I sometimes catch me thinking
Of days that were full of fire
I was, maybe, alone - not lonely
In sleepless nights of desires

I remember when words flowed free
And I proudly signed my poems
They were brazen, brave or broken
Some fears unknown and known

I found someone to anchor
An alien feeling seeped
Sunshine and meadows aside
I finally found some sleep

Content in my new comfort
I wrote my judgements raw
Till they ripped the bandaid off
Exposed my secret flaws

No longer a closet poet
They read every truth I wrote
Should I be ashamed, I don't know
But I stopped then for us both

Years have gone by living
And I have no memories to keep
Living at a prolonged ellipsis
I have lost a bit of me

I cannot be true to myself
So I cannot bear to write
Some day I will find courage
Tell me, do I have the fight?

Today,
They create their own truths
Where peace is possible
Through weapons and wars
And sacrifices of the young...
You take pride in it.

They promise a better life
Is in cities and highrises
The price of which is future
And half your lives...
You join the line in silence.

They pick on the weak
With no paper proof
To show that they belong
And must to be heard too...
You fail to hear them.

They make you believe
You belong to a country
That is in dire need
So you ought to pay the fees...
You rush to fill those pockets.

Tomorrow,
You will be the Other
No name, nowhere to hide
They will put you as the price
So that the rest may live by
They will tighten your noose...

And the world will watch.

What happens when we talk?
I know what you want to hear
And I know what you want not
There comes a slippery *****
Words go down the drain
They evade any meaning
Yet, they sound the same...

My dearest, when we talk
To you, I open my heart
There's love, hope and joy
That every soul has sought
But these words, my lifelong bane
They evade any meaning
Yet, they sound the same...

Hear me, when we talk
My silences are wrought
To say much in less than thought
How our lives seem so choked
With words that play their game
They evade any meaning
Yet, they sound the same.

Behold the give-up generation
That's out of land to run
Fearing mental castration
Out comes the rusted guns,
Get off the cursed confessional
The needle is now spun
Having no stake, no possession,
The hunted now shall hunt

Been cut so clean
With words so sharp
Hanging in there
Bare threads of life
No where to turn
No where to run
The deals once done
But now just begun

What have you been fighting for...?

When did we grow too old?
Our souls and dreams now sold
Too old to laugh and smile
To go the extra mile
Too old to say 'Need a hug'
To share the tales of hurt...

When did we grow so old
Nothing ever shocks anymore
The deaths the births unplanned
Basic rights being banned
All pass by, we shrug
No question, no if, no but...

Tell me, when did we grow so old
That tears and cries became cold
From doers, we are now undone
Dreams like a drowning sun
Will there be another dawn
For our spirit to be reborn...?

The gunman is a friend.
He was born in this street
He played in our arms
We saw him bawl and grow
Feel the pain of being alive
We turned our heads on time
To ignore the early signs
"Oye boy! Get outta here."
Let him live in fear
He's a problem, not mine.
He'll do just fine.
If not, we can always say
The gunman is no friend,
Just another headline.

We tripped on our words
My Lord, they can hurt
Why go the same road
For life we abhorred
We've done some wrongs
Over bars and bongs
Let's skip the routine
Of counting the falls
Go all the way off
Than be half and half.
The wounds are too deep
Our path too steep
Let's find a little shade
and nurse the scars
Let's give and take
Of what we make
No heaven, no hell
For us to wait
We live through others
In names and tongues
My love, you and I
Till we're undone.

There is no meaning
Spare the language
Books and notes
Don't  matter anymore
No reason why
We do what we do
Nothing to fight for...
They decide who we are
Who we ought to be
While they smirk
We forget smiles
A hollow mind
A hollow soul
A hole drilled through the heart
God-sent
...
We are left sprinting
weekend to weekend

My Lord, My Lord
You never said give to you
But in your name I Claim.

My Lord, My Lord
You ever loved me more
But I took you to the cross.

My Lord, My Lord
You promised forgiveness
But I condemned all others.

My Lord, My Lord
I knock on your doors
Why have you forsaken me?

Let there be more.

More dreams, more dares,
More scandalous affairs,
More lust, more zeal,
More unfair deals,
More to every lie,
More rules defied,
Let there be more of these.

Let there be more.

More cream on pies,
More curt than wise,
More sugar, no sweet,
More death, no disease,
More than what you can,
More than every man,
Let there be more of it.

Let there be more,
Till you realise,
You wish for less,
Less would suffice,
To fill the gap of More.

You helped me
find myself,
You brought out
the best in me.
Now you say,
let it go.
This was never
meant to be.
How do I forget
what I know,
Or live for less
When I need more?

Make peace
Make peace with this world
Be wise, be blind
This life is a dream
With only requiem
The song they sing
Make peace
Make peace with this world
Grey hairs have stopped
Adding strength to thoughts
There is no growth
No learning anymore
Make peace
Make peace with this world
The only one you know
It will die quite slow
With men astray
For violence they pray
Make peace
Make peace with this world at last.

Lend me the fabric
of your tears today.
I will weave a tapestry
of undone dreams.
When you remember
To feel it's patterns,
The deep secrets,
Will be yours to seek.
Not words, not woes,
My hopes, I submit
Drink to it sometimes,
A tapestry.

There'll never be enough
For this world to feed,
Not debts, nor dough,
Not deaths will cease.
Who cares for joy
In living with less,
With lives to destroy
For personal progress.
Their legacy they build
Over ****** and lies,
But don't heed us,
As fools, we cry.

As the world keeps watch
Over each coin and grain,
We teach giving,
And living in pain.
Our audacity must
Pay you a dear price,
Make examples of us
For all to despise.
Forget us.
We're just
Fools in a paradise.

Live on
You poet's lover.
When the world dies,
You are
Immortalized.

Can violence be countered
Only by violence?
To be equals, we must riot
To be just, we must fight
Why every government every state
Furthers the hate mandate
Even
To show love we must ****
Or the enemies will
We say we want justice and peace
Why, why then this malice?
Where does our heart lie
As we slaughter and die?

You.
Do you know or care
Who you are?
Have you ever tried
To look a bit far
And find some more about
You?
I will reveal
If you believe
And vow to be
As destined,
I will speak on
Why you were born,
And what’s the deal with
You.
But be aware,
As I do share,
You must partake
For your own sake
Now in this quest,
And try your best
To find more meaning in
You.

You are a hold
In which this world
Hides its treasures
To others, unheard.
You are the sound,
From a source not found,
With secrets of future,
And purpose of nature,
You.
You are the truth
That time conceived,
You are the womb
That needs no seed.
You are a wonder,
You are a dream,
And this world a sky,
Where dreams do fly,
You.
You are a vision,
A divine mission,
Power manifest
Through life’s contests.
You are the fruit.
Meant for the altar,
Altar most high
Where justice resides,
You.
What more you need?
Do you believe?
My blood, my kin,
You are in you
A wonderful thing.
You are the change
This world can be
You are the eye
Of this gyre,
You.
If not to you
To whom this plea?
If not for you
Who could lead?
If you won’t stand,
If you won’t bleed
What good this day
You choose to live?
You.

What are we? 20 - somethings
Depressed and angry
Giving days of our best years
to this or that MNC
Nights, we sit with a beer
and use the dim pub lights
and noise to hide tears
That flow unchecked, without reason..
Or maybe for something that's not reason.
Moving away from those closest
to us - we don't take rejection well
So better push than get pushed.
What we will pass to our progeny
would be tales of vicious companies
That we offered our youth to,
Hoping they would value
Life more than luxury.

Nkem,
With endless love,
with faith
A heart, they say, is won.
In that hope
these thousand nights
But mine, to claim, is none.
Nkem,
Are a thousand nights
all I can get
For you, for me, for us?
A thousand lonely
Nights in wait
For one night to be just.
Nkem,
Let it be sung,
A song out loud
A song of love and pain,
So that never
a thousand nights'
Vigil be gone in vain.

I try to think
Of a million things
To avoid one thought
That is you.
And yet,
It's like reaching out
of a swamp.

The more I try
to get free
The deeper I fall.

Thinking is an
overused
abused
undermined
misunderstood
under-understood
gene­ralised
washed-out
Concept.

Language has killed it,
or rather people have.
The world now goes -
"Thinking is such a waste of time"

I am now thinking
how they got there
Without wasting their time.

What a waste of time!

I looked down a high cliff
at a restless ocean below,
I climbed the proud mountains
crowned with lofty clouds,
I reached the serene jungles
sitting in silent pride,
I did not find it...
I visited the richest nawabs
in their castles and towers,
I ate with the lowliest creatures
whom language didn't own,
I met the right-hands and mouths
of Gods we know from pages,
yet, I didn't find it...
At last, lost in thought
I walked by a crowd
Some in white, some in black, some in uniform.
All turned to a majestic but still figure
In an honored embrace of the Tricolour
Twenty-one guns and croaking crows later
I heard a little girl's cry -
"Keta 9GR ko ** ke hoena" - ** ** **
The tears never ceased,
The roar never stopped
With faltering steps, the brave-heart...
There.
I found it,I found inspiration.

(Refer to the notes)

On some days
I feel overwhelmed
While on some other days
I feel like an idiot
For feeling and expressing
For confessing and exposing
More than what people expect.
Sadly, they expect me to be
More than they expected
And I expect, to be all and more.

So you think you know me,
For I tell you all I feel?

Enn Omane (my dearest),
I haven't even begun to say
What I fail to feel.

I am the Five

Violating myself to
bear one's labour.
Burning under
the chastity label.
Washing the woes
of newborn lives.
Blowing life into
future's flight.
Embracing clouds
that veil my being
I am the Five
that exist unseeing.

The writer's table is vacant.
The Poet's papers fly amok.
The Painter's brush is stuck in hardened paint..
Pictures have been pulled down
and burnt with the fire of intolerance.
Theatres have been vandalised
and stages are silent, empty.
The jobless critic looks for a prey,
hence, there are fewer flies and mosquitoes

The point has been proved
You do we say, we say you do
for our feet are sticky with squishy remains
of pens and easels and words...
No songs will be written, no tales told
We live with fire, in fire, by fire
What else can we do but burn?
We equate Force with Peace, so,
Don't ask - where are the Artists?

The Artists are dead.

It matters not
The number of bottles
Or the number of excuses...
After reaching a point
It matters not
The number of stories
Of injustice and heartbreak...
After saying and doing
It matters not
The number of nights sleepless
And unattended calls....

What matters is, that it matters not.

The last few evenings have been revealing.

A few discarded mugs,
A few balled sheets
of paper and what not,
A few dreams half painted
on cheap chart papers.
In all that mess, a single voice
soundlessly telling stories...

There was never much to say,
There was never much to hear.

If only living could be
in the number of charts
and balled sheets,
In mugs used and thrown
about a room that reeks
of neglect and disillusionment.

If only living could be
In the monsoon of mess,
In the drought of tears,
In the freezing of feelings,
In the ocean of fears,
In hands that held,
In shrines visited,
In songs of adulation,
In fingers of accusation,
In hopes and desperation,
Or even in lone portations...

I'd say, I've lived a lifetime,
Sure, I feel old.

By what decree
you took it on you
to claim me as your own?
Let this world
and its ways
not fool you into grandeur,
For if any day
I consent
It will be for me, not you.

Hope
is to live for more
is to talk of a way
when none's there
is to aim for the sky
with a jump knee-high
is to believe in tomorrow
though highs and lows
is to hold nothing back
while providing for lack
is to live till the end
with sincere intent
is to know of the judgment
and be ready, be content.

Really, now,
You want Reality?
Take it.

A six year old gangraped.
A father and son shot dead.
A mother's womb slit, spilt open.
A teen with eighteen bones broken.
An old man's head sent flying.
A soldier on field left dying.

Are you kidding me?
You still want Reality?

A plane full of people lost, sunk.
A mass ****** with a mad gun.
A child killed to make a human bomb.
A daughter beheaded for marrying wrong.
A massacre followed by a public celebration.
Using religion, tradition, justice for desolation.

Are you ******' kidding me?
You still want Reality?
Here, take it.
This Is Reality.

There was nothing.
Then came light.
It illuminated, but,
It also discriminated.
All that was dark was doomed.

There was nothing.
Then came life.
It prospered, but,
It also destroyed.
All that was unique was lost.

If you have never wished
that we were a little different,
Think of yourself as a waste,
In the name of all that's Human.
For by thinking, you become.

The silent views
they may sigh
In the middle of nights
Spread them like colours of light.
                                   - Najeeb Nayazi

A rolling raindrop
and ax blade on the bark meet
At cross roads head long.

The colors I wished to touch
I finally did on a still wild parrot
Beneath the electric pole
That woke up now and then
In angry alien blabber.

I don't know if I like
Those colors any more.

It's a new season now,
But I still hold the snow
from last winter when
you left me frozen
fed by a cold, cold heart.

If ever the sun shines
too bright, too warm, to ignite,
I will let me burn first
Before the snow melts.
I'd be consumed before
Your memories get touched.

If feelings could be heard,
I would hear a thousand bells
Chiming in autumn wind
Every time you breathe
Too close to my neck.

Your colour
Your texture
Your form
Everything attracts me

There could be no reprieve
There could be no solace

I would sit all day
With you in my head
Let you consume me
As I drink you
Savoring every jolt
Your taste brings to my senses.

If only that stirs me,
Otherwise I am just oblivious
To life and to others.
For them, I'm a drunkard,
For you, your most intimate lover.

If you find an island
Off your lonely sail
Trail the way
Send it back.
Some day, just in case
You decide you need me,
I shall come in find.
Till then, I bob
My way in ocean blind.

They whine and cry-
"This country is going to the dogs."
They complaint and protest-
"Down with this corrupt government."
They crib and blame-
"Pull down those lazy thieving *******."

But when it's time, on Election day
They take the day off, they holiday
The Whining Losers, they say -
"Ah, let a few Morons go and vote
I am above politics,
What matter's it to me."

Dare you not raise another finger,
Dare you not whine and complaint.
You're not a part of democracy.
You're what this country bears in vain.

The line of vehicles never end
I wonder where they're off to
All speeding, occasionally screeching
furiously honking and shouting,
I wonder where they are off to.
They come in all colours,
they go away in darkness
I sit by the window day after day
Wondering where they go off to.

After hours in train
Twisting and turning
Through endless tracks
The country of God
Welcomes me with
Precipitation and sweaty hugs
Love-high shivering grandparents
In a hot ancient house
Surrounded by remnants
Of Dad's childhood.
I share something divine.
I am home, yet not mine

It will soon be morning
Amma walks the backyard
Collecting flowers
The best for the Goddess
Who does nothing but sit
At her ivory throne
Sweets and diyas around
Her face with a pasted smile
I have so wished to wipe out.

Appa's snore shake the walls
I imagine his moustache
Shivering under the onslaught
Before he's off to the stores
He would want his breakfast
With Anna on his right side
Telling Appa all about school
And his stagnant progress
While Appa nods and laughs.

And after they would leave
I will then open my books
Where wonders of world hide...
Till then, I make breakfast.

Below an unsatisfied stomach,
Between tired legs,
I hold your future.
That which you conceal
and exploit as pleasure
That which you call
a Woman's Bane,
I claim it back.
I celebrate - not in victory,
But in vengeance.

The day
undated,
The moment
unannounced,
The experience
unexpected.

Helplessness.

Greetings and thank you for coming,
I'm so grateful for your generosity, in
Fulfilling my need – How charitable.
Please take a seat, please be comfortable.

Kindly ignore the mess and bowing parents,
Adorable, but they are not significant.
Prime are you, with your gaze discern
me, a superwoman, I cook, clean and earn.

I might look fiery but I'm sober and calm.
Feeble, delicate, no threat, no harm.
And oh so fertile! I can bear generations,
But lack a suitable man, and marriage decorations.

So you smile and you nod, should I say it's a Yes?
Oh please, be kind, do not digress.
You are the ones I've been waiting to serve,
I'm just a woman, nothing else to live for.

Soft, round with delicate patterns
You dance to my tunes
But beyond my sultry rules.
Hot and spicy - my tongue burns
As it takes you in deep
Each flavour separated, variegated
On my flattened leaf.
Even moments later
I want to taste again.

In your anger
you opened your heart.
I saw the picture
you painted of me.
What baseness!
Only recognizable point
is the fullness
of my lips that look
freshly invaded.

Some things never
change, though feelings do.

Feelings change.
Every lub-dub that
disturbs the surface
Shrieks at me - you liar!
You two-faced *****,
Begone! Even Eros dare not
let you be loved again.

A tear or two wash down
the wounds fresh on flesh
Surfacing charred waste
of what you once cherished in me.

Price of your company...
To kneel in absence,
believing in miracles
for a non-existent presence
after a brief incident.
Take me to my grave,
Let me take a peek
and decide if it's time.
Don't worry my living.
I have been at it,
Forever living, forever digging.