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1.1k · Mar 2015
autoimmunity
bucky Mar 2015
you look at me like i'm on fire. youve always been petulant
i was supposed to be the reasonable one,(or
at least, alive)
and you laugh and say *"i guess things dont always turn out the way they're supposed to."
1.1k · Jun 2014
LIGHTSWITCH
bucky Jun 2014
YOU ONLY EVER KISS HIM WITH THE LIGHTS OFF. YOU RUN YOUR HANDS THROUGH YOUR HAIR; IT WAS CUT A FEW DAYS AGO AND YOU'RE NOT SURE IF YOU LIKE IT. YOU FEEL LIKE YOU'RE JUST KEEPING UP THE PRETENSE OF THE PERSON YOU USED TO BE. YOU'RE NOT SURE IF YOU'LL EVER FEEL LIKE HIM AGAIN.

HE, AS USUAL, LOVES YOU AND SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO RIP OFF HIS ******* CLOTHES AND TAKE HIM AND SOMETIMES YOU JUST WANT TO SCREAM AND RUN AWAY AND NEVER LOOK HIM IN THE EYES AGAIN (AND SOMETIMES YOU WANT TO RIP OFF YOUR ******* SKIN AND HOPE YOU NEVER BREATHE AGAIN). YOU NEVER TELL HIM THIS. YOU ADD IT TO THE PILE OF SECRETS. RINSE AND REPEAT;;;

AS THE DAYS GO BY THE BLUE EYES START MIXING WITH THE KIND OF REDNESS YOU CAN'T SCRUB AWAY. YOU TRY TO LAUGH BECAUSE YOU'RE LIKE HIM NOW (RED WHITE AND BLUE YOU'RE A ******* BANNER AND HE'S AN ICON). IT COMES OUT BROKEN. YOU DON'T TELL HIM WHY.

YOU STOP SMILING AND THE CIGARETTES PILE UP AND THE BOTTLES PILE UP AND THE SECRETS PILE UP. HE'S STOPPED LOOKING YOU IN THE EYES AND YOU'VE STOPPED PRETENDING NOT TO NOTICE. HE DRAGS YOU OUT OF BED AT TWO IN THE MORNING TO YELL AT YOU AND IT TAKES ALL THE ENERGY YOU CAN MUSTER TO LOOK AT HIM.

HE STOPS SMILING.

WHEN HE SAYS HE LOVES YOU HE DOESN'T MEAN IT. THIS IS OKAY; YOU HAVEN'T SAID IT BACK SINCE HE SAVED YOU. WHEN YOU SAY IT BACK ANYWAY YOU MEAN IT. HE LAUGHS AT YOU.

YOU TRY TO STOP BREATHING ONETWOTHREEFOUR TIMES. YOU STOP RETURNING HIS PHONE CALLS. YOU DON'T BELONG HERE THIS BODY HASN'T FELT LIKE YOURS IN SEVENTY YEARS BUT YOU STILL WISH YOU COULD CRAWL INSIDE YOUR OWN SKIN.

HE SHOWS UP AT YOUR HOUSE AT TWO IN THE MORNING AND ******* SCREAMS AT YOU. THIS IS THE MOST ALIVE YOU'VE FELT IN AN AGE. YOU TELL HIM THIS AND YOU LOOK AWAY WHEN HIS FACE CRUMPLES.

HE KISSES YOU WITH THE LIGHTS ON.
эти являются затемненные дней
bucky Nov 2014
oh mygod,ohmy god
stop ******* talking about your martyr complex
some of us arent enjoying this
(THE STATE OF BEING INFERIOR)
(it's okay, dont worry about that weird taste in your mouth
it goes away after a few hours)
1.1k · Oct 2014
nnnnnneuro
bucky Oct 2014
shut up, shut up
and now comes the flood, and now your hands
post-apocalyptic shutters closing against the night, baby, this is all you have.
('it'll have to do',
cupped palms and cracked lips,
this is a game you've played for a long time)
'you're ******* kidding me;
you're ******* kidding me, aren't you',
and now you're shouting.
a love letter to the heart of a monster
and the pavement screams for you
(are you bleeding or is he?)
shut up, shut up
staticstaticstatic
electricity on a loop in your mind
cassette tape stuck on dead air
(sorry about the bugs in your mouth)
shut up, shut up
whhhhhhhhhhhatever
1.1k · Jul 2014
apoptosis
bucky Jul 2014
Tell me about the garden again,
        tell me this is our last night on earth and you just want to know that it's real
                                tell me fairytales. Tell me
this is everything you've ever dreamed of
                 and more.
Kiss me with whiskey lips and cigarette teeth
                        kiss me like you'll never have a chance to kiss someone again. I want to feel you. I want to taste callous remarks
        on your tongue
                 give them to me, give me everything and then give me more. Sing to me
                                write me ten thousand sonnets and recite them
        ignite everything we've ever been.
                                                              This is your chance. Tell me about
                         the vines.
Tell me a thousand things, and more, and more. Drink me in, like this,
                sprawled out on your bed, laughing like it's the end of the world. We don't have much time.
                                       Let's end it all, hangman's rope and a burning will,
        or let's stay a little longer.
I want to hear your voice again. Tell me how we're ruined.
                Tell me how I'm ruining you,
                                        and how you love it.
Tell me about tomorrow.
                                                        It's the only one we have left.
the death of cells that occurs as a normal and controlled part of an organism's growth or development.
bucky Jun 2014
if you try hard enough you will be able to taste the blood in my lungs
ashtrays bleeding liquor with every breath
don't ******* tell me you've forgotten me don't tell me that i'm worth it don't tell me
exactly what i want to hear
your voice pushes needles into my pincushion conscience,
skinned palms against a chalkboard don't ask me why i never loved you
you're just kidding yourself
i'm not a puzzle you can solve, i'm a ******* human being(i'm worse than that
better start to count your blessings)
don't dedicate your battlecries to me
i won't give you a token of my love i don't give thanks to people who want to skin me alive
if i try hard enough i wonder if i will be able to taste the blood on your gums
have your teeth retracted yet?are you safe?can i sneak out
the back door, maybe, and
hope that you won't sink your vampire smile into the nape of my neck?
don't **** around with me you know exactly who i am
i'm a ******* monster i'm in your nightmares, babe
(as a matter of fact, don't call me babe
it'll only make my skin crawl when i snap your neck)
your skin is a patchwork quilt
let me wear it for a while
let me breathe in when you tell me to, act like a lady
but i'm not a lady, baby i'm a scourge
i'll end you faster than you can blink my poems are dripping red
let me empty them into your throat
or, lessons in anger management.
1.1k · May 2014
manufactured destruction
bucky May 2014
maybe i'm a lightning bolt, electricity in my bones maybe
maybe i'm the sun
light dripping from my mouth like blood
like a bullet in the barrel of your gun
maybe i'm a firecracker
because i keep on burning
no amount of water can put me out
i am smoke
and ruin and you are the aftermath
{"i'm sorry about that night
i'm sorry that your mother died when you were nine"}

i'm sorry that i never gave you a chance to love me because i am too broken
you couldn't piece me back together if you tried
make me your slaughterhouse
i've been told that i'm good at exhaling war crimes
nail my hands to a chalkboard and tell me to draw
put a bullet between my teeth and tell me to shoot
i will try to
believe me, i've done it before
you keep saying that this is real
for some reason i don't believe you
it might be because of the way you cut my lungs out
with your bare hands
i'm still not sure if i ever really trusted you
the last time you called me beautiful was the same night that
water began to fill my lungs
you whispered it to me with your hands around my neck
(i still have the bruises)
like i was your painting and you were just here to admire your work
when you kiss me it tastes like hate
like you rubbed your tongue with spiderwebs
i've never felt so hopeless
{ I'VE NEVER FELT SO POWERFUL, EITHER;
A THOUSAND THREADS OF PURE STARLIGHT
PUMPING THROUGH MY VEINS }
you were my self destruct button
i wonder if you know how many times i tried to set you off
(i wonder if you know how often i see you in the gap
between my teeth and my tongue;
you're still making me fumble for words after you're gone)
when i told you i could never love you you answered by saying that i wasn't real
i believed you
i still do.
bucky Oct 2014
mime,give me flowers in the dark
paint me a picture of gods
make me someone holy
when im dead i hope you cauterize the hole in your chest
sorry about the mess we left,sorry about the apple tree,sorry about the taste in your mouth
i hope its not too bitter for you
is this the part where i apologize for ripped sheets on a bed that never belonged to me in the first place?
sorry,sweetheart,sorry that i wasnt the right narcissistic ***** for you
is this the part where you mutilate a french love song?i hope it all works out for you
i hope you find an ax buried in the coffin underneath the apple tree
i hope you use it to demolish my house,i hope you find my corpse
and i hope you cauterize the hole in your chest
1.1k · Nov 2014
weird dinosaurs
bucky Nov 2014
moderate to severe autocannibalistic tendencies
and an aegyptosaurus to boot
???????????????????????????????????????????
1.0k · Oct 2014
proceed with caution
bucky Oct 2014
Show me, you say, *show me the hallway.
                         Show me the bedroom, show me where we used to live. That tree, over there, with the apples.
                                                               You, and then not you.
You, crossed out.
                                                            ­                          You, in the windowsill
                                                   with your hair pulled back.
Take me, I say, take me like we're already dead.
                                                                ­                  You know how this ends.
              My hands, your hands, harmony.
A lit match, maybe. And death itself, there beside us.
                                        **** me, you know how,
              you've done this before, I say, panic and soap that smells a bit too much like your brother's wake.
                                                           ­                     Play me a funeral song. Impress me, and you say,
                                                            ­        what's left to impress?
And maybe I'm not the antichrist, but it's not like you are, either.
           This, our hands, you, the radio stuck on one station, crossed out.
Red pen.
                                                                ­        This isn't a temporary solution.
            You're singing, I say, and you just keep on, say,
                                                     this isn't a funeral,
like it's none of my business.
                                 The radio again, playing the only way it knows how.
The mountains, over there in the distance,
                                                       ­                                               spying on us.
Your hands, my hands, ******* like knots, like
                                       this is the only way we can love. But it’s not, is it,
             don't you remember the treehouse?
Three blocks down the road a man has blood on his hands, and you are the man and you aren't, all at once.
                                                  You, me, clockwork.
A bell, tolling in the distance.
                                                       ­                                                                 ­                                                                                                            Repeat.
i don't know how to write poetry
bucky Jan 2015
"what a *******
cliche," is that what they're calling it these days?
stop talking about a ******* revolution
god, youre so naïve(cough spit cough
crying for justice in the dead of night
whens the last time someone heard you screaming?or
cared?)
lmaoooooo
1.0k · May 2014
break your wrist on my back
bucky May 2014
she says -
if i carve your name onto my ribcage in the morning before the sun comes up will it come true? will it **** you this time?
maybe ill lie down so that you can pick me apart,
fingernails breaking on my iron skin
would you like that?
bucky Jun 2014
he remembers your touch but not your face
maybe if you hold on a little tighter he'll respond with a smile
he's archaic and you're a battlefield
you were never meant to touch in the first place
acute lines connecting against the laws of science
he's a geometry problem, roughness against blood vessels
his hips jut out from under his shirt
you press your thumbs against them and breathe
try not to ***** yourself on his ribcage
he'll kiss you like he means it but his eyes will cloud when you look into them
he doesn't always recognise your voice
you kiss him anyway you hold him close like maybe if your hearts beat in time for long enough he'll start to feel it
the first time he looks at you with eyes that belong to him you think your lungs might close up
he sketches you, fingers trailing like stardust over skin and jutting bone
you used to dig a knife into the palm of your hand just to make sure you would bleed like everybody else
he used to dig a knife into the upper-left side of his chest just to make sure he was really human
you cradle your scars together
LIVEDIELIVEREPEAT
the pain's more bearable with him
you hold him when he has nightmares and he holds you when you can't take living
(all that you used to know is gone;
you're all each other has left
survivors of a lost age)
life is a series of compromises
you've already made enough for one lifetime
bucky Dec 2015
in the grand scheme of things, he’s the trees and I’m the river and the stones are always, always covered in blood

2. he keeps looking at me over his shoulder and I don’t know if it’s because he knows I’m lying or if he’s checking to see that I’m still alive

3. he told me I was a god, some free and ruthless and holy thing and I told him he was the sun and we’re both waiting on the test results to see who won

4. he smiles like an animal, too much teeth, gapped and bleeding, too much dirt stuck to his gums, lips sticky and eyes burning holes into me

5. I never thought I’d be afraid of the way the light hits the earth, quietly and all at once, but I am and it feels like I should be on my knees and praying to something I know doesn’t exist for me

6. in the grand scheme of things, neither of us is a bird or fragile or something precious to hold onto, and both of us know this, which makes it worse

7. he isn’t some winged holy thing

8. he hung the stars and told me how lovely I was in the lighting

9. he put a gun in his mouth until I could taste the sting of it, metal coating my insides, until I was the one bleeding iron bullets

10. he handed me his plastinated heart and told me to swallow it whole so I did

11. he said a lot of things and I mostly don’t remember them because I was too busy knitting us together at the seams of our broken bones, two skeletons in the same grave, some kind of poetic fate

12. or, that’s how I’ll say it happened
977 · Dec 2015
heartbreak horizon
bucky Dec 2015
it goes like this-
he pulls himself into himself, ribs
collapsing inward in an attempt to become smaller. smoke and mirrors and a jump from a high-rise
he never quite pulled it off, though
he says "brand new, baby
never been used"
holds my hand and tells me a lovesong that ends with:
"and the dust settled."
gripping at my fingers so the bones crack
it sounds more like a confession than a story
and he's never been able to stay still so
he doesnt,
fidgeting away and back, a restless tide
salt licking at his cheeks, and he tastes like a dream
like the ruined rotted boards of a shipwreck
and he smells like smoke all the ******* time. i wanna
romanticize him,
wanna breathe in his lungs and blow out a piece of art,
i wanna dress him up in angel wings
and ask him how close to the sun he can go without melting. split me open
wartime in monochromia, could do this for hours
if i didnt know that it would wreck me. he cant stop
******* open the holes in his jeans, says
he just wants to have control over something. says,
"this is what it feels like to be on fire"
and i believe him.
me: writes poems about people who don't even exist
961 · Oct 2014
departure time 4:00 pm
bucky Oct 2014
you forged your own steel in the molten lava of my belly, a pennyworth of paradise,
frozen tree branches dripping icicles down my back
this is what it feels like to be an active volcano
anatomy lessons are nothing like the curve of your spine while you're asleep
rising and falling like a familiar chorus
i know this dance well, i've memorized the steps you will take
locked it inside my chest and threw away the key
lake michigan warm underneath the mattress in your room
you, me, and stormdoor-fragile winter nights
you hold whispers in your palms like they're something holy
there's a word buried in your lungs, in the nape of your neck, and you don't quite know how to pronounce it
i can still feel your fingers exploring the dip at the bottom of my spine like there's treasure somewhere
you just haven't found it yet, and
you tell me my house is more like a graveyard, and
remember when we found red underneath our fingernails, and
remember when there was more ash in your hair than in the ground, and
i love you i love you i love you, and so on
this is a stolen book off a stolen shelf and it still says that i love you, and so on
we were never in love with each other, not how we were supposed to
"this will destroy you", but it didnt
you're bleeding on everything and my hands are starting to slip and grab my hand
(and this isn't how it's supposed to go, but i still love you, and so on)
this started out happy i honestly don't know what happened
945 · Jul 2014
ephemeral
bucky Jul 2014
We are humans in a story of gods
                        every version of me loves every version of you, and so on
          when you laugh it sounds more like sobbing but you tell me to stay here a little longer. I feel your breaths echoing in my chest.
                                I could stay like this forever.
You trace your fingers over my wrist, feeling for a pulse.
                  I don't have the heart to tell you
the truth.
                         I'm sorry about the ocean when we were twelve and the river when we were sixteen
and the ocean again when we were seventeen and we had too many dreams for our bodies.
         You smell like blood. It isn't yours, but it might as well be.
                                                                         I kiss you anyway.
You love me, but it isn't the kind of love I deserve
                                                                it's too loud, it wakes them up,
                it makes me feel too small. Here is the part where I apologize for getting blood in your hair, on your arms, spattered across your cheeks like freckles.
        I'm sorry for dying on you, but I can't help myself. I love your eyes
                I could drown in them, if I wanted to.
I could drown, if I wanted to,
                                                                but you'd never speak to me again.
You kiss me and your mouth is a slash of red. It isn't your blood, but it might as well be.
                Here is the part where you hold my body to you, let your tears mix in with the blood pooling in my stomach and around it.
        Here is the part where I don't come home.
Here is the part where every version of me loves every version of you,
                                 and so on.
they say you and me are tautology

(this is secretly about achilles/patroclus but don't tell anyone)
939 · Nov 2014
wolf garden blues
bucky Nov 2014
im tired and sick and i dont like capital letters
love song for the miserable lycanthropes
lay your head down let your brains fall out
(can you feel the synapses yet?can you feel the fire yet?
be quiet,
you know how this goes)
tell me about the jewel thieves.copper mines overflowing in the west;
you will hide in the dark and become a ghost or a gun
tie flowers around your waist
"im sad all the ******* time"
welcome to the city of believers,and you could have all this and more
you unremarkable thing,you coward,
you scourge of men.
swallow hypothermia swallow liquid gold
bleed me dry
you smile at me with blood in your teeth;can you feel the synapses yet
be quiet,be quiet,you know how this goes
bucky Nov 2014
hello **** hello scourge of the earth,hello bloodbath
this is what you get for being a vampire.and i'll say, 
god,what kind of monster is this? god,you're pathetic. 
now this,now this,now we're holding hands through the sunset, 
now this.
stop writing sonnets for dead heroes 
i'm no hercules,no sweet moonlight 
no sweet sorrow,no sweetness for you tonight. 
i dip branches in blood,i'm the bearer of the holy cup, 
don't waste firepower on storm clouds. 
and you say, look at the mess you've made, body counts dripping down your tongue 
what an easy ****. the target was painted on before he was born 
serenade me cherry sugar sweet, 
and i say,what happened to massacre. 
this is the part where i apologize for my own mind 
i'm sorry about all this, 
static electricity.cassette tape crawling up your windpipe,sorry about the mess.
and,and,and. 
wine and something filthy 
teeth crumbling in your hands 
this was a home once.and over here,this was a battlefield once.
your nose is bleeding all over the place,god youre disgusting,clean up this ******* mess
and you say, remember me 
and i say,im ******* blind.this is your fault.
i never meant to **** them,this isnt me
andandand
(and the dust settles and here you are,stench of the century,in your rightful place
welcome to the holy land,you putrid,filthy thing)
ugh
930 · Oct 2014
1978
bucky Oct 2014
in the darkness he whispers your name,
and it's not a prayer, but it's not a goodbye, either.
war war war screaming at you from your sheets,
your pillowcase, that book lying open on the couch.
war war war underneath his fingernails
and all you can do is hold each other
(there's a heavy kind of magic in the air, today)
919 · Nov 2014
dead birds make good pets
bucky Nov 2014
cough up yr misery lungs cough up whatever words u were spoonfed before u knew what words were
god,vermin,what have they done to u
u told me this is what chains feel like,tight bound against ******* silk
tell me,vermin,does it hurt to have yr eyes pecked out?does it hurt to be wrong,vermin?
yr a disgrace(is that what they told u?) but god u look nice tonight
i can see the bags underneath yr eyes outlined by every bad thing u've ever said
god u look beautiful
im waiting for a train.no,im waiting for ten trains,all going in the same direction
24-hour unrest system and all u can think to say is "dead birds
make good pets"
dead poets make good paper
912 · Sep 2014
stop calling me at 4am
bucky Sep 2014
you snapped my wrist and said "look at all these ******* bones"
you can't teach improvisational anatomy lessons without a textbook,so write on me instead
i mean,you already shattered every bone in my body so you might as well give it a go,right
wouldnt want to waste a perfectly good canvas
look at me
im ready any time you like,sweetheart
(and i know you only have one pencil but maybe it'll last
just dont get your hopes up,okay)
im feelin the short poem thing
896 · Dec 2014
bad joke
bucky Dec 2014
r u a psychic
because yr the only ten i see
wait
bucky Nov 2014
me, after i traced dirt up my arms and underneath my skin. i can still find you in my veins, turning blood into a maelstrom, this isn't what rain is supposed to feel like, i can taste wire fences on the tip of my tongue but i still can't get the smell of you out of my mouth

me, choking on dead air, static playing on an endless loop in my jaw, deaddeaddead i'm dead i can feel breath rattling in my lungs and i'm dead this must be what corpses feel like

me, imagining what corpses feel like

me, imagining what corpses feel like

me, imagining what corpses feel like

me, me, me, me, me, looped around three hundred times, me, not entirely there, me not there at all, me, me, me, dead dead dead, static, static, static, static, static, static,

me, rubbing rope burns into my thighs in the middle of a panic attack

me, imagining lighting myself on fire in the middle of the night

me, lighting myself on fire in the middle of the night

me, thinking about dying

me, feeling dead but not dying

me, clenching my hands so hard i can feel my entire body vibrating with it i'm a god i'm immortal hit me ******* hit me i swear to god i won't ******* bleed

me, static, dead, dead, dead, dead, ******* static on repeat, a record broken in three different places, static fuzzy on my slippery tongue

me, smashed to pieces, unholy lovely thing

me, blood blistering between my teeth

you, being lit on fire in the middle of the night

you, dead
lol
876 · Jul 2014
end of the line
bucky Jul 2014
jesus *******--
breathe me
inhale me fit my heart in the space between your lungs and your ribcage like it's the apocalypse
(seven hours to live at the end of the world)
press your hand against my neck,metal digging into your skin like knives
i'm sorry about the way i push my fingernails into your wrist
i just want to feel something
break the skin(seven layers and a martyr complex)and tell me what you find
i'm nobody's hero
you can only bear to look at me at night,when darkness covers my face like a shroud
i'm everybody's funeral pyre
you're an ashtray waiting to be dusted off(you never told me you wanted to be cremated)
you inhale and take a step back.choke out a weak i don't wanna die and wait for my fist to connect with your cheek,****** knuckles and a hint of desperation you won't try to stop me--
IT MAY BE DIFFICULT FOR THOSE SUFFERING FROM POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER TO VOCALIZE THEIR STRUGGLES IN A WAY THAT MAKES SENSE--
my mouth is one big bruise,sweat and tears spilling from it like blood from a wound
(the **** on my cheek;you put it there.i helped,or rather,i didn't do anything to stop you.)
THOSE WITH PTSD WILL FREQUENTLY HAVE EPISODES WHERE THEY FEEL THEY ARE RELIVING THE TRAUMATIC EVENT OR EVENTS. THEY MAY NOT RECOGNIZE YOU, BUT IT IS IMPORTANT TO TRY AND HELP THEM THROUGH IT.
you pretend it doesn't break you when i ask who you are(when i tell you through a haze of remembrance that i should've died too)
you don't see the bruises snaking up my arm like tattoos,like they were always meant to be there
i guess someone should have told me that carving *i love you and i'm sorry
into a bullet doesn't stop the bleeding
but i love you and i'm sorry
the human heart beats on average 2.5 billion times in a lifetime
mine was only supposed to beat 7.3 million times and i guess that's why i feel so cold all the time
take me out,a lightning bolt to the heart
(a momentary feeling of loss and then silence)
they say you can feel someone in your head after they've died
i guess it's a good thing that we were never connected, wires pretending to be veins
this is a love letter disguised as a suicide note
i know i'm not supposed to say anything but god,i love you
jesus *******--
breathe me.
choppy and ****** and uncoordinated sorry
845 · Sep 2014
science experiment
bucky Sep 2014
this isnt a eulogy for the antichrist
this isn't the garden, this isn't saturday late nights out on the pier, downing beers and a pint of something stronger.
you, infinite, at the center of it all
and my universe in sync.
i can taste the beer on your breath
the kind of mint you never want to try
(i hope you'll kiss me anyway)
whoa it kind of rhymes a little bit that's new
835 · Sep 2014
looseleaf
bucky Sep 2014
someone is sitting on the train laughing
and i think it’s probably me
and someone is sitting across from you on a crowded bus laughing
and i think it’s probably also me
and when you ask your lover why it took him so long to get here he won’t meet your eyes
there’s a voice in my head telling me to leave it alone
and it sounds an awful lot like you
i’m not a slaughterhouse. i’m not all-powerful, i’m not a god
there are dead bodies at my feet and i don’t know
how they got there
this isn’t like last time
you’re the one who wanted romance
it’s not my fault that i can’t feel anything
and there is someone in the back of your mind laughing at you
and this time it isn’t me
my name feels ***** at 2am when you’re tired
my name tastes like the end of the world, bottled up
a lit match at 2am when you’re tired
the bags under your eyes look like bruises,i wonder how you got them
and someone is sitting in your bedroom laughing
and this time it’s you
805 · Dec 2015
deliverance
bucky Dec 2015
he calls you wild, dionysus
he calls you sweltering and dangerous

and you know when he says it he doesn't mean beautiful or kind,
because a boy that means beautiful or kind isn't a living boy

and you both know this to be true.
he's bored with you, and you both know this to be true.

he makes you drink the wine and then he makes you laugh
or, not in that order.

you don't remember.
796 · Sep 2014
2025
bucky Sep 2014
youve been alive for twenty-one years and youre just ******* worn out
you havent slept in twelve but thats okay right
because sleeping means the nightmares and youre already living one
you cant get out of your own mind and neither can he
and honey you grew up a soldier
didnt know a pipe dream from a semi-automatic
and he looks at you and says "you could have been a great machine"
774 · Jun 2014
teenage lycanthropic dreams
bucky Jun 2014
they trained me to move elegantly before i could even move
so i'm resorting to being a ******* misfit
(maybe if i try hard enough their work
will reverse)
my teenage hipbones are a geometry problem
acute angles jutting from beneath my shirt
my jeans have always hung too low and i'm too poor to buy a good belt.
you tell me, softness in your eyes, softness in your fingertips,
that you love how they sit on my hips.
i was born on a full moon,
howling before i had learned how to speak
your humanity matches my humility
my futility
you were born with the stars in your eyes
and when you touched my shoulder i felt them
a thousand and one galaxies
******* in you
my first word was hatred and yours was adoration
and maybe that's why i can't help
but wish on you.
that which a man does not have attracts him;;
i wonder what attracted you to me
770 · Mar 2015
dipping things in stuff
bucky Mar 2015
i will suffer no fruits or faults
no laboring hands:
just the sun, and the sky behind it
758 · Oct 2014
queen of nonbelievers
bucky Oct 2014
you are blood blood blood
hurricanes coming down in the midwest
and all i can think about are your hands
swaying like that on my hips
baby,
keep me like this
choke on my debts
choke on my regrets,
make me feel like a home again, and
maybe i'll let you in someday
baby, keep me like this
i like it when you kiss me
i wanna be yours
757 · Dec 2015
reductio ad absurdum
bucky Dec 2015
starving burning moonlight screaming onto your skin
you turn to me and say,
is this okay? is this good enough?
and i say, god. god, it's perfect.
and that's all it takes: you, shining in the doorway of a broken
motel room,
and me in your shadow.
746 · Nov 2014
clickflash
bucky Nov 2014
you lied about the metaphors
but thats okay,because i lied about them too
(congratulations!youve won one million dollars,
have fun selling your ******* soul
it's okay,dont be shy
we've all lied about the metaphors before)
726 · Oct 2014
bucky Oct 2014
and still, you, over there.
sitting by the windowsill, and so on.
buy gold
714 · May 2014
зима
bucky May 2014
when he says your name you swear it's like nothing you've ever heard before
you taste his on your lips before you realise that you know it
and you feel the metallic taste of iron and blood mixing together
pooling underneath your ribcage
as the others call you a soldier
(but since when has killing for nothing meant the same thing
as fighting for something)
clarity is not in your vocabulary
neither is love
or hope
but you feel them threading through your veins like they were always there
you've forgotten how it feels to remember
your life is a series of ones and zeros but he
he is more than you will ever know
you're not sure why he loves you
{ you are ice and metal and a **** streak
over two dozen assassinations in the past fifty years }
but he swears,
words pressed into the small of your back,
that he does
and you believe him
you're not sure when it was the last time you felt something other than
the electricity or the thawing ice
(his hand in yours brings tears to your eyes
you don't really know why)
you sometimes wonder how he does it
how he loves you
how he can stand to see you every morning
one night, you ask him
and he tells you, quiet, that it helps make up for all the mornings
he woke up without you
(you're pretty sure you're dreaming, but when your hand finds his
it feels real)
you still feel the heartbeats of the targets
you still see them when you go to sleep
the tick marks have become a part of you and they are
inked into your skin like they belong there
they pulled out your lungs while you were still breathing
electric hands scooping you hollow
but he would carve out his own to give them to you
if he had the chance
and you aren't really sure if that scares you or not
when you wake up, screams bleeding from your teeth,
sweat dripping down your back
he whispers memories into your fingertips
and somehow
everything seems like it could be okay
i keep writing poems about gay brainwashed russian assassins and their gay superhero boyfriends
702 · Oct 2014
cryostasis
bucky Oct 2014
and yeah, we won the war but we lost everything else
filed under: hate those fictionkin feels
bucky Dec 2015
this bacchanalia-
this history, loud and drunk
and reveling
she says, and: your nails are bitten to the quick, doesn't that hurt?
doesn't that hurt?
bucky May 2014
am i strong am i strong am i strong am i strong will i
will i survive?*
you rub your eyes dry so that no one will know
about the crumpled up tissues that still litter the bathroom floor
the discarded strips of metal shining from their hiding place underneath your bed
(you used to keep fairytales there;
now there are only monsters)
fatality is not in your vocabulary but you might need to put it in soon
you need to know that she will hold you hair for you
while you spit up blood
and she will whisper that it will be alright
even while she digs her fingernails into the small of your back
you need to know that
she is lying to you as she is lying with you she doesn't care she will call you a monster and rip out your ******* lungsbreathe
strength is incalculable
i cannot help you to walk if your legs are broken
{ your lungs are made of tar and you can't remember when it was
the last time you could breathe }
life is too sentimental so you've taught yourself not to feel
but you will still scream
as she rips your teeth out and swallows them
you are speeding too fast for me to follow for anyone to
follow
i don't think you know how to slow down
strength is a chemical weakness i wonder
what pulses through your bones to make them hate you so much
i wonder what you ever did to make her hate you so much
you are train tracks
waiting to be trodden on
strength is not in your vocabulary
and you're pretty sure it never will be
a cigarette dangles carelessly
from chapped lips
your song has never been so discordant.
bucky Jun 2014
WHEN I SLEEP ALL I SEE IS YOUR ******* FACE
IT'S BEEN THREE YEARS AND YOU STILL WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE
YOU'RE BARELY A VAPOR BUT I STILL HEAR YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD STOP TEMPTING ME TO JUMP OFF YOUR CLIFF
THE TRUTH AND I SHARE A WATERY GRAVE AND I DON'T WANT TO FACE MY OWN FUTURE
MY HEARTBEAT HAS FLUCTUATED SEVEN TIMES IN THE PAST HOUR
FOUR TIMES WERE YOUR FAULT
THE REST WERE BECAUSE OF MY ASTHMA ATTACK I HAVE TO USE MY INHALER WHENEVER I HEAR YOUR VOICE IN MY HEAD
I WOKE UP YESTERDAY AND YOUR NAME BLED OUT OF MY MOUTH LIKE WATER FROM A ******* SPOUT WHY CAN'T I FORGET YOU ALREADY
IF I SHOOT YOUR GRAVESTONE WILL YOUR GHOST GO UP IN FLAMES?IF I CLAW OUT MY EYES WILL I FINALLY STOP SEEING YOU IN PLACES YOU CANNOT BE?IF I LET FEATHERS FALL FROM MY BACK LIKE ANGELS' WINGS WILL YOU COME BACK TO LIFE?
TOUCH YOUR FINGERS TO MY CROWS FEET AND TELL ME I LOOK ******* AWFUL
PLEASE JUST TELL ME I LOOK ******* AWFUL
THERE ARE SEVEN WAYS TO TELL SOMEONE YOU HATE THEIR GUTS
ONE OF THEM IS DYING
I'M SORRY YOU HATE MY GUTS BUT I HATE YOURS MORE
I HATE YOUR LIVER AND YOUR KIDNEYS AND YOUR ******* LUNGS I HATE HOW MUCH YOU SMOKED
I HATE HOW YOU REMEMBERED MY ASTHMA AND BLEW OUT THE ASHES AWAY FROM MY FACE
WEAVE LACEWORK OVER MY HANDS AND FACE LEAVE DOTS OF BLOOD AROUND MY EYES
SHOW ME YOU WERE HERE
SHOW ME THAT I DIDN'T MAKE YOU UP YOU WERE NEVER A FEVER DREAM
YOU WERE COLD AND REAL AND I WISH YOUR PIANIST'S FINGERS COULD STILL PLAY
THERE IS NO GREY AREA ON A BABY GRAND
NO ROOM FOR ERROR WHEN YOU CRASH YOUR CAR INTO A BRICK WALL
THEY TOLD ME TO HONOR YOUR MEMORY SO I CUT OUT MY LUNGS IN THE HOPES THAT IT WOULD HELP YOU TO BREATHE AGAIN
THIS IS THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN A TSUNAMI AND A HURRICANE.
507 · Jun 2014
dead lovers tell no tales
bucky Jun 2014
the sea had never seemed so great
(and here you would correct me, tell me that vast is better
than great,
spread your arms wide as if to communicate
how right you were)
as it was in that moment and i still remember the way you laughed
and tackled me down to the sand
i felt the brine fill my lungs, salt water dripping from my eyes like
it knew it belonged there
tell me i'm wrong, tell me it's a ******* shame
that we never see each other anymore
your smile is less prominent over telephone wires
i think the laughter has left your voice
please tell me you want to see me again
please tell me you want to hold my hand again
please tell me you miss me please tell me you miss me please tell me you miss me
you drew on the beach that day, finger dragging through hot sand
as you squinted over the horizon
you grabbed my palm in both of yours, laid it flat against your stomach and
asked if i could feel your lifeline yet
(i feel it now
but i can't tell you
let me add that to the list, put a quarter in the jar of
whatnottosaytoaloverafterthey'vestoppedlovingyou
i'm sorry i never let you hold my hand
it's just that i'm scared of the things that follow)
poems about the sea never end well
505 · Jun 2014
seven signs
bucky Jun 2014
i still feel your fingerprints at my spine, smokestacks
on a clear day,
cigarette dangling from your teeth as you spat tobacco onto my back
like it was your canvas.
the sooty backwash from your coffee in my lungs, and you are a supernova, as always.
i tried to tell you that i was a lit match and you threw me into a gasoline pit anyway
your smile is carved into my lungs i still need your voice to breathe
i'm choking on ******* fumes because you
curled your hand into my throat and ripped out my vocal chords
you told me this was the way you loved
i never know what to do with my hands so i pick at loose threads
it's amazing, you whisper into my lungs,
it's amazing what you see after you've been dead for a while
find a ******* corpse and **** it over again
the spirit never left the body
you can't rebuild a ******* fantasy you can't bring back what was never here in the first place so stop trying
when the knife twists in your abdomen i hope you feel it
you wash me down with whiskey  and smiled as your throat lit itself on fire
you told me that you were like the ******* sun
but i wonder what it felt like for your cigarette ash teeth
and your tar fingertips
when you finally stopped shining

— The End —