***** laced lips
Stumble over slurs.
I try not to trip over
Your tangle of lies,
Glass shattered at my feet.
The only silver lining
Is the cigarette
Smoke-filled air
And broken shards
Shining up with epicaricacy.
Masquerade behind bitter liquid lips,
Shallow promises.
Innocent heart, ragged with age.

cracked eggs and shattered minds
caress death and romance hell
mind numb and body dull
crack me open and make me think

i have learned
that love
does not come
without strings
people love for their benefit
and nothing else

i have never
been truly loved

broken crayons
organized by colour
and size
shape and fracture
they’re all used
all beautiful
but for some reason
everyone prefers a colour
they say they love the rainbow
but when it rains
they find the shelter
they say they love the smile
but when tears
mark enemies of good thoughts
they back away
into the depths
broken crayons
aren’t meant for being sat on
broken crayons
can still draw
images of velvet skies
and crystalline water
but you’ll always reach
for the whole
before you think
to touch the broken

draw me the sky
with the angels weeping
draw me the moon
with all its flaws
we all have flaws
we all die off
we won’t last forever
and that’s why
the angels weep
and demons preach
and never for the right reasons
draw me your world
in perfect perfection
and i’ll draw you mine
in exact chaos
the world wasn’t meant
to be distorted
it’s a vile creature
of native things
sin isn’t abnormal
and we don’t pray away the sin
we pray away the pain

Falling down into darkness,
I am awaited by an angel
More beautiful than anything.
Her light, dappling the walls
Her hair, rippling golden waves
Her eyes, holding sapphires
Her gaze, stopping time
She catches me and laughs
Her laugh, contagious and godly
Her voice, more beautiful than
The first flowers of spring.
She is my angel,
Saving me from the darkness.

I was a broken mess
You are the gold
Holding me together
And making me more beautiful.

Your beauty is unfathomable
Your knowledge is uncountable
Your love is unforgettable
Your protection is unimaginable

TRIGGER WARNING**
Parallel lines
Running forever
I found a friend that will stay next to me like those lines
Those beautiful, thin parallel lines
Running on and on
A deep reminder of my life
The lovely lines that match the colour of the pretty girl's lips
The pain isn't felt when the friend leaves
But rather is painful when present
Some say my friend is terrible
But I defend my friends no matter what.
And likewise, I will protect my friend
The blade.

(Five parts, all are listed here.)
War
My mind battles my body
Tearing apart the threads of what I live for
An eternal fight that can never be won
Time running out
Nothing seems to save me
Part of me wanting to live
Part of me wanting to die
Neither side winning
Yet neither side losing.
And time is the only constant.
But time is the thing I have the least of
Time is the thing that I’m losing
And no matter what I do,
The war is always raging.
The battle never ending.
And that’s the way my life feels.
A constant battle of good and bad.
A constant battle of the will to live
And the will to die.

Famine
I dream of happiness
Yet everything good
Is torn away from me
By depression
Never feeling good enough
But needing something
To hold onto.
The hunger of that thing
Rips into my heart
Gnawing on my soul
Eating everything it can reach.
But nothing satisfies its appetite.
Of the thing it needs most.
So I let it consume me
Sense I can’t control it.
No matter what I do.

Pestilence
Depression leaks into my soul.
It covers every part of me with a black, consuming acid.
It wants to steal me away slowly.
But it isn’t merciful enough to finish the task.
And it isn’t merciful enough to surface to the outside.
Where others can see it.
So it consumes my soul,
My mind,
My body.
And enjoys my suffering.
The darkness fills every corner of my body.
And filters out the light.
Taking my body over so even I can’t control it.
Using myself against me.
Showing me my weaknesses but not my strengths.
And somehow, I’m still here despite the mental disease worse than any physical one.
Because it can’t be cured with any antidote, no matter how strong.
No matter what I do, the darkness seems to win.

Death
My heart has stopped working
It doesn’t care about beating, the darkness has already stopped it from wanting and willing to live.
My brain has stopped thinking
The darkness won’t let it think anything but thoughts of darkness, why think when you can’t.
My face has stopped smiling
Nobody believes it anyways, the darkness can’t be seen, but my laugh has already been terminated.
My soul has stopped living
It has no reason to, not when the darkness has stolen its faith of a new beginning.
My body has stopped sleeping
Why sleep when all your dreams are filled with nightmares, when all your nights are restless to begin with?
My mind has stopped caring
It doesn’t need to, not when the darkness has already shown it that each thing it loved can be lost.
My eyes have stopped crying
Why cry when you have nothing left to care about? When everything you loved has left?
My body has grown limp
Why move when you have no reason to live?
My body is just a machine.
I’ve become a mindless automaton controlled by the dark depression I’ve fallen into.
My fingers have stopped typing
Why type when you’ve nothing to say? When the words run dry, when everything you say is just mindless babbling?
Why live when you can’t?
Why live when you’ve already died to begin with?

The Angel
The darkness has filled me.
I’m close to the end.
One more step and I’m gone.
One more step and it’s over.
But then there is a light.
A light more beautiful than any other.
More vibrant than the sun.
A star is nothing compared to the way the light shone.
And the angel approached me.
It tried to remove the darkness.
It couldn’t.
No matter how it tried.
So instead, it comforted me.
But the angel was whisked away from me.
Right as the darkness was losing its strength.
And so I was forced to watch the angel leave.
My angel. My hope. My love, removed from me.
The thing that gave me light in the darkness was taken away.
The end of my tunnel was closed off.

My heart has stopped working
My brain has stopped thinking
My face has stopped smiling
My soul has stopped living
My body has stopped sleeping
My mind has stopped caring
My fingers have stopped typing
My eyes have stopped crying
My body has grown limp
My body is just a machine
It goes on.
Somehow it goes on,
Even though the pieces are broken.
It still goes on.
The gears aren't oiled.
And yet it keeps going.
And no mechanic has been able to fix it.
So I continue going through life
Like a broken machine.

Imagine a person that is dead
Imagine their eyes rolled back in their head
Imagine their lifeless body without any heat
Imagine their heart that no longer beats
Imagine their brain that no longer thinks
Imagine their eyes that no longer blink.
Imagine their body, lifeless and dead.

Now look me in the eyes and you'll  realize that not every dead person is concealed behind a coffin lid.

They contain us like vicious creatures.
If we escape the box we are forced into,
We must be hunted down and stopped,
Or put into a new, stronger box.

The only way we can escape
Is if all the boxes are destroyed
Or every creature has its own, perfect, self-made box.

Frozen.
In the burning ice,
The bitter trap I can't escape
That society put me in.
Help,
Can't move.

No.

Don't help me,
Run,
Before they trap you too.

Flash a smile, wave, and laugh.
THEY can't see through the mask you wear.
Pretty outfits, fancy suits, hours spent on the way you dress.
THEY can't see the slits on your wrists, the frown on your face.
Kiss, hug, show affection.
THEY can't see you're dying inside.

But, oh, I can.
I do more than just see it.
I feel it.

We share the same masks,
The same scars,
The same dying feeling inside.
But THEY will never see it.
Only We will ever know about it.

staring into the dark waters
endlessly deep, dark waters
took a step forward
and fell
fell
fell
into the deep, dark, endless waters
that make up your soul

Please, let me hold you.
One last time.
Please, let me tell you I love you.
One last time.
Please, let me kiss you.
One last time.
Please.
Just let me love you.
One last time.

One last time
Before you go.

Before you slip out of my reach forever.

Just one last time.
Please.

Sinking into the depths of the sea,
Her mind like an anchor,
Dragging her down.
But her heart,
Like a raft trying, forever, to pull her back up.

And finally the raft pops.
She sinks down.

Farther,

And farther,

Until the light of the beautiful sun
Won't even touch her fragile face.

Fighting tears and clouded thoughts
I began to question if this was all
That there is in the world,
Small, hopeless moments of love,
Only to return
To our cold dark world that is reality.

Brushing off
the dusty pages
I continue the story
I once began
I used to question
If the world deserved to hear my story
Now, with pen in hand, I question
If I am allowed me to keep those secrets
Hidden in the depths of my soul
Controlling my hand
The pen starts to write
Sharing all of the secrets
I thought I could hide.

I turn the page in the book
And look at the chapter that lies ahead of me
They say don't look back on the past
But how would I be here without it.
All the pain, the misery, the sorrow
And the joy, the laughter, the love
If I didn't have those memories
How could I be this strong.