I loved you with soft kisses and warm hugs
with t-ball pictures in a scrapbook
and eating ice cream with your little sister the first time her heart was broken
I came to you in my love
with hands to hold when things got hard
and a smile to share when the world gave you a favor
My intentions were always laced with your happiness in mind
I wanted nothing more than to cheer for you in pridefulness
when you proved them all wrong
but also to walk you home in the dark when you struck out
I loved you with all the stars in the sky
with every word in the books
with every tear in my heart
loving someone like that
filled many holes I didn't know were there
it showed a side of me
I didn't recognize
A side of me I wanted to stick around
I loved you with soft kisses and warm hugs
with laced fingertips and galaxies through the freckles on your back
you loved me
with lustful touch and half chuckles
with clenched fist and a hesitant heart
I know we lived two completely different love stories
you found chaos in the same place I laid mine to rest
This is why we could never try the times
we would never last loving as we did
you see
you never fell in love with the oceans in my eyes
or the tenderness in my voice
you were searching for a violent love
in my peaceful heart
I suppose you didn't know you'd found a girl who could make a home
out of your getaway car
I could never fathom a pain more painful than losing you once, until you came back and I was forced to lose you twice.
The first time we'd spoken in months
you typed "hey"
seeing your name on my screen put a rock in my gut
before I knew I was choking on air
tears streaming down my face in the middle of a crowded street
I don't know why I'm shook up this is the game that you play
the minute my heart is about to cut the very last string
you show up with your candy man smile
and eyes made of gold
I can't help but stop in my tracks to stare
but you'd think after months you'd come up with a better line than 3 little letters tied up with a bow
like nothing went wrong
like we were still each others homes
well I've been homeless for months and In all this time alone
I've thought about all of the things I would say
If I ever did come across your face
I of course didn't say any of those things I have been running like a track in my mind instead I typed "hey"
Theres no way 3 letters is all we have to say to each other after everything has happened
I have so much to say so much to scream
I know you do too
so why not take a leap for once in your life?
why not take the risk of saying how you feel?
I know you're scared but baby so am I
we used to make each other feel safe.
can we try that again?
My tender lover
how I miss your warmth
two young bodies colliding at the very edge of world
I wish I could be like you
have no hard feelings
look at the pictures and feel absolutely nothing
I know you hate when my nostalgia comes around
but my love
all these poems are written in your name
you promised that you'd stay
And I promised I'd be here
through the poor and bad
cold heart and all yeah that's what I said
But you iced me out, thats what you do
I never come running this is the truth
you turned your back and never looked again  
I suppose I never imagined I'd be the receiving end
of your frostbite
how am I supposed to have no hard feelings
it doesn't make sense when the memories keep repeating
you once told me you were my home
these days
I find myself drinking alone
and writing you poem after god damn poem
Now I lay in my bed,
drunk, cold and stripped down to the bone  
because the only one man I ever did loved
struck me right in the heart
he didn't think twice
so maybe I'm desperate
just a little unwell
but don't tell my love, no hard feelings
after you dropped a fucking bombshell
It would be unfair to allow you to move forward
as I'm stuck here in our memories
It would be a great unjustice
to allow your heart to be whole as mine remains shattered from your slippery hands
I meant what I said on that very first night
you'll never forget a girl like me
you see holding a girl with fire as a heart
keeps you warm but when it burns it's sure to leave a scar
I want you to know I won't let you forget me
I'll lace myself in every past memory
I'll connect my heart into every relationship you dare to hold
Maybe I should've warned you that girls like me have a bite louder than their bark and when we snarl
we mean business
If I were you I'd keep your eyes wide
because I solemnly swear
I'll never abandon you from sight
every corner you turn
every time you glance over your shoulder
the remains of a girl once loved by you will remain
I won't be easy to dust off your shoes
just remember my love
you were the man who dared
to love a girl like me
and it was your mistake to promise a forever
to a girl who would believe you
Our love is a ghost
lurking among the shadows
pouncing about in the darkness of my mind
I knew you were special
but I never knew the inner workings of your soul
would intertwine themselves between the deepest places
of my mind
These days I only see you in the dark
your face is a scar only to be recovered
in the early hours of the quiet morning
I can't take the silence
because as soon as the quiet starts
the voices begin
they are deafening
your voice is on repeat
I toss and I turn
but I cannot shake the feeling of your body laying close to mine
tears stream down my face for no reason at all
it's been months
your gone so why are you still here?
our love is a ghost
my life has become a never ending haunting
an old home movie that runs on repeat
I've missed the quiet since the day I met you
in the darkest of moments I find myself dreaming
we never crosses lines at all
what a sick turn of events
our love turned to nightmares
and the dream is that
we never even existed

- you cut too deep
God will not fail
Though life seems to be
a trail of tears
With sorrow as your only
friend

He made a bridge of my
broken works
And a rainbow of my tears

Inside the crooked path
I follow
He made it straighter
Though it zig-zags in many places
Hitting my foot upon
the stone
Cause I lost sight of the path
Taking his hand to follow
I again try to stand

Never a time on the dreariest day
some promise of love
endears
God will never leave me
Though shadows surround
my mind
And I can't see
Gloom seems to ponder
in every corner
Although it seems at times
I walk alone in the dark
He's close beside in silence
Waiting for my heart
to stop crying

That I might peek out of dark
clouds
To see his face smiling
When life knocks upon
my heart
Leaving cracks
I try to hold his hand
Leaning upon the man of sorrows
Though I still linger
in sorrow
I know he understands
my unbelievable
madness.

By Weeping willow
2018;-\
Just my words that seem to soar through my mind
on most any given day ;-\
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