I think
I'm stupid
Ugly
Annoying
No one wants me here

But I'm too cowardly to do the deed
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
I'm beautiful
Sweet
Kind
And I should stay

And that it's cowardly to "run from my problems"
And leave this world forever


I think
It hurts too much
No one wants me
No one will help me
No one cares about me

But I'm too selfish to say goodbye
And leave this world forever

Yet you say
That the pain will pass
That you want me to stay
That you will help me up
That you care about me

And that it would hurt you if I "gave in"
And left this world forever

What I think
And you say,
Do not match

What my soul says
And my ears hear
Are very different

Someone must be lying
**And I think it might be you

I keep getting this urge
To tell strangers
How you used to bring a can of Chef Boyardee
To school for lunch everyday.

Or how I used to collect
Plastic Hello Kitty cupcake rings
And give them to you
Just to see you smile.

I would laugh as you ate it cold,
plastic fork suspended
straight from the can.

I would smile with you,
and hope you didn't realize
I ate all those cupcakes
by myself.

I want to share you with the world
Take your memory with me in my pockets
Spill it out with my tongue

I want to share you with the world,
Introduce you to people you will never meet
Tell people about you
Because they will never get the chance
To get to know you like I did
Like we all did.

But when you took your life,
You did the world a disservice
You took away the world's chance to find you
So you could find yourself

You took away your opportunities
To change
To get better
To grow
To love
And be loved
How we loved
You.

Your smile
Your eyes
Your soul
All so bright
Like stars in sky

Stars that you snuffed out
Stars that we can't gaze at anymore.
Your constellation is lost
Just a fairytale now
But a favorite amongst us all

Your absence sits on my skin
As layers and layers
Of melancholia
Feeding off
My flesh and bones
Until I am no more
But melancholia.


F.Z.N

Get a coffee
Light up a cigarette
Write
Get published
Become famous
Get bored
Write again
Write again
Get more bored
Write, write, write
About boredom
Become miserable
Write
About misery.

Die famous
But miserable...


-- Eleanor

Your mother is sad, Adam.
I bumped into her the other day.
She was walking out of the supermarket
With a dozen wine bottles
Inside of a large paper bag.
And she was just a woman
With a smiling face
And a crying heart
Who was never going to see her son
Again.


F.Z.**N

Life has nothing
That can amaze
Let alone impress,
And the future
Is faceless.
I want to die
In silence.
I want to disappear
Off of myself,
Off of the sphere.


F.Z.**N

Just once,


                                   I want someone to be afraid of losing me.

According to society,
you need to have a flawless face,
pale skin,
skinny stick figure,
long legs,
nice hair,
and attractive eye brows
to be called beautiful

What a ****** up world we live in
Labeling god's creation as pretty or ugly
Who are you to judge they say
but the suicide rates keep on increasing
each day

Yes *******.

You don't believe me?
Well suicide is never just about
killing yourself
To make yourself something less
than what you are--
that too is a form of suicide

Suicide does not mean that
there's no killer
Words are like weapons,
they ****
They leave scars that can
never heal

Don't be a killer. I've warned you.

Next time when you feel like
insulting someone,
Put yourself in their shoes,
what would you feel
if they did that to you?
What if someone called
one of your family members bad names,
wouldn't you feel hurt as well?

Have a heart,
please care about other people's feelings
Got a brain?
well think wisely before you hurt someone
Got feelings?
then you must know how does it feel
to be hurt by someone right?

*It's all up to you.

The point is not just to realize that all things are momentary,
But yes it is all, momentary.
Even if you are ****** thankful that things turned out miraculously alright,
It is flimsy.
It is fake.
It is superficial.
Even if you are ****** sad that things turned out awfully wrong,
It is flimsy.
It is fake.
It is superficial.
Everyone likes to predict,
Prophesize
And, do things a step better than how things would fare.
Just to emphasize that everything is customized.
That everything is superficial.
That everything is fake.
That everything is flimsy.
It is not just enough to say
That you’re different.
That you’ve gone past the worst,
The worst than what anyone can ever imagine,
Or even nightmare.
It is not just enough to say,
That you are happy,
That you are content,
At peace,
That you've gone past the best.
The best of what anyone's best enlightenment is,
Or what they dream of it.
Hence,
Even though it is momentary,
Flimsy, fake and superficial,
The only way is to
****, and let the killing go on.