I won't forget the day you told me you'd never leave this town.

Stuck in a bubble so small that you forget to look around and see the possibilities.

You left yourself behind while you were chasing so something better.

Never get in line to take another chance together.

Just stick with what you knew and another safe endeavor.

And I let you down....


Because I was meant for bigger things
More than just a diamond ring
And waking up beside you for another day of ordinary.

I was meant for something else
At least I had to save myself
From waking up beside you for another day of ordinary life...

Somewhere in my head
I am eternally lost
I can't make a sound

The endless hurting
There is screaming in my ears
Trying to get out

You walk before me
Each day is filled with longing
You're just out of reach

Never can it be
But I still struggle to see
How hopeless it is

I truly love you
Even more than you can know
But it is hopeless

That's all I want.
It's all I f*cking want.
I just want to be happy.
That's it.
That's all I pray for at night.
That people will be nice and people will be kind and everything will be ok.
The rest of the world just hurts so much, that I'll take any bit of happiness I can get.
Any bit of joy.
Anything.

Everyone has a song that is uniquely their own.
And once they learn to play it.
Nothing in the world.
Nothing at all.
Can stop them from achieving their dreams.
Reaching new heights.
And making the world a better place for us all.

No one lives forever. It all
Ends someday. It can be
Very sad. But it happens anyway.
Everyone you know, all that you
Remember, may not be around, but they can live
Forever. It may seem impossible, but
Only if you believe it so. Just like
Rain that never falls, it is your friend, it is your foe.
Go to that place you only find in your deepest memory.
Everyone you've ever known where they'll
Together always be.

Who am I?
What am I mean to do?
When is my moment?
Where is my heart?
Why am I here?

I am me.
I am meant to do what's right.
My moment is now.
My heart is everywhere.
I am here to make the world a better place.

How do I do this?

I don't know.

I'll just have to find out.

Don't question life and live later. Live now and be proud.

I miss you.
I miss the days of laughter.
I miss the years of history and inside jokes.
I miss the feeling of being known and understood.

I'm not sure where things went wrong.
I don't know the point where you shut me out or where you decided against having me in your life.
I'm not sure if it's temporary, or permenant.

However, I know that you'll always be remembered fondly in my heart.

You were my calm point in a sea of chaos.

However, water is constantly churning, moving, and changing. You'll never see the same wave twice. And while you may love a spot on a beach, you can't wait for the same molecules to return every time. That's just how it works.

Learn to move on without an apology or an explanation.

Learn to let go without the closure that you deserve.

Keep your head high through the blows dealt by people who don't try to understand you.

Learn to be okay with people thinking badly of you.

Learn not to care what people say behind your back.

Understand your worth, regardless of those who take advantage of your kindness.

Learn to smile even when the tears are welling up.

Learn to respond with Grace, even if battles are raging around you.

Know who you really are, and be true to that no matter what.

Learn to be proud of your intentions, your values, and your feelings.

Learn that the future will always hold better things.

Know that good things will come if you put love out into the world.

I'm letting you go, now.

I wasn't sure where to start.

But it's time to move on,

So rest easy, my heart.

Maybe I cry too much, love too much, and feel too much
I’m sorry if that makes you feel uncomfortable to talk to me
I can be too sensitive, I try, but I can never win
So sorry if my heart’s too big to fill the box you put me in

And I wish you could see all the love I have to give
Inside a brain that thinks so fast that it forgets that I am breathing…

And I know I shine the brightest when I haven’t got a clue
Of how whatever hell is wrong with me takes all the fun away from you
I know that I shine brighter when I cannot understand
How I can never fill the shoes you try to fit onto my hands

And I wish that you would take all the care I have to give
Inside someone who loves so much she forgets she should be eating…

Maybe I hurt too much, talk too much, and think too much
Perhaps that makes me less than worthy of the friendship that I need
I could call you up again, but maybe I’ll just let them in
The ones who treat me like I’m not a burden ladled onto them

The ones who hold me while I cry and think I deserve better
And ones who drive out to my house no matter what the weather
The day I let you go was when I knew that I was free
I knew I shined the brightest when I let you walk away from me

One Up
Four Down
Three In
Five Around
Seven Backwards
Two Between
Six and Then There's
You and Me

Every day can't be a winner.
Sometimes the ice gets thinner,
and cracks beneath your feet before you can flee.

Sometimes life just gets harder,
so just run a little bit farther.
The road will end somewhere, I guarantee.

Every day I feel the pain less.

The needles in my heart become fewer and farther between.

The joys of life dull the hurt you gave me.

Until I forget it was ever mine.

The more you love

The more you grow

The more you care

The more you know

The more you give

The more returns

The more it hurts

The more it burns.

That deep sting that appears when hurt is all you feel and the people you seek comfort from can only say "enough already".

If you live your life feeling like you're walking on eggshells and constantly questioning who really cares about you, there's a simple solution:

Instead of walking on eggshells, move them somewhere else.

Remove them from your life completely.

Stop caring about what people think, and start being who you are without being ashamed of that person.

Then, the people who accept you for that are the ones that you keep around.

I feel like life kind of got better when I stopped begging people to be there for me.

I had to start just letting the people who want to come as they please rather than constantly having to chase after them.

You should never have to fight to change someone's mind about you or have to give so much of yourself that you lose who you are in order to get people to like you or care.

That's just not how it's supposed to work.

It's what you do when you care about someone.

You don't just sit back and watch and let them destroy themselves or be destroyed by someone else... You do something about it because you care and you love them.

And you know what? People might say that it's those reasons why they left my life. Maybe I do care too much. Maybe that drives people away, and maybe that means that I don't deserve to have people in my life that stick around and love me the same way...

I don't get the logic, but maybe that's just it. Maybe it's just the way the world works.

So, be mad at me.

Hate me.

Bad mouth me.

Do whatever you want.

Think whatever you want.

I've learned that there's nothing I can say and nothing that I can do to change anyone's mind about me, and I don't think I should ever have to.

Because I know that one day, or maybe never, I'll find people that truly know and understand me and care about me as much as I care about them.

I might never find that.

Heck, maybe no one ever does.

I'm just done fighting for a basic human right.

First he was everything. The love of my life. My favorite person in the world.

Then he was the one that got away. He was a missing puzzle piece in my heart. A painful and unexpected wound that tore my soul to pieces.

Then he was an enemy. The villain of my story. Stuck forever in a place of anger and resentment.

Then he was less significant. A memory. Something to learn from. Some sort of lesson.

Then he was the past. Something that happened. Not as important as before. Someone I settled for. Something mediocre.

Then he was nothing. A stranger. Then he no longer held a piece of my heart.

And I think it's funny how it works like that.

You treated me like I didn't matter. You made me feel like you couldn't care less that I was hurting inside. I felt so alone. I felt like I lost everything good in my life. I just never expected something like that from you of all people. Never expected such treatment from you. You were my forever.

Everything I did, everything I said, any action that could have come across as controlling was only done out of love. It was all done out of fear of losing you, which is what happened in the end. It came out of fear of being pushed out by your parents, which is how it felt from the beginning, which is what happened in the end. Any fear that I had was shown to be valid, because I didn't want to lose you, and that's what happened in the end.

You say I attacked you? You're right, I did. Because I felt cornered. I felt put in a box in the dark in the closet. I felt like I'd been tossed aside, somewhere close by so that you could just pick me up again one day when it was more convenient. Even after I apologized to you for the things that I did wrong. By that time, you already decided that I wasn't worth picking up again at all.

That's how I felt. And I know you may not want to hear it, and maybe you're justifying every single thing you did in your mind, and that's fine.

It's how it felt. That's how it felt to have my heart ripped out.

I am trying to move on. I'm doing my best. I think I'm doing ok given the circumstances. But I just can't shake you the way you shook me. I just don't know how it's possible. How do you go from being someone's forever to.... Nothing? I just don't know. I can't do that. I keep rolling things over and over again in my head. Did you even love me in the first place? Was all that joy and happiness and love.... Was it all just one sided? I really don't know. I didn't think someone could fake that. But maybe you could. I don't know.

I keep hoping that one day I'll just wake up, look at my phone, and there will be a text from you. There you'll be, telling me how sorry you were for everything that happened and that you just needed to do what was best for both of us and separate the emotion away, and that you love me. I don't know. But to think that you stopped loving me, or that you never loved me in the first place... It's just unbearable. Because I could never do that. I can't.

I just can't shake you.

I just don't know when it became too much. I don't know the point where you just... Turned it off. Where it faded. It never faded for me. Not for one fraction of a second. Even at my angriest, at my most hurt, my most devastated, I just wanted your arms around me. I wanted your hands in my hair. I wanted to burrow into you like I always have. I wanted you to tell me that you'll never let me go. I wanted you to tell me that I'm your honey. That I'm something else. That I'm your forever. Because you were mine.

You were everything to me. You were the best thing in my life. My favorite person in the world. I would have given anything to you, done anything for you. You held my whole heart in your hands. It was yours. And I don't know when you decided to throw it away.

I just can't do the same with yours, although I'm not sure it was ever truly mine in the first place.

I just don't know.

It's just not in me not to love. It's my greatest weakness. No matter how badly someone treats me, I'll always make excuses for them, because it's so hard to accept that some people are just... Bad.

I won't remember you like I'll remember him.
I'll remember he was there for me.
I'll remember that his love was true.

And although I thought you could be my forever, I don't think I'll really remember much of you.

You left me out to dry when life was damp and dark.
I loved you with everything I had.
But leaving me there to cry again.

I never thought that something so cold and so cruel, I just never thought something like that would come from you.

My heart hurts a lot. It feels like it's been ripped out. And that's the funny thing: You give your heart so completely to a person, for those few moments of incredible happiness. And then it's just... Gone. And then the pain is back. You heal, and then you do it again and hope that the pain doesn't come, but it just always seems to.

Thank you for kicking me out so I could gain my independence.
Thank you for tearing me down so I could build myself back up.
Thank you for tossing me aside so I could find my own worth.
Thank you for discarding me so I could reignite my pride.
Thank you for letting me go so I could know I was never yours.
Thank you for hurting me so I could realize true happiness within.
Thank you for making my life harder so I could feel stronger than ever.
Thank you for the tears that washed clean my slate.
Thank you for challenging me so I could show myself my resilience.
Thank you for teaching me that you can't ever make someone love you when they don't.
Thank you for showing me that words really don't mean much.
Thank you for giving me pain so I could know who would really help me heal.
Thank you for exposing the ugliness in the world so I could find the beauty in it.
Thank you for freeing me so I can find my true self.
Thank you for releasing me from my own chains of love and care.
Thank you for not caring when I really needed you, for it made me put myself first for once.
Thank you for ignoring me so I could pour myself into my art.
Thank you for leaving me so I can start this chapter with an open heart.
Thank you for the hardship, it has made me better.