I follow your dark cloud
Never bringing an umbrella
Saturated in all of your sadness
Shaken by your thunder bursts
Shocked when you get electric
And pushed aside in your gusts
I'm sure to most it may seem odd
Just extremely harsh and exhausting
But to all those who find me mad
You've never seen his light shine
Gently spread over a meadow
Or heard his booming laughter
Or basked in the warmth of his smile
Or have had his fingers in your hair
So I follow his dark cloud
And walk through all his storms
So that I may lie down in the grass
And drink in all of his warmth

Desire,
Twisting vines
Intertwined
In my mind

Bound,
Wrists writhing
Eyes sultry
Sweet smirking

Licked,
Navel to nose
Curled toes
Breath grows

Fantasies,
B-roll spinning
****** ensuing
A new beginning

Limbs intertwined isn't enough,
For this kind of twisting vine.
Where substance is the water,
To this fertilized soil.

Forming cracks from the lick,
Of dry desert sunlight.
Where once a great lake roamed,
But was used up in his youth.

Orange warmth felt nice,
Until it turned everything brown.
The lush vine died without the lake,
And the sun had no one to entertain.

Saccharine manic pixie dancer
Holes in her nose and in her teeth
Hands outstretched above her head
Reaching for stars and relief

Saccharine disassociated baby doll
Spending days declining asleep
Whispering about her pain and dreams
Until she can stand tall just to fall again

Saccharine neon party princess
Well rested and preparing for the chase
Lips on lips and nose pretty powdered
Dosed eyes close heavy after sunrise

An appetite for the unobtainable
Red light glowing from your exit sign
Dark honey licked eyes overpowering
My ocean salt brined tear drops smiling

Skin cells on my skin cells
Lips enveloping my lips

An appetite for the untouchable
Her perfume dances around your aura
Those sweet honey brown iris's
Gazing far off away from me

Skin cells on her skin cells
Lips enveloping her lips

An appetite for the unavailable
Hazy bar lights flicker to darkness
Your eyes no where to be found
My oceans are filling and spilling

Skin cells on my skin cells
Lips enveloped in honey bourbon

Where do I go from here
Diving in this ocean of change
Sending bubble messages to
Float and burst at the surface
Where your silhouette
No longer lingers leaving me
A bit uneasy with my own mind
Wondering if while submerged
You'd offer a hand to drag me from
The refreshing wet depths
Or hold me down to drown
I would have been fine with either
I would have been fine with either
I would have been fine with either
Now I'm fine with neither
I'll climb to the soil on my own
I'll sun bathe on the beach
I'll have a soda water with lime
I'll be absolutely fine
It's just a matter of time
Until I'm saturated in weakness
Etching a heart in new sand
Walking together hand in hand
Drowning after the honeymoon

Because the landslide brought me down
But it's okay for I'm made of Earth
Taurus is my sun sign but I moon bathe
In Aries which didn't make much sense
Until I realized how much I love candles
But I rise in Capricorn which is perfect
I find myself almost always grounded
But my Venus is in Cancer waters
And I wade in dark emotional pools
Where there's room for more than two
I traded champagne for soda water
Because my soul began to drown
But I'm decorated in crystal jewels
And my lair is filled with soft warm
Candles glowing and dry dead flowers
Stacks of books and spiritual statues
Keeping true to my astrological identity
Because the landside brought me down
And other than stars I am Earth

You replaced the sun many years ago
An ideal apparition of you floating
My central perfection to dance around
A love that one could only dream about
Now I can only see you when I dream

The claws of fate play the harp beautifully
Leaving me often in shambles and unruly
To fantasies over adoration so wasted
The candles in my shrine now dust
The mechanics inside of me all rust

You brush the hair from her eyes
And lines grow and I go grey
This wound doesn't seem to heal
No matter how many times I've spun
Around you with your arms crossed

I don't think I was born to be satisfied
Whatever created me was vengeful
Inching so close to finally feeling whole
To crumble all at once into the ocean
And he watches me claw my way to shore
And he huffs and sends me a storm
But I survive the gusts as he wishes
Drenched and humbled finding a home
Finding a lap to finally rest my head
And a hand to tether me sweetly down
And I thought that I had found it all
But something inside of me is broken
I don't think I was born to be satisfied
I'm quickly coming to terms with this
And I know he will have the last laugh
And he'll push and pull me endlessly
So I will never really get comfortable
As I know he will yank the carpet
And I will sink down to the sea floor
And because he is the great creator
He will resurrect my bloated body
Squeeze the moisture from within me
And return me to the path of reaching
For things I never will truly grasp

Heaven knows you're not home
I don't think I'll ever not be here
You drifted out past the sun
I'll one day be tangled in the vines
Held captive in a ghostly garden
Singing the saddest songs I know

Send a gust to loosen the leaves
Make everything fall around me
I'll make it to the light one day
You'll be so bronzed by then
You'll be someone new by then
I don't think I'll ever not be me

Sprawled out in my skin
Hair cascading softly
Over black silk pillows
Gazing off into and through
The ceiling flickering from
The candles waltzing
To Chet Baker singing

Fantasies compiling
Eyes slowly closing
To reopen transported
Champagne and petals
Vintage leather jackets
And black boxer briefs
With air dark and sweet

Fingers caressing
Lips tasting and exploring
Bliss in a California king
A variety of beautiful men
Adoring and pleasuring
Lounging in a sea of lust
Forever playing make believe

He's a cosmopolitan queen,
He's content on his knees,
He feeds from the screams,
and the souls he redeems.

He's got a complex mind,
He appreciates the grind,
He always takes his time,
A master of his crimes.

He's simple but complex,
He's an incredible wreck,
He whispers on your neck,
And answers to your beck.

He's a cosmopolitan queen,
He'll bring you to your knees,
He'll infiltrate with ease,
and he'll take what he needs.

Waves of blue destroy the shore,
Littering particles of memory behind.
Flashes jump and fade before grasped,
Eyes closed embracing the sea breeze.

I lived in a castle made of sand,
I gazed through sea glass windows.
I swam in a bucket of bliss,
I buried my woes with a shovel.

Ocean storms destroyed my home,
Brewed by rage buried beneath me.
Photographs covered the shore,
And my shovel was misplaced.

When the sun came up,
The ocean ate her.
She sat on the beach
and patiently waited.

Starlight spoke to her,
Before the sun took over.
Planted the seed deep,
She'd be dead at dusk.

Fear has a sour taste,
She never got used to it.
Anticipation made her sick,
Ignorance helped it grow.

The shore was serene,
The sea was on fire.
Her feet were frigid,
Her body soon followed.

Mouth agape
Wisps billowing
Drunk howling
Running man
Two step
Electronic pulsation

Eyes fixated
Silver glamour
Wet pout
Hands reaching
Hands grasped
Lights flashing

Hands dropping
Lower back
Smooth talking
Expensive cologne
Neck kisses
Uber ordered

Not man enough for me, Adam
Your garden brings me grief
He opened up his darksome gates
And granted me sweet relief

Poison apple sits heavy
From lush tree to teeth
To caught in your throat
But alas Eve was the thief

My children are set free
Roaming in the shadows
I am not a grieving woman
But I am a widow

I should be used to this by now
And I think that I might be
But sparkles of hope seep through
Some specs of green and ice blue
Swirl dimly on the wooden floor
Swept thoroughly this afternoon
And I gaze down almost longingly
Remembering when I shimmered too
Careless and free with my youth
But now resorted to rationing
Eating pills and smearing creams
Praying for strong elasticity
So that I may be stunning
When a flicker finds my gaze
Just a gentlemen passing by
Intrigued by my blue eyes
And the sparkles in his stomach
The same as the ones in mine

Feeling somewhat lost,
Understanding myself,
Control is necessary,
Kindling my desire.

Make art with me,
Everything must go.

Heart in your hand,
Aching for the squeeze,
Reaching for the kiss,
Deprived and prepared.

Here I am dedicated to my rituals
Sending ripples to one day caress
You're facing the north drinking
The horizon and winds of change
Growing tired of your own rituals
A sparrow is born and growing
To disrupt your brooding gaze
Join me in the sky in time
I'll share with you my star shards
I'll root you in my soft earth
I'll introduce you to my rituals
I'll finally caress that face
Facing the south speaking
Affirmations of gratitude

Poseidon crush those pearls to powder
I get high on tidal tears that cascade
Crashing down from blushed cheek to chin
Dive right into those pools and wade

I'll willingly catch your undertow
So long as those tears ebb and flow
There's something so sweetly enchanting
Seeing a man with warm tears welling

Poseidon sink his ships and treasures
Then conjure only gloomy weather
So I might be able to fully savor
My salty seamans tearful endeavors

Warmth like sunlight at night,
But you can stare and not squint.
Cells tingle beneath the weight,
Never crushed just tickled.
Breath leaves in soft waves,
That crash against rocky shores.

Ships collide,
And ships sink.

I've gotten too old for this angst
Paint on my smile alongside
My contour and eyelashes
My pain is a personal serving

I'd like to think time served here
Means something for later on
When I collapse in my grand finale
Curtains close and the symphony stops

You have no idea the lengths I go
To keep this silly old show on the road
Pointless battles on bathroom floors
The shadows kept behind closed doors

But, I've gotten too old for this angst
So I stay grateful and wide awake
Never biting the hand that feeds
Wiping crumbs and dirt from my knees

Stretch the muscle to feel,
Find only air and familiar void.
Skin seems lame in a shade of gray,
Where scars hold no more memory.

Loss is a nasty whisper,
Beckons you to be alone,
Then punishes when lonely,
Crashing into a sea of gray.

A smile once was alive,
But now is forced mechanics.
Loss is a nasty whisper,
That progressed to shouting.

Decomposing flesh somewhere secret
Where ribs have become a latter
For the wild roses to climb
Accompanied by the ivy vines
Baby's breath and aromatic thyme

No soil covering like that of a duvet
Fully exposed yellow green and gray
Sun-dried freshly plucked from life
Crown of flowers sitting crooked
Lips curved as if they were smirking

Because I made you promise me
When oxygen escaped me forever
To drape me amongst the fauna
In the exact location that you whispered
"I wish you were ******* dead"

Two rooms,
One is sea foam green,
And the other is burnt orange,
And they are always full,
Of ****** and guitar.

Aggressive strumming echos,
Over ambulance sirens,
And flashes of red and blue,
Accustics bounce around,
As ****** does ensue.

Singing from the seafoam room,
Screaming from the orange,
And they harmonize together,
Delivering a bizarre comfort,
Listening to ****** and guitar.

This paradox has hands
Dancing and groping
Molesting the serenity
Stealing golden sunshine
Ticking and running
Halting unwarned

And it won't let me go
Holding too tightly
Clinging to my frame
Speaking in tongues

Grandfather cuckoo
Unveil your secrets
Allow me to disrobe
Burst into silver stars
Scattering all around
To never be found

A part of me is ready,
To find a great adventure,
And live fully in the 'now'.
But I can't do that right now,
And it gives me anxiety.

To think too far ahead,
I get lost and uncomfortable,
And I don't return the same.
The 'now' is here and present,
And I'm so scared of change.

Tomorrow doesn't often come,
Because I never let go of today,
And yesterday is just repeating,
and 'now' is not okay,
I can't plan that far ahead...

But,
A part of me is ready.

Strip of fabric folded
Darkening the day
So that you not see
Desire radiating

*** cherry red
Soft hands clapping
Flushing the cheeks
And then you smile

I want to be your teeth
So that your tongue
Is constantly touching
Feeling and licking

Black cat arched back
Fingers arachnid running
Descending and deliberate
I want to be your teeth

Eyelash
Delicately sitting
On the apple
Fallen not too far
From the tree

Candles blown
Wishes askew
Pearlescent hue
Dreams of you
My apple

Fallen
Or tossed
Regardless
Mine,
I thought

Fine mist permeates
Decorated, adorned
Sweet caresses
Glistening, drenched
Pulse points pounding
Pheromones

Inhale deeply
Influx of images
Some imaginary
Most are memories
Muffled deep within
Beneath the subcutis

Dewy skin
Silver shift
Moonlit dancing
Forceful invitations
Disrobed temples
Soft moans

He echoes
It's quite vivid
For short moments
But then it melts
It evaporates
Scared cloud
Sporadic tears
Whispering
Soft words
Whipped cream
But salt instead
Of saccharine

How long have you been bitter?
These days drift and collide
With rough deep bellied roars
But some days just a squeak
A ghostly moan in the hallway
Car collision wreckage squeal

He echoes
It's monotonous
For long moments
Seemingly endless
Dismal dreaming
Escape routes
Vision boards
A map to nowhere
It's quite vivid
When I'm alone