Feel my heartache once a day.
Let the nicotine temporarily heal my broken heart.
Inhale away each bit to only light another.
You never realize how real pain is.
Pain is real when you lose your control.
You pull off mask and show the world  
what nicotine could never heal.
It could never be fully healed ever again.
Only leave a mark that will never let you forget.

Its burden we take. Spending time the people of our choosing. We become addicted to who they are and the idea of what they bring to us.the lust,the love, the greed. It all takes a toll each day on our souls. Slowly and painfully. You can try to suppress the process. Eventually it will catch up to you.You will learn that this world is so cruel. Dont spread yourself to thin. You will find yourself walking through a maze with no exit.

I usually medicate
put a bandage
on my deepest
wound

wrap it up in
until my bodies
covered

like circling crows
flying above
my vacant
decaying body

Now so hollow

during a endless
desert summer
mirage

my minds
an emergency
firetruck
on red alert now

walking miles
on and on

to catch that always
distant black pond


Typically caffeines
my impulsive
fix of the day
trickle it through
the cracks
of floorboards
im a prisoner
directly under
every drip
that lands on my tongue

resets the
tiny numbers
spin the briefcase
dials

like a
ticking time
bomb
the squad can barely
manage it

they constantly in fear they will
clip the wrong wire

an explosion suddenly
goes off

a 3rd world
country gets
the worst of it

a mushroom
cloud slowly expands

getting fed from
all of my disruptive
thoughts

reaches
little kids playing
hopscotch

a mother
breastfeeding
her newborn

a merchant
selling the last
of fruit its his
best day

Yet im across the world
and I can barely get out
of bed

political sticker still falsely
states we're the greatest
colony

brew up my
second dose

continue to
comatose

maybe the war
will finally end

We live in a world where I feel every soul has its breaking point. Some are lucky. They have someone there to put them back together. Well, for lost souls like me you dont get so lucky. You fall apart with no one to help you but yourself. You don't want to help yourself. Broken apart into pieces is where you stay until people pick up whats left of you. Then you wait once again for the world to break you in the neverending cycle.

It almost wasen't reality when it happened.
It was like those Hollywood movies when everything happens exactly how you want it.
When i met her i knew then that anything pure i had left in me she could take and keep.
Most of the world was a reflection of itself but she walked by those mirrors without a reflection.
She changed the way the world spin's and what it means to me and how things were.
A world where no song,art, or poem can describe truly who a person is.
The real truth is behind the little time you can spend with them and realize that a cruel world deserves such a beautiful kind spirit to make up for the all the lost and misunderstood people it contains.
Then your back to the beginning with a broken heart. Left behind by the spirit you once knew and loved, But don't worry they say "All good things must come to an end".
So let your heartache for this brave new world until the time comes its your turn for your spirit to be free.

Friends are what we are. What we always been. Best friends. You thought you fell in love many times. Surely we stayed best friends. This time you really did fall in love. And I know you did because well now, I dont exist. I hope you will always stay happy.

An oblique shoe string
Hangs from a power line
knotted through
the wrong holes

A baby carriage on
the sidewalk
just left out
in the cold

a golden autumn
November tree
sheds her last leaf
she weeps and she mourns

nothing left
to be solved
these puzzles
make me sick
pieces are rotted mold

when you put them
together
its a lonely kid
the letters blank
ink pens run
out of code

The apartment
I live in is still the
Bloodiest brick red

stained relationships
I neglected
Its a splattered
picture on my white wall

Three wolves
each take turns
trying to ******* down

i guess these children
stories held
Some sort truth to them
after all

I just stand tall
like the effiel
tower im
builts for
world affair

Im was just hoping
for this morning
to be a symbol
of peace

listen for
a silent noise
a whisper
a vendor yelling
in the street

but its just loud
its violent creatures
and its laying in my
bed next to me

I see you. it makes everything I have gone through worth it. Every heartache and heartbreak all dont matter until this moment. The feeling is to strong, to good to be true. And it is. I wake up. To only findout that once again I was dreaming about someone who couden't leave. Sad truth that is a dream.

"Healing ,it takes time. Because to let the pain settle to form a scar you need to stay focused on a new form of pain. You realize pain is a consistent idea. Soon to discover that any hope you believed in is gone. No illusion of pain ending its course in your life that will help heal your first scar that cut you deep, so deep that reality settles itself in. Truth comes to be that healing is a soothing idea you hear from people lost in it's illusion."

Its sad to say that will we probably never be. I think that I do love her. Its first time in my life that I can use that word and clearly understand the power behind it and still be comforable with the meaning. She told me there was someone else and well.. that ripped my heart to shreds. Pieces I cant put back together because the damage is already done. In the end I had so much fun seeing her. We spent every moment together for 2 days and a half. My life will be hard to come back to at home. Living a life where no one desires me the same way. A world where im a undesirable.