If I'm white noise,
You're static.

Once we spoke of a room,
A fairly small room,
We could both run to.

I don't quite know what
You sought out of me,
All I wanted was to call
Your arms my home.

But it's quarter past midnight,
And I'm in our room alone, again.

I'm betting that, out of me,
You never wanted more
Than pictures and some words.

You don't need me like I need you --
You never did.

Maybe it's time
I finally stop needing you too.

i could feel your eyes on me as i laughed
i looked up across the room and there you were
looking straight back
you weren't wearing your glasses
and i don't know about your contacts
so i don't know how much of me you could see
even though i've shown you more than most will ever
i'm sorry for that burden
that painful privilege
i hope you could see me today
well enough to notice my hesitation before i looked back
to the source of my cheer
you are the source of confusion
my desire has been untangling itself but i fear i'll never be free
and i'll be stuck under your gaze
while you continue to not love me

Why?
How can I feel this way?
I feel myself
Losing you
Pushing you away
Purposely
Like, just talking to you
Is torturing me
Yet, I need you
WHAT THE **** DO I DO?
I don't wanna hurt anymore
I want the pain to go away
I don't know what I'm living for
I don't know how I got this way
How do I say
THIS IS TOO MUCH TO TAKE
To handle
To deal with
Torn, ripped in directions
I never thought existed
Expectations
Non granted wishes
ALL FOR NOTHING
Cause I'm still broken
Not even worth fixing

But you
You're worth so much more
None of the guilt
None of the shame
Is worth anything
**** IT ALL
Just forget my name

MY MOTHER AND I IN THE CAR:

Mom: What ever happened to that boy you told me about?

Me: Oh, we kind of just stopped talking.

WHAT EACH OF US REALLY MEANT:

Mom: So, are you in some kind of secret relationship I don't know about? Are you meeting people without me hearing about it? Are you sneaking out at night to drink and do drugs and strip and sleep with boys? Do you have a love life? Tell me about everything so I can know every little detail of your life, freak out about it, obsess over it and lock you in a tower so you never ever date anyone ever or have any kind of a life because I am worried about you and I don't trust you but I love you so I am going to be as overprotective as physically possible.

Me: He turned out to be someone different than who I thought he was.
And also I don't trust you we have a terrible mother-daughter relationship and I will never confide in you because you would never understand that emotions are not logical and you are not always right mom. I love you, but I could never put my faith in you or count on you to carry me when I am broken.

Sext: do you remember what my nails felt like, digging into your back?

I miss your arms on my sides,
And you biting my lips at night.

Remember that day on the beach?
We didn't see a ray of sun in that tent.

Your hair always smelt like oranges
And you tasted like peppermint.
I would always play with your ears
While you toyed with my fingers.

You had this funny way of getting me
To open up for you, my heart, my legs.

When I inflicted damage onto us,
You were the patient repairman;
I was the pain for your scream,
And you were the sorrow for my tears.

Somehow we made sense...
Until the day dream ended.

Why'd you have to drop it?

**** thing wasn't already broken enough?

Today I found
the scar
on my hip.
I mean you can't see it,
but you can feel it,
if you touch.
I just thought:
"I will never get away,
it will always be there"

I'm fed up with life,
but I'm too scared to die.
How many times I tried?
How many times I missed?

How could I thought you are
the person of my dreams?
I put you on pedestal,
how stupid was that of me?

I just wanted you to know,
that you are the right for me,
but you never showed
any affection to me.

You used me, abused me,
made me play your game.
You knew if you lose me,
I'll never be the same.

You drained me all this time,
until there was nothing left inside,
then filled me with your lies,
until I'm crying when I smile.