the memory of my melody
a reminder of lost things
haunted by the years

The grass fields shimmer in the wind
As the sky is gaunt and gray
I pray, I pray, I pray
That this sadness goes away

Do what your head tells you to
Before it tells you not to.

She danced on the rooftops with the moon to her back
Proud and shining on her elegant ballet
Whisps of fog entwined her shadowed figure
As she glided backwards with her final bourree, into the night
A secluded heart now followed her everglow light

rabbits from mad hats
smoking mirrors slights of hand
pulling curtains back

Unequivocal uninspiration usurping my greater judgement
That perhaps this paper might be better left unwritten
For foolish folly fails to grow my intrepid soul
Daggered demons drift across sleepless eyes
Hunting in the night for any light
Meant to be burnt but smothered on sight
Red rivers release droplets into panten lungs
Organs of oddity never needed but to draw dead air
This is thus the safety of my mind and heart, departed and slain

We write out secrets in our art
so the dark can tear us apart
every lie, every lust, every slight
Just so we can sleep at night

Valleys, rivers, mountains wide
To great upends and depths of trenches which divide

No cloud nor star
Nor sun nor gleam
Or misting fog at last be seen

Neath rock and root
Or oceans wide
Or frozen tundra stretched outside

No warming feeling felt
Abides
Twixt valley, river, and mountainous wide

No distance compares or parts our minds
When you are standing here beside

Rest your face in these hands of mine
No grasp or claspe necessary
As steaming whisps escape your peppermint lips
I realize this
That you aren't even close to a distant memory, no
You are just as clay
A white lipped cup of herbal tea
Intoxicating and soothing
Dulcetly flooding all of these cold November senses in me

How heavy can a heart grow in one's chest,
When the weight is measured not in volume but in resigned grief?

I had forgotten
The smell of my own
Yet as it squished through my toes
It when rate to my nose

I thought to myself
Oh ya, I'm one of those

I see my friends in new relationships, in bliss
I'm happy for them
I'm also a bit bitter if I'm being honest
And if I'm being honest I'm never really honest
It's a protection plan of mine like
the kind you get when you're at the checkout and the
cashier who's on her
second hour of overtime
says that for thirty extras dollars all your broken parts can be fixed
if you bring it back
There was an asterisk next to the plan
Terms and Conditions apply, please sign here
so when you bring it back with a shattered screen
they say they can't help you because you did it to yourself
And I've done this
thing
to myself
Over and over and over again
Waiting for the time it works
The right formula of time multiplied by distance divided by maturity
But the solution I come up with always equals zero no matter what numbers I move around it stays the same
I don't commit because I've committed too much before
I don't walk on those egg shells anymore
When I love there is an asterisk next to my heart
Terms and Conditions apply, please sign here
Don't get too close because you might see me without my mask
And unmasked me is brutal and burnt out
As frail as thin ice covering the pond of his regrets
I've grown old groaning on about these things
A cold king with a cold crown sitting on a cold throne
alone
And I don't want to be alone but I don't want to change
This is normal for me and it feels safe even if it is killing me slowly
Nobody has been through my shoes
You can sympathize but don't ever say you can empathize
You have not seen through my eyes or felt with my heart
There are parts of me I lost with every step forward I took in absolute fearlessness and faith and it crippled me
So don't act like I have those parts of me, still
There are things I just cannot do anymore
Like an amputee who can't feel his wife's hand in his anymore
Like a paraplegic who can't run a marathon anymore'
Like a young boy who spent his love in fullness and never got any back
Please, just accept that this is who I am and I can't change that
Because it's not in my nature anymore
It just can't happen

Words don't come to me as easily as they once did
I've said it before
Said it before
said it before
Cynical echo sound away
So I erase, backspace, highlight and delete every syllable of love, fear, anxiety, I've lived through in this life
Smother my worth with worthlessness but I hope someone else feels they are worth it
That's my drive
Keeping a stranger alive another day, perhaps
Writing on a beach just to let my words wash away in the sand
Let myself soul drift out beyond the waves, but my body forgot to become drowned in the deep
where silence is the deadliest sound
and I've grown deaf
breathing but not alive