When we were in our teens we were convinced that we had so much love to give, so much love to be in....But then break up after break up, you realize something: that wasn't love. Love is a force that exceeds past relationships. It is not to be confused with freshness or infatuation because when you finally fall in love it consumes your life, inevitably. It doesn't matter where your "relationship" stands, all that matters is that you love that person.

soft spokenly
a token of gratitude
to thee
what seems as imperfection
is great perfection
to me
never change
never want to be
some one else's arrange

I, sometimes, wither along with the autumn leaves
Carried by the current of that chilly breeze
Yeah, it may look uncomfortable but sometimes I like letting go
Letting go, into the flow, when I should be trying to row

Love Needs No Logic

The pen drew dots in my eyes,
my grip lessened and there I was
Nothingness

No, not bad
No, not good
Nothing

Nothing was...
Nothing

I liked to spend most of my time being nothing
in the bath tub
While the days happened without me
and blurred over like watercolor

To think one must suffer to handle such writing
shame on you for your ignorance

To think less of a poem because they lack a mental disorder
shame on you for your ignorance

Any one is entitled to write
some just stand out more than others

I want to ingest your soul
because feeling whole isn't enough
on the outside

I'm tweaking for a kiss
Shooting up your touch
It's my version of a crutch

I used to do drugs for fun,
and sometimes I still do.
Mostly, I use them to run
from feelings I get addicted to.
It's hilarious to say how ironic it is,
the paradox I live.

"Baby really hurt me
Crying in the taxi
He don't wanna know me
Says he made the big mistake of dancing in my storm
Says it was poison
So I guess I'll go home
Into the arms of the girl that I love
The only love I haven't ******* up
She's so hard to please
But she's a forest fire
I do my best to meet her demands
Play at romance, we slow dance
In the living room, but all that a stranger would see
Is one girl swaying alone
Stroking her cheek
They say, "You're a little much for me
You're a liability
You're a little much for me"
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I'm a liability
Get you wild, make you leave
I'm a little much for
E-a-na-na-na, everyone
The truth is I am a toy
That people enjoy
'Til all of the tricks don't work anymore
And then they are bored of me
I know that it's exciting
Running through the night, but
Every perfect summer's
Eating me alive until you're gone
Better on my own
They say, "You're a little much for me
You're a liability
You're a little much for me"
So they pull back, make other plans
I understand, I'm a liability
Get you wild, make you leave
I'm a little much for
E-a-na-na-na, everyone
They're gonna watch me
Disappear into the sun
You're all gonna watch me
Disappear into the sun"

It's 4 o'clock in the morning and you breathe "i want you's" into my face that smell like my favorite *****.

I'm not lookin' for a forever, but stay another night.
You are simply a delight to lose myself with.

The people I always fall in love with I have the least fun with.
At least, I can be myself with you and myself isn't much a fan of sobriety.

Carsun, you don't have to worry about girls like myself because we aren't lookin' for serious.

It's hard for me to be serious, it's a drag.
Can I have a drag?

I like the cigarettes you smoke, or maybe you're just a **** smoker.
I guess commercials of good-lookin' people using products do sucker you.

Let's lay here until things start feeling serious and then we can pour another round.
Here's to the nights I won't remember but I know were great.

I hope I won't look back and think how the fun we had together was something special.

There I lay,
inside the swirling abyss that formed from a mere powder;
a seemingly harmless substance

my eyes were rolling into the back of my cranium
my teeth hugged onto each other for dear life

Disorientation covered my mouth shut so I couldn't screamed

I didn't dare to speak because words made no sense
I stared blankly at my companions as they tried directing conversation at me

Is that my heart I feel pulsing my entire body?
Where did this darkness come from?
I must be dying, I'll just shut my eyes

I woke up later
I overdosed

You're dissipating like any memory that no longer has relevance.


Sometimes, I think I loved you just for the hell of it.
I can't tell anymore.
It was so long ago.

I don't know how to be close
I paint myself in colors, expecting love to come
To only find an idea destroyed, broken into crumbs

When love meets me, more gleeful than ever
Dull and nuetral I become, distant and unfamiliar
Curl up, roll inside myself, harden shell, dismembered mind

I guess I never really wanted love

Not even a millennium
would cut through your cranium
I'd have to be on lithium
to withstand your oblivion

love but do not obsess
obsession causes imbalances
it blinds you and you find no room for others

obsessing is giving your mind the right to possess you

a spitting image of scenerios I once lived, flickering...
project inside my head
thanks to light leaking into my eye sockets
and the acid from inside my stomach
when i experience reflux because of stress
i have recreated a movie within myself to watch

ah, i  drank too much
before realizing i drank too much
and since when did i smoke?

Imprints, emotional cuts that feel skin deep
I like the way your tears glisten on your pale skin
Priceless diamond drops
Chameleon eyes, changing along with the seasons
And with the shirts you indecisively choose to wear
For the people you pretend to like

You hold values close to your chest, worn like a necklace
Lip syncing yesterday's words I whispered to you
When we were in bed, alone and intimate
Forgetting about today because your head is on my pillow
Still kissing my lips and tasting my emotions I transfer onto you
Yearning to be loved, while loving relentlessly

I exercise often
and cry on the nights I don't sleep

The hours
of smoked cigarettes
is equivalent
to the time
it will take
for you to
**** me.

A void deeply
rattling
my inner workings,

I fill it with superficial love.

For a while,
I forget
I'm depressed.

It becomes a habit;
people.
But then I hurt them
and it hurts myself
and I always...

Remember.

And I always wonder, "am I



...



Fixable?"

******* salty ocean tears
O, how I miss you dear
Fresh delicate minds as if we descended yesterday from our wombs
Everyday is new to us and I am glad I got to see you bloom

Too bad, so sad- you decided to leave me
No warning, no note- years you left quite seemingly effortlessly
I felt shocked, betrayed, and abandoned
I hope she is worth what you bargained

When we fell in love
The sky was blue
And it was new.
When everything was good
The sky was blue
And I wanted to be you.
When you said forever
The sky was blue
And we would stick as glue.
When we had our first fight
The sky was blue
And I had no clue.
When I drove away crying
The sky was blue
And I had not a single clue.
When we felt disconnected
The sky was blue then too.
When we lost each other
The sky then was the darkest blue.
...*I think the sky is still blue.

Quilt made of hearts
Eyes laced with static memories
You are a part of my broken record lifestyle
I can still taste you when I talk
Your energy is in a jar, sitting on my shelf getting dusty
I want to open you up, but I have nowhere left to put you

Everyone is telling me, "All you need is love."
I've tried it all--my grip was once tight and has lessened...
I've loved, I've used, I've taken care of hearts and visa versa.
It never helped anything.
Love is not enough, it will never be.
Love will not solve problems within me...for it is too late.
I am destined for patterns my mind will always follow.
I was created, molded by my owners... and I will never cease as their architecture.
I know I'm in control, but the moment I step out of line...I wake up back in my old, but familiar, boundary.

I don't want you to lie to me like you lie to yourself.
Confess to me instead of filtering your personality to me.
You don't have to worry about me getting offended or judgmental.
I want you to be raw, I love you for who you are.
I just want to really know you because you are a masterpiece.
Yes, I've had my share of experiences I never wanted to admit.
I, too, swept them under the rug at one point in my life.
But, just like anything suppressed, it resurfaces.
Sometimes it happens quick and nastily, other times it is slow and becomes a part of the way you act.
I want you to know it doesn't matter, because it doesn't matter what you did in the past and it shouldn't to anyone but it helps to remember it so you can figure out who you are today.
Sometimes, you want to remember it so you can change something you may not like about yourself.
I can see the pain in your eyes, just let me be your home. Your diary.
Trust me and you will be surprised that you actually can.
Everyone experiences "bad decisions" and we can go somewhere far away together.
No one else has to matter.
It's up to you, baby doll.

lost someone to ******. first time but im sure it wont be the last...
havent spoken in 6 years but it still hurts a lot..to see these people grow up innocent and turn to a place so lonely and sad and dark..

Keep your family close...

It's easy to forget about the people who are near you every day.
Don't take them for granted.
They are the answer to all your problems, in a way.
My grandmother hugged me today.
We both cried over my dying grandfather and her dying soulmate.
This death will bind us, bind the time I took for granted---No more of that.
I have made a pact to take care of her damaged heart--differently damaged, beautifully damaged heart.
It's broken like my grandfather's, who has a short time-span.
I'm as scared as he is.