I don't know why my own reflection
Only seems to make me cry.
I don't know I hide away
So please don't ask me why.

But I can tell you that I'd rather be
Alone and in my bed.
To not swallow all my words that hide
In every sentence said

So, isolation is the freedom
To live in my own skin,
Safe harbor for my wondering mind
To taste all whimsied sins

And I can see a beauty
In words that others will not hear.
Where every sentence,
Bathed in truth,
And every action
Clear.

If I told you you're too chunky,
That you need to lose some weight,
Would you take my word as gospel?  
Mold yourself to fit my taste?

If I told you,  wear more makeup
Your skin is way too flat,
Would you hide your true reflection?
Behind a powder ridden mask?

If i said your "tastes" are tasteless,  
Would you offer up that too?
Would you hide your true desires,  
And all that makes " you"  you?

If I said to join the masses,  
To act and look the same,  
Would you try the hottest mind *****?
Would you treat life as a game?

If I told you,  be more willing,
Would you lay upon your back?
For if you wish to catch a tiger
You must offer up a snack

Would you follow the suggestions
Of a stranger you can't see?
Is that not what we're all doing,
To fit in with society

Normal
A word
That Controls you
Shackles you to society
The fee?  Your Self worth

It buries deep inside you
To your center,  pure and weak
It latches on and melds with walls
This unsuspecting leech

It touches every feeling
Even taints your view of life
What was once a bright and budding field
Is now filled with traps and strife

It tells you that your worthless
Trying only gets your hurt
It tells you don't begin the race
For you'll never come in first

After years go by in anguish
You look inside to see
The leech that started out so small
Is now the only presence seen

What started as nicks
Slowly turned into cuts
Grabbed my jacket to hide them
Hid my clothes stained with rust

At first it was scissors
I Upgraded to glass
But the cuts were too shallow
And the pain wouldn't last

I found my first razor
I was a little to bold
Cut deeper than ever
And my fingers ran cold

I first called it "coping"  
Used it when I felt bad
The deeper I made them
The less I felt sad

But now that I'm older
I've come to realize
It's more an addiction
I even cut when I'm fine

It's the legs that I stand on
I'm the worm in its clutch
So I'll continue to please it
And hide clothes stained with rust

My sweet, sweet girl,  how lovely
Once eager and full of life
What cracked the walls around you
And stole your inner light?

Please sweet girl! Please tell me!
What methods this monster used
How he consumed a soul so bright
So that I may do so too

Details! My girl,  more details!
Tell me more of this cunning beast
Tell me how it was he lured you in
Tell me how he laid his feast

Listen poor girl, just listen!
Wipe away your tears of woe
Tell the world of all my cunning
And perhaps I'll let you go...

I know and feel nothing.
No pain of the body,  or guilt of the Mind.  Not the sacrifices ripped from my fingers, nor the responsibilities wrapped around my neck .
Though I'm surrounded by nothing but darkness and silence, there is no fear. Only silent acceptance.
I know not where I am or how long I have been there.  I don't know if I'm missing someone or if someone's  missing me.
I am darkness.
I am the unassuming silence.
      After some time, how long I know not,
I feel...tingles.
First in my toes..
Then my legs, hips, stomach, face.
A soothing wave of white noise spreading through and around me.
My body has returned to me.
I muster the strength to open my eyes, again met with the same darkness that I have taken solace in.
I sit up just as a dim light appears from everywhere and nowhere.
Illuminating my surroundings.
Walls... Steel walls.
I'm in a room it seems, a very large room at that.
Comforting, protecting...
Holding me in its silent chambers.
A cool, soft breeze rubs against my skin, tickling the hairs.
I hear footsteps in the distance.
Something-  
Someone-   is approaching.
A shadow just out of reach, stops and regards me.
With its voice on the wind, it whispers
“ You have passed your trials and have won your battles. Your gift awaits you.”
The shadow turned and walked back into the darkness.
Leaving me to ponder at its message.
As I sit and stare out into dark  I feel something, soft and strange.
Grass...
Grass under my fingers, growing from the floor. Soft and cool under my touch.
The room is changing before my eyes.
I look up to see a sky of stars and clouds. And around me, a field of the greenest grass.
The moonlight dimming every so often as the clouds pass by.
The wind, stronger now in its caress, whistles sweetly through the grass.
I lay back to the ground as chimes play soothingly around me.
As my body sinks into the earth I think, Such sweet silence  that has been bestowed upon me.

I was thrown in the ocean,
beneath moon, and dark skies.
Cold water engulfed me.
Salt burned in my eyes.

I remember the beating;
Body broken- and numb.
I remember the panic,  
I remember the gun...

I was thrown in the ocean.
Lungs burned in my chest
light played on the surface
body claimed by the depths.

I am frightened
Of bumps that sound in the night
I am frightened
Of fighting my next fight
I am frightened
Of giving my own space to share
I am frightened
That one day no one will be there
I am frightened
When phone rings its vice like tune
I am frightened
When my turn has come too soon
I am frightened
Of swaying at dizzying heights  
I am frightened
Of telling my parents goodnight
I am frightened
Of what I'd do for another's embrace
I am frightened
Of sharing someone else's  space
I am frightened
Of things that may never come true
I am frightened
Of the possibility that they do
I am frightened
Of thoughts that are carved in my skin
I am frightened
Of truths that ring through them
I am frightened
Of hate that I swim like the sea
I am frightened
For it's aimed not at you,  but me
I am frightened
That one day I may conquer that hate
I am frightened
That "one day"  may be too late
I am frightened.....

               I am frightened.

-I met him on a traveled road
This old man with knotted beard
His shoes were worn and filled with holes
I saw this as I neared
- He sat in dirt and twiddle thumbs
As he grunted somber tunes
The sound,  as if stones filled his lungs
This man who sang at noon
- As I approached,  choked humming stopped
My heart began to wilt
He raised his head with leveled stare
Of eyes that swam with milk
- My feet,  once sure,  had skipped a beat
As he offered out his palm
And in it lay a crumpled note
Words,  by crippled hands were drawn
- As I took this offered gift of his
He gave out a struggled choke
He hit the ground with widened eyes
By God,  the man had croaked
- And even now,  10 years have passed
I have that note of his
The heavy words of dying man
That simply said, "I lived."

-At times I think I am truly unwell
For deep in my mind,  a playground of hell.
Where coworkers,  friends,  and strangers do hide.
Where anguish runs deep and blood falls from skies.

-In one room are blades to carve meat off of bone.
In another hot brands to show you are owned.
But you,  my dear friend I  can say with great pleasure
Are truly a prize, a new treat altogether.  

-I'd start with a frame,  to strap you with glee
Make sure bonds are tight,  wouldn't want you to flee.
Carve my hate in your skin,  your blood running wet.
Frame shaking with sobs,  don't pass out on me yet.

- I'd pull out your nails,  and rip out your teeth
I'd claw out your eyes to bone underneath.  
I'll shiver and grin,  as your screaming dies out.
Cries drown in your throat as blood pours from your mouth

-I'd sleep soundly that night,  picking blood from my nails.  
Fall asleep to the sound of your bellowing wails.  
But alas,  only wishes that form in my head
Though it brightens my day to wish you were dead.

Mirror mirror on the wall
What is it that you see?
Say not but truth,  I need to know
What others think of me

Do they see my greying hair?
Crows feet about my eyes?
I'm asking you,  my hated friend
For mirror never lie

Perhaps they see a pitied soul
That life had rendered worn
Or do they see my lying grin
And eyes that spill with scorn?

A shadow sat beside me
He grinned and tipped his hat
I asked him,  "May I help you sir?"
He said,  "Hon,  you'll do more than that."

He said " I am your biggest failing,  
As well as your loyal crutch.  
I'm the demon that your plagued  by,
I'm the result of Satan's touch."  

His grin was filled with malice
Shadows wrapped around my arms
The darkness has descended fast
As he dangled comforts charm

I'm no longer my own person
Regardless of how I fought
The shadow is all through me
And controls my every thought

I sit here staring at my wall
Feeling  the cold slide of blood rolling down my arm
Like wet kisses easing the pain
I want to slice open blue veins and draw the chaos out
But I've drained all I can for today
Anymore and there'll be nothing left to purge
Maybe that's not a bad thing
Maybe that's where it needs to end
One well placed escape and it'll be done
Cold metal burns In my fingers
... Well my  friend,  
Perhaps tonight we'll make our grand exit

-I am the silent observer
The shadow that nobody sees
The snake in the grass that lies in wait
The hushed voice that plants the seed

-I will lead you to think you are worthy
A gem that cannot be compared
I will raise you enough to achieve my goals
In the end leaving waste and despair

-Opportunist,  a name I've been blessed with
Manipulation, a tool of the trade
Your misfortune a road I will claim as my own
As well as your will,  I'm afraid

-For you see,  I'm your own human nature
The envy that you cannot control
The hunter that roams for advancement and gold
Yes,  I am the truth of your soul

It's a skill that one must practice
A tool to wield with grace
It's a path paved for the cunning
Hidden by a pretty face

- You must learn to keep it simple
Don't add threads to growing web Don't pile on more fabrications
But add truth with it instead

- You must learn the ways of patience
Step back and let it build
Whisper words of sweet seduction  
Until agenda is fulfilled

- See,  ways of manipulation
Are obscure and gently made
Yet once you start you must dance on
In a lifelong masquerade