What went wrong?
At 4:47AM, my thoughts were still pacing in my head. Was it because of the late coffee I consumed?
What the hell went wrong?

I was held in too deep
Life itself has swallowed me
The past, present, and future
Pause. ||

Play |>
There is a certain distance from yesterday’s field of view
What went wrong?
Well, I never knew

I am left without
Without anything in the world
Empty.
Cold.
Alone.
Morose.
Society demands everything from you
The big man expects
I disappoint
The vicious cycle continues.
Often than not we are afflicted
With such comfort and familiarity
It wreaks havoc
Deep within the souls
It misleads
It confuses
It deceives
What could be done?
N O T H I N G
not a single thing
You let it devour you
Making one
Empty.
Cold.
Alone
Morose.
Regrets fill you up
You throw up
Every bit of sanity in your head
Unfinished businesses
Unfinished art
Unfinished letters
And
Unfinished feelings
Words left unsaid
Patches of skin left untouched
Parts of the soul left undiscovered
Part of who you are, lost
Forgotten
You look in the mirror
Not recognizing the reflection
Sometimes
It gets too much
You live
You die
And one day
Time will catch up
With all the space and emptiness
Then you will have reached
Singularity
But stll making you remember
All the pieces that have come undone
You still you
Empty.
Cold.
Alone.
Morose

I have not met you
Yet
I already love you
With all that I have
My heart
My body
My soul
I have everything to give
Every inch of me
All of me
From me to you
I even have frolic dreams of you
Being carelessly free
Into this world I prepare
Until I see your face
And touch your skin
And feel your warmth
All I do is wait
To wait and to love
I am yours
You are mine
But you are you
You can be anybody you'd like
And I'll always be proud
And I'll always be here
From the first day
Until my last
All of me
Will always be with you

Baby, I love you
xoxo

momma

Can we fit the universe inside our head?
The vastness of everything
Overwhelming

We figure out life
How tempting to know it all
Such life to devote every inch of breath

I feel the soul was meant to thrive
infinite
I feel the soul was meant to find its other half

In love, the wagers are on
We sometimes win
We sometimes lose
In the end,
Love has conquered us
Keeping us in awe
of how we smile
of how we weep
of how we try to find it

What dedication we put into
All the efforts
Transcending the suffering of reality in this world
A consciousness

We are one
We are love
We are the children of the universe

Ergo,
We never die

Aren't these enough to keep us all in awe?

It is unacceptable
Death
Entering the void
Losing touch of the world
Losing the people we love
Losing yourself
Losing everything

We articulate art to make us immortal
Poetry has become a conduit for the eternal

We write poetry to escape life and death
It is our desire to be infinite
We must create transcendence

I exist, I matter
Death sometimes is unacceptable
As I cannot fathom the emptiness

The darkness within and without
"All men must die"

But do we really die?
We go somewhere else - a singularity
Of Heaven and purity
Of angels
Of God

To transform pain to happiness
It is our search to nirvana

and in Death we achieve our immortality

I remember how it hurt –
to look at him
to look into those eyes that are looking at somebody else's.

Have you ever felt such pain?
overwhelming
you can feel it in your bones
A sensation that fascinates
How it could numb every part of the body
crippling you to bed,
day in
day out
Screaming in silence

Wonder how I was still able to breathe
how I was still alive
even though I died inside
I had to be dead and gone.
I was done for.

The feeling that no exaggeration could come close
to describe what it was
No words can ever be so comforting.

I wanted him back.
That’s all I cared about.

Caught in the middle of looking back and moving forward.
I was stuck in love.
The past was, for a moment, inviting.

Love is such a gamble, they say.
And I was one of those people
who fell victim to this kind of game.
He was my everything.
WAS
I was inexplicably deep in love with him.  

I remember him saying, “I love you” and I’d answer him back with “I love you more” and we’d keep going at it who loves each other more.

In the end, it was I who won, and it was the saddest victory I ever had.

a hermit once thought*

I will never be remembered.
Never was I special
Never meant for greatness
Always forgotten

However
Feelings of such are no big deal
To a fella like me

Elusive to keen absolution
I'll be
THE
BEST
FORGOTTEN
MEMORY
THAT
THE
WORLD
EVER
DID
SEE

I am an old soul
with an open heart
to love like that of a child
It is never really hard

Anyway
We're all but children
Trying to sort chaos
In these adult forms

We're just stuck
In the land of not Neverland.

9 to 5 menial jobs
Whether in the night or day
We take whatever luck
That comes in our way

Life is a circus
We ******* know it
Like an elephant in the pedestal
They beat us to it

Your chest houses a lodestone treasure
It strongly attracts
The every atom in my body
That's the least I can measure

We have an affinity
This is some sort of attraction
You
A darling boy
and I am
Just a girl

Let's get out of this world
Together let's fly away
Be my Peter Pan
I'll be your Wendy

Madness is upon us**

and this..
This will be the end as we know it.

The stratosphere has kept the heavens to quiver
Thunders roared
Lightnings have struck
Rain blissfully starts to shower
The men and their atrocities must drown

Days upon days
We are left to surrender
Lost in a bermuda of the past
Never to resurface in the light

Give in
Never give up
Fight
Accept
Surrender

It's time for us to truly live a life.

Tempest of feelings rage
Of black and white
Of up and down
Of yin and yang
Of this and that

Polar upon reckoning
      Of words with and without frolic
           I love you
                I love you not
                   Of yes and no

I am akin to Nick Carraway
Of being within and without
Having feelings like these
Ravage me
I am complete
and I am not

Somehow
Vague as a disguise
Of a shadow in the morning sun
Of people and other people
You and Me

**We
are
We

Death

What's in the word that beckons a feeling
of
    upcoming
                      finality
                                to
                             ­        it?

The inevitable demise colossal to our being.
Death shall gather us in a cesspool
of
nothingness

And yes, we are nothing.
Mere mortal creatures
walking in a land of a ticking *time bomb

Our lives have been fashioned with human *trivialities

I
cannot
fathom
what is
unworthy

To give what is just to the D I V I N E

I am afraid, very much afraid.

I can only picture heaven as a paradise in the most surreal
                             thoughts
hopefully better than the Garden of Eden.

What a wishful thinking that it becomes a reality
of happiness and comfort
paving the pursuit towards
the dreams we have yet to fulfill

I want to believe in things bigger
than the grasp of the senses
For I know that I am a mere intelligent being
But
a passionate soul.

I want to think of all the people I have hold close to my heart
That one day...
We'll see each other again...
smiling and ever so joyful

here lies the x that marks the spot
bodies that have walked the face of the Earth
were left with smiles and shall never rot

Delorean**

I would want to travel with you
In a region of the universe
Where you and I
get lost in spacetime
than to arrive at a certain place
of infinite madness and beauty.

I'd like to imagine that stars flicker as we go by
creating paths
creating constellations
as stellar as we feel

Drift lightyears away towards the cosmos
to create an infinite you and I

We were the past.
We are the present.
We will be the future.

We are what we are as we make of ourselves.

I will travel the infinite worlds with you.
I will travel time just to be with you
To make a stretch into infinity

It's October 21st 2015

It is in the *NOW

One of the many appellations
It is what I call the love of my life
A quite simple allusion
For these words cannot give justice

My sweet lover.
A moniker
For a champion who saved a damsel in distress
I wish to retire in your presence every night
and wake up in the morning
wrapped in your arms

You're the first and last of my
**anthology

He is everything to me
and he could not see
I have given my all
Yet he still wants more
Nothing's left of me
Feels like a sad record

slowly spinning

       to death
    
             while he hums my crestfallen melody

SILENCE

/ he has fallen asleep /

And I
entering
a
void
of
**melancholy

Caught in a starry-eyed gaze
Hearts close to surrender
Cecilio!
Hold my hand.
Longing for a downpour of soft caress
Gentle was me;
Brute was he.
O, cariño love me, Cecilio!

Stay still. I want to take a photograph.
Freeze memories as they come.
Once
Once is enough
Memories that will last.
You ******* away like a bud of darling May spring
You, without a word spoke loudly...
I could hear you scream the words you fear to let loose from your pursed lips.
And I will listen to every unspoken truth and quiet revelries

I shall bear in mind the dreams, fears, lies, and your uncertainties

And I will never forget them.
No, Cecilio, I will not.
I cannot.

But I shall also bear somewhere within me
The little glimmer of hope of how the things should be

We'll walk in the empty rooms and see them dense
As you feel your body writhe when you're close to me.

For now, I shall satiate myself with the surging rains that flow from the corner of my eyes...
every time I see you under the warmth of somebody else's lullabies

I shall see to it that you smile
Smile, Cecilio

Everybody knows this is not yet goodbye.

I am not a writer. I just write.
I am neither a poet.
I just want to drift and become a poem
And you will write me without complexity.

You see I am just a prose

              IRREGULAR
                       and
              ORDINARY

Still you see my beauty - loud and trenchant.
Your hands mapping out the verses of my skin
As I feel the warmth of the words I wanted to hear
From those lips I have kissed.

Your thoughts lithesome as they sashayed on ink and paper.

I can see how you etched my flesh like scars I wanted to bare in their own nakedness
For I have been a savage for too long that I want to be something you ignite with a touch

I do not write.
No, monsieur
I do not.
I cannot.

You see me and read my like a poetry when I am simply a prose
You looked through my soul
Loved me beyond all of my flaws.

Let me sleep under the burning moonbeam
I want you to be the last I see
Before I close my dead tired eyes
Let me close my EYES
Let me sleep
T O N I G H T
Put a bullet straight through my head
Toss me on top of the bed
In the land of Bedfordshire
I rest my tired bones
Bones that caressed you
Loved you
Cared for you

Are you still capable of the love you once shown?
Let me drink a cup of ***
Just ONE
One more ***
Let me smoke the weeds
The witness to your ***** deeds
Your mouth, full o lies
Explode
****
Dynamite

Your skin, stone cold
Cold and numb
**** this cruel world
How can one be ever that dumb?
To love you like this
And torture me to grits I cannot endure
AU REVOIR
That's all I could say
Darling, I wish I'd stay
But I want to go home now
So please let me sleep
Before you let me drown

It's you. Just you. Only you*

It's been you for the past couple of years.
Ever since the moment you said, "Hi!"
It's you even while I toss and turn or
I lie awake at 3 in the morning
Or even when I open my eyes at half-past 11

It's you when I eat, sleep,
and drink cheap bottles of *****.

You are everywhere I go.
You are always on my mind
That no matter how far apart we are - your existence is in contiguity of my being

So you have asked me a question.
Who do you love?

R H E T O R I C*

It's you. Just you. Only you.

I could only wish that
The sunshine of today will pave the atrocities
And the ravages of the sullen night before

The sluggish skies that water a rivulet of tears
Seemingly like eddies in a farce...
Filling the fountain of youth
Restless but satisfying

On clean crisp mornings,
You my dear spark off an impression
Of a glowing flicker that makes me forget the blunder

I do not watch the world burn anymore
I only have my eyes for you
And I can watch myself slowly burning
The vision, a dream, and a reality

...*and today my heart skipped a beat

You see, I am not human.
I am but a soul with a breath of life.
I am love. I am art. I am dust.
I am made one as the stars.
SAME particles and molecules as the universe.
It must matter that I am made up of M A T T E R
I am limitless. Infinite. Well, I feel infinite in some sort of way.
I transcend time and space to explore its singularity.
... where love was... I began

I am with a naked spirit - bare albeit naive.

I exist
     to feel, to see, to touch, to smell, to taste and to experience
     this tangible world.

'LIFE'

I am pain.
       I am madness.
            I am bohemian.
                 A nomad. A gypsy. A wanderer thirsty for the adventure.

I am not simply made by happenstance
This is the universe. This is fate. This is our destiny.

Let the cosmos guide you. Let it surround you. Let it flow in you.

For I am part of the GRAND  DESIGN

          *and so are you