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Alex Braun Sep 6
I miss him.
I missed him.
I miss him now and I miss him then.
in the moment, I was missing him.
he was with me, and I was missing him.

was it worth it?
would anything have changed?
could it be any other way?
will I find him again?
the him he used to be? the him I missed? the one I still miss?

can he be who he was and who he has grown to be at the same time?
can he be better, yet still the same?
can I?
can I be the woman he loves and the woman who broke his heart?

doesn't it contradict?
doesn't it all contradict?
aren't we contradictions?
aren't we ourselves?
we arent friends anymore but we arent not friends either, i live in a purgatory you made, only breathing when you take me out of the box under your bed
Alex Braun Jan 2021
i am destruction in its own form.

i am a gas leak
you have never encountered before.

i don't tick like the bomb you're used to.

i have dangerous hands,
they've killed thousands of me.

i am a serial killer of self.
Alex Braun May 2022
Jewel of the Hellenistic
for True Beauty
and Passion
for my name, for me.

"A Spirit, yet a Woman too!"
She Was a Phantom of Delight
for the life of me, I can't believe
that when you think, you think of me.

La Belle Dame Sans Merci
the painting
the poem
the story, a familiar story.

Oh, a long one
years worth,
hours worth,
all worth it.

How do I survive?
being loved like this?
when I don't deserve it?
when I don't return it?
Alex Braun Sep 23
i lit a match
to light a candle
to seal a letter
but
the match could not even do me the courtesy of burning to my fingertips.
deliverance, or lack there of
Alex Braun Aug 2021
All the sparks, the flames, there are embers in my soul, always warm and blazing in your proximity,

I didn't know what Fire was until I knew You.
i wrote this a couple months ago but it stay in my drafts, forgotten, i remember now
Alex Braun Sep 20
i am going insane over a love that cannot exist.
a love made not of soulmates
but a bond, a tether, a string
forged and formed by two creatures taken to understanding. to knowing.

knowing when one is wearing a mask for others.
knowing what the littlest twitches of muscles mean.
knowing where one is even in sleep.
knowing someone beneath what they project to the world.
knowing how to steady the world for one whom it blurs.

knowing and desiring to know.
hearing and keeping hold.
this love drives me mad
the soul of my heart aches for such a profound connection
yet the written words of other authors must suffice.
i read and read and i feel like my heart is being dragged out of my chest
Alex Braun Aug 2020
I want to be thought of as wild, feral, absolutely uncontrolled,
I want people to see me as barely restrained,
I want my hair to be an total mess and my smile to be a little unnerving,
I want my hands to be as soft as the sweetest moss but my fists as rough as the stones beneath,
I want to look like I've just climbed a tree or I'm about to dive into the ocean,
I wish to be perceived as thunderstorm, a maelstrom,
I am lost but not looking for a way home.
Alex Braun Aug 2021
my eyes
are tired of being awake
tired of seeing
of knowing

if i close them
i don't know if they'll awaken again
this poem used to always play in my head on bad days, i havent had one in a while and decided to publish it as a funeral to the bad days
Alex Braun Oct 2020
I see you in every color, in each color, I find you.

Red? What a dainty strawberry, a beautiful cherry, the blush on my cheeks when I see you.
Orange? You're a sunset, a sunrise, a lovely fall leaf, I burn for you.  
Yellow? The sun itself, the stars, the bright spot in an otherwise dark day.
Green? The forest, the woods, you grow with my love for you.
Blue? You are the sea, the sky, the water I need to survive.
Purple? A ripe plum, the lilac and the lavender, what I see when our lips meet.
White? The clouds, lightning, the paper on which I write my poem.  
Black? Daring and elegant, the darkness holds me when you cannot.
Gray? The sleek metal, the packaging, what keeps my thoughts together.
Brown? The trees, the dirt, the background, that which is always there.

The shades and tints of life weave millions of you around me.
Alex Braun Aug 2021
the idea of putting your lips,
your lips that speak the kindest things,
your lips that sing the most beautiful words,
your lips that paint pictures and craft stories,
your lips that build and tear and design,
putting those angelic creations on someone else's body saying

i speak the kindest things for you,
i sing the most beautiful words for you,
i paint and craft for you, saying
i give you a part of me in every touch

the idea of kissing someone's neck,
of someone kissing yours,
yours where your most vital veins are,
one of the tenderest areas of you,
the passage between your head and your heart,
where all your thoughts roam,
Entrancing,

the idea of kissing someone's wrist and fingertips,
of someone kissing yours,
yours where your hand meets your arm,
where your typing and writing and drawing stem,
where your instruments sing,
where you touch them,
Beautiful,

the idea of kissing someone's torso,
of someone kissing yours,
yours where your heart lays,
where your breath lives,
where all your vitality sits,
with life and happiness,
Insane,

the idea of kissing someone's thigh,
of someone kissing yours,
yours that hold you up,
that run,
that walk,
that jump,
that are crazily powerful yet amazingly soft,
Humanizing

romance lives and dies on your lips, on mine.
i wrote this as prose a couple months ago and decided today to turn it into different format and post it here :)
Alex Braun Jul 2022
I want to see the sun with you.
The rising, the setting
The ******* rainbow it makes.

I want to see it all with you.
But if I can't, when I can't
I want you to see it on your own.

I want you to experience beauty.
Over and over
Every sunrise, every sunset.

I want everything for you.
Every precious thing
Every little thing.

Every soft moment that might brighten your day
I want for you.
This sunset is yours.
Alex Braun Oct 2020
Time.
I never have time.
I never have enough.
I'm running out.

I'm always rushing.
I'm always wasting.

Are you busy next weekend?
Are you doing anything right now?
Do you have time to grab a coffee?

I'm busy, sorry.
I don't have time.
Maybe another time?

I hate time.
No.
I hate society for time.
No.
I hate society for stealing mine.
Alex Braun May 2021
I have so much to say and no words to say it
at the moment
I cannot comprehend beyond the basics



-I've lost everything, but his touch
Alex Braun Apr 2023
obsessed, terrified, the idea of seeing someone that you knew intimately, seeing them in a bathing suit or without a shirt, knowing that your hands traveled down those exposed places, remembering that, and knowing you can never do it again, they are across a room, alone, with someone else, twenty feet away, maybe more, and you can feel their hips in your hands, your body knows exactly how theirs moves, but you will never feel it again, horrified, overwhelmed
i cant live in the same world as you, i cant live in a world without you, my hands remember everything, but i dont know who you are

— The End —