she told me that she feels useless
but i doubt she has the slightest glimpse of idea
what it is like to wake up every morning
and feel like the whole world is upside down
that every breath i take ignites my throat
and every sip of water drowns me
that i haven't felt like a human being for months
and i simply feel like i've lost my purpose to be alive
but has there ever been one
i am lost yet i don't want to be found
my demons beg me to run away
but how could i when i know that they'll come too
i have a desire to **** to destroy
i am a walking chaos
and no mather how hard i push myself
how hard i try to be human again
i fail and i am starting to give up

ох как искам да си тук сега
и да пеем глупави песни с цяло гърло
в 3 сутринта
без да ни пука кого ще събудим
искам да си тук сега
и да сме по пижами в 1 на обяд
да закусваме с пуканки
как искам да си тук сега
и да се бием с възглавници
да те прегръщам
и да не те пускам
да пеем и
да крия лицето си в одеялото ти
докато гледаме страшни филми
да седим до късно
и очите ни да се затварят
ох как искам да си тук сега
да те докосна
да сплета косата ти
и да те утешавам когато
изтървеш пента кил отново
по най-глупавия възможен начин
искам да пия горещо какао
в пет сутринта на терасата
докато ти седиш до мен
и искам просто да си тук
дори и да мълчим
искам да усещам присъствието ти тук

i live in a house with closed doors,
people who are so cold, so angry.
i hate this
i can't stand sane no more

oh, how i love
the music when it's so loud
that i can't hear anything
but it
and, oh, how i love
this cold night
how it embraces me
with all my flaws
and i miss the flowers
that used to grow in my mind
oh, they were so beautiful
but now they are gone
and, oh, i dream of a picnic
in the woods
with my three friends
and, oh, god, how can i
be so blind

And here we are again
after all these years
sitting on the same couch
it feels so good to be here right now
with you
drinking alchohol until we forget who we are
and how much time we've wasted
acting foolish and ignoring eachother
we're talking about the same ****
we did 2 years ago
and still i love listening to the same story
over and over again
even when the music is loud
and  i can't hear you
oh baby i've missed you so much
don't leave me again

oh,darling
i need you
but do you
need me?

i've never seen you
never touched you
never felt your hands against mine
i've only heard your adorable voice
seen your beautiful smile on the other side of the screen
but i feel like i know you for thousand years
i feel like you've been always here
and it tears me apart that i probably won't ever see you
we've been so close, only 30 minutes apart
and still i didn't have the courage to come to see you
i fear that you might be even more beautiful
more adorable
more perfect
and it tears me apart that when i got the courage
you were gone, you went 2000km away
and i didn't hear your voice for weeks
i didn't see your face
nor your chubby cheeks nor the skinny hands
that i'm dying to touch
and today i realised that i love you
i love how you bite your nails
how you turn hair back
or watch yourself in the window behind your laptop
i love your eyes and how you look at me
when i'm being a dork
and, god, i love everything about you
from the way you move
to the way you look.

I preffer fighting in a war and saving people's lifes
than watching my beloved ones destroying eachother.
I want to run away and never come back.
I can't handle those yellings and
i can't stop the tears streaming down my face.
I feel empty. Dead.
I am young, i should laugh and have fun with
my friends but instead i am too scared to smile
because i fear that something bad will happen after it.
I grew up surrounded by hate, by anger.
People often ask me why am i so closed into myslef
why am i so scared of everything.
I hope they never feel what i feel.
See what i see.
I see my parents broken. I see them trying so hard
that they don't see what is happening around them.
They don't see my 7 y/o sister crying herslef to sleep,
they don't hear her scream late at night.
They don't see me how i fear of going home.
How confused and stressed i am.
They only care for themselves and nothing else.
I want to run
run
run
and never come back.
But i won't forget it.
I won't forgive them.
Forgive and forget doesn't work for me.

My whole life i've wanted to be a loving mother,
To take care of my kids,
Buy them books and sing them to sleep.
My whole life i've wanted a loving family
A family that won't make me cry
An understanding husband
that will take care of our kids when i die.

But once i found my own mother crying in the corner
and not being able to breathe because of the pain
that my father gave her.
And in that moment i realized that the perfect family
does not exist. I won't find the perfect husband
or have the most polite kids if i don't make them so.

My whole life i've been telling to myself
"you are just a kid, you don't understand"
But the truth is that i do understand.
I've felt pain for dozen lifes.
Yes, I am kid but i aim at the best
And hope is the one that dies last.

Zombie, zombie, who were you?
Zombie, zombie, were you a human once?
Zombie, zombie, why are there so many people like you?

Human, human, i was a person once.
Human, human, i used to dream.
Human, human, but people treathed me like **** and i am one now.

I feel like you're fading away
and nobody'll see you again.
I'll never hear your deep voice.
I'll never hear you laugh.
I'll never hear or see you.

I feel like the angels are singing a sad song tonight
because i think i can hear them
and their voices bring me hope.
They make me feel like not everything is lost.

But sometimes i feel like it's not you that's fading,
it's me.
I am the person who is being aloof.
The one that got away and threw all the memories
deep in my mind, hoping that i won't ever remember them.

But i do and i feel like i am being torn into pieces.
I miss you.
And i want you back.