tea
Just enough food to stay alive
Though I really don’t care that much about my own survival, really
Is that anorexia nervosa?
I doubt it
But it’s a possibility I guess

I look in the mirror
And I feel so f!cking ugly
I literally cannot find ONE thing I like about myself
I cannot leave the house without makeup
Because I am SO ashamed of my own face
I genuinely feel bad for the people who have to see my face
I cry sometimes, because I look in the mirror and see my own worthless hideousness
I remember that sleepover I was invited to with the popular girls and I wondered why
When I got locked in a closet, got soap sprayed in my mouth and locked outside in the freezing cold snow without pants on when I was just trying to change into my night clothes
That’s when I knew I had been invited just so they could torment me
I don’t like being the entertainment for the party
I tried to just go to sleep because if I called home I would look like a coward
And my mother who NEVER let me go to sleepovers would get to say “I told you so”
And when they thought I was asleep
But I wasn’t
I listened to them talk for a full hour
My eyes on the clock
My ears on their conversation
“Is she asleep”?
I didn’t know they were talking about me until I heard them mention my name
When they talked for a full f!cking hour
In detail
About why I was ugly
On what levels I was ugly
The degree of my ugliness
I didn’t cry
I didn’t sit up and tell them I could hear them
It would be too humiliating
I listened
And I know they are right
But now it’s getting bad
My face doesn’t even look human to me anymore
It looks like some sort of beastly troll’s face
It looks f!cking hideous
My mother is worried about me
Because I can’t even look myself in the mirror when I have no makeup on
Because I Freak. Out when it is suggested that I might have to be in public without hiding my ugly face in makeup
It literally affects my ability to function properly in everyday life.
The thing is, those girls said it
And they ALL agreed
So if I REALLY had dysmorphia
Then it would all be in my mind
And if they all agreed I was hideous
Then I must be
So how can it be imagined?
I don’t know
Anyway
My point is
I suppose
MAYBE
It is possible
I have dysmorphia

But
Depression
Anorexia Nervosa
Dysmorphia

Those possible diseases of the mind
I
Have multiple
Psychological issues

BUT OCD IS NOT F!CKING ONE OF THEM

How dare he suggest such a thing
Just because I
“Always seem to be working towards something”
Excuse me for not getting drunk and high and naked
Putting off work
Not caring about anything
It’s not OCD though
It’s just called going somewhere in life
Because I may as well
Since in my mind
I’m hopelessly lost
Sorry this is so long. Don't feel any obligation to actually read the whole thing it's more for me to get out some bad emotions.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
She was kind of like starlight.
Glistening, quiet beauty.
Delicate, fragile, but powerful.
Nothing could dim her shining light, nothing could conceal her glimmering perfection, and she was herself to the end
...even when she was alone.

This is a free verse poem from one of my stories I'm writing describing one of my favorite characters I've created from her admirer's point of view.

Repost if you are a writer :)
Please comment, I LOVE to hear thoughts on my work.
This is a free verse poem from one of my stories I'm writing describing one of my favorite characters I've created from her admirer's point of view.

Repost if you are a writer :)
Please comment, I LOVE to hear thoughts on my work.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
There comes a time for realizations.
Realize you aren't perfect so you shouldn't try to
conform to society's shiny little frame of perfection because
it's artificial but defy definitions of
traditional beauty and perfection and create your own meaning
of flawlessness.
Realize beauty from the ashes is the
purest kind of all because
all the ugly has been burnt away.
Realize that the monsters you used to be
afraid of under your bed
are not what you should have been
fearing but the ones inside of your head,
whispering to you alongside
your inner demons and there are things
in life far scarier than the dark.
Realize there are certain types of cold
that are not wintery or measured in temperature,
the kind you don't feel but you become
and that the worst screams are silent
and not produced by lungs
but glassy eyes instead and silence
can be loud and sometimes
just because you are standing in a crowd
doesn't mean you can't be horribly lonely.
these realizations are the definition of pain
but if you trace your scars far enough back
you will find that it was all worth it
considering what you learned in the end.
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
You say nobody cares so what is the point?

Honey, if your reasons and points are built on someone else caring you will run out pretty quick. If you care, that should be enough.

You say you don't care though. You say you don't care about anything anymore.

If you really didn't care about anything, you would never wonder what the point is and it wouldn't hurt so much when you can't figure that out.
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
Once again I wore my spiked choker and wristband today
I haven't worn them in a while
Because everyone thinks I'm depressed when I wear them
But I realized I don't care what people think of me
I'm not hollow like I was the last time I wore this
So that is all that really matters
This is my little symbol of rebellion
Against hatred
To say to those who prejudge me and hate me:
F!ck you
I'll do whatever the hell I feel like
Your approval is not needed
I'm happy dressed this way
That's all that matters
I encourage everyone to have a little bit
Of that "F!ck You Attitude" today
Just little symbols of rebellion
Draw a black X on your wrist today
In black ink
If you support
Being yourself regardless what people think
And through this little ink symbol
Though apart in miles
We will be united in spirit
Be YOU :)
X
I'm drawing the black X on my wrist right now. Comment if you are going to do it too. So we know someone else out there supports rebelling against hatred. ;)
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Duct tape, bubble wrap and chocolate brownies don't fix everything
but they don't hurt, so my grocery list is gonna be weird for a little while.
this probably makes no sense to anyone.... sorry about that
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Remember
When the scariest thing in the world
Was the dark?
I miss that. :( This will be a series.
Ember Evanescent Jan 2015
Even though you're cut and hurt
Remember
Beautiful flowers
Are the ones people choose to cut
and keep
Motivation, I guess.
Ember Evanescent Jan 2015
You will only ever live once. That means you should take risks. YOLO doesn't mean: "you only live once so let's go do something life threatening and stupid that will probably end our life! Hey look a cliff! Let's see who can hang off of it the longest without falling!" YOLO means: "i am never, ever going to be back in this moment at this second, this day, in this frame of mind, with the knowledge and experiences and emotions I have right now, so I'm going to take an emotional risk right now because it won't **** me, and my chance for a new experience is NOW."

What you could do, is go someplace public where you rarely go so that chances are you won't see the people who are there ever again, where you know people your age will be (example: starbucks or something) and find a girl who is sitting alone and who just looks like an interesting person. Not just pretty, but truly interesting. Sit down next to her or across from her and just literally say: Hi. wait until she looks up and makes eye contact with you. Be confident and friendly. You have done nothing wrong, there is nothing embarrassing or weird about basic human interaction. Just say something like: "You got a name?" when she answers, introduce yourself and shake her hand. (It is very charming when a guy actually shakes your hand, because it's unusual.) Start a small talk conversation. Be like: So what school do you go to? or if she happens to be doing something like sketching or writing or reading or listening to music, ask her what she's drawing/writing/reading/listening to. Showing an interest in what she's doing makes a big difference. Insist she let's you see it/listen to it. Ask her about it. Go further into the topic of whatever she's doing. Make sure you compliment her on whatever she's doing if it's something like drawing or whatever. Use her name when you speak to her because it adds a degree of personalness to the conversation. If she asks why you're talking to her, don't let it get awkward. Be very confident and comfortable with the fact that you came over to talk to her. Just tell her she looked like a really interesting person. If you want to mention that she's pretty too, that doesn't hurt, but make sure you mainly focus on something other than looks that drew you to her, because most girls want to be worth more (and be noticed for more) than just a pretty face. When you finish the conversation, just come right out and ask: So, you wanna give me your number?

If she has a boyfriend or something or if she just says no, then you just shrug it off, and tell her it was really cool meeting her, and leave on a pleasant note. Just walk away. the bright side being: you never have to see her again, so it doesn't matter.

(another idea could be if you were in line at a starbucks or something and you see an interesting looking girl in front of you, wait until she orders and (as long as she hasn't ordered the entire menu, after all, if it IS starbucks, then if she buys one drink and you pay for it, you're about seven thousand dollars in debt already. seriously, the prices there... yeesh) step up and say: "I'll cover it." To the cashier. Insist on paying then ask if she would mind if you joined her at her table for a couple minutes. It might sound cliché, but it almost never actually happen now, and it really is thoughtful. It's a very charming thing for a guy to do.)

anyway, those are just some ideas if you're looking for a girl to date. Start with her number, text her for like, a week and a half being flirty, then call her (call, don't text, it's so much more personal. but text her first to ask if you can call her for a moment.) and ask her out over the phone. :)
if any guy has advice on how to get a boyfriend, I'd love to hear it, because I am really need a distraction, and I kind of want that distraction to be around my age, male, preferably a Homosapien, and have a cellphone and no girlfriend.
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
I have run out of words to express myself.

I think I'm losing myself

In my obsession with beauty

Because I can't. ever. be. beautiful.

And there isn't a word

To explain

THIS kind of self-loathing.
If anyone feels like talking I could really use a message from someone right now who can deal with me right now because I'm getting to be at one type of my worst and I'm just really...upset. Teardrops are not exactly good at keeping me company.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
It's great that you would die for me
But I have enough people
Who would give their soul for mine
Would you swallow your pride for me?
Because very few people
Would do that for anyone
When put to the test
I have a lot of pride, but I swallow it for certain people. Pride means more to me than life, but loyalty means more to me than pride. That is what actually matters to me.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
You will never ever find out
I wore long sleeves
For a while
For a reason
A very twisted
And ****** reason

You will never find out
That I starved myself
For 5 years
Because I
Was never enough
For myself

You will never find out
I tried to **** myself
At the age of 11

Because
Girls
Can be mean and
Bullying
Eventually
Gets the better of you
And when they hate you
Pretty soon
You hate yourself too


You will never find out
I wore black
For a long time
To reflect my inner depression
But I was depressed
Long before that
For years


You will never find out
I may or may not
Have dysmorphia
I really don't think so
But my mother gets more
And more worried
Everyday
When I mutter to myself
Just out of habit
How hideous and worthless I am
When I turn out the lights
In the bathroom
When I am not wearing make up
So I do not burst into tears
Because of the shame I feel
Of my ugly, ugly face
But it's real
The mirror shows me the truth
A disease of the mind
Is not distorting
My vision
Of myself

You will never find out
How broken I was
For a very long time

And I am glad
Because you couldn't have handled it anyway.
He believed me when I said I was fine. *******.
Things I am so glad I never told the **** I liked so much for a while.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
Silver blue black red and brown
The colors we wore in that picture
Smiling all three like nothing is wrong
When everything was
Just don't look to close at the eyes
In the photographs
You'll see the hidden pain
It reveals too much
Don't look too close at the wrists either

Amazing how fine you can look in a picture when really the only thought on your mind is death (especially yiur own) and agony. A little blood, too. What twisted secrets we kept back then.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
If you are going to try and unravel my secrets
expect to get tangled in them
...and there isn't always an escape

Repost if you have secrets
Comment! I love to read any thoughts you have or stories you wish to share :)
Repost if you have secrets
Comment! I love to read any thoughts you have or stories you wish to share :)
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
I’ve been lying at the foot of the couch
Not on the cushions, just on the carpet
With my lips shut tight and my eyes wide open
Finding patterns in the ceiling
Ridges and shadows form constellations
I used to do this when I was a little girl
Finding snowflakes and moose antlers
The traced outlines of autumn leaves
And pearl necklaces
On the ceiling
Shapes made out of the ceiling’s uneven surface
Shapes made out of shadows
I haven’t had this sort of space in a while
Space inside my mind
Enough space for trivial things
Like making shapes out of shadows
My darkest black has become
The color of the ace of spades in a playing card deck
It used to be the color of ash and coal
But my darkest black
Is so much of a lighter black now
I haven’t had room for thoughts like these in a while
There wasn’t room to think about nothing
Because my mind was being taken up by thoughts of blades
And numbers and letters and measuring tapes
But not anymore
I cleared out all that
And now I have room
For thinking about nothing at all
For making shapes in the ceiling
Shapes made out of shadows

Repost if you have room in your mind for trivial things now, and you didn’t before at some point. Or if you just really like to repost stuff, then you go on and feel free to do that! I fully support that! ;P
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! 
Repost if you have room in your mind for trivial things now, and you didn’t before at some point. Or if you just really like to repost stuff, then you go on and feel free to do that! I fully support that! ;P
Please comment! I love to read interpretations of my poetry or your thoughts on my work or on poetry itself as an art! 
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
She wakes up so early it's still starry out, so starlight's in her eyes and dew drops cling to her hair like blades of grass as the golden dawn traces her silhouette. She stays us so late the moon know her shadow. She is mysterious as mist on the forest floor to the point that not even she knows all her secrets. She has dark and deep crevices. She chatters like the rapid bursting of bubbles but her soul is silent. Nothing compares to her. She is a shimmering tapestry I'd like to unravel.

A Free Verse Poem from the point of view of one of my male characters in a story I'm writing describing this character. I created her and I fell in love with the character I'd created they way you fall in love with a best friend and your friendship. She is fiction and impossible but she is precious and she is mine. I figured I'd share her quiet beauty with you. Please comment.
Please please please comment! :)
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
If you tell me about how I need to forgive ONE more ****** time
Or about how he secretly loves me and will come back to me
Or just in general if you comment on even ONE more of my poems with freaking MORONIC advice I don't need...
I swear everyone within a five mile radius of me will die.
You do not understand half my poetry
You tell me the guy I'm writing about in my poetry loves me but didn't know how to express it to me
Honey, that poem was about a lost friend who happens to be a girl. Not a guy.
Lots of my poetry is old
I post it, retyping the words on worn pages
I tore out of old notebooks
Just little snapshots of old emotions I used to have
Fleeting feelings I once had
And captured in ink
I don't even feel that same way anymore
But you seem to be under the impression
That every poem I write is current
So don't you dare
Give me advice about situations you don't understand
I don't even WANT the guy to like me anymore!
I don't even LIKE him anymore!
I don't WANT him to prove it anymore that he likes me, you don't know what the hell you're TALKING about!
And it is not a question
It is a FACT
I don't want him
He doesn't want me
And I cannot stress this enough
I. Don't. Want. Him!
Stop giving your opinion
On things you don't even know the first thing about
Because frankly
It's just making you look
REALLY idiotic

I'm sorry this is more a rant than a poem but I had to get it out.
I'm sorry this is more a rant than a poem but I had to get it out.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
I make a point of wearing silver instead of gold when I can
Because gold is first place
Everyone wants to be golden
So many poets agree sunset and dawn
Are the most beautiful times of day
Both of which are golden
But I disagree
Nighttime has its own peculiar but enchanting charm
With its crowning jewel, the silver moon.
To me, it is agony like no other that surpasses not placing at all
To be placed second
To have come so close
Yet fall just one place short
And watch as the Golden one
Outshines you, the Silver.
As a tribute to the unspoken grievers
The Silvers with their quiet beauty like the darkness
Just before dawn, yet unloved for they fell short
I wear silver.
For the Silver Seconds.

Please repost if you are a Silver too
Comment please! I love to read interpretations of my work.
Please repost if you are a Silver too
Comment please! I love to read interpretations of my work.
Ember Evanescent Jan 2015
Purposeful relapse, but with a time limit.
So it doesn't go too far.
You figure it out. I will be okay if I do this. Two weeks. That's it.
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
I am very good at lying to everyone but my friends





These are Sinful talents you have that are really not something you should be proud of but you are actually very good at it like breaking in places, smuggling things (even if it is just smarties into the movie theater), and other random things. PLEASE feel free to add to this series post a poem and just label it "Sinful Talents (series)" and message me and I will repost it :) also include the hashtag sinfultalents
These are Sinful talents you have that are really not something you should be proud of but you are actually very good at it like breaking in places, smuggling things (even if it is just smarties into the movie theater), and other random things. PLEASE feel free to add to this series post a poem and just label it "Sinful Talents (series)" and message me and I will repost it :) also include the hashtag sinfultalents
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
I can sneak around a house without making a sound
I could be a burglar (except I have no desire to ***** up other peoples lives and be a thief violating their homes and stealing their stuff but aside from that...)

I can bluff really well in board games and cards

I can smoothly slip things into my pocket without anyone noticing

I can hold grudges. forever
literally.
Just a couple more of my sinful talents. Please feel free to add to the series! As long as you make the title of your poem "Sinful Talents (series)" and include the hashtag sinfultalents then I will repost your poem :)
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
You know... you've been wearing long sleeves a lot.
I know it's cold out... but...
I just really, really care about you and I am WAY over analyzing, but I'm just a little bit worried 'cause you wear multiple layers of long sleeves... you can tell me anything, you know. I'd rather know than wonder and worry. I just really hope you're okay.
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
Really mean bullies are like slinkies
Not good for much
but they bring a smile to people's faces
...when pushed down the stairs
Some truly unkind people
who hurt others to build themselves up
are pretty much still alive
Only because
It is illegal to **** them
But you know what?
Maybe that is just because they need a high five
...in the face...
...with a brick.
every body calm now? I made it less violent. Jeez.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
I love rainbows and unicorns.
I'm sorry about this my friends got a hold of my phone and had access to my account without supervision and they are really insane and extremely annoying. This poem will be deleted as soon as I get into my laptop because right now my phone isn't letting me delete it for some reason. apologies once again. ...I think my friends were dropped as children...
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
So I have a friend
So beautiful inside out
Beautiful beautiful beautiful
FREAKING beautiful
Her silence is glass and her smile is starlight her words are silver and her soul is a creek
And her heart is woven out of ivory and ebony wire
Her whispers are pine tree thistles
Blowing in the whistling wind
Amazing person
So strong
So perfect
Except ONE itty bity
Little thing....
She won't tell me who she likes
She denies it's anyone.
She tells me no one has snagged her gaze
Her attention
Nor caught even the corner
Of her endless maple eyes
But I can see through denial as the
Letters fall away and change
Denies
D
   enies
   e
     nies
     Lies
Just tell me already! :P

Repost if your beautiful friend won't tell you who has snagged the corner of their eyes either ;)
Please comment!
    
Hard to make this one poetic sorry but it's a commom struggle with friends! So it's now my hobby to annoy it out of her :P
Repost if your friend won't tell you who has snagged the corner of their eyes either ;)
Please comment!
Ember Evanescent Feb 2015
I want to text him



right now.
please, I'm not strong enough to stop myself...
Ember Evanescent Feb 2015
Women are angels
If someone breaks our wings
We will simply continue to fly...
on a broomstick.
We're flexible like that.
:)
Ember Evanescent Nov 2014
I feel like a *****.
I say a lot of really unforgivably cruel things
To myself
All day
Everyday
It's been years since I have spent a day
Not muttering insults at myself
But they are all true.
I can't decide if truth or kindness should win when it comes to hurting myself emotionally.
I am such a *****. To myself.
I'm sorry, I'm in one of those moods where if I look in the mirror I want to smash it. If I stare at my hands, I want to tear off all my fingers. If I think about the type of person I am I want to leap in front of a train at the train station. I'm in one of those moods where if you asked me to define the words ugly and worthless, I would give you the same definition twice: Me.
Apologies for the self-deprecation. I’m not trying to be attention seeking, I just needed to express this. Writing has become my healthier alternative to self-harm.
Ember Evanescent Oct 2014
A souless cavern of regrets in which my pity wallows and crumbles into an endless abyss of despair, a chasm where hope fades into fiery loathing and destruction.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
I know it's not true, but I just feel like there are no guys who look at a girl and fall in love with her soul before loving her body as well. It's always vice versa and often times they never even get past the first step and never love their soul.
There is nothing wrong with ***, it's perfectly natural I'm just saying, it has become the goal when searching for a significant other, and it breaks my heart. I would love a man even if I could never have *** with him due to a disorder or medical problem or whatever if I loved his soul, I'm not saying I would be thrilled about it, never having the opportunity to have children or anything, but if I really loved him, I would. And even though I know it is not necessarily true it just feels like no man would love a woman who he could never be intimate with even if he loved her soul.  

I'm getting sick of the only compliment any woman ever receives being "you're pretty" referring to her looks. Mainly because I am not even that.

Oh, and to be clear, I DO recognize women do this as well, they only judge based on looks and stuff and I acknowledge that, not trying to be sexist I'm sorry if I have offended anyone, I'm just in a  mood right now and need to express it.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
I'd like to see you try
Really I would
I challenge anyone to attempt
To make me let down my guard
But they should expect to fail
I am tough when it comes to
Keeping people out
But I welcome anyone
If they want to try
No boy will ever break down my walls, I'm sure. But I like to watch them try. ...of course no one actually cares enough to try, but there have been a FEW I guess. Anyway, I have strong enough walls, no one will ever break through them
Ember Evanescent Jan 2015
No matter what Lovecraft wrote on his ******* post calling people trolls I most certainly do NOT support the bully f!cking Thee Artiste. And also I like saying the word fajitas.that was very random. Im upset. Fajitas
Part of the series. Please no one like Lovecrafts posts where he bullies people calling them trolls and making stuff up like how we supposedly "support thee artiste" because, you know, my constant very open loathing for his behaviour and how he treats others obviously means i support him -_- OH WAIT thats insane. He is a slanderous cruel and pathetic LIAR.
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