Poems for a heart that hurts..

Sep 2018

Shrivastva MK

जो मिटा दें हमें पूरी तरह एक वैसा तेरा क़हर चाहिए.....

ना हमे खुशी चाहिए ना तेरा शहर चाहिए,
बहुत प्यासा हूँ मैं बस थोड़ा ज़हर चाहिए,

ना दिन की ज़रूरत है ना ख्वाईश है रात की,
जी लूँ मैं जीभर के वो वक़्त मुख़्तसर चाहिए,

वक़्त से इल्तज़ा नही की वो ताउम्र हमारी रहे,
बस देखता रहूँ उन्हें वो मुसलसल पहर चाहिए,

ना सुकूँ की आरज़ू है ना तमन्ना है सिला की,
जो डूबा दे हमे उनकी उल्फ़त में वो पुरजोश लहर चाहिए,

खूबसूरत ज़िस्म का क्या जो मिट्टी में मिल जाए,
जिसमें देख सकें हम खुद को वो चमकता हुआ नज़र चाहिए,

अग़र बिन उनके जीना पड़े तो ऐ मेरे ख़ुदा सुन,
जो मिटा दें हमें पूरी तरह एक वैसा तेरा क़हर चाहिए.....

Sep 2018

pri

stars vanish in the night & you're a star

we are like stars, like dying embers,
clusters of us and only one
explodes.

my dreams have turned me into desire,
and i wonder where my desire will take me,
i wonder what my desire will make me.

will i be like star, or ember,
or will i be like the fireworks at night,
the ones no one notices until they explode.

that boom sounds like my heartbeat
-it’s still looking for a beat.
hasn’t found one yet.

hasn’t found one yet,
but it seems to beat for you.

darling, you know i love the stars.
at night, they light up the sky,
they’re brilliant and i can’t not love them.

you’re a star of mine,
brilliant,
but do you fade?

in the morning, will you still seem
bright,
or beautiful?

are you even there?

i’m scared you only glow at night,
and that my eyes will lose you,
and my heart will just beat somewhere else.

will you stay in the morning,
or will you be gone
like the fireworks last night?

#firework #night #star #ember #darling #dying #morning #crush #girl #beautiful

Sep 2018

pri

summer nights

summer nights are best spent with you.
greedily scarfing down ice cream,
watching our feet touch the sky from old playground swings.

and the ones in your mom’s car
-the soft music, the hard music
singing to melodies that we’ll never know.

each night, we feel each’s wishes.
i, i want to give you fairs, and cotton candy,
and hold your hand as we walk along the sidewalk.

i want to twirl you around,
because though we’re very summer friends
i want to keep you forever.

our feet scrape the gravel,
toes tap the sidewalk,
noses breathe in the air.

distinctly, i remember something
-us in a concert,
our shoulders brushing as we danced.

i remember laughing with you in the water,
because i hated being short,
so naturally i had to climb you.

i remember every year
we laugh away these nights,
until they become memories.

they, were, definitely,
polaroid worthy.
you’d give a blank look.

and then spring would come again,
and we’d be sitting in your mom’s car,
watching the sunset again.

remember this?

for my friends (keekya)

#friendship #summer #night #polaroid #concert #friend #friends #music #playground

Sep 2018

pri

she fades away

it’s getting cold.
her work begins to pile up on her desk,
paper cascading around her off the table,
sitting ignored as she thumbs through a book,
humming softly.

and she feels ever colder,
because though she knows the sun will touch her face one last time,
she feels the impending sense of everything changing.
her freedom, her sleep, and all those books
-piling up around her in dizzying towers she can’t seem to hold upright.

each poem has become an ode.
no longer does she right those summer love poems,
notes of dreams and pining and romance.
she’s grown lonely,
and grown up.

each ode is to who she was
-the kind girl with the widest eyes and strong opinions,
this new girl with no focus,
drifts and watches the ink run down the page.
she’s so worried, because she doesn’t care.
and doesn’t care about that.

tomorrow will be better,
she says, sighing with tiredness repeating over and over again.
tomorrow.
tomorrow.
tomorrow.

but the pounding in her head won’t go away,
and all the doubts sink in
-you’ve lost your edge.
-you’re not doing enough.
-you’re never going to do enough unless you break.

her heart seems to beat colder,
slow down and she’s not that old.
she’s young, and she feels herself,
the brightness and ambition disappearing,
and they’re replaced by content and a sense of emptiness.

i was feeling depressed yesterday. luckily i'm feeling better today!

#content #empty #illness #headache #fade #tired #tomorrow #ode #doubt #cold

Aug 2018

nooneknoes

manipulation

with depression comes manipulation. you end up lying. you lie about how you feel or you let out bits but not whole truths. they believe you.
with self harm comes manipulation. you know you have eight blades but you give up five. you have twelve hiding spaces but you give up eight. they believe you.
with progress becomes manipulation. you use the coping skills and say are helping. you cut in different places. you lie about feeling better and let your emotions out somewhere else

#imsorry #depression #selfharm #manipulation

Aug 2018

Abby Reynolds

Sometimes Forgiveness is Messy

I don't care if you're not sorry
I forgive you
Not for you,
for me
I release myself
from the power you once held over my head
this is me
taking back what you took from my beaten body
this is me
wiping my own tears
cleaning my own scraped knees
this is me
realizing
I am so much Stronger than you made me feel
realizing
I never needed you to fight my battles
I just needed
to let go of your hands
to put up my fists

#poetry #strong #feminism #heartbreak #sad #heartache

Aug 2018

Abby Reynolds

A Storm Of My Very Own

Maybe
I've gone truly mad
Maybe
I've lost the girl everyone so dearly loved (boo-hoo)
but is it so bad
to be the rock instead of the window?
the villian instead of the **** damsel?
is it so evil
for a woman
to be sick and tired of being the paper girl?
i'm exausted
Aren't you?
I'm tired from the boys with heavy fingers
speaking to me
whenever they want to play with fire
so what?
maybe my doll face won't be called baby anymore.
I suppose I just got bored of being toyed with

#feminism #poetry #random #anger #sad #metoo

Aug 2018

Abby Reynolds

People Poison

Sometimes
Its hard for me to accept that some people have no goodness
within them
some people don't need a sad story to make them evil
some villians eat love for breakfast
some demons were never gods angels
everytime I took a trip down your rabbit hole I ended up with scraped knees and madness in my veins
I drove myself crazy trying to find a light through the tunnel
I searched every dark corner only to uncover more darkness
Truth is there is no explanation for why your hands are so cold
I burned through every candle of my own trying to light your fire
Yet I still woke up alone
and freezing
I never did find the light I was looking for
Instead, I lost my own

#poetry #heartbreak #love

Aug 2018

Ameliorate

Heartbreak and sleeplessness

Another week is done and little has been accomplished
It seems lately I only exist to eat, I’ve barely left the house
Sleepless nights filled with scrambled egg thoughts of a time which doesn’t exist any longer, served up on a plate come breakfast time
My new home although filled with animals, holds no resemblance to what we had built together
The home I finally deserved left desiccated come springtime’s-battle with mental health
The cats although great company do not replace the steady hum of your computer fans
The rhythm of your breathing knowing you were somewhere close in proximity
Weekends brought a time when we felt whole
6 am memories releasing silent fountains of tears do not bring us back together
Hours passing can’t erase the 4 months it’s been since you left me
Or the wintertime when everything had been perfectly comfortable
No, our love left me with a void of blankness impossible to just shake away
Entirely unforgiving feelings, grieving for every kind word you ever said
Id be lying if I didn’t miss you.

#heartbroken #love #sadness #breakups #life #home #tears #sleep

Aug 2018

Ameliorate

Prose

I stopped writing love poetry when I met you
It seemed a farce, writing something for years I thought unobtainable yet there you stood
Despite all odds I went against personal judgement and we made small talk for a few hours
You drove, introducing me to Brian Fallon songs I’d grow to attribute to our relationship
My thoughts had become consumed with your image yet nothing I could do would eventually prevent you from leaving
Time had been nothing but a blimp, we lived years through the minuscule moments we occupied the same space together
A lifetime of love crammed into a solid year and a half.
Love is undoubtedly heartbreaking when it leaves you,
Silence envelopes to be mailed out at will
You were my greatest love poem, but my words never did our magic justice.

#silence #love #letters #poetry #heartache #tears #loss

Aug 2018

Kelly Weaver

the time that you hold

I didn't think anything of the ringing in my ears until you told me that silence shouldn't be so loud
You had that same problem.
Too many concerts that were far too loud
Too many nights driving with the windows down
Blasting our favorite songs and screaming our hearts out
I wouldn't take a single second back given the chance
And I'd hope for the same of you.
I think of you whenever it rains because you loved it so much
As did I.
I think of sitting in your car while the raindrops on the window shone onto my thigh
That's when I learned to find beauty in the smallest of things
Like the way your laugh was rough and sweet
And how your eyes glimmered when they met mine.
The other day there was a firefly outside of my bedroom window
I had been crying over the empty feeling that tends to settle in my chest when I am alone
And when I saw its tiny flickering on my windowsill
I managed a smile.
Because I thought of the day we met
And how the cranberry bog hosted as many as I had ever seen in one place
You walked behind as I chased them in my bright yellow shoes
And you held me as I sobbed over their tiny significance.
When I can feel past unwelcome hands on my skin and in my bones
I think of the night you saw me scared shitless, sobbing next to you in bed
I covered my mouth to muffle the sound of my fear as hot tears fell onto my cheeks.
You held my shaking palm in your own
And then held me in your arms, which I have grown accustomed to call my home.
If I had one wish, it would be to posses the ability to evoke the feeling of your arms around me at will.
When you'd ask if I have ever been in love I'd find myself lost
Because in all of the past relationships I've taken part in
I have never felt nearly as happy and alive as I did when you were by my side.
So I guess, though current,
The answer to your question
Is yes.

i've slept a lot lately because my dreams are the only time i get to see you anymore