Wish I was younger
In the thick of my stupidity  
Blindly gulping adrenaline
Now garbed in sour rigidity

It's just not nostalgia, its angst
It's just one cigarette, no stress
I'm better than this, my friends know
But can't ask them, they're unknown

People leave, yes I've been told
I'm no better. An island & me, I'm sold
And I rock myself to bed at night
And I kick my mind to be alright

But the sand is slipping faster now
The moonshine itching loud and how
And after all, I am still an imbecile
Ranting about love but a little less cynical

I just want to walk over yellow leaves,
red leaves too,
watch their damp fabric crinkle under my heavy steps,
and continue down the road.
My jacket and shoes tap with the sound of a fall rain.
You said it was over,
but it hasn't hit me yet.
this path that I follow is spinning
moving with the music that blasts through my headphones.
it's funny,
I never thought I would let you get to me
but you did.

He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me