As I sit in my car I realize
I have no more alibis
I've run outa lies to tell myself
The relationship I've built was a compromise
to make myself feel alive
But it's not working anymore

...Nothing's working anymore

If you weren't already resting in that grave I would be there now.  
to be jealous of the dead is the worst thing to be, but hey that's me.
Wishing my parents hadn't buried one so long ago, cuz I need to go.

I can't blame you for what he did.
He chose you over me
But that doesn't mean I crucify you both
I must learn to accept that you were what he craved
Though I craved him so much more
You feel his lips
But I ... Well I tasted them the sweetness of the green leaf and the minty gum he used to hide it the crest tooth paste and the grape mouth wash
When his lips sparked with mine I could taste him
You feel his hug
But I .... Well I devoured that hug to get every ounce of lighting through my body as he nuzzled my neck making the giggly bubbles pop in the quite night air
You maybe lay in his bed
But I... Well I cuddled him like he was my bouy in the open sea guiding me to safety
...and now I'm drowning without him so you better say goodbye before I kiss the waves and hug the ocean floor cuddling with what is below

In seven years every cell in my body will be replaced and you will have never ....
laid your hand apon my thigh
Stroked my cheek as you told me everything I wanted to hear
Held my hand as you lead me to your room
Grazed my ribs as my shirt came off
Grasped my breast as you clawed for closeness
Kissed my neck till I gave you my lips
Nuzzled against every part of me till I giggled like a little girl
Moaned my name till I let my walls crash down

But in seven years time every cell in your body will be replaced
And I will have never
Laid in the crease of your arm like it was my only home
Kissed your lips like they gave me life
Cuddled with you like you were the only solace I had
Talked to you like you were the only one listening
Trusted you like you were the only truth I'd ever know

Because in seven years you will be a newer you and I a newer I and what will our bodies remember of the week we two fell in lust

The path way was my yellow brick road
The picnic table was my emerald city
The boy with his nose in a book was my wizard
The gift he gave me was his judgement less stares and his forever listening ear

Maybe I was to young
Maybe I was to dumb
Maybe I wasent brave enough
Maybe I wasent pretty enough
Maybe you just saw me as a silly girl
Maybe you just were to busy with that maze of a book

But that summer will forever be my what if
What if I had been older
What if I had been braver
What if I had snatched that book away
What if I had occupied your brain the way that book did
What if I had stolen those lips between bites of concentration
What if I had snatched your finger tips between page flips

Maybe thing would be different
Maybe things would be better