My friends constantly ask me about trust
They ask
"Who do you turn to
When your life suddenly gets ******?"

It's not who I turned to
But what
And suddenly the atmosphere in the room
Gets really hot

Because they realise, and remember
Who they're really talking to
I may be caring on the outside
But inside I'm just as ****** too

I remember reflections
Of my face in the mirror
My hope, my life and my love
Slowly getting thinner

Colder and colder
As the years make me older
Still young and growing bolder
Another file in the folder

Getting back to the subject
I see their eyes widen
As it hits them that
I've done things I can't take pride in

Every day in the shower
A razor in my hand
And red lines on my body, angry
I supply what I demand

Blood turning the water red
As it flows down the drain
Every day I suffered, for you
Mental and physical pain!

So what the **** do I know of trust,
When all I turned to was the blade?
Don't ask me stupid questions
That show my sorrowed shade

I want to forget all these sins
That I have committed
Now I commit them to paper
As my form of punishment

I was weak when you all needed me
And for that I can't forgive
Myself for being so **** stupid
So I suffer as I live

And I'm sorry, mother
For not telling you sooner
I have scars all on my body
Now you know that's ******* super

I apologize Father
You knew but I said no further
That each and every day I
Pledged myself to self-******

I'm sorry Aysha
I tried to stop you from doing it
But now I know better
This is the ******* ****!

My sincerest apologies Georgia
I know I promised
But I did it in the heat of the moment
Not when i was at my calmest

But why should you truly trust me
When I say I am so sorry
I mean I have so many issues
I could be telling stories

Didn't know that my trust issues
Pierced that far into my soul
Bet you didn't even guess that
My thoughts smoulder like coal

Ironic, isn't it?
I just said I was like fire
Yet I am more so like ice
Another ****** for hire

If ever you need words
Put into some order
You can try and trust me
Me and my delusional disorder

•

The crux of tomorrow
Remains at stake
Through languid eyes
And double takes.

•

Find what you love,
and **** it.

Before it kills
you.

the ghosts of
my past?

and when we got too close,

did they haunt you,
too?

ripping you to
shreds?

you
remember when
it was me

you were addicted
to?