So much commotion
Takes over my tired brain
Can I just sit still?

It's been a little while since I decided
since I started telling everyone who asked
since I posted it in every corner
since I declared my major.

But what if I don't want to be a teacher?
What if I go off to college,
and I suddenly have the courage to do
what I didn't want to do before?

I'm afraid that it won't work
afraid I can't make it work
afraid to let go and fall
because what if it falls through?

All I want to do is music,
and yes,
I'm minoring in music
and honestly
I could be a teacher
but I'm rethinking that.

I know I don't have to go with the career
that matches my major,
and that I could finish out a teacher's license
and then go on to music.

But I could be so much more prepared!
There's so much more I could do
if I majored in Songwriting, Music Performance, or Worship Ministries.
What should I do?

What can I do?
I can take generic classes now,
ones that can count for any major,
and choose later.

But how long can I wait?
I'll just have to be patient
and wait for His guidance
because He knows what I should do.

Lord, I don’t know what I’m doing
Or where my life is going,
But I know that without your leading,
It’ll just be endless roaming.

I’ve looked at my past and present,
And my future doesn’t look bright
Unless I accept Your leadership
And give in to your calling tonight.

I’m asking for help ‘cause I need it:
I need you most desperately;
I can’t live this life without it:
I need help immeasurably.

I’m tired, exhausted, of being alone
And giving in to loneliness;
I’ve realized that that’s You, calling me
It’s you wanting my brokenness.

Because when I have no one,
I have You;
There’s no one I need more,
But I forget the truth.

Please keep reminding me
Of how much I need Your love;
It’s not that You won’t give it,
But that I don’t think it’s enough.

I don’t want to keep searching,
I’ve done this all before:
I know that it ends in sorrow;
Your light is what I look for.

So please take me, it’s hopeless:
Without you I am done;
I’m giving up on myself
And accepting that You’ve won.

I know You’ll take me,
Of the little I do know…
It’s a comfort I find
A Friend who will never go.

You fill the longing deep inside
That I cannot comprehend
You’re the road before me
In a sea of stone dead-ends.

So don't let me forget it,
How I am completely Yours;
I cannot have grounds for despair
When I am on Your shores.

brownies taste better
and fill me up with their love
more than you. that's it.

Should I drive you from my mind?
Shall I stop my heart?
Or are you even close to me?
Do you play a special part?

I forget to think of you
When I am alone,
And I can't say I like to say
Our names in a loving tone.

I admire you, I know that,
But are you in my soul?
Have I even written your name?
Or imagined us on a stroll?

In fact, am I infatuated?
Or do I fancy it
So that my heart longs to feel,
And yet, it doesn't?

I don't know what I'd do
If you suddenly loved me,
And I don't know what I'd say
If your eyes began to see.

Perhaps my heart's run out of love--
Perhaps I am a yawn:
Too tired to think romantic things
And to friendship go beyond.

Finally, I have defeated
A meaningless urge:
The wish to be your only one,
Under tiredness submerged.