She works hard yet doesn’t receive
All the support that she wants to see,
For others it’s not a big thing
But for the voices in her mind
It means everything.
She wants to be better and tries her best
But the best is never enough
So she stresses out and wants to be done.
She distances herself
Loses herself just to not feel
But as it all gets stored, it starts to overfill,
And finally starts to spill.
This is what she had been waiting for.
It all comes back, harder than ever.
The lies, the shade it’s all too hard and yet she still stays
Because of the small bird that never fades.
Every day it sings their song
And every day she listens and wipes her tears.
“Tomorrow is a new day.”

While waking up,
in that dream state of mine.
I imagined that you texted me,
and my heart leaped.

I tried so hard to make you notice me, see me in a different light.
I knew we were complete opposites,
And you didn’t feel the same way,
But I swear there were times where you made me question if that’s what friends were supposed to say.
I made one small mistake and like always, there’s a consequence to pay.
You don’t want to be friends anymore, you feel betrayed and hurt.
I would never want you to feel this way.
Crying over you would be silly, so instead I stay quiet with the pain in my chest and the numbness in my mind.
You were never the best to me and there were times I thought you took advantage of my kindness, but that ended up being my downfall, how ironic.
There’s so many memories of you in my phone, In my life, and I can’t help but look and think.
Whether i like it or not, you have affected my whole life. I look at things and places with you in my mind.
How will I manage to pretend we were never anything when we see each other at work? Strangers to close friends to strangers again? Is this the cycle that marks our end?
I never wanted it to end.
At least now you see me in a different light, but it’s the one i tried to avoid.

Once you drift away from affection, you get used to the cold.
Until you remember how it felt like to be embraced in the genuine warmth of someone’s love.

I see your messages in others.
I smile.
then cry.
Because I remember.
Maybe I cherish those memories too much
that I can’t let you go.
Yet I’m no one to you now.

There’s this order I go in.
I find.
I fall.
And I forget.
And as much as it hurts.
It leaves in a flash.
Because every feeling I felt towards you
Is every feeling you have for them.
And that’s okay.
It’s just time to follow the cycle.

I won’t lie.
Once those eyes met mine,
I imagined.
When I watched you run your hands through your hair multiple times,
I daydreamed.
But when I saw that genuine smile and laugh you gave once I made you laugh,
I fell.

Am i exaggerating?
Due to all the friends I've lost,
all the things I've gone through.
Is it all because of me?
Am i manipulative?
Am i toxic?
I try my hardest to keep them and love them with all of my heart.
and they still leave.
I am not good enough.
In my heart, i know it is not me.
but sometimes it is better to think as myself as the bad guy.
Because i'm tired of being the one who keeps getting hurt.